- Joined
- Dec 17, 2022
Kayla played up Nick's capabilities to stroke his ego as a means to get out of housework and try to justifiably de-skill herself as a wife and mother. Spoilered below are some references for my word choice.
The biggest example of Kayla putting herself first while following the path of least resistance (selfish and pathetic) would be her dealings with the Imholtes where she went along with everything that was ruining her life and still insisted on a privileged position. During the hot tub stream Kayla insisted that she was the angel of the group (a misleading comparison given how low the bar was) and didn't like what people were insinuating about her (even if it was accurate). Near the end of Aaron’s time with them, Nick messaged Aaron to complain about them using his bed all the time. Aaron also claimed that “princess Kayla always got the bedroom”.
Earlier examples would be Kayla's response post bottle-bum/Hedonism II pictures where she didn't do anything that required effort, like work on her marriage. Instead, she pulled back online (she already hated social media) and quietly kept engaging in behavior would eventually get her arrested. Also, given the way Camelot talked about Nick sharing pictures of Kayla it is doubtful the lewd/nudeposting really stopped.
Honestly, for all of Kayla's screaming matches and fights with Nick, she made no meaningful changes which is why she was arrested along with Nick and April.
Earlier examples would be Kayla's response post bottle-bum/Hedonism II pictures where she didn't do anything that required effort, like work on her marriage. Instead, she pulled back online (she already hated social media) and quietly kept engaging in behavior would eventually get her arrested. Also, given the way Camelot talked about Nick sharing pictures of Kayla it is doubtful the lewd/nudeposting really stopped.
Honestly, for all of Kayla's screaming matches and fights with Nick, she made no meaningful changes which is why she was arrested along with Nick and April.
Though I may be critical of Kayla, I don't take any satisfaction in her decline. What she has done at the expense of her children and those who cared enough about her and her family to try and put a stop to their reckless behavior is terrible. Kayla had a family and community who would support her trying to make a better life for herself and her children (even Aaron advocated for rehab prior to the arrest), but she consistently chose to be passive while she indulged in her vices in her room (or a club/gay bar). She is like a bitter teenager, but worse because she's in her 40's now.
Kayla needed to grow up decades ago, as did Nick, but due to their unhealthy and inverted values that was never in the cards.
To be clear, I don't want any marriage to fail. It is merely obvious that what Nick and Kayla have isn't a meaningful marriage whether they are legally divorced or not. The longer this trainwreck continues as is, the more likely they are to continue getting each other (and their children) caught up in their mess. They aren't good for each other and the entire family (extended family included) are paying for it in their own way. The whole situation is grim. Kayla my not be using hard drugs, but she has always had access to a slew of medications to help keep her numb. Her husband huffing to pass drug tests bodes ill as he cheats himself out of yet another opportunity for recovery.
Divorce & Dismissal: A Comparison
Adults sometimes have to make tough decisions regarding the people around them professionally and personally when things go wrong. A combination of proper communication and problem-solving skills can make these decisions, tough as they are, much more manageable.
Corrective Action & Dismissals:
One example that comes to mind on the professional side is when an employer has to administer corrective action to an employee. It may be uncomfortable, but necessary and as adults there is a mature and responsible way to address this on both sides.
There is usually a graduated system of corrective action pending severity of the problem behavior. This is done for two reasons, one being that the employer generally wants to see improvement and keep things running smoothly. The other reason is to allow the employee the opportunity to prove they can('t) do the job, thus minimizing the potential for wrongful dismissal. In any case, the opportunity is provided via warnings that identify problem areas.
The goal isn't to make the employee feel bad (though that does happen) but rather to provide constructive feedback. If the employee has the capacity for self-improvement they can grow and move on. If they lack the capacity for meaningful self-improvement and instead only become more bitter as they continue to make the same mistakes, they will receive stronger warnings until they are eventually dismissed having proved that they simply aren't up to the task.
On the flip side, bad employers won't communicate what an employee is doing wrong. This denies the employee the opportunity to improve and in the end both parties will suffer from this breakdown in communication. If this goes on for long enough, the parties will blame each other for incompetence and yet each party will still hold their respective titles and draw a paycheck.
If things continue poorly enough then both parties will become exhausted by the ordeal. If/when they eventually quit, the experience will leave them so spent that they will take their baggage (and any unaddressed bad habits) to their next line of work. This places everyone at a disadvantage; the employer, the employee, and the next employer.
Consequently, the responsible thing to do if there are persistent issues with performance is to give the necessary warnings until there is either improvement or dismissal is necessary.
Dragging it out does no one any favors.
Marriage Troubles & Divorce:
An example on the personal side would be problems within a marriage. Ideally, they would be able to identify and communicate what the issues are and pursue the healthiest way to resolve them. It may be uncomfortable at first, but if problems are articulated and addressed early on then it will prevent bad habits from taking root and can cultivate healthier intimacy.
Unaddressed problems tend to compound over time culminating in explosive fights over "little things" that are usually symptomatic of larger unaddressed issues. Even if the husband and wife can't really understand the problem, there are usually others (family, friends) who can help identify or articulate the issues since signs of abuse (physical/emotional/mental) or harmful activities might be apparent to those close to them (intense fighting, substance abuse, etc). All this to say that between being critical of each other and the observances of others, there are definite warning signs that provide the opportunity to reflect and course-correct.
