Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[p1138]

This might sound crazy to those who know Jack far better than I do, but I think I would find him 90% less irritating if he had the simple ability to laugh at himself. In my religion we’re taught that humility is a quality to strive for, to the point where it’s hard to get embarrassed because you internalize the knowledge that life isn’t all about you, what you can get out of it, and your comfort. I mean it’s not easy to refine one’s character and I’m sure not a model of how to do so. But I think having the awareness of that is a good start. It just astonishes me how many people like Jack don’t have any inkling that the world doesn’t revolve around them and that they’re not alive to accrue earthly honor for themselves. You’d think the multiple strokes, which one would almost certainly feel were near-death experiences, would have earned him a clue or two.

He barely has any sense of self preservation(and questionable sentience), asking for self awareness is too much. Him admitting he fucked up the first time with the eggs recently is the most Fatty has ever admitted to fucking up in years now, immediately followed up by refusing to be wrong on FB, twitter, or his own videos again.

 

[Pig Cups]

View attachment 7059068

Getting scammed runs on both sides of the family I guess.

A family of rubes, what a gold mine for scammers.

Her written voice sounds just as brainless as Jack’s (though he doesn’t use caps lock quite as much as she does).

She’d make the perfect Madoff victim. That is, if she wasn’t so irretrievably stupid that even someone as evil as Bernie Madoff would feel bad stealing from her, and refuse to open an account for her out of sheer pity.

Given the fact he also famously announced "I hate the sun," we are left to wonder what kind of weather Jack actually likes?

He fucking LOVES the sun. Never forget:

So why did GGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD smite this fat faggot down with four strokes and cripple him?

I read this in Kerney Thomas’ voice.

The most carnivore question

GET YOU FAVORITE LETTUCE

You'd think that's a thing but with all the fatasses we have in this country there's a whole industry out there catering to them.

The thing that just made me shake my head was this:

The Shit Stick or "toilet paper wand" I believe is the proper term.

You affix toilet paper to it and use it to wipe your ass. The button on the end is to open it up so you never touch the dirty paper.

When you need this to clean after taking a dump you're too fucking fat. And yet this has been selling... since the 90's I believe. Seat belt extenders are just the next logical step when you've given up on life. The next step after that? A smaller steering wheel so it doesn't dig into your gut.

The Comfort Wipe®! It’s fucking classic.

It's even more retarded than that because it's not even a "war". It's just him going to some random place ordering a burger and rating it according to a bunch of bullshit like, "do they have milkshakes?".

A proper "burger wars" series would be this. He goes and orders a standard burger. Meaning it would have the normal burger parts like a patty, bun, standard toppings of tomato, onion, lettuce and pickle and mustard, ketchup and possibly relish or mayo. And rate that according to how it stands up. And then order whatever their "signature" burger is. and give that a rating based on how it works, flavors, price and so on. But no. It's always different burgers so what's the point?

Same for his other wars like pizza, BBQ and whatever else. It's never trying to get the same things. It's whatever he feels like meaning it's all subjective and because Fatty wants to use this as an excuse to eat fast food.

I always felt that [redacted] WARS would have more merit if he ordered the same menu items between each location in search of the best example in the country, à la Dave Portnoy in his One Bite Pizza Reviews.

Jack obviously doesn’t have the work ethic, energy, or finances to travel to all 50 states to produce a long form series, but…that’s the difference between Jack and Dave, and why Dave’s PIZZA WARS is infinitely more informative, entertaining, and interesting than any kind of “review” Jack has put out.

 

[Super Hans v2]

This might sound crazy to those who know Jack far better than I do, but I think I would find him 90% less irritating if he had the simple ability to laugh at himself. In my religion we’re taught that humility is a quality to strive for, to the point where it’s hard to get embarrassed because you internalize the knowledge that life isn’t all about you, what you can get out of it, and your comfort. I mean it’s not easy to refine one’s character and I’m sure not a model of how to do so. But I think having the awareness of that is a good start. It just astonishes me how many people like Jack don’t have any inkling that the world doesn’t revolve around them and that they’re not alive to accrue earthly honor for themselves. You’d think the multiple strokes, which one would almost certainly feel were near-death experiences, would have earned him a clue or two.

