Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[John Robert James]

Poor father. Full condolences to just him and the kids

 

[Dr. Butt]

Poor father.

This is going to be really funny after you read the rest of her thread.

 

[cactus]

Poor father. Full condolences to just him and the kids

Go read the OP and tell me if you still feel the same after.

 

[Attractive Sexhaver]

They'd make more in a septic tank. They'd make an easier buck in a septic tank. To this day I have not seen a single OF thot simply go "I make more than you cause I'm hot". There's always some cope about it. "The money is so easy I'd be dumb NOT to!". No, you the money is literally not easy and it didn't fall into your lap.

I mean do black guys pay for porn? She has the body type that only black guys like. Most onlyfan girls who make a lot also have amazing bodies so that's how they get simps.

The world has been losing its mind in recent years, so maybe this is an outdated view, but normal people don't pay for sex, and they certainly don't pay a monthly subscription for online sex work.

Her clientele is going to be lonely men who want a parasocial relationship as much as they want sexual gratification. They're likely going to have some lingering resentment to women, because they've struggled to form fulfilling romantic bonds with women in their real lives. They're going to fetishize her grotesque appearance, and may be sexually aroused by the more explicitly unpleasant elements of her morbid obesity.

So she's going to be stroking the egos of socially maladjusted weirdos who want ready access to her attention but also consider her feelings about as much as they consider the handful of tissues they just ejaculated into.

Is she ready to make custom content for a guy who wants to roleplay cheating on his hot wife with a gross fat slut? Because that's actually what it looks like if things go well: at least she'll be earning money that way. She's much more likely to have to deal with these weirdos who want to scam free content off her without paying.

 

[The Hardest R]

Poor father. Full condolences to just him and the kids

I hate it when threads get featured.

I mean do black guys pay for porn? She has the body type that only black guys like. Most onlyfan girls who make a lot also have amazing bodies so that's how they get simps.

Tess is fetish-sized so that’s what her audience is going to be. I’m skeptical she’s going to make much money. There are numerous sites that host OnlySimps content for free if she wants to take those down, she’s going to need to chase it down herself or pay for someone to do it for her. She doesn’t have the finances for that so her content will be made available for free. So anyone who is in it for the trainwreck factor doesn’t need to subscribe.

 

[Berengar]

BLOGPOST WARNING: Long long ago, as a young scrote (sorry in advance) I used to post on a really funny mostly woman subreddit (sorry again don't call me a redditor) that was what would later be known as a "snark" subreddit. It was dedicated to eyerolling and outright hatred of the HAES parts of tumblr, reddit, facebook groups, and such. This was in the olden days when reddit allowed people to express that maybe being fat was unhealthy, maybe trying to make your baby e-famous by overfeeding it to obesity wasn't charming, and perhaps being obese wasn't beautiful was tolerated. The ladies in this subreddit finding HAES being obviously retarded and the influencers being able to claim the influencers were obviously fake was refreshing and inspirational to keep myself in shape (also I really find people tearing down the overconfident and delusional funny).
This community was taken from me.

RIP /r/fatpeoplehate

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Her clientele is going to be lonely men who want a parasocial relationship as much as they want sexual gratification

This is the part that is odd to me. That it actually works when some random thot goes "ommgggg say hi to me! i reply to all messages!..". I've spoken to a lot of women online, each of them more boring than the next. Talking to someone who's actively trying to grift you for money has to be the most depressing thing imaginable. Like a stripper who immediately goes "Oh yeah? Wanna head to the ATM?"

 

[IliterateNerd77]

Viewing Tess Holliday's OF page should be capital punishment or an "enhanced interrogation" technique.

 

[blue gopher snakes]

I blame Tess’ foray into OF for the LA fires, personally. She snuck out of the Dave & Buster’s to smoke a j and improperly disposed of it before reentering the building for more onion rings. Case closed.

 

[iSaidShhh]

Are these goddamn tourists gone yet? I fucking hate it when threads get featured.

Anyway, hopefully the various LA fires only manage to somehow burn down her shit and not Bowie's.

 

[TerribleUser09]

I think she is kinda fat... maybe mordibly obese.

 

[The Hardest R]

This is the part that is odd to me. That it actually works when some random thot goes "ommgggg say hi to me! i reply to all messages!..". I've spoken to a lot of women online, each of them more boring than the next. Talking to someone who's actively trying to grift you for money has to be the most depressing thing imaginable. Like a stripper who immediately goes "Oh yeah? Wanna head to the ATM?"

This is the only kind of interaction these simps get from women. The sadder part is that a lot of OnlySimps thots have a manager who sends those messages. So some pud is actually flirting and attempting to have a parasocial relationship with a guy in Moldova.

I blame Tess’ foray into OF for the LA fires, personally. She snuck out of the Dave & Buster’s to smoke a j and improperly disposed of it before reentering the building for more onion rings. Case closed.

