Shane Edward Nokes / @NorrathReaver / Daddy Cum Cannon - Internet Tough Guy and “Retired Cybersecurity Expert” who worked with the US Secret Service and FBI – In reality, a perpetually unemployed leech on disability benefits who threatens people on the internet all day. Raped with a butterknife.

[AnOminous]

Is Shane the only person ever persecuted for stealing shareware?

This is like getting arrested for using an unregistered copy of WinRAR.

 

[The Mass Shooter Ron Soye]

You wouldn't download Chex Quest.

 

[lilmayo420]

Daddy Cum Cannon as an alias for this guy always cracks me up. Definitely one of the best thread titles on the website.

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

I bet it was one of those magazines that included a Linux CD and he nabbed it for RedHat 1.2 or something, and got fingered, which put him off Linux and started his life-long dedication to Gates of Xbox.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

Maybe it was Serious Sam? That's where he learned to be so badass.

You would be almost correct. May was the full game of Duke Nukem from PC Gamer.

 

[Grift Garrison]

So while he was on obscure forums posting about starting his job at NASA he was instead getting busted stealing Leisure Suit Larry from Walgreens? Nokes & Rioley Ravioli are neck and neck for pound for pound funniest cows on the site. Their incidents are rare but bring maximum comedy.

 

[Piggle Rick]

I was told the misdemeanor docs were never posted here, so enjoy!

TYFYS, king.

 

[neger psykolog]

Is Shane the only person ever persecuted for stealing shareware?

I think he actually is. I don't even know how to feel about this.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

So he's incompetent even at one of the easiest thefts possible?

 

[John Andrews Stan]

While Shane was doing his best Walter Mitty routine, pretending he was putting bad guys behind bars, he was the one getting busted for theft by police.

Fucking pathetic.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Wait this is dated 2001.

If it happened in 2001 then Shane was 20 at the time. He doesn't even have the excuse of being a stupid kid.

My mistake, it was 19 days before his 20th birthday. Still, nice to see that even at 19 he was well on his way to being a fat fuck as well as a hardened criminal.

 

[Helvetia]

If it happened in 2001 then Shane was 20 at the time. He doesn't even have the excuse of being a stupid kid.
View attachment 6913223
My mistake, it was 19 days before his 20th birthday. Still, nice to see that even at 19 he was well on his way to being a fat fuck as well as a hardened criminal.

Is that 225 or 275lbs? Still pretty hefty for a 19 year old.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Is that 225 or 275lbs? Still pretty hefty for a 19 year old.

Looks like 225lbs to me --that's 100kg for any Bri'ish among us; or a 2pl8 bench for the lifters-- and according to the first BMI calculator I found puts him in Obese Class I.

Conclusion: FAT

 

[The Taco Santo!]

Anyone with eyes could already see that he's a big fatty fat but it's always nice to see the government acknowledge it in paperwork.

 

[An automatic clown]

I seem to recall him getting offended we said he was short so he stood next to some stupid height stick/sign at a fair that said he was 6ft+
Turns out that was as a light

If it happened in 2001 then Shane was 20 at the time. He doesn't even have the excuse of being a stupid kid.
View attachment 6913223
My mistake, it was 19 days before his 20th birthday. Still, nice to see that even at 19 he was well on his way to being a fat fuck as well as a hardened criminal.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Anyone with eyes could already see that he's a big fatty fat but it's always nice to see the government acknowledge it in paperwork.

It makes me wonder if there's anything similar to be found in any of Pat's court stuff. Although when he got arrested on the DV charge he was still pretty svelte.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

if there's anything similar to be found in any of Pat's court stuff. Although when he got arrested on the DV charge he was still pretty svelte.

I mean, people are free to DM me stuff they want me to look into, but you have to include as much info as possible, or I'll just call you a stupid faggot

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

Looks like 225lbs to me --that's 100kg for any Bri'ish among us; or a 2pl8 bench for the lifters-- and according to the first BMI calculator I found puts him in Obese Class I.
View attachment 6913408View attachment 6913409
Conclusion: FAT

BMI isn't the best way to determine that he's fat. I'd rather him go for a DEXA scan or at least measure his skinfold thickness and waistline to height. However just looking at him you know he's fat.

 

[Spunt]

It makes me wonder if there's anything similar to be found in any of Pat's court stuff. Although when he got arrested on the DV charge he was still pretty svelte.

He hasn't gained a pound, stalker, enjoy prison.

I know this because Shane Nokes, well known provider of true and accurate information, told me so.

 

[Oliver Onions]

I mean, people are free to DM me stuff they want me to look into, but you have to include as much info as possible, or I'll just call you a stupid faggot

I wouldn't waste your time (or potentially money) looking into this when we already know Pat is unFAThomably obese, it'd just be funny to see it in a police report, since he's spent so many years claiming to not be fat by any medical standards (child).