Makes sense. Kay is just as bad at cooking, but she doesn't pretend to be anything other than an alcoholic, middle-aged bong. Shame she's a flaggot, though.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

He barely has any sense of self preservation(and questionable sentience), asking for self awareness is too much. Him admitting he fucked up the first time with the eggs recently is the most Fatty has ever admitted to fucking up in years now, immediately followed up by refusing to be wrong on FB, twitter, or his own videos again.

That’s why I love that he got sued into issuing a mea culpa that one time. Those lawyers delivered more value for money to the world at large than they will ever know.

 

[souschef]

Not only that…I’m extremely fucking nauseated whenever the CWJ intro plays, and that picture of the kid symbolizing that bit pops up.

It still didn’t provide much insight, but it at least allowed some space for guesswork, as opposed to whatever the fuck THIS is…
View attachment 7092033

Finally someone in this thread that it's bothered as much as i am with this AI child picture caked in diarrhea. It disgusts me so much

Glad i'm not alone, everything about Jacks intros makes me angry and disgusted

 

[LifeAlert]

He fucking LOVES the sun. Never forget:

Also "just getting me some D" we know Jack, you're always getting you some D

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

We’re back to larping as garnivore

“Recipie down below!”

Once Again, no recipe down below (or anywhere)

Edit: he finally has Hammy oiling that nasty gigantic tree round that he got from boomermanchu with the temu laser engraver. I can’t wait to see what the bacteria, water, and grime trapped underneath it does to the butcher block countertop underneath it.

 

[LifeAlert]

https://preservetube.com/watch?v=M89Ccuykrl8

 

[a terminal posture]

We’re back to larping as garnivore

“Recipie down below!”

Once Again, no recipe down below (or anywhere)

Edit: he finally has Hammy oiling that nasty gigantic tree round that he got from boomermanchu with the temu laser engraver. I can’t wait to see what the bacteria, water, and grime trapped underneath it does to the butcher block countertop underneath it.

The weirdest thing about this video is Jack noticed that 'pork is salty' which it isn't. It's not naturally more salty than any other meat. However, a lot of pork sold in the US is brined ('water added') which will make it salty. And that prepacked tenderloin sure looked like a brined cut. I avoid that crap mainly because it makes my salt management more difficult. However, how did Jack "dump in 2 cups of fish sauce" Scalfani pick up on this? He's not reading any labels. The mind boggles.

 

[ResignedCustodes]

Makes sense. Kay is just as bad at cooking, but she doesn't pretend to be anything other than an alcoholic, middle-aged bong. Shame she's a flaggot, though.

I didn't know Big Kay was an alky. Always appreciate that stretched out Blood Omen t-shirt though.

 

[ILikeYou]

More and more, I'm noticing Jack is developing an advanced kind of 'special needs voice' that's hard to explain, but kind of sounds like speaking through your nose, and maybe not having enough breath power to forcefully push air out of his throat. I think it might be from having trouble moving his mouth enough to let air come out of his mouth, so he partly speaks out of his nose, instead.

Does he try to look like Trump, maybe, when he puts his mouth into a duck face, perfect 'o' shape sometimes while speaking? Well, not a symmetrical 'o' in his case. Or maybe that just comes naturally, bc Idk if he has enough mouth control to do that if he wanted to.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Jack laments the 80s



Notice how he doesn't talk about the burger



Jack is the last person who should have an opinion on education



Dickriding Tesla with an old video

Jack thinks he's up with the times



Jack's feelings are hurt



Jack is going to harass people when they come to Tennessee

 

[AnOminous]

Bibles in the walls of his house?!

So he basically buried them in filth. Short of using them as toilet paper it's hard to imagine being more disrespectful. What an asshole.

Of course, I slice my vegetables much finer than Jack does in his video, and I also add caraway seed and sub in EVOO to the boiling celery seed/oil/vinegar/salt mixture at the beginning, but I digress.

I like this kind of vinegar-based slaw with lots of freshly ground black pepper. That's about the only change I'd make to this. "Lazy man" tip: it's perfectly acceptable to use pre-shredded slaw.

