Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[missnaptime]

I don't know what else I can say to convince you. Ever since maybe middle school, I've experienced this. I'm not claiming that every girl I meet swoons over me, but I've had years and years of these weird experiences with classmates, coworkers at my job, random encounters when I go outside, etc. I'm not trying to make it up to feed my ego.

have you considered that they may, in fact, be uncomfortable around you for being a creep, and aren't 'swooning' at all?

 

[Pargon]

How do you tell your female spouse of many years “I love you, but if you don’t stop talking to me about this topic I am going to choke myself on my own tongue”

I have tried changing the subject. I have tried replying with silence. Every time I get close to suggesting it I’m met with “fine, I just won’t talk to you at all”.

Goddammit woman, I just don’t want to talk to you about politics and people who get paid to act retarded for the Internet. Every adult American’s life is fucking infused with both in every aspect and they ruin fucking everything.

How the fuck am I going to survive another 35 years of this

 

[Hybrid Hubris]

have you considered that they may, in fact, be uncomfortable around you for being a creep, and aren't 'swooning' at all?

Do you really want me to reveal specific details about my personal life? Fine. My first core memory relating to this was when I was in elementary school, I was playing Heads Up Seven Up. I noticed that I was picked more than the other kids by girls in my class. Several times in middle school I've had random girls introduce their friends to me, of course I completely fumbled these interactions because I am a retard. I've even had a guy ask me out, what the fuck. I've gotten random notes from girls that wanted me to talk to them. A few times, it was very obvious that girls were flirting with me, they were literally doing stuff like rubbing their legs up and down and exaggerating their bodies for me. It made me uncomfortable at the time. There was a girl who tried to befriend me. One day, suddenly she started asking me to hold her hand, so in confusion, I did. Then she asked me out. Girls don't normally ask guys out, right? While I was working in my grocery store job, I remember two older girls in their twenties who clearly liked me, one was a pretty Jewish girl and one was a redhead who always wore a mask. She was cute too. The Jewish girl in particular often wanted to find excuses to talk to me, I remember once, she called me on the speaker for some weird reason that was not necessary at all. I've already said what's happening in college. When I say girls intentionally sit next to me, I mean that there were clearly other spots in the room that they could have sat at, but no, they choose to sit right next to me. Like one time I was sitting in one chair -> X O O and this girl, instead of sitting in the O O X chair, they chose to sit X X O. How autistic can I get about this stuff?
I promise, I'm just as autistic as the rest of you, I've just lucked out on this particular aspect of my life. I have a twinkish, youthful face. I did not ask for it, I don't want to brag about it, it was caused by luck out of my control.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Hey Kiwis, I want some advice on how to deal with the girls at my college. Somehow, apparently I'm attractive to them. I have no idea why. I'm very tall and lanky and I'm always looking tired and anxious. I'm a loner with supremely low social skills who barely speaks two sentences every day. I don't know what these girls see in me. But wherever I go, random girls seem to like me. They do the thing where they flip their hair, they make obvious glances at me, and if they're sitting close to me they tap their feet nonstop. I generally ignore them when they do this, because I really don't know what to do in response. Recently, girls I don't know have been sitting next to me when I'm studying and stuff. When they do this, I kind of panic and do my best to ignore them, because I don't know what else to do.
What should I do? What do these girls want? Should I acknowledge them somehow? Do I smile at them? Smiling doesn't really come naturally to me. Do I try to strike up a conversation? What would I even talk about?

I'll take you at your word that you have raw animal magnetism that has slayed girls from your infancy to today. What should you do? Talk to them if want; don't if you don't. If you want to talk but don't know how, there are books about making small talk. Here's one. Haven't read it so can't recommend. But it's there, and there are tons of others. But fr, if some girl sits next to you in class and you're interested, say something about the class. Nothing serious or requiring much of a reply. Typically, if you sit near each other again, one or the other might make another random comment. Over a bit of time the comments might expand slightly, even become an actual conversation. Maybe at some point you go study together or whatever.

Third biggest point: let go of trying to plot out 57 next steps at once. And don't dwell on any conversation.

Second biggest point: stop looking at people like specimens.

Biggest point: don't think that "hmm, cute guy" [if that's even their thought, conscious or otherwise] means it's in the bag or that they want to have your babies.

On the other hand, if you don't want to interact, then ignore it.

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

How the fuck am I going to survive another 35 years of this

There is divorce you know

 

[Doktor Grimm]

I think there's more credence to @Hybrid Hubris' story than some people would believe, even if he's reading a little too deep into things. There's a subtype of tall (like, 6'4"+) gangly men who get an utterly inexplicable amount of female attention. I can only presume that some women really like tall guys.

