Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[msd]

I can happily agree with the fact alot of men don't talk to the elderly.

Because I'm country side, when I'm soing my walks, I'll usually sit down with the elderly women of my town and chat, alot of their husband's have passed, so it's nice to just sit and unwind with them.

The stories they told me and the advice they give me has helped with alot of stuff in life, so please, guys who lurk it, it might take maybe an hour out of your day, go talk to the elderly women, they probably don't even get visits from family anymore. It'll be worth it

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

I'm getting real sick of life's bullshit. First I might be facing a horrible illness and then my long distance GF drops a bomb on me and now I almost want to end things right here and right now.

So basically, her coworkers peer pressured her into going to a bar. Normally, I don't care if they get margaritas together. Good for her for having IRL friends. But this time, she was a fucking idiot and did coke with them at a bar and got a guy's number. She says she didn't text him and blocked him, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to end it right here and right now. She literally proved every single stereotype about women and their slutty friends. I'm about ready to cancel my trip to see her in a couple weeks.

Fuck. I don't need this bullshit in my life right now. If all it takes is peer pressure from her degenerate Portland coworkers, what does that say about her moral compass? I'm this close to crashing out tonight.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Pretty sure this is a bit, or a larp.

Very possibly, but I felt like leaning in. My experience here has taught me that it's 33-33-33 bait/bit - tragic alienation/youth - autism.

I didn't miss the fabricated bits. I typically probe before making conclusions. It may come across as clueless, but it rarely is.

I'm getting real sick of life's bullshit. First I might be facing a horrible illness and then my long distance GF drops a bomb on me and now I almost want to go Jimmy from Fishtank on her ass.

So basically, her coworkers peer pressured her into going to a bar. Normally, I don't care if they get margaritas together. Good for her for having IRL friends. But this time, she was a fucking idiot and did coke with them at a bar and got a guy's number. She says she didn't text him and blocked him, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to end it right here and right now. She literally proved every single stereotype about women and their slutty friends. I'm about ready to cancel my trop to see her in a couple weeks.

Fuck. I don't need this bullshit in my life right now. If all it takes is peer pressure from her degenerate Portland coworkers, what does that say about her moral compass? I'm this close to crashing out tonight.

You're more worried about a meaningless thing like a phone number than about her doing rails? OK, cool.

But otherwise:

1. No, she wasn't "peer pressured" into going out for drinks. She's not 12 (I presume), and "c'mon, it'll be fun" isn't "peer pressure" for adults. And going out with coworkers is a very normal and good thing to do. If she felt she needed to couch it that way to you, that's either a her problem or a you problem (or both).
2. But equally, her getting some dude's phone number is not proving "every single stereotype about women and their slutty friends." And if you're walking around with that shit in your head, you're not ready to be in a relationship.
3. Understandable if you're feeling threatened and mad in a hot moment, but casting it as a moral issue is immature. I'll cut you some slack because of your comment about fear you might be facing a horrible illness - and maybe the tension from that is feeding into how you're feeling/ reacting. Maybe it isn't, but carrying that around might be making you a little more sensitive than is needed.
4. Your girlfriend needs to learn some discernment about what is necessary, relevant, or useful to share.
5. Alternative to #4: any reason she might be seeking attention from you or feeling insecure about things?

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

I've cut her a lot of slack but honestly, I'm standing by my comment about the stereotype thing. She did some stupid shit in her past, like shoplift and try whippets but she didn't sleep around. OK fine, we all did stupid shit in our early 20's. If I gave her shit for that it would be the pot calling the kettle black. But to keep making stupid mistakes? It's 100% a her problem. There's a reason why I harshly judge women on their pasts. They never fucking learn and are never held accountable until it's far too late.

Oh, did I mention that these idiots are her coworkers? It's not like she can cut them off instantly. Again, I don't give a shit if they just get drinks but to do sketchy shit like clubbing? Yeah no fuck off with that.

 

[Big Miss Steak]

I'm getting real sick of life's bullshit. First I might be facing a horrible illness and then my long distance GF drops a bomb on me and now I almost want to end things right here and right now.

