Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Cherry Milk]

Always with the troon b.s. Tess, virtue signalling won't save you.

Most people don't think that having an abortion is a personality trait. Especially when you have kids who will hear this and internalise it as not being wanted. Oh that's right, you didn't want either of your kids and so, treat them like shit, being both overbearing and ineffectual as a mother.

Also, those glasses are obnoxious, so I guess they suit Tess Landwhale

 

[Clotso Coof]

Does Tess ever rant about deadbeat dads? She'd have a good argument about Bowie"s dad being a complete POS. Many of her followers are struggling single moms, so it seems like a good angle for engagement.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

Does Tess ever rant about deadbeat dads? She'd have a good argument about Bowie"s dad being a complete POS. Many of her followers are struggling single moms, so it seems like a good angle for engagement.

Didn't she try this route? She claimed at least domestic abuse from Nick. Maybe he trooned out completely and she can't target him, because her opprshun points aren't enough to accuse a troon of being a terrible human.

 

[squidward tentacles]

I realise this is an older post/question, but not yet answered. A standard sewing tape is 60” long, so I’d suggest it’s questionable whether it would get around her. However, they do make longer tapes, especially for quilting, that run out to 120”.

I was sewing/getting measurements with some heavy friends, who are 300ish lbs, and there were moments when I thought the tape might run out. Tess has somewhere around 100-200 lbs on that, so she's definitely exceeded a standard measuring tape.

 

[I call shenanigans]

I was sewing/getting measurements with some heavy friends, who are 300ish lbs, and there were moments when I thought the tape might run out. Tess has somewhere around 100-200 lbs on that, so she's definitely exceeded a standard measuring tape.

How fatphobic of you to not have a quilters tape to accomodate your fat friends. Please tell me you have reinforced chairs in your home for when they visit. j/k

Ignore if you used their tape measure.

 

[Clotso Coof]

I was sewing/getting measurements with some heavy friends, who are 300ish lbs

You should always have some parachutes on hand in case your fat friends want to make skirts. Set them discreetly by the 55 gallon barrel of frosting and the bathtub full of Cheetos.

 

[Accept Only Substitutes]

You should always have some parachutes on hand in case your fat friends want to make skirts. Set them discreetly by the 55 gallon barrel of frosting and the bathtub full of Cheetos.

Have you ever seen an unfolded parachute? A relative was in the military during WWII I think and we ended up with his/an old parachute after he died? I'm really not sure, I was pretty little. I've never seen so much fabric in one place, except in a fabric store, but it's different seeing it all sewn together and spread out. I believe it would have covered my entire childhood house, with some to spare (again I was very little, so it's possible I'm remembering it from that aspect and it really wasn't that much fabric all together).

Still, I'm impressed that anyone can even sew a parachute, let alone fold it properly to work.

Either way it is about as much fabric as it would take to dress most of the women on this forum. One parachute each, of course.

 

[squidward tentacles]

How fatphobic of you to not have a quilters tape to accomodate your fat friends. Please tell me you have reinforced chairs in your home for when they visit. j/k

Ignore if you used their tape measure.

I made sure to saw through one of the chair legs to intentionally cause a collapse, don't worry!

 

[Barbarella]

A famous midcentury artist designer/scarf artist known as Vera Neumann got her start with parachutes. She was the first artist to sign her name to textiles.

Back when she wanted fabric WWII was going and linen was hard to find. She did find an old silk parachute and made scarves out of that. She was a very popular designer through the 70s and even 80s and became like an early Martha Stewart, with her designs on housewares. She actually had an interesting life hanging out with the Bauhaus crowd, and her designs are whimsical and charming and she was a master of color. I collect her scarves, and they still are not expensive in many places. I have an early parachute.

Thread tax: Tess is fat, and I doubt a modern day hot air balloon could cover her. What I wouldn’t give to see her get in the basket though.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

Thread tax: Tess is fat, and I doubt a modern day hot air balloon could cover her. What I wouldn’t give to see her get in the basket though.

I think watching her try to get out of the basket would be far more interesting.

 

[NoReturn]

Tess' Jeep broke.

What does "they didn't love the creative that I sent over" mean? What is "creative" as a noun?
Did Bowie ever get to school?

Is this the creative?

Here's her Valentine's Instagram spread of old photos:

 

[Angry New Ager]

So Tess's Jeep is showing its true colors as an unreliable piece of junk, and now won't start, possibly due to something as simple as a dead battery. Her way of dealing with it? Spackle on some clown makeup and eyefuck herself for the camera.