The dudes I know who meet this criteria aren't any more likely to have long-term partners or anything, though -- you could be blessed with Adonis-tier genetics, but it doesn't mean anything if you can't figure out whether you're supposed to smile and say "hey" to a girl who sits next to you in the library.

What do you actually want out of this, OP? It doesn't seem like you're particularly interested in these girls.

 

[Hybrid Hubris]

@Friend of Dorothy Parker I can't quote you for some reason, but thanks for listening to me and giving me advice, and not interrogating me like I'm under a lie detector test.

I think there's more credence to @Hybrid Hubris' story than some people would believe, even if he's reading a little too deep into things. There's a subtype of tall (like, 6'4"+) gangly men who get an utterly inexplicable amount of female attention. I can only presume that some women really like tall guys.

The dudes I know who meet this criteria aren't any more likely to have long-term partners or anything, though -- you could be blessed with Adonis-tier genetics, but it doesn't mean anything if you can't figure out whether you're supposed to smile and say "hey" to a girl who sits next to you in the library.

What do you actually want out of this, OP? It doesn't seem like you're particularly interested in these girls.

Of course I'm attracted to them, but with how many girls have done this to me over the years, it's become normal, so it doesn't feel special every time it happens over and over again. I'm still baffled at why they are attracted to me in the first place. As I said I'm very antisocial, so I can only conclude it is my height and my looks and nothing else. Sometimes I do like them back, but I never have the courage to go and talk to them because I know they will stop caring for me when I show my true personality, and their fantasy of me will disintegrate. I do want to do something other than autistically ignoring them, I don't think it's good for me or the girl.

 

[Doktor Grimm]

I do want to do something other than autistically ignoring them, I don't think it's good for me or the girl.

Brief eye contact & a polite greeting will do. It's standard to acknowledge someone's existence when they enter your space.

If they want things to escalate from there, that's up to them. If things do escalate, but you fumble in the smalltalk stage, then note where you went wrong and decide whether you want to work on it or not.

 

[Susanna]

Of course I'm attracted to them, but with how many girls have done this to me over the years, it's become normal, so it doesn't feel special every time it happens over and over again. I'm still baffled at why they are attracted to me in the first place.

So chat with them and see what happens?

As I said I'm very antisocial

You’re asocial or introverted, antisocial means something very different.

I can only conclude it is my height and my looks and nothing else. Sometimes I do like them back, but I never have the courage to go and talk to them because I know they will stop caring for me when I show my true personality, and their fantasy of me will disintegrate.

Well, so what? You can either try to suss out what their fantasy is, and try to fit yourself into that role, or you could just show that you’re not that, and let them decide if the real you is worth pursuing or not.

 

[Hubelublub]

they make obvious glances at me

We're taught in childhood that it's rude to stare at the retard, but sometimes we forget.

rubbing their legs up and down and exaggerating their bodies for me

I have no idea what species you are, but this is not normal behaviour for socialised humans.

tall (like, 6'4"+) gangly men who get an utterly inexplicable amount of female attention. I can only presume that some women really like tall guys

Right on the first, wrong on the second.

Extremely tall people are fascinating, but unlike extremely short people, there's no social rule against being openly fascinated by tall people.
Think of it like being a conjoined twin or having a third arm. You get attention like a sideshow participant gets attention. Because weird people are fun to gawk at.

We don't  like you romantically just because you're freakishly tall. Unlike men, not everything a woman does is about sex. We're not built that way, and the sooner you understand this, the happier you'll be.

 

[Lidl Drip]

Goddammit woman, I just don’t want to talk to you about politics

lol how are you gonna have a relationship with someone when you can't even talk about politics? Let me guess you married someone of the opposite spectrum and either didn't disclose your honest beliefs to her or flat out lied because you knew she wouldn't like you if she knew you were a n-word saying chud. Now you reap what you sew. Try marrying someone you're actually compatible with next time.

 

[Red flag]

How do you tell your female spouse of many years “I love you, but if you don’t stop talking to me about this topic I am going to choke myself on my own tongue”

I have tried changing the subject. I have tried replying with silence. Every time I get close to suggesting it I’m met with “fine, I just won’t talk to you at all”.

Goddammit woman, I just don’t want to talk to you about politics and people who get paid to act retarded for the Internet. Every adult American’s life is fucking infused with both in every aspect and they ruin fucking everything.

How the fuck am I going to survive another 35 years of this

Have you considered picking better?

Muh bitch wife posting is honestly so gross and disrespectful. Why exactly did you marry this woman if discussing politics and the rest of your life with her is something you dread?

"Greetings, anon ladies, how do I get my wife to shut the fuck up?" would be grounds for divorce.