So basically, her coworkers peer pressured her into going to a bar. Normally, I don't care if they get margaritas together. Good for her for having IRL friends. But this time, she was a fucking idiot and did coke with them at a bar and got a guy's number. She says she didn't text him and blocked him, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to end it right here and right now. She literally proved every single stereotype about women and their slutty friends. I'm about ready to cancel my trip to see her in a couple weeks.

Fuck. I don't need this bullshit in my life right now. If all it takes is peer pressure from her degenerate Portland coworkers, what does that say about her moral compass? I'm this close to crashing out tonight.

First of all, sorry about your poor health.

Second, there's one of two things going on here: either your GF is easily persuaded into doing things she doesn't really want to do by other people/influences, or she feels like she has to absolve herself of as much responsibility when speaking with you because she knows you'll give her shit for everything and anything. I don't know you or her and we're only getting half the story here, so I genuinely can't say. Both are not good.

Third, if she was actually cheating, she wouldn't have told you, Sherlock.

Fourth, "this reinforces stereotypes about women" seems like a stupid thing to say when men are also persuaded to party, do drugs, or cheat because their friends wheedle them about it.

I will say that I would have been very upset if this happened with a BF of mine. I think the appropriate response here is to be concerned that this happened and to wonder if she will be so easily persuaded to do drugs and flirt with men in the future. Spoiler alert, probably.

I've cut her a lot of slack but honestly, I'm standing by my comment about the stereotype thing. She did some stupid shit in her past, like shoplift and try whippets but she didn't sleep around. OK fine, we all did stupid shit in our early 20's. If I gave her shit for that it would be the pot calling the kettle black. But to keep making stupid mistakes? It's 100% a her problem. There's a reason why I harshly judge women on their pasts. They never fucking learn and are never held accountable until it's far too late.

Oh, did I mention that these idiots are her coworkers? It's not like she can cut them off instantly. Again, I don't give a shit if they just get drinks but to do sketchy shit like clubbing? Yeah no fuck off with that.

I probably wouldn't date someone who I knew had done drugs and committed thievery. That was your decision and now you're upset that she didn't become a different person once she left her early 20s.

There's a reason why I harshly judge women on their pasts. They never fucking learn and are never held accountable until it's far too late.

Instead of reeing about women and why they should be judged harshly based on their pasts (and, presumably, men should not be), and why they never learn (and, presumably, men do), and how they aren't held accountable (whatever the hell that means), perhaps you, a man, should learn from this and take some accountability for your poor mate choice and swear off long-distance dating drug-using thieves.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

It's the bad influence thing that bothers me the most now that I've had more time to think. She's been surrounded by the her whole life. Divorced parents, narcissistic mom, slutty coworkers, online friends in open relationships. Her mind is poisoned and has been for a long time.

She has improved though by getting a job and sticking with it for almost 3 years now. That was a huge green flag. I didn't think I could fix her but me just being there seemed like a positive influence on her life. I was impressed by that but fuck, apparently her coworkers have shit morals. IIRC one of them is in an open relationship with her husband who fucks other girls.

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

I didn't think I could fix her but me just being there seemed like a positive influence on her life. I was impressed by that but fuck, apparently her coworkers have shit morals. IIRC one of them is in an open relationship with her husband who fucks other girls.

Women are not a monolith, and like with men, you are not required to be rehab for ill behaved retard women. The company she keeps can be indicative of though not guarantee future behavior and what she allows from others, but there are certainly situations that were not her fault and may be influencing her. Having shitty parents doesn't destine you to become shitty too. I'll try not to armchair psych but divorced parents and narc mom read fear of abandonment and/or people pleasing. It sounds like she's seeking approval from people and has no backbone to say no or ditch them when they do something she disagrees with in case they lash out or leave. Her fessing up immediately is a good sign that she feels guilt and doesn't find that behavior acceptable. If that is the case, then there is some possible salvaging given you're up for that. Either way, you're not obligated to stay with someone whether your moral compasses mesh or not.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Women are not a monolith, and like with men, you are not required to be rehab for ill behaved retard women. The company she keeps can be indicative of though not guarantee future behavior and what she allows from others, but there are certainly situations that were not her fault and may be influencing her.

