Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[multiverse]

Has she accepted her fate of being a has been and moved to Kern or Riverside Counties yet? That’s when you know someone just won’t give up the dream of an LA comeback. Worked out really well for Aaron Carter.

We haven’t pinned down her new location yet. She was clearly staying in hotels / AirBnBs for a couple of weeks, but it looks like she's got her own bead headboard out now, though she's keeping a very tight crop in every pic and video. The place is extremely crappy from what little we have seen: crappy bathroom mirrors, cheap counter top for the bathroom sink.

She's been in Long Beach for over ten years, and if she can afford a super crappy 1-bed in the neighborhood, that's likely where she still is.

People easily ID'd her last apartment building because she proudly posted tons of photos of her new furniture in the two bedroom apartment her at-the-time cake john was sponsoring. Given what a clear comedown she's experiencing, she's going to keep the new place hidden for as long as she can. I suspect all of her OnlyHams content - private content, not boudoir stuff shot ten years ago - will be filmed on her bed where the headboard is all anyone can make out.

 

[Sledgehammer Lobotomy]

A friendly reminder to everyone that a scant 24 years ago, we considered this to be comedically, unbelievably obese.

To be fair he did end up with the big bitch at the end but she didn't have an onlyfans and wasn't a brainfucked modern woman.

 

[Brickley]

Only TikTok about the LA fires so far. It's a "fuck you" to people excited about LA burning down because of celebrities losing their homes, because LA is full of far more "regular" people that just lost everything (including a friend of hers). Have some compassion, people! Feels a bit layered knowing Tess's situation.

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Spoiler: transcript

I just saw a "hot take" where someone said, "Oh, the fires in LA! I'm so sad that celebrity's houses are burning down! Poor them!"

And to that, I just wanna say: Are you okay? *chuckles* Like really, are you okay?! What a crazy thing to say! What an absolutely wacky thing to have come out of your mouth! There are people that have lost not only their homes, but their whole livelihoods, their communities... There are people that are out of work, out of homes. There are so many things that are going on, that I, this just doesn't feel funny to me!

And maybe I'm partial, because I've lived in LA for sixteen years, and I've seen a lot of wildfires! But I haven't seen anything like this since a night-- since I've been in LA! And seeing, like, one of my dear friends post that she lost her dream home. And, narrowly miss losing it just a couple months ago, so that have it now gone is absolutely devastating!

And she's not alone! Like, some of you guys just need to have a little bit of compassion and empathy! And I'm sorry if that makes me a fucking millennial by saying that! But like, really, think before you speak! As somebody that said so many stupid things online, like, just have some compassion for people!

So the bangs are officially done. This is I think the second video where she’s using some dumb little clips to pin them out of her face. They lasted, what, less than two months?

 

[NoReturn]

Are these goddamn tourists gone yet? I fucking hate it when threads get featured.

Anyway, hopefully the various LA fires only manage to somehow burn down her shit and not Bowie's.

Only TikTok about the LA fires so far. It's a "fuck you" to people excited about LA burning down because of celebrities losing their homes, because LA is full of far more "regular" people that just lost everything (including a friend of hers). Have some compassion, people! Feels a bit layered knowing Tess's situation.

View attachment 6837951

Spoiler: transcript

I just saw a "hot take" where someone said, "Oh, the fires in LA! I'm so sad that celebrity's houses are burning down! Poor them!"

And to that, I just wanna say: Are you okay? *chuckles* Like really, are you okay?! What a crazy thing to say! What an absolutely wacky thing to have come out of your mouth! There are people that have lost not only their homes, but their whole livelihoods, their communities... There are people that are out of work, out of homes. There are so many things that are going on, that I, this just doesn't feel funny to me!

And maybe I'm partial, because I've lived in LA for sixteen years, and I've seen a lot of wildfires! But I haven't seen anything like this since a night-- since I've been in LA! And seeing, like, one of my dear friends post that she lost her dream home. And, narrowly miss losing it just a couple months ago, so that have it now gone is absolutely devastating!

And she's not alone! Like, some of you guys just need to have a little bit of compassion and empathy! And I'm sorry if that makes me a fucking millennial by saying that! But like, really, think before you speak! As somebody that said so many stupid things online, like, just have some compassion for people!

"Do better" she says.

 

[line drying]

RIP /r/fatpeoplehate

I think r/fatlogic still exists

 

[cybertoaster]

Guess what supermodel started an onlyfans?
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Brb buying a literal pig and a revlon kit then creating an OF account, ka-chin!

 

[Angry New Ager]

Another entry in the "never let the lolcow ruin something for you that you have legitimate reasons to enjoy," pile. Thanks, Ryann.

Disgusting fats took the love of Ranch dressing from me (which is probably just as well), but they'll never take my Albanese gummy bears.

My prediction is she's in the top 20%-10% of earners on the site in short order, she seems like the type to brag about what earning percentile her account would report her being in.

She may get into the top 10-20% in short order, but staying there is another matter. The drooling coomers who sign up aren't going to be satisfied with softcore stuff, and they'll nope out quickly if she fails to deliver what they want. And if she does start delivering what they want—which will turn out to be some really degrading shit—she'll have to produce a steady stream of it, and interact with the coomers who are paying, in part, for a parasocial relationship with her.