 

[Lidl Drip]

Why exactly did you marry this woman if discussing politics and the rest of your life with her is something you dread?

Men think it's fine to just lie to women and fake compatability in order to get access to sex and then enter into relationships where they can never be honest about what they really think and belief because it was based on lies from the start. Their wifes don't even know how much their husbands secretly resent them but they stick around because access to pussy trumps everything else. To them forever bitching about "muh dumb liberal nagging bitch wife" is preferable to being alone. Truly fucking horrific fate to be married to such a moid. Then they wonder why the divorce rates are so high.

 

[Hubelublub]

Their wifes don't even know how much their husbands secretly resent them

The heartbreaking thing is that telling the woman means she either doesn't believe you and hates you for trying to destroy her relationship, or she believes you and her world is crushed.

He could make her life so much better just by being a decent human, but instead he fucks up everyone's shit by being a faggot.

 

[Xev]

The classic bait n switch maneuver

 

[isalaide]

How do you tell your female spouse of many years “I love you, but if you don’t stop talking to me about this topic I am going to choke myself on my own tongue”

I have tried changing the subject. I have tried replying with silence. Every time I get close to suggesting it I’m met with “fine, I just won’t talk to you at all”.

Goddammit woman, I just don’t want to talk to you about politics and people who get paid to act retarded for the Internet. Every adult American’s life is fucking infused with both in every aspect and they ruin fucking everything.

How the fuck am I going to survive another 35 years of this

ok can I suggest something as serious advice here

I think this is a more selective problem than just 'everything she says bores me, we have no interests in common and I kinda hate her'. Tbh though if THAT is the problem, I am going to say hand on heart you do need to think about working on your relationship because a marriage of many years is not something to be allowed to die. I absolutely do not believe you need to share every interest or hobby but at a basic level you do need to enjoy each other's company or you don't really have a marriage, you have an economic partnership.

So I will proceed on the basis you do indeed like her but you find her conversational starters boring. This is a significant problem because of how you are responding. I would like to suggest you go do some reading on Gottman's work on 'bids for connection'. Here is a link to start with https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/

This is actually in my extremely expert opinion what your wife is doing when she starts off convos with like, celebrity gossip or a comment about a particular news story. She doesn't necessarily care about talking about that particular thing, she's bidding for your connection and attention. Your post suggests you are responding by stonewalling her or refusing to engage. Now I know you are rationalising this as 'why the fuck should I accept the bid for connection when this subject bores the fuck out of me'. The answer according to Gottman is that we should accept the bids for connection even if they are shitty, because that's how our partner feels connected to us and fundamentally because this is how we make our marriages work.

My own nigel often will throw out conversational starters that are autistic and retarded even though he is absolutely neither. But I pick them up and even if my response is banter and we move to another topic, I accept the "hey, pay attention to me, I want and need your attention" play because well, if we don't want and need each other's attention, I don't know why the fuck we would be married. Your wife needs and wants your attention. I am guessing since you have been married a long time there are also lots of times you want and need her attention. You are not going to be able to approach her successfully if this is how you respond to her bids for connection, no matter how clumsily she makes them. Engage with her. Then change the subject after a few moments. I am 100% you know how to do this. But meet the bid, accept the pass.

Please go and read some of the Gottman stuff about this because I think it is really helpful to know and recognise bids when they are getting made and to accept them, pretty much all the time. We love these fuckers or we wouldn't be married to them, and that means in some ways we have to just meet them where they are. Good luck and all that gay shit x

 

[A Cat in a Minefield]

@isalaide That sounds really interesting for general conversation, be it with a partner or a good friend! I'll have a look at it as well. Never thought about those conversation starters like that. Thanks for that detailed post.

 

[Thé au lait]

How do you tell your female spouse of many years “I love you, but if you don’t stop talking to me about this topic I am going to choke myself on my own tongue”

I have tried changing the subject. I have tried replying with silence. Every time I get close to suggesting it I’m met with “fine, I just won’t talk to you at all”.

Goddammit woman, I just don’t want to talk to you about politics and people who get paid to act retarded for the Internet. Every adult American’s life is fucking infused with both in every aspect and they ruin fucking everything.

How the fuck am I going to survive another 35 years of this

Don't suggest it, the message is going to end up being very muddled. Just tell her outright "Honey I love you but I really fucking hate politics, I feel like we're inundated with it enough already and it's the last thing I want to spend energy thinking about when we're spending time together".

ETA:

I'm getting real sick of life's bullshit. First I might be facing a horrible illness and then my long distance GF drops a bomb on me and now I almost want to end things right here and right now.