She's done things like this before but not as bad. This feels like an escalation. I've given her so much shit last time and she's cried at work over it, but then she does something even fucking dumber. I think she's just paying lip service to how I feel.

She needs this job to turn her life around too. She was a broke NEET when we first met and she got this job on her own accord.

Having shitty parents doesn't destine you to become shitty too. I'll try not to armchair psych but divorced parents and narc mom read fear of abandonment and/or people pleasing. It sounds like she's seeking approval from people and has no backbone to say no or ditch them when they do something she disagrees with in case they lash out or leave.

I had a passive dad who didn't teach me shit about being a man and a neurotic mom who made me have issues with women, so it's not like I'm any better than her. I feel like she's the best I can get at this point because every girl who's ever showed interest in me in the past was even fucking worse than her.

Maybe is is like that, which reminds me way too much of my past self and the mistakes I made years ago.

Her fessing up immediately is a good sign that she feels guilt and doesn't find that behavior acceptable. If that is the case, then there is some possible salvaging given you're up for that. Either way, you're not obligated to stay with someone whether your moral compasses mesh or not.

I'm not sure anymore at this point. This bullshit has gone on too long.

 

[A Cat in a Minefield]

@Agares sorry to hear what you are going through. My two cents would be to sleep on it for one or two days, before making any decisions, so you can cool down before going one way or the other.

Do you think it might help to try to figure out together with your gf why she does stuff like that? Maybe tackling the root problem might help.

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

She's done things like this before but not as bad. This feels like an escalation. I've given her so much shit last time and she's cried at work over it, but then she does something even fucking dumber. I think she's just paying lip service to how I feel.

Definitely a red flag then if this is a consistent issue despite you voicing yourself. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt but there's a pattern it seems and it is possible she's only upset she got caught and told you before someone else could. Doing coke is high risk behavior and as someone else already said, not really something you can easily be pressured into unless you're a complete retard.

I feel like she's the best I can get at this point because every girl who's ever showed interest in me in the past was even fucking worse than her.

so it's not like I'm any better than her.

You're not owed a certain type of woman and if you're continually attracting only the "bad" ones, that may be an issue you need to reflect on. Most women who are (not autistic) straight edge virgins well into adulthood are only looking for other straight edge virgins, if they are looking at all. They're also usually extremely religious.

I'm not sure anymore at this point. This bullshit has gone on too long.

Give it a day or two to calm down and discuss why she participates in this behavior. If you still feel the same or feel her explanation isn't adequate, leave. This has been an ongoing issue that hasn't been addressed on her end and promises to change only under threat of breakup are just that, only under threat of breakup. If it were so easy to change, she would've done it sooner when that wasn't on the table.

 

[Hubelublub]

I don't have any advice for the poor fellow with the truly evil girlfriend who used coke without inviting him along and now he's got FOMO, but I found some related commentary here on the Farms:

Removing excess males seems good for society and as a bonus, it punishes toxic women by taking away their enablers.

 

[Core Theorist]

I don't have any advice for the poor fellow with the truly evil girlfriend who used coke without inviting him along and now he's got FOMO(...)

tfw your GF got nose candy with another man... it would've been sooo romantic to OD together.

(do niggers actually believe this...?)

 

[Hubelublub]

tfw your GF got nose candy with another man... it would've been sooo romantic to OD together.

(do niggers actually believe this...?)

He seems pretty bent out of shape by his girlfriend making decisions he personally wouldn't have made, even the ones which don't affect him.

Maybe he's a control freak, maybe she's toxic and he's an enabler, who knows.

 

[Deezy]

I've given her so much shit last time and she's cried at work over it, but then she does something even fucking dumber.

This is so cringy to read. You are not a surrogate for her absentee father. It doesn’t even sound like you care as much that she did something dangerous as you do about her “slutty coworkers” and other living conditions that aren’t strictly within her control.

You suck, you can’t fix her, and you don’t deserve her. Do her a favor and break up with her.

