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Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter
It’s far fetched, but we have definitely seen stranger things happen in lolcow history. I just can’t see someone as acerbic as Pat having someone powerful in his corner, or at least someone that actually has Pat’s best intentions in mind.
I think a more likely scenario is that he has some tard whispering in his ear, either telling him to set this stuff up personally or telling him that they’ll take care of everything if Fat just gives them some details.
Who could that be? Who knows. We have a few likely suspects of course, but unless this ends in a courtroom I doubt we’ll ever know.
There is one thing we know for sure though, and that is that Patrick is FAT.
Absolutely and it is only going to be speculation until something firmer and more publicly accessible comes to light.
I just thought that he was seeming to be a fair bit more confident over this lawfare he has engaged in and whoever paid Quasi was not properly confirmed.
I know it is assumed to have been Niki's mother or family, but without someone who really knows coming out and confirming it, there is always a possibility that it was someone else.
It could even have been a lottery win, or amazing luck at a casino, which they have kept quiet about for all we really know.
The whole thing with the Crypto wallet and self-Swat allegations though seemed to go away a bit too easily for him though.
I am guessing that if he was a suspect, he wouldn't be responding to pests winding him up on X about it, because surely even a retarded lawyer would be rapping Pat's knuckles with a ruler and reminding him to no comment and not discuss an ongoing case involving him in any shape or form with anyone.
Especially not the internet weirdos Pat thinks is responsible.
Null even said a while back that the Feds were furious about these swattings, as they appeared to have actually asked Null what he knew about it.
That says to me the feds would take any lead or possibility relating to this case very seriously, and there has always been a compelling argument for Patrick to have Swatted himself.
Even more so now that he has started his lawfare.
He was pissed but that's understandable, but it's weird he was asking about clarification on what address they were told and people thought he planned on hiding in the AirBnB while they kicked in his door and then sue for money.
Generally speaking, I think Pat is too big of a coward to ever deliberately place himself in harm's way by calling a SWAT team down on himself, but that incident is what makes me doubt. He got really pissed at them for going to the wrong address, which happened to be the one he was in. LOOKITUP!
Well to be fair, if there's something that screams "Funsters" is their ability, patience and resourcefulness to pull off long and complicated bits.
That being said, I have no doubt they did not do this. Patrick did. Because while they have the means to do crazy stuff, it needs first of all to be funny.
An unfunny, stupid, and easily disprovable bit is the hallmark of the same mysterious FFWBT that sent the police the most identifiable voicemails and vandalism videos ever created. And then wrote on Patrick's bike with water solvable ink.
I don't know when, but I'm positively certain that eventually this thread will get the grey "Inactive" sticker because this fat retard will, in the end, enjoy prison.
While I agree with the overall sentiment, i don' t think the vandalism video went to the police. I think it went to Josiah during the HuffPo stunt only. Not sure about the voicemails, but they were indeed fake as fuck. Was he stupid enough to send them to the police ? dunno.....maybe someone can correct me here. If the MPD saw the fake evidence then it would surely hurt his case I would think.
There was also the "death threat" email from Youwillneverfindme1488 that was likely faked.
Crypto exchange KYC is indeed very hard to spoof; its designed to prevent money laundering and other criminal shenanigans so i seriously doubt any trolls or funsters could pull it off.
Bottom line is anyone who is stupid enough to produce evidence that is OBVIOUSLY fake is also stupid enough to orchestrate welfare checks on himself. Pat sees himself as some type of Sun Tzu 4d chess genius and greatly overestimates his own intelligence. Its like when a little kid tries to lie, but it doesn't work because kids are stupid.
I am guessing that if he was a suspect, he wouldn't be responding to pests winding him up on X about it, because surely even a retarded lawyer would be rapping Pat's knuckles with a ruler and reminding him to no comment and not discuss an ongoing case involving him in any shape or form with anyone.