I'm going to assume that by "a creative" she means "a piece of media she has created"—could be photos, could be a video—because that's the only thing that makes sense in context. Which, if I'm right, is fucking retarded, because we already have specific words for those things.

Given that it's Tess, the usage (in which an adjective is turned into a noun) hasn't originated with her, but is probably being used by somebody she thinks is cool and influential, and she wants to be part of the cool kids' club. That her followers won't know what she's talking about and will be confused is fine with her, because then she gets to explain (or not) the "insider" terminology she uses so casually because she's totally an insider herself,

 

[NoReturn]

So Tess's Jeep is showing its true colors as an unreliable piece of junk, and now won't start, possibly due to something as simple as a dead battery. Her way of dealing with it? Spackle on some clown makeup and eyefuck herself for the camera.

I'm going to assume that by "a creative" she means "a piece of media she has created"—could be photos, could be a video—because that's the only thing that makes sense in context. Which, if I'm right, is fucking retarded, because we already have specific words for those things.

Given that it's Tess, the usage (in which an adjective is turned into a noun) hasn't originated with her, but is probably being used by somebody she thinks is cool and influential, and she wants to be part of the cool kids' club. That her followers won't know what she's talking about and will be confused is fine with her, because then she gets to explain (or not) the "insider" terminology she uses so casually because she's totally an insider herself,

Could she possibly mean "A creative brief"?

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

So Tess's Jeep is showing its true colors as an unreliable piece of junk, and now won't start, possibly due to something as simple as a dead battery. Her way of dealing with it? Spackle on some clown makeup and eyefuck herself for the camera.

I was about to say, she gives so little information in her clip (but she's also in possession of the intellectual prowess of a common fruit fly... actually, sorry to insult you, fruit flies of the world. Maybe a moon jellyfish) that it's impossible to diagnose it.

Did it turn over at all? No? She said it did nothing when she turned the key, so immediately my brain says the same as Angry New Ager - dead battery.

Ten to one says dipshit here either left a light on in the cab or Bowie left a light on in the cab, and it drained her battery overnight.

Either that, or the battery's never been changed during the life of the car and has reached the end of its service life. Batteries don't last forever, after all. And an old battery combined with leaving a small load on in the car (like those handy map lights) will kill it dead.

Hell, my fucking kid killed the battery in her vehicle - she didn't drive it for 2 months. It has two continual loads on it - the onboard computer, which counts clock-tics to keep its date and time updated, and an electronic brake power supply for towing that continually samples whether or not a brake-enabled plug is engaged. If the engine's not turned over at least once a month, those tiny loads can be enough to drain the battery to the point that it'll require 24 hours on a low amperage charger to bring it to sufficient charge to turn the engine over and get the alternator going to charge it completely.

Coincidentally, that's why there's a service charge at all long-term storage lots on Naval bases for Sailors' cars to be started and run for 5 minutes every 30 days to maintain battery health while said Sailor is on deployment.

 

[Fat Black Woman]

Found this picture of Tess Holliday's car.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

She went from doing ads for Tula and Glow Recipe, more upscale brands, to doing ads for Pacifica, a drugstore brand.
Wonder if she's going to peddle WetN'Wild next?

 

[NoReturn]

Circling back, but this video is the kind of shit a high schooler pulls to get their art-credit in a film class using what's handy on school grounds or at their house.

Kitchen shot (you can tell from the fan in the background)

Yard succulents

The "kiss mark" is gross, she should have painted it on. Also, bad move on the final shot with the frowning clown. She should have used her right hand again for a subliminal "happy" association.

She's always been like this, though. Compare it to this older ads she did:

H&M - 2 years ago, note the blurred graffiti

Tula - 2 years ago, Amazon sunrise lamp for lighting in the first image, mystery body part in the second

Compared to when she has a team doing the shoot:


Also, casual reminder that last year for Valentine's she had a "Galentines" party and another set of gross photos:

 

[multiverse]

Also, casual reminder that last year for Valentine's she had a "Galentines" party and another set of gross photos

No galentines party this year? But how am I supposed to make my annual total calorie count post divided by the (ever dwindling) number of participants to farm stickers?

Looks like she ran through yet another friend group and just binged a fuck ton of candy and sweets in private this year. And by "in private", I mean for a feeder.

 

[Angry New Ager]

Could she possibly mean "A creative brief"?

Yeah, she could, and you're probably right; I considered that after I posted. But that always gets abbreviated to just "a brief." Calling it "a creative" is just stupid and unnecessary. It is Tess we're talking about though, so...

 

[brooky]

So did she give up on OnlyFans?