- Joined
- Jul 24, 2017


this whole past year i was depressed and kinda like. in a cocoon trying to break free. and i started to break free in aug fuckin around and getting into kink. starting t in oct.
looking for more resources for my high support needs kids and finding basically jack shit is available. i am the main one doing medication, health, school management for the kids plus managing the house and all our dumb services. i take care of all meals mostly. i clean and tidy and shit. i have been taking care of 4 disabled ppl (including myself) for ten years and i am burned out and just like. all the docs and therapists and everything in everyone's care teams is like, have you looked for this, looked into that, how about this program. we make too much money to qualify for most services and we make enough money to share with friends and family and buy stupid shit but not enough money to pay for private services. most of the services my kid would qualify for have waitlists that are literally like. 2-4 years so like we're on the waitlists but
the old plan was like, i get to start my life again after both kids start school so like 5-7 years of being fulltime mom then go back to some kind of work. and like that hasn't happened because they needed different shit and it's like round the clock care garbage. so like i still have to find a way to take care of myself enough and enjoy life enough to want to keep living it and caring for my fam. i love them desperately but like they are really hard ppl to live with rn.
kids are really pissed at me for starting to get out of the house once or twice a week, they are pissed and unhappy that i have started to tell them that the way they're talking to me isn't okay and i'm walking away if they keep being rude to me. the kids misgender me and i'm starting to correct them and they are mad about that. I'm being a hardass about making them clean up their messes and doing self-care tasks
i had my psychiatrist appt tiday and she's like have you tried this service? that one? and i'm like yes. like everyone asks the same stupid questions like i haven't been trying to get help for literal years this doesn't even get into all of it. family of origin struggles, CPTSD and trauma therapy for four years, boom and bust financial cycles. i know you're not supposed to mention the stalkers and trolls, but yeah y'all of course it is a huge mental health burden to know there are people very personally invested in you dying, losing civil rights, calling and leaving threatening voicemails, doxxing your kids. when it comes up people are always absolutely horrified that people do this shit to me and others and they are convinced there is something that can "be done" about it. there really isn't. and anyway everyone with power wants fat trans queers like me dead anyway. what's the point of running or hiding how i feel or what's up with me, good or bad, on social media or with ppl i actually care about?
anyway i am just like. done. i have been telling jerry every month the past year i can't keep living like this but like he's been chronically depressed and is disabled too and really relied on me covering everything he couldn't. and like, it's a not a one-person job. i am going to take my fuckin t and do my fuckin kink and have hobbies again and rest myself so i don't fucking keel over and die or start cutting again cuz like nobody else can step up and do it for me.
looking for more resources for my high support needs kids and finding basically jack shit is available. i am the main one doing medication, health, school management for the kids plus managing the house and all our dumb services. i take care of all meals mostly. i clean and tidy and shit. i have been taking care of 4 disabled ppl (including myself) for ten years and i am burned out and just like. all the docs and therapists and everything in everyone's care teams is like, have you looked for this, looked into that, how about this program. we make too much money to qualify for most services and we make enough money to share with friends and family and buy stupid shit but not enough money to pay for private services. most of the services my kid would qualify for have waitlists that are literally like. 2-4 years so like we're on the waitlists but
the old plan was like, i get to start my life again after both kids start school so like 5-7 years of being fulltime mom then go back to some kind of work. and like that hasn't happened because they needed different shit and it's like round the clock care garbage. so like i still have to find a way to take care of myself enough and enjoy life enough to want to keep living it and caring for my fam. i love them desperately but like they are really hard ppl to live with rn.
kids are really pissed at me for starting to get out of the house once or twice a week, they are pissed and unhappy that i have started to tell them that the way they're talking to me isn't okay and i'm walking away if they keep being rude to me. the kids misgender me and i'm starting to correct them and they are mad about that. I'm being a hardass about making them clean up their messes and doing self-care tasks
i had my psychiatrist appt tiday and she's like have you tried this service? that one? and i'm like yes. like everyone asks the same stupid questions like i haven't been trying to get help for literal years this doesn't even get into all of it. family of origin struggles, CPTSD and trauma therapy for four years, boom and bust financial cycles. i know you're not supposed to mention the stalkers and trolls, but yeah y'all of course it is a huge mental health burden to know there are people very personally invested in you dying, losing civil rights, calling and leaving threatening voicemails, doxxing your kids. when it comes up people are always absolutely horrified that people do this shit to me and others and they are convinced there is something that can "be done" about it. there really isn't. and anyway everyone with power wants fat trans queers like me dead anyway. what's the point of running or hiding how i feel or what's up with me, good or bad, on social media or with ppl i actually care about?
anyway i am just like. done. i have been telling jerry every month the past year i can't keep living like this but like he's been chronically depressed and is disabled too and really relied on me covering everything he couldn't. and like, it's a not a one-person job. i am going to take my fuckin t and do my fuckin kink and have hobbies again and rest myself so i don't fucking keel over and die or start cutting again cuz like nobody else can step up and do it for me.
TLDR: her kids misgender her, the kids and Jerry are hard to be around, she has done her part in raising them now is putting herself first.
I'm sure if what she is saying is true, it would be hard to do all that by yourself. But the solution isn't to ignore the family and go out fucking around multiple times a week, that's not going to solve anything.