Overall, I have to agree with you. Pats actions since the TorSwats arrest has been strange to say the least and there are definitely unanswered questions that still seem to be up in the air. The MPD suit in particular is strange given the incredible fuckup that was the Quasi case.
I have one counterpoint though. Patrick is a retard. A Teflon tard at the moment it appears, but still a tard.
He’s stated more than once that the police (and possibly FBI?) have told him that he is not a suspect. However, I believe that is something that law enforcement would say to anyone, even if they were looking into their actions. Pat being a retard, however, took that as scripture and merrily goes on his way.
Same thing with the MPD suit. In Pat’s eyes he didn’t lose the Quasi case, it was dismissed on a technicality. As we all know, Technicality Tomlinson loves when that happens.
I’m sure his current lawyers have told him to stop interacting with his trolls until the case is resolved. For a while there he even did, locking down his account. But then his ODD kicked in and he is right back at it because he simply cannot stop and psychologically needs to have the last word, never mind the piggy’s motto of #DLTIW.
I hope we get answers some day, but who knows when that will come. The one thing we can be sure of, the milk will continue to steadily flow.
TL;DR Pat is fat and I would not have sex with him.
Also I remembered he has a threads account and sidled over to check how he is doing, and yep he is still spamming the same shit he is elsewhere although we get some slightly original NOCHILDing whenever he encounters dissent
I just had to google "does Stephen King have a son named Owen" because my automatic assumption was that he was referring to the individual known as Owen A. Forrems.
(Yes he does, in case you were wondering.)
Stephen King redeeming himself for ten years of drumpfposting by becoming a Patposter would be straight up Darth Vader redemption shit...
.....oh fuck now that I think about it, this could legit be a weakspot for me giving extremely undeserved clemency to various heathens should they get into a slapfight with Man of Pig. I just ran a hypothetical in my mind for how I would feel if Wil Wheaton started posting shit about how fat pigman's tits are and how he heard Nikkki paid Michael Dorn to fart in her vagina in full Worf costume, I instantly knew I would forgive a near half fucking century of unchecked faggotry from that cringing little manlet without hesitation.
EDIT: on a whim I searched to see if piggy actually interacted with wheaton and uh.....
There is something.....just unfathomably cursed about someone showing more paternal sentiment to a man older than himself, than to his own goddamn daughter. Especially if said "man" is Wil fucking Wheaton
Personally I am just trying to wrap my head around how he would crowbar in a Fatrick knockoff secondary villain in one of his beige currentyear books.
Such a shame he lost the narcotic spark that marked his peak works as that Stephen King's take on Man of Pig would be the stuff of legends, even if said narcotic spark resulted in uh....a certain incident in the sewers
If it's his, he's lying because he can't admit to being a cryptobro himself. If it isn't, it's a fake but almost certainly nonfunctional. Otherwise it would involve someone having committed multiple federal felonies just to fuck with some guy who was barely on anyone's radar at that point.
Either way, though, if it's an unconfirmed account (and can't be used for any practical purposes) it could be that whoever created it either couldn't get past the KYC/AML or it was Pat and he balked at that or was too dumb even to figure out how to do it.
I'm really, really suspicious of this, because Snackie is just the type to have DONE KNOWN GAYNIGGER ASS OF AMERICA OPS and to search out those she can grab with both large hands and suction cup her massive remora-like maw to for clout chasing. The only thing is I believe she comes into the story post-Gemini .... but
This is true NOW, but how old is gemini and when did they begin good KYC and email verification? If it's old enough, it could be some form of scam or false-flag or .... all the things that ricky doesn't say, and instead says "it's genuine and they have my SSN but it's all fuckery" which is ... really sus.
Now it's more like Tramell or whatever his name is where the joke is 'haha pat murdered him' but then everything Pat does from then on makes you say "what the fuck, huh maybe."
If Ricky tries to Rowlings King because he's sure it's going to work because King made a funny, and it fails, I will ... I just can't conceive of it, it's too good.