So basically, her coworkers peer pressured her into going to a bar. Normally, I don't care if they get margaritas together. Good for her for having IRL friends. But this time, she was a fucking idiot and did coke with them at a bar and got a guy's number. She says she didn't text him and blocked him, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to end it right here and right now. She literally proved every single stereotype about women and their slutty friends. I'm about ready to cancel my trip to see her in a couple weeks.

Fuck. I don't need this bullshit in my life right now. If all it takes is peer pressure from her degenerate Portland coworkers, what does that say about her moral compass? I'm this close to crashing out tonight.

Some guy gave her his number and she blocked it, what's the implications on her moral compass? Is the issue the cocaine?

she sounds like a whore, drop her

Excellent reading comprehension and congratulations on your transition! What's your TrooName™?

I don't know what else I can say to convince you. Ever since maybe middle school, I've experienced this. I'm not claiming that every girl I meet swoons over me, but I've had years and years of these weird experiences with classmates, coworkers at my job, random encounters when I go outside, etc. I'm not trying to make it up to feed my ego.

Do you really want me to reveal specific details about my personal life? Fine. My first core memory relating to this was when I was in elementary school, I was playing Heads Up Seven Up. I noticed that I was picked more than the other kids by girls in my class. Several times in middle school I've had random girls introduce their friends to me, of course I completely fumbled these interactions because I am a retard. I've even had a guy ask me out, what the fuck. I've gotten random notes from girls that wanted me to talk to them. A few times, it was very obvious that girls were flirting with me, they were literally doing stuff like rubbing their legs up and down and exaggerating their bodies for me. It made me uncomfortable at the time. There was a girl who tried to befriend me. One day, suddenly she started asking me to hold her hand, so in confusion, I did. Then she asked me out. Girls don't normally ask guys out, right? While I was working in my grocery store job, I remember two older girls in their twenties who clearly liked me, one was a pretty Jewish girl and one was a redhead who always wore a mask. She was cute too. The Jewish girl in particular often wanted to find excuses to talk to me, I remember once, she called me on the speaker for some weird reason that was not necessary at all. I've already said what's happening in college. When I say girls intentionally sit next to me, I mean that there were clearly other spots in the room that they could have sat at, but no, they choose to sit right next to me. Like one time I was sitting in one chair -> X O O and this girl, instead of sitting in the O O X chair, they chose to sit X X O. How autistic can I get about this stuff?

I think I know what you have!
You need to buy ten cloves of garlic, three quarts of vinegar, six ounces of sage, and dried peppers. String the aromatics and wear it as a necklace while bathing in the vinegar for 8-10 hours.

they were literally doing stuff like rubbing their legs up and down and exaggerating their bodies for me

Seriously though what species are you? Were these strippers at a strip club?

I think there's more credence to @Hybrid Hubris' story than some people would believe, even if he's reading a little too deep into things. There's a subtype of tall (like, 6'4"+) gangly men who get an utterly inexplicable amount of female attention. I can only presume that some women really like tall guys.

Spoiler: picture of Hybrid Hubris (real)

View attachment 6974615

 

[Pargon]

There is divorce you know

Nearly 20 years of marriage is a lot to throw away.

What are you talking about specifically?

lol how are you gonna have a relationship with someone when you can't even talk about politics? Let me guess you married someone of the opposite spectrum and either didn't disclose your honest beliefs to her or flat out lied because you knew she wouldn't like you if she knew you were a n-word saying chud. Now you reap what you sew. Try marrying someone you're actually compatible with next time.

Have you considered picking better?

Muh bitch wife posting is honestly so gross and disrespectful. Why exactly did you marry this woman if discussing politics and the rest of your life with her is something you dread?

"Greetings, anon ladies, how do I get my wife to shut the fuck up?" would be grounds for divorce.

We met in our early 20s and were both part of the same side of the political spectrum. She’s become more radical and I’ve become more moderate; still on the same side of things but she is full-on “the Other Side is evil and wants to kill people. Things are now at the point that I have to at least imply agreement when she wants to talk politics or there will be an argument. She wants to rant because she’s angry, I get it. But I’d like to be able to say “I don’t have the energy to have a conversation about this because politics are exhausting and I just want to stay out of it” without becoming the enemy.

The heartbreaking thing is that telling the woman means she either doesn't believe you and hates you for trying to destroy her relationship, or she believes you and her world is crushed.

He could make her life so much better just by being a decent human, but instead he fucks up everyone's shit by being a faggot.

This is my dilemma, yes. I love her. In so many other ways she is still the person I want to keep growing older with. I just don’t know how to approach such a personally volatile subject with her.

 

[Hubelublub]

This is my dilemma, yes. I love her. In so many other ways she is still the person I want to keep growing older with. I just don’t know how to approach such a personally volatile subject with her.

You want her to change how she feels about something.

Why don't you want to change how you feel about it?