I think I might be in the 1% of regretters. This has been a long time coming, as I’ve realised
I might be feeling even more dysphoric post phallo than pre it. I wrote this a few days ago in a very negative matter, but have since changed some things as to how I feel while I’m not very in my head about it.
While recovering from stage 2, I kept questioning whether I regret it. I couldn’t get it out of my head. But I thought to myself, I just need to finish the surgeries and get an ED. I think that’s the first red flag. Actually, the first red flag is that Miro somewhat bashes the RFF method on his site, and says MLD is much more reliable and gives aesthetic and functional results… that is not the truth.
I don’t have any sensation. Full stop. It’s something I knew, yet didn’t put a ton of thought into. The thought of having a penis overweighted that by a ton.
My urethra is halfway on the shaft. How can this be a standard?
I need to wipe after I pee because the pee drips down the tip where the urethra ends, which is the exact same thing I had to do pre-op, and was hoping to get rid of post-op. However, I am currently dealing with a stricture so I’m unable to pee standing up and don’t pee “normally”, so maybe my thoughts would change after that, but I’d still have to wipe and I have no idea how I’d use an urinal (several others have told me they also have to wipe, but feel free to comment if you don’t have to).
When I pee standing in the shower, I have to hold the penis in a weird way (two fingers on the side of the head) instead of normally because otherwise I’d just be peeing over my hand, which makes me incredibly dysphoric.
It’s kinda oddly shaped. I’ve noticed that every phallo penis with him has an odd shape at the tip that would require lipo, although I haven’t yet asked him about that. The glans also always seems to flatten - I genuinely have not seen anyone with the glans not flattened with him, including me.
I never had a good relationship with my vagina. I was ashamed of it, especially due to society. “Pussy” as an insult, making it seem as if having a vagina makes you weak, which is rooted in misogyny, anyway. I had very bad gender dysphoria, yet I did almost have sex with a guy (w/o penetration), and liked my T-dick.
However, the thought of having a penis excited me so much… but now, I’m ashamed of my body. I don’t even want to be naked in front of anyone. Yet the thought of having a vagina still makes me feel incredibly dysphoric, and I’m not sure if I’d want to go back to that, either. Maybe meta, but again, I’m not sure.
I also have a massive scar from the donor site because I needed a skin graft. That area is numb as well and I hate touching it due to that and the texture of it. It looks awful, and I don’t think I’ll be going shirtless anywhere. It’s also very tight and while I do have full mobility, it does feel uncomfortable. I suppose that could be helped with massaging, though.
It’s at around 5,5” x 4”, and yet it slips out of my underwear very often, which is really annoying, and I can’t wear it pointer downwards, as that feels really uncomfortable, plus it leaves fabric marks(?) on it from my underwear. However, seeing as others can, I think that’s just a me issue that could potentially get fixed with different underwear or something, despite trying many types already. But, it still just gets in the way, honestly.
The team is… I don’t really know. I’ve noticed a lot of people are frustrated with them. Communication is awful, and I’ve been told to “wait” and that “everything is fine” while suspecting a stricture (it was not in fact fine). I’ve also noticed in general that a lot of people seem to be getting frustrated with the results, or what they can and can’t do (e.g., while on their website it says they do the urethra to the tip in three stages, as well as using the same approach in their articles, that they do the urethra that way, Miro actively tries to refuse that if you ask due to “complications”, and that you should be happy with the halfway urethra on the shaft). Another thing is that their process is written completely differently on their site than they do it nowadays.
However, there are many that are satisfied and happy with him, even after stage 1 with no UL, burial, or glans. And I am extremely jealous of them.
My dysphoria is very severe, and I think it would only get mostly (not fully) resolved if I got RFF with dr. Chen specifically as well as very good medical tattooing, but I’d never even be a candidate for that even if I was incredibly rich due to thin forearms.
There are also some things I couldn’t expect that have happened, such as all my scars healing in a hypertrophic way. Honestly, my penis kinda looks like a crayon with the way the top scar has healed and is making it look slightly pointy at some angles... the scars have healed awfully. But, I couldn’t have known this would’ve happened.
Don’t get me wrong - there are some photos I’ve taken of myself that give me euphoria. But with that only being a small percentage out of my usual struggles with it, I don’t think it was worth it, especially as it’s been 2 years, and I’m still probably not done with the surgeries due to complications.
While I will be going to therapy over this and try to love my body, I’ll also be getting a lot of revisions if I’ll have a next surgery (I really do not wanna put myself through catheters for a month again anytime soon). Ideally, I’d get it shortened to maybe 4”, although that would then also present the challenge of creating a glans again, and if Miro could even shorten it and be willing to do it, but that would also mean the glans could heal differently. I’d also be getting lipo both to make it shaped more evenly, as well as making it an inch or two thinner, as it’s too thick for me at the moment (as is the standard with Miro really, to make it almost as thick as it’s long). I also plan on getting medical tattooing sometime in the future, although not from an artist that specialises in phallo since there are none around me. I’m unable to have any type of nerve graft put into the penis as my insurance doesn’t cover it.
Is it my fault? Yes, absolutely. But because I don’t want others to make a mistake like I did, I wanted to share this. Whoever your surgeon is, make sure to really, really do your research. I was in this group as well as another group specified for him for over a year, yet still made this choice.
Edit: also, just to state: unfortunately I am not from the US and only have my country’s heath insurance, which covers Miro only, nobody else, which is why I went to him in the first place.
I cannot get RFF, ALT, or any other method, and especially not RFF by dr. Chen.