Generally speaking, I think Pat is too big of a coward to ever deliberately place himself in harm's way by calling a SWAT team down on himself, but that incident is what makes me doubt. He got really pissed at them for going to the wrong address, which happened to be the one he was in. LOOKITUP!
If for the sake of argument though someone swatted themselves, then they would know when the police were coming and provided you don’t have any dogs or call of duty games blasting through speakers, an average fat white person in particular, could reasonably expect to not be shot by identifying themselves and clearly not being armed when the police first sight them.
Especially if one came out in a dressing gown and no underwear.
Not guaranteed of course, a cop could potentially think they see a weapon or just are so hyped up they shoot anyway, but still, knowing armed police are coming would increase your odds of not getting shot.
tldr: It's bad, but in a "talentless hack" way, and not in a "lolcow outsider art à la Sonichu" way.
For some time, I'd wanted to read one of Pat's books. Usually, the "artistic" output of a cow is one of the funniest aspects - or outright cause- of their lolcowdom. Not so with Pat. Him being a non-practicing writer is funny, but the substance of his work is rarely discussed.
If I didn't know better, I'd think ol' 1.2 Rick would never be capable of writing one book and getting it published, let alone six, I just had to see what was going on here. Maybe Pat had been a misunderstood genius all along: A Schopenauer of our time, outwardly odious but with his brilliant soul apparent in his work.
In the Black appealed to me the most because it claimed to be a military sci-fi action thriller (two of my favorite genres) so I'd get something out of the experience either way: If the book was good, I'd enjoy it, and if it was bad, I could critique it more accurately. Guess which of the two it ended up being.
Summary
Below is a full summary of ITB's story and characters, for reference:
The book takes place in the far future. Humanity invented the warp drive, and used it to settle among the stars. This interstellar expansion was driven not by governments, but by corporations: By the time of the story, megacorps have fully supplanted nation states as the main political players (at least outside of Earth) and own entire planets and star systems, coexisting in an atmosphere of largely peaceful competition.
As it turns out, an Insectoid alien race called the Xre discovered the warp drive around the time humanity did. 70 years before the story starts, the two expanding species got into a war, which ended in a negotiated peace that established a treaty line along some of the contested backwater systems. The corporations founded a joint, independent navy to protect human space as a whole.
The book follows three separate plot threads:
The Ansari, a human warship, and her Indian captain Susan Kamala, who are tasked with patroling the Grendel system, which is just on the treaty line. Did I mention that the captain is Indian? She prays to Vishnu and shit, too.
An advanced Xre warship carrying some sort of superweapon and her captain, tasked with instigating a border incident in the Grendel system.
The Pat self-insert Tyson, who leads one of the Megacorps with a stake in the Grendel system. He's a charming badass who's super rich but also down to earth and who drinks alone at a bar but only tough guy hard liquor.
The Xre start to disable the humans's surveillance drones. Susan Kamala and her crack crew quickly catch on that their drones weren't lost to accidents, and track down the Xre warship, forcing it into a fight.
Meanwhile, an ore hauler returns from a mining planet belonging to Tyson's company, with news of a deadly bacterium spreading on the planet. The hauler is quarantined in orbit, and Tyson has to deal with the fallout of losing out on income from the ore.
The Xre outsmart the humans after their first battle, and Kamala Harris is forced to re-evaluate their strategy. They find the aliens's antimatter resupply ship hiding in an asteroid field and destroy it, forcing the aliens into a last-ditch effort to bait them over the treaty line. The Xre attempt this by afterburning antimatter, but their reactor blows up in an apparent accident. Jackie Singh graciously answers their distress call despite not being obligated to and saves the aliens.