 

[Susanna]

You're more worried about a meaningless thing like a phone number than about her doing rails? OK, cool.

You don’t give friends of your friends rails even if you want to sleep with them, it was probably just a bump.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Definitely a red flag then if this is a consistent issue despite you voicing yourself. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt but there's a pattern it seems and it is possible she's only upset she got caught and told you before someone else could. Doing coke is high risk behavior and as someone else already said, not really something you can easily be pressured into unless you're a complete retard.

Well, I don't really talk to any of her online friends or her coworkers so I doubt there'd be anyone who'd tell me. She felt guilty and fessed up instead of bottling it up. I agree though, that's fucking retarded reckless behavior and a really fucking stupid thing to do at 28.

You're not owed a certain type of woman and if you're continually attracting only the "bad" ones, that may be an issue you need to reflect on. Most women who are (not autistic) straight edge virgins well into adulthood are only looking for other straight edge virgins, if they are looking at all. They're also usually extremely religious.

I've been mulling over why I keep attracting "bad" women for almost a year now. That's probably a bad thing to do while you're still in a relationship but I can't help it. She's just the most recent of several.

Part of me just blames society and says "oh well, they're all that's left when you're looking in your mid 20's because nobody told me SHIT when I was younger". But the truth is probably a lot more nuanced. I don't care if she had exes or drank too much in the past, that's normal I guess. But there's a fine line between doing stupid shit before your prefrontal cortex was finished developing and truly reckless behavior that influences her to this day. They say the past is the past, but I still see it as an indicator of her moral character.

This is so cringy to read. You are not a surrogate for her absentee father. It doesn’t even sound like you care as much that she did something dangerous as you do about her “slutty coworkers” and other living conditions that aren’t strictly within her control.

You suck, you can’t fix her, and you don’t deserve her. Do her a favor and break up with her.

I do care that she did something dangerous and that's why I'm wondering if it's even worth it to be with this idiot at this point. I want a stable life partner and doing bumps of coke with a bunch of degenerate coworkers isn't future wife behavior. Surprisingly she has a good relationship with her dad now but her parents divorced when she was 7 (probably because her mom's narcissism and the damage it caused to her parents' marriage). I never asked if her dad was actually present in her life when she was a teen/in her early 20s.

With the way she's acted though, she might as well have grown up without a dad and I agree, I'm not a surrogate for that father shaped hole in her moral compass.

Give it a day or two to calm down and discuss why she participates in this behavior. If you still feel the same or feel her explanation isn't adequate, leave. This has been an ongoing issue that hasn't been addressed on her end and promises to change only under threat of breakup are just that, only under threat of breakup. If it were so easy to change, she would've done it sooner when that wasn't on the table.

@Agares sorry to hear what you are going through. My two cents would be to sleep on it for one or two days, before making any decisions, so you can cool down before going one way or the other.

Do you think it might help to try to figure out together with your gf why she does stuff like that? Maybe tackling the root problem might help.

Yeah this is the best thing to do. I've calmed down a little but but I still need to think. I need to think this over and figure it out.

As to why she does this, I've had my suspicions for awhile now but I don't want to slam her with accusations of being a BPDemon right out the gate.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

I need to think this over and figure it out.

she sounds like a whore, drop her

 

[Doktor Grimm]

Don't do LDRs kids. They are not ever worth the hassle.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Last night was awful. Of course she dropped the news when I was halfway through a 6 pack and that inflamed things even more. I'm going to be completely sober today and I'm going to talk things out with a clear mind. She's upset that I called her a whore last night and I'm upset with what she did. If it ends, then it ends.

 

[A Cat in a Minefield]

Last night was awful. Of course she dropped the news when I was halfway through a 6 pack and that inflamed things even more. I'm going to be completely sober today and I'm going to talk things out with a clear mind. She's upset that I called her a whore last night and I'm upset with what she did. If it ends, then it ends.

I'd be upset too if I'd get called a whore... I'd suggest you get drinking under controll first before judging. I don't say it's excusable what she did, but it seems not only she has baggage she is carrying around.