Again, this requires the capacity for meaningful self-improvement. Ideally, the issues will be resolved or otherwise addressed in a healthy way, any abuse will stop, and serious harm will be averted. This means either remaining in the improved marriage or divorce.
If they choose to remain in the marriage without properly addressing the problems then it will be much like the scenario outlined earlier where they continue to exhaust each other while technically retaining their titles (husband and wife). Even if they eventually separate after dragging it out for so long, they increase the likelihood of dragging their unaddressed/normalized bad habits and other baggage into the next relationship and this places everyone at a disadvantage going forward.
Dragging it out does no one any favors.
Closing Thoughts:
The right choice isn't always the easy one. There comes a point where dragging on any relationship riddled with suffering due to selfishness, incompetence, and neglect becomes irresponsible to the point that more serious consequences are inevitable (whether they continue to drag it out or cut ties).
To blend the analogy further: Nick and Kayla are building a very convincing case for the "dismissal" of their marriage whether they actually get divorced or not.
Adults sometimes have to make tough decisions regarding the people around them professionally and personally when things go wrong. A combination of proper communication and problem-solving skills can make these decisions, tough as they are, much more manageable.
Corrective Action & Dismissals:
One example that comes to mind on the professional side is when an employer has to administer corrective action to an employee. It may be uncomfortable, but necessary and as adults there is a mature and responsible way to address this on both sides.
There is usually a graduated system of corrective action pending severity of the problem behavior. This is done for two reasons, one being that the employer generally wants to see improvement and keep things running smoothly. The other reason is to allow the employee the opportunity to prove they can('t) do the job, thus minimizing the potential for wrongful dismissal. In any case, the opportunity is provided via warnings that identify problem areas.
The goal isn't to make the employee feel bad (though that does happen) but rather to provide constructive feedback. If the employee has the capacity for self-improvement they can grow and move on. If they lack the capacity for meaningful self-improvement and instead only become more bitter as they continue to make the same mistakes, they will receive stronger warnings until they are eventually dismissed having proved that they simply aren't up to the task.
On the flip side, bad employers won't communicate what an employee is doing wrong. This denies the employee the opportunity to improve and in the end both parties will suffer from this breakdown in communication. If this goes on for long enough, the parties will blame each other for incompetence and yet each party will still hold their respective titles and draw a paycheck.
If things continue poorly enough then both parties will become exhausted by the ordeal. If/when they eventually quit, the experience will leave them so spent that they will take their baggage (and any unaddressed bad habits) to their next line of work. This places everyone at a disadvantage; the employer, the employee, and the next employer.
Consequently, the responsible thing to do if there are persistent issues with performance is to give the necessary warnings until there is either improvement or dismissal is necessary.
Dragging it out does no one any favors.
Marriage Troubles & Divorce:
An example on the personal side would be problems within a marriage. Ideally, they would be able to identify and communicate what the issues are and pursue the healthiest way to resolve them. It may be uncomfortable at first, but if problems are articulated and addressed early on then it will prevent bad habits from taking root and can cultivate healthier intimacy.
Unaddressed problems tend to compound over time culminating in explosive fights over "little things" that are usually symptomatic of larger unaddressed issues. Even if the husband and wife can't really understand the problem, there are usually others (family, friends) who can help identify or articulate the issues since signs of abuse (physical/emotional/mental) or harmful activities might be apparent to those close to them (intense fighting, substance abuse, etc). All this to say that between being critical of each other and the observances of others, there are definite warning signs that provide the opportunity to reflect and course-correct.
Again, this requires the capacity for meaningful self-improvement. Ideally, the issues will be resolved or otherwise addressed in a healthy way, any abuse will stop, and serious harm will be averted. This means either remaining in the improved marriage or divorce.
If they choose to remain in the marriage without properly addressing the problems then it will be much like the scenario outlined earlier where they continue to exhaust each other while technically retaining their titles (husband and wife). Even if they eventually separate after dragging it out for so long, they increase the likelihood of dragging their unaddressed/normalized bad habits and other baggage into the next relationship and this places everyone at a disadvantage going forward.
Dragging it out does no one any favors.
Closing Thoughts:
The right choice isn't always the easy one. There comes a point where dragging on any relationship riddled with suffering due to selfishness, incompetence, and neglect becomes irresponsible to the point that more serious consequences are inevitable (whether they continue to drag it out or cut ties).
To blend the analogy further: Nick and Kayla are building a very convincing case for the "dismissal" of their marriage whether they actually get divorced or not.
TL/DR: In addition to their own screaming matches between themselves, Nick and Kayla were given warnings from family, friends, and peers about their behavior and they both had ample time to improve. Even the courts seem to be going easy on them to give them another chance to fail or make good. Thus far, Nick and Kayla have proven that they lack the sincere desire or even the capacity for-self improvement. After getting caught they tend to just slink away, double down, and make more bad decisions before they get exposed again.
While divorce is a serious matter, so is marriage. Inasmuch as Nick and Kayla fail to realize this their relationship will fail to improve.