Meanwhile, a frumpy nerdy but also totally hot female scientist working for Tyson discovers that the bacterium responsible for the outbreak was genetically engineered. Tyson also learns about the brewing conflict in the Grendel system from one of his corporate partners. This is overheard by a spy, who's killed before Tyson can find out who sent her. He grows closer to the hot scientist chick, and instructs her to find out who engineered the bacterium, and also realizes that there's a mole in his corporation leaking sensitive info to the press.
After the humans help them repair their ship, the Xre find out that their reactor accident was actually sabotage, and done by their own government at that: Their destruction was meant to be blamed on the humans in order to, presumably, start a second war. Jackie Singh and her crew learn that their own leaders had meant to do the same thing to them just as a larger human fleet arrives to finish the job.
Meanwhile, Tyson's hot female AI assistant turns out to be the mole he'd been looking for. He's forced to escape with the science girl, making a run straight for the Grendel system.
Just as the Ansari is about to be destroyed by the superior human fleet, the Xre jump in to save their skin using their top secret super weapon to dispatch the human capital ship. As the victory celebrations are underway, Tyson arrives, and the plotlines merge. The newly allied humans and aliens swear revenge against the conspirators, whose motives or identity are never revealed. Sequel bait, the end.
Now for the actual review, starting with
Plot and Pacing:
This is perhaps the least interesting thing to talk about. ITB's plot is unremarkable. Not good by any means, but not really bad either. Fits right in with the pages and pages of airport thriller literature released and forgotten every year:
The story is, of course, hardly original. but that's not a point against Pat. "X thing but IN SPACE" has been a staple of sci-fi for a long time. In this case, we're just looking at a military/corporate thriller IN SPACE.
The book's main issues stem instead from pacing: There's really no time at all spent on the cat-and-mouse game between the Humans and the Aliens. The Xre ship, hyped up as the main antagonistic force, is disabled around half-way through the book, thus resolving a conflict that wasn't even properly built up to yet. While it's justified later, the way the ship is disabled also feels unearned and thus unsatisfying: It's as if the proverbial mouse got a heart attack instead of getting caught by the cat.
This removes an immediate antagonist and replaces it with some nebulous conspiracy that's never properly built up to, nor at all resolved (for the sake of sequel bait).
Tyson's chapters fare better: The conspiracy is right in the forefront, and tension rises appropriately until the climax at the end (rather than in the middle) though Tyson himself is rather low-agency. Things happen to him, and he reacts, but never truly becomes proactive in uncovering the conspiracy apart from telling people to uncover it for him.
The Setting: (Pat Succeeds at Military Sci-Fi)
As far as the setting is concerned, ITB starts off strong: The prologue is told from the perspective of a deep-space surveillance drone just as it gets taken out by an unknown assailant. The drone's attempts to evade are described in bullet time, and Pat gives much attention to both the technological and tactical side of the engagement. This serves to establish that this is going to be a military sci-fi story. Before we move on, let's define what that actually is:
Mil SF is meant to explore the impact of a sci-fi setting on wars and the people (or aliens, robots, etc) who fight them. The archetypal example is Heinlein's Starship Troopers, which examines both the implications of a future where only people who served in some way are enfranchised, and where nuke-slinging power armor is standard infantry kit. We get a deep look at how such a society functions, and how tech has changed infantry tactics.
Pat fails at mil SF, but not for the reasons you might think. On a technical level, ITB is competent. The technobabble is internally consistent (for the most part), which is the single most imporant thing when it comes to world-building.
Here's some of the stuff that I liked:
Alcubierre drives enable FTL travel, but information can only travel at light speed (or as fast as an FTL ship can carry it). This leads to some interesting tactical situations, such as when the Humans warp in, destroy one of the aliens's surveillance drones, then warp towards the aliens before they can learn about their drone's destruction.
Lasers are used for secure, directional communication. The humans use a missile that explodes into a cloud of mirrors to reflect part of a laser transmission, allowing them to intercept it
It's established early on that the rocket plume of a ship can be tracked and analyzed to gather information about the ship. The mole in Tyson's corporation later exploits this to transmit a message by encoding it in subtle flickers of a ship's plume.
