Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Soup Sammiches]

Here it is. She is positively out of breath. Special guest: Crocodile tears.
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This is truly moving to my inner child... ANYWAY!

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Here it is. She is positively out of breath. Special guest: Crocodile tears.
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She claims that her dress was altered to fit her by her friend Jessica Louise, but that outfit still looks incredibly ill-fitting, especially in those massive biceps.

 

[Dean Pentel]

Anyways, Tess is fat and I would not sex her.

Would you watch her fart on cakes for a little bit?

I suspect that would be mighty funny for a few minutes. I've asked in the thread previously if anyone had proof she is/was doing anything like that for money but it's seeming to be just a rumor.

Too bad, because even if we never got video of it, finding out that's how she financed her joke of a life would definitely get a chuckle out of me.

 

[Cherry Milk]

She's useless at everything

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

What's crazy is that it's a two week old video, too.
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A bit OT, but holy shit is her makeup bad. Her skin is different colors in those two videos. She looks like a ventriloquist dummy with those lines on her chin. And her fucking neck in the second one. I know nothing about makeup beyond how to apply lipstick and even I can tell she fucked up by not blending properly or even picking the right shade. She's still more pleasant to look at than Tess. I'm convinced the grease Mess's face causes makeup to just slide off. Or it gets absorbed and dissolves.

 

[Justanotherguy]

A good video by Michelle McDaniel on fatty

 

[one_time_user]

Almost 400 pounds. lol.

 

[The Judean People's Front]

Whenever I see her up and moving around she gives me such an uncanny valley feeling. She's so huge and seems so uncomfortable in her body that it's like a smaller person wearing a giant fat suit - think Mom from Futurama.



Like, she can barely clasp her hands in front of her gut, but also can't let them hang because of how big her upper arms are. And then the smallness of her hands and feet - and even face to an extent - just looks so silly. She legitimately looks like she ate that blueberry gum in Willy Wonka more than any other deathfat I've seen - huge beach ball mother fucker with lil legs and hands flapping about as she waddles place to place.

 

[Turquoise]

I was barely able to get through that clip, holy shit. As I figured, Tess was poorly prepared, even though it’s the same story she’s been telling now for almost 15 years. Completely embarrassing and now I know why it took almost four months for it to come out.

It looks like she's looking across to a teleprompter. She wasn't reading though; it looks like she was just glancing across for cues. In the end, it seems to have been more of a distraction than anything.

I guess she'll have to cross public speaker off the list. All eggs in the Onlyfans basket.

 

[Barbarella]

Is the entire video up? I only see that three minute clip?

 

[NoReturn]

Here it is. She is positively out of breath. Special guest: Crocodile tears.
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Goodness me, why is she using her nasaly, sneering "Talking down to someone on Tiktok" voice for this? That's not even her "Preaching on Tiktok" voice (See below).

That's her "Excuse you sweaty" voice (this one):

The difference is subtle, but you can hear it, right?

 

[Barbarella]

She sounds pretty bitchy in both.

Never in my life have I heard anybody- “smaller bodied individual” or not- say that fat folks don’t deserve to have clothing. I think I can speak for everybody when I say, yes, please do wear clothing. We totally want you to have clothing and please wear clothing!

What is she even talking about? That Gucci won’t dress her? Well, Torrid will. Smaller bodied individuals can’t go to Torrid and buy clothes, or into any department store area that has the word “woman“ in it, which is a euphemism for fat. It’s the Juniors section for the minis no matter how old.

This is a complaint I don’t understand. She’s sitting there with polished hair (no bangs so an older video) with a necklace, fancy nails, eyelash extensions, graphic tee, behind the wheel of a car, screaming that people are refusing her clothing, wtf?

 

[Clotso Coof]

Tess knows lots of aspiring fashion designers in LA, many of whom would be able to create clothes for her. It says volumes that she can't work with one single seamstress/designer to make a nice dress made for her Ted Talk, for example. Hell, plenty of brides get custom wedding dresses made from local designers.

 

[Darleeen]

Someone struck a nerve!

 

[Turquoise]

If a Netflix executive said...

Listen Tess, we want to put you back in the big time. We've got this idea for a series where a camera crew will follow you round and document your weight loss journey. It'll take about 3 months to film and we'll put 2 million dollars in your bank account at the end of it. We'll also so get you booked in on all the big podcasts and night time shows so you can plug the series and start putting your face out their again. Oh, but you will have to drop around 50lbs to make it worthwhile filming and all that.

...she still wouldn't have the willpower.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

If a Netflix executive said...

Listen Tess, we want to put you back in the big time. We've got this idea for a series where a camera crew will follow you round and document your weight loss journey. It'll take about 3 months to film and we'll put 2 million dollars in your bank account at the end of it. We'll also so get you booked in on all the big podcasts and night time shows so you can plug the series and start putting your face out their again. Oh, but you will have to drop around 50lbs to make it worthwhile filming and all that.

...she still wouldn't have the willpower.

TLC loves internet z-listers and trashy reality shows. This pitch would be right up their alley. The only problem is that Mess has no one in her life and she's just not that interesting on her own.

 

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

I still cant wrap my head around the TED arc, is it really going to get memoryholed by Tess that the talk was never posted online?

She clearly is in dire financial straits , but she wastes a fuck ton of money and time to travel to the fat genocidal country of switzerland to give a fattie talk, someone posts a picture of her doing the talk, but then nothing, the recording of her talking dissapears?
Something very bad must have happened and i really hate that be may never know, did some swiss chud laugh at her fat face live? did she get a heart attack while giving her talk?, did she have a mid life crisis on stage?.
It must have been Tess herself the one that asked the talk not be released, because she would be shitting on TED if they were the ones withholding the talk.Also she was advertising it proudly everywhere before the fact.

Was the failed ted talk so bad that she decided to go into the onlyfans whore hailmary? that just makes me want to know what happened even more.

I'm guessing that since Messy Tessy had no control of the camera. she couldn't film it in a way that hides how much of a living pork shoulder she is and would rather waste all that time, money, and effort memory-holing it than let anyone see how mammoth-like she actually is without the benefit of filters and MySpace fat gurl angles.

 

[Executive Petrel]

She claims that her dress was altered to fit her by her friend Jessica Louise, but that outfit still looks incredibly ill-fitting, especially in those massive biceps.
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Imagine the smell of her armpits

 

[Justanotherguy]

Natasha Crown is hotter.

What the fuck is wrong with you Nigger Faggot?

 

[Clotso Coof]

We've got this idea for a series where a camera crew will follow you round and document your weight loss journey.

There was a show like that called "Ruby" on the Lifetime Network in 2008
Ruby dieted from 750 to 550 before the show started. She continued to lose weight on the show for a couple seasons, then started regaining and the show was cancelled. She was actually likeable though.

The only problem is that Mess has no one in her life

TLC would just find a few "friends" for her that are funny gay guys, minorities, a fake "best friend from high school" etc. They've done it before for some of their shows.

What they should do is "My Fat Roommates" and put a few HAES social media influencers in a house. Tess, a slightly smaller fat model, a mean dyke and sassy black woman.

Someone struck a nerve!

Look at that reply from Misssuzysunshine about successfully dieting from 353 to 110. Tess must have eaten two boxes of Little Debbies after reading that.