There’s a chance her chub rub caused a spark that lit some dried grasses on fire. She wouldn’t be fast enough to run away from the fire, though. It’d be one of the biggest grease fires in the world if that were to happen.

 

[Clotso Coof]

hopefully the various LA fires only manage to somehow burn down her shit and not Bowie's.

If the motel/AirBnB she's living in burns down, she'll have quite a dilemma. Posting pics, Tiktoks and a Go Fund Me capitalising on Bowie's tragedy means people will probably find out she was homeless. It's hard to say "my place burned down!"but then dodge all the questions about where that place was located. She also can't post about her storage unit burning down because people will ask why all her household shit was in storage.

 

[Turquoise]

I'm going to subscribe to her Onlyfans and request the footage of her Ted talk.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Only TikTok about the LA fires so far. It's a "fuck you" to people excited about LA burning down because of celebrities losing their homes, because LA is full of far more "regular" people that just lost everything (including a friend of hers). Have some compassion, people! Feels a bit layered knowing Tess's situation.

Spoiler: transcript

I just saw a "hot take" where someone said, "Oh, the fires in LA! I'm so sad that celebrity's houses are burning down! Poor them!"

And to that, I just wanna say: Are you okay? *chuckles* Like really, are you okay?! What a crazy thing to say! What an absolutely wacky thing to have come out of your mouth! There are people that have lost not only their homes, but their whole livelihoods, their communities... There are people that are out of work, out of homes. There are so many things that are going on, that I, this just doesn't feel funny to me!

And maybe I'm partial, because I've lived in LA for sixteen years, and I've seen a lot of wildfires! But I haven't seen anything like this since a night-- since I've been in LA! And seeing, like, one of my dear friends post that she lost her dream home. And, narrowly miss losing it just a couple months ago, so that have it now gone is absolutely devastating!

And she's not alone! Like, some of you guys just need to have a little bit of compassion and empathy! And I'm sorry if that makes me a fucking millennial by saying that! But like, really, think before you speak! As somebody that said so many stupid things online, like, just have some compassion for people!

 

[Umaibae]

Tess is nowhere near the fires. She has no money, remember? She’s down in the flats, probably still in LBC or somewhere in shit Orange County. She wishes she could live in the Palisades (also, RIP to the Palisades; I loved driving through there late at night with no one around when I was a young lass).

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

>tfw you're too poor to grift off the LA fires

lmao

 

[Constellationzero]

I blame Tess’ foray into OF for the LA fires, personally. She snuck out of the Dave & Buster’s to smoke a j and improperly disposed of it before reentering the building for more onion rings. Case closed.

I thought it was when she hurple de derpled out of the Dave and Busters to post, her lOoK, dOn'T tOuCh! thighs? tree trunks? rubbed together and started the fire.

 

[Very Honest Content]

She isn't famous for being fat, she's famous for being insufferable.

I know, this is 180 days on, but I can't keep up with the thread (not just this one) as robustly as I have in the past, however, I would say she is "famous" in fact for being a tub of lard, she's however infamous for being a dumb insufferable fat fuck. Infamy and fame getting mixed up in the 90s has only gotten way worse with social media exasperating the merging of the distinctions between them, in my estimation.

(think most fatty porn performers)

No.

The Albanese gummies are just another brand of gummy bears

Another entry in the "never let the lolcow ruin something for you that you have legitimate reasons to enjoy," pile. Thanks, Ryann.

The site's movie night played the film Feed last Friday, and I didn't even bother to enter a Tess Holiday punchline during it, that's how depreciated she's been in her feed trough, so the onlysimps makes perfect sense, she's been doing the same thing for years now since no one will hire her, might as well make her own work just with even less effort. She kicks back 30% of her income to the site, if you want to estimate her income from available data for the thread accurately going forward.

Why doesn’t she just join OnlyFans and be done with it?

Lose some weight, Tess?

the film The Salton Sea

Worth a watch just for dat JFK Zapruder film reenactment scene.

She could just suck it up and do OnlyFans/fetish porn to pay the rent but that would require actual work and wouldn’t feed into her supermodel fantasies.

I just quoted you because the profile name and the post match better than anything Ryann's put on herself to costume up her pygmy hippo ass since the millennia change.

Doesn't seem worth the $11.11/month imo

$7.77 7/10ths of a cent each subscription, this lucky number numerology shit, what an idiot. My prediction is she's in the top 20%-10% of earners on the site in short order, she seems like the type to brag about what earning percentile her account would report her being in.

Feature tourists, got to get their shit in, like Ryann and social media, it's the same brain frequencies at work I swear.

 

[GAY Ted Wheeler]

Tess is nowhere near the fires. She has no money, remember? She’s down in the flats, probably still in LBC or somewhere in shit Orange County. She wishes she could live in the Palisades (also, RIP to the Palisades; I loved driving through there late at night with no one around when I was a young lass).

Has she accepted her fate of being a has been and moved to Kern or Riverside Counties yet? That’s when you know someone just won’t give up the dream of an LA comeback. Worked out really well for Aaron Carter.