In general, space warfare in ITB is heavily inspired by naval (and submarine) warfare, with the same sorts of weapons and tactics at play. This is fine, if not very "realistic", but again it doesn't need to be as the "rules" stay fairly consistent.
And here's some of the stuff that I didn't:
Alcubierre drives are established as potentially dangerous, requiring careful navigation: If a ship jumps in too close to another one, the latter will get seriously damaged or even destroyed. The bad guys even attempt to exploit this during the climax, which begs the question why warp drives aren't more widely weaponized: Just strap a drive to some mass, and warp it on top of the enemy. The rules of light-speed information travel described above mean that there'd be no way anyone could defend against this
He makes frequent references to orbital mechanics, but they're never exploried in any depth, nor have any bearing on combat. Again, combat in ITB is essentially just naval combat, with "oh we're in space btw" tacked on as an afterthrought. This by itself is fine, but attempting to dress it up as something it isn't is not. A particularly annoying example of this is that the treaty line between the aliens and humans is literally just a fixed line draw through a solar system. This would work in a terrestrial setting, but is retarded in space, where planets constantly move from one side of the line to the other depending on where they are in their orbit. A better writer would've explored how a treaty like this could've been made to work.
By the same token, Pat leaves some interesting implications of his FTL system unexplored. Much of the drama in Tyson's storyline comes from his company's stock price falling as bad news leaks to the public. Prices react instantly, which due to the FTL travel rules is only possible if the company's stock is only traded on one planet. For an interstellar corporation, that's seriously retarded. A better writer would have examined how the stock market worked in this setting, maybe taking inspiration from historical examples during the age of sail.
All in all, the good here outweighs the bad. But the prologue is also a high-water mark for the whole book, because it involves 0 human (or alien) characters. Pat's troubles start when his characters first open their mouths.
Characters and Dialogue: (Pat fails at Military Sci-Fi)
The dialogue in ITB is awful. Genuinely the worst I've ever come across in a published work. So bad that I started skipping pages that looked like they were mostly dialogue.
It's a series of deeply unfunny quips, occasionally interrupted by the main characters glazing each other up, telling-not-showing, or going on motive rants. This dialogue is also why Pat ends up failing at mil SF, despite being solid on the technical side of things. None of the military characters talk like they're in the military. They talk and act like how a particuarly unfunny redditor raised exclusively on Marvel movies would think military personel act like.
This sucks ever last drop of tension from action scenes. The below exchange happens in the middle of the first hostile encounter between humans and aliens in 70 years:
This is a conversation between a commanding officer and one of her subordinates, by the way. We know that Susan is the captain, because Pat told us. But she doesn't act like one, and her crew don't treat her like one, either. There is not a SINGLE piece of tension anywhere that isn't immediately ruined by some shitty quip, and not a single time I felt like the military of this setting was one that could ever exist in any reality.
During the climax, the good guys send a shuttle to board one of the bad guys's ships. The chapter passed with almost zero quips, and I felt some actual excitement for the first time ever. And then this happened:
Grabby grabby for the pew-pews, said the hardened space marine.
And of course, let's not forget Pat using "Uhh, in English, doc?" twice, unironically:
Pat also suffers from terminal samevoice syndrome, meaning that all his characters sound alike. Well-written characters can be distinghuished even without any context clues. Pat's people can't. The space megacorp guy sounds like the space captain woman who sounds like her crew who all sound alike, too.
Most criminally, perhaps, this goes for the Xre as well, who are supposed to be two-meter tall insects that communicate via song-like vibrations. No matter: They talk just like the humans do. Replace the alien-sounding words in the alien-POV chapters with their human equivalents and you couldn't tell the two storylines apart. Below is an example:
Mind you, it's established that the humans and aliens know next to nothing about each other's language or culture. Pat added the "Fuck around?" part in defiance of his own lore for the sake of another shitty quip. The alien command structure is also supposed to be more egalitarian than the human one, but once again this is stated once and never actually shown in any way, nor does it have any bearing on the story. Just to illustrate my point, I've reproduced the same exchange but with the human equivalents of the alien terms:
“You give these aliens too much credit.”