Tess should have had a Patreon up and running years ago, and focused her efforts into fostering a fatgirl community there. She could have done really well with it, if she had enough imagination and drive to come up with interesting content on a regular basis, and give her followers that parasocial relationship experience a lot of them are after. She could still be making a living from it, even now. That she didn't do that still amazes me; for someone like her, it's like leaving money lying on the ground. And that she jumped straight to OF before even trying a Patreon amazes me even more—though maybe it shouldn't, given that, despite all of her insistence otherwise, it's male approval she seeks. She wants to be desired by men, and envied by women, and apparently wants the former more than the latter.

I think r/fatlogic still exists

It does, but it quickly became a pale shadow of its former glory after the purge in which r/fatpeoplehate got banned. The mods tightened up the rules in order to keep the sub alive, and took all the fun out of it.

 

[The Hardest R]

My prediction is she's in the top 20%-10% of earners on the site in short order, she seems like the type to brag about what earning percentile her account would report her being in.

The top 10% is “only” $1,000 per month. The top 5% is $2,200 per month. In order to get out of whatever hovel she’s residing in and gives her a lifestyle she’s accustomed to living during the cakejohn halcyon days with her Long Beach apartment, a new Jeep, and routine pink champagne cake runs, she’s expecting at least $10k per month.

 

[Very Honest Content]

And that she jumped straight to OF before even trying a Patreon amazes me even more—though maybe it shouldn't, given that, despite all of her insistence otherwise, it's male approval she seeks.

So onlyhams (good one thread well done, I read/skimmed every page, the knee pictures make me put the thread down each time those of you responsible always scare me) is a horse pulling the cart sale model, while Patreon is cart before horse model, to Tess, who wants to do nothing but cosplay flexing socially on everything, is why I think that decision was made in that order by her, is my best guess? I selfishly want the now non-0% chance that exiled from Phil Burnell's streams lolcow Derich Ip's serial sex pext behavior paysoff with him intersecting with Ryann as a match made in hell cow crossover, that would be truckload sized popcorn order time for me with this thread at this juncture in the story, but the chances are realistically low for that. It will probably just be an even fatter, and grosser, Mariah 'Momo' Malad replay with how things play out only, however, which will still be something I can laugh at I guess, so ok, as long as there's no shots of her knees.

 

[Justanotherguy]

Those underwear do a really good job of containing her overflowing fat.

 

[Marigold_Souci]

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Those underwear do a really good job of containing her overflowing fat.

How are these proportions even human at this point? She's fucking baffling to take in. She looks like those weird asian anime drawings with the tiny heads and giant bodies.

 

[Plantation Barbie]

Imagine being so fat that you have to hike your panties halfway up your torso.

Also, I'm willing to bet that more people would sympathize with LA if big city elitists weren't so quick to dismiss other states during their times of disaster.

 

[moocow]

Randy Pitchford had a porn video on a usb and it more or less ruined his reputation.

lol nothing can ruin that man's reputation worse than Colonial Marines did

The line, "I'm not the Tess y'all knew" really jumped out at me.

Yeah that stood out, too. Lady, nobody cares about sassy attitude on OnlyFans. Take out your tits and flop 'em around. That's what people care about on OF.

 

[Salt Upon Wounds]

Those underwear do a really good job of containing her overflowing fat.

the wedgie on the other side in that tank ass calls forth visions of the bloodmuddy trenches in The Great War

 

[InteracialBowelSyndrome]

Viewing Tess Holliday's OF page should be capital punishment or an "enhanced interrogation" technique.

"Jailer, I think I'd rather be waterboarded."

 

[Meiwaku]

I feel like most of this will be low effort or will be given up on quickly. She's posed naked before for an alt shoot and showed off her grotesque square tits but she was smaller then by at least 100lbs.

She will post noodz and be alogged for lolfat. Or post and not get the ~male attention~ she wants and there will be a tantrum.

Either way, we win. She will stay poor and trashy. Anissa will do it better etc.

 

[Soup Sammiches]

View attachment 6839632View attachment 6839628View attachment 6839635
Those underwear do a really good job of containing her overflowing fat.

This does it. I hereby request our own horrifying that's 500 times bigger and change the name to Hooliday.

Respectfully submitted,
Me

 

[DefCon Dumb]

Personally, I can’t get over the size of her boobs. I’ve just never seen any that massive.

We’ve been querying her current housing situation. Came home from work to find the estimated number of burned out homes is growing astronomically. I know the larger LA area is very big area but the numbers of burned out places is sure going to have an effect on availability and prices.

If she’s in a hotel, the price could soar. If she’s trying to find low rent housing; relatively low rent; those places may simply not exist.

God, I hope Jolene doesn’t feel obligated to take her in.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Personally, I can’t get over the size of her boobs. I’ve just never seen any that massive.

She doesn't have big boobs, it's all fat.

 

[moocow]

View attachment 6839632View attachment 6839628View attachment 6839635
Those underwear do a really good job of containing her overflowing fat.

Now I know where all the advanced materials scientists and engineers went after NASA killed the Space Shuttle program.