There was a really, really fat guy in my class I’ll call “Slim” because I am extremely funny. Anyways, we came back from a long weekend towards the middle of our senior year and my class is out by the track after PE. Well, Slim decides that he is going to tell us all about the sexual escapades he got up to over the long weekend. He proceeds to tell us how two bisexual girls, that he met on Facebook, flew down to spend this holiday weekend with him. They flew into Houston, so Slim borrowed his mother’s car and picked them up before driving them down to Galveston. Somewhere along the way, these young ladies were overcome with lust, and stared making out and fingering each other in the backseat. Slim, being the stud that he is, pulled over to the shoulder and engaged in sexual congress with these two women in the backseat of his mother’s car. How he, as a 350-400 pound young man, had enough room to have a threesome in the back of an Audi remains a mystery to this day. After smashing young box, Slim continues the drive to Galveston. Once they’ve made it to the island, Slim decides to treat his lovers to McDonald’s before they head up to the hotel room our ménage a trois will be sharing. There is, after all, nothing sexier in a man than frugality. Now that they have eaten, it is time for them to satisfy their carnal desires. To start things off, the ladies chain Slim to a chair facing the bed. They then proceed to have hot, lesbian sex while he looks on. Slim, after watching this erotic display, is overcome with lust and flexes his muscles with such force that the back of the chair is broken; Thus freeing him from his bonds and allowing him to make vigorous love to his companions. After this night of passion he returns the ladies to the airport for their flight and heads back home to recover before his return to school.
This is, obviously, a very true story that is true and happened.
Why Slim thought that anyone was going to believe this is beyond me. He was a fat virgin and we all knew it. This was a rural school in the South. Less than 20 of us in our graduating class. We all knew who was dating who and half of our class, including me, were still virgins at that point so it wasn’t like it was something to be embarrassed about. Slim had a touch of the ‘tism but he wasn’t an idiot; He had to know we weren’t going to buy this. Slim was, deservedly, ridiculed for this story for the remainder of the year. I have other tales I will post later but this was a lot to type on a phone.
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