“And you give them far too little. They fought us to a draw for three years using modified transports and bulk freighters.”
John pointed at the tactical display running around the circumference of the bridge. “And that alien has already thrown a laser at us. They’re not out here to fuck around. Their captain is patient, cautious, persistent, cunning, and eager to fight. What about everything you’ve seen since we arrived leads you to believe they’re hiding out of fear instead of seeking advantage?”
Bob shook his head in annoyed deference. “We will have a talk when this is over, captain,” he said with a chill. “What are your instructions?”
Another consistent trait of Pat's dialogue, which also appears in the above example, is constant circlejerking by the good-guy characters. They can't shut up about how competent and smart and hot their fellow heroes are.
This is just a symptom of Pat's more general inability to show-not-tell, which is something he should've picked up in high school english class. Of course going by the D- or whatever he got it's safe to assume he slept through that lesson. Below is a particularly egregious example of this, where the scientist chick spells out her motivation:
I've touched on this before, but even beyond the samevoice issues, ITB's characters are very one-note. Admittedly, military sci-fi can still work without particularly complex characters, but Pat's creations stand out by just how bland they are. Susan Kamala Jackie Singh is the captain of the human ship. She's also Indian. She likes to swim. She's heckin' brave. Other characters gush about her being X and Y things, but I'm struggling to remember any of her actions that would make her stand out in a sea of other sci-fi captain characters.
Ditto for her bridge crew. You have your weapons officer who likes big booms, you have your smart-but-insecure comms officer, you have your competent-but-overly-careful XO.
Pat's lack of talent also shows in his characterization of the Xre. Much like the dialogue, their motivations, personalities, fears, etc are entirely human and not one bit alien. Ironically enough, the Soviet characters in Red October felt more alien than the actual aliens of this story do.
Perhaps the most interesting character is Pat's self-insert, Tyson, solely because it's rare for corporate executives to be portrayed in a sympathetic light. Wanna know how I know he's a Pat self-insert? Just read the paragraph below:
Still, I found his chapters to be tolerable, even if we didn't get any deeper looks at the moral conflicts a decent guy running an interstellar business empire would inevitably face. There was also this gem of a line:
Summary:
This book fails in many ways, but you only really need to describe one to summarize it:
While reading In the Black, I never felt that its characters could be real people, and never felt transported into its world. Instead, every eye-rolling line of dialogue transported me into the hovel or whichever crusty bar Pat used to write in, and I felt like I was sitting next to him as he worked on this book inbetween a Chubby Cheesesteak and NOCHILDing people on Twitter.
Dude did you just dox Quasi? Delete this now, before Patrick sees it! You know you're supposed to use the secret forum for stuff like this, Jesus Christ.
It is to my great dismay to announce that... rick struck another X gold again. @Septic Tank Bomber
Au contraire, brother. Times like these are exactly when we get the best milk. He gets ultra arrogant and has thousands of eyes on him. We're bound to see the Brothermen go into turbo mode and also probably see many many organic Patposters being born tonight.
Oh my fucking god I was literally sitting in the gym and I went to le reddit front page to check out any incoming cawntent storms I should be aware of...and I saw something that made my lard encrusted heart stop
My flabby sausage like finger trembled as it pressed the discounted tablet screen....and revealed what I already knew. Pig Man is on the front page of reddit.....specifically the official shaniqua subreddit.
Also as soon as I clicked this, my random music playlist shuffled on to the OG Dawn of the Dead theme just to highlight the absolute surreal horror of fatrick stalking me through cyberspace
So niggers....how fucking bloated do we think his ego is gonna be after his latest #resist lib xeet gets a critical updoot mass?