It's the whole Snow White debacle or as it was better known, "Off White and the Seven Diversity Hires".

I'd like to hear him go off on a rant about this wokeshit, just to see how he comes across as massively retarded even when he's actually right about something.

"Was that a toothpick?! Be careful, guiz!"
And him indignantly exclaiming some people don't see those sticking straight out of their sandwiches.

Who the fuck does that? Yeah yeah I know, a drooling stroke-brained retard.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

We’re back to larping as garnivore

“Recipie down below!”

Once Again, no recipe down below (or anywhere)

Edit: he finally has Hammy oiling that nasty gigantic tree round that he got from boomermanchu with the temu laser engraver. I can’t wait to see what the bacteria, water, and grime trapped underneath it does to the butcher block countertop underneath it.

Jack is struggling to speak normally throughout the video. He's also bought yet another kitchen gadget; I'm guessing Tammy made him get rid of the bulky freeze dryer and replace it with a cheaper Temu knockoff.

 

[AnOminous]

What is a Jew supposed to look like, Scalfatty?

Apparently like a bearded hook-nosed goblin grinning evilly while rubbing his hands together in glee like Le Happy Merchant.

Edit: he finally has Hammy oiling that nasty gigantic tree round that he got from boomermanchu with the temu laser engraver. I can’t wait to see what the bacteria, water, and grime trapped underneath it does to the butcher block countertop underneath it.

He's really putting his salmonella immunity to a workout with that thing. There's literally no way to avoid cross contamination using that piece of shit.

 

[p1138]

We’re back to larping as garnivore

“Recipie down below!”

Once Again, no recipe down below (or anywhere)

Edit: he finally has Hammy oiling that nasty gigantic tree round that he got from boomermanchu with the temu laser engraver. I can’t wait to see what the bacteria, water, and grime trapped underneath it does to the butcher block countertop underneath it.

Claims he's carnivore when he's shown and admitted he's not on his channel. Then goes into a tirade about beef jerky and how he'd never pay $60 a pound for meat... well no fucking shit because you aren't buying beef at $60 a pound. Jerky is what, 3:1? Maybe 4:1 depending on how much they've dried it out?

Also, now after all this time he's concerned about kitchen sanitization and cross contamination? wtf? And of course has Tammy "clean"(what a halfassed job) the cutting board, but doesn't clean under it. And homemade pork jerky?

Also, this is his THIRD food dehydrator. He had one with trays before, a spinning one, used a fucking air filter and box fan once, did it with a toaster oven, and I think something else?

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Also "just getting me some D" we know Jack, you're always getting you some D

Some late-career Uhura in here to class up the Jack thread. Nice one, mate.

He fucking LOVES the sun. Never forget:

Love how COOL he is with the thug lean and transition glasses!

Recently I found this video and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Jump straight to 4:20 and watch for like 30-40 seconds. It is so on the nose it feels like an SNL skit.

 

[p1138]

Recently I found this video and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Jump straight to 4:20 and watch for like 30-40 seconds. It is so on the nose it feels like an SNL skit.

It's fatty, it just happens with anything phallic that gets into his hand, around his face, etc. You get the same effect any time he's eating a hotdog, sausage, burrito, taquito, he ate an egg roll once on camera and managed to look like he was sucking it off.

 

[ZipDisk]

It's not like Jr. starved because of it

I can't find it, but at one theme park when they were gluttonously trying to hit as many restaurants as possible, Junior thought that Jack ordered for him and said it was mean. Jack got indignant and ate both meals. So he literally ordered for Junior and then ate his food in front of him. Junior just wandered around the table like a mentally damaged dog.

He's really putting his salmonella immunity to a workout with that thing. There's literally no way to avoid cross contamination using that piece of shit.

Put it under glass? Slab it like a Pokemon card? Cross contamination can always be fought as long as you're vigi- I can't keep going. Jack has never avoided cross contamination, from the condom ring to the smartwatch, you're getting a heaping helping of nasty bacteria if you're eating with Jack.

I hate the mustard child so fucking much. Robot lady I'm ambivalent about. I dislike the "rockin" guitar intro because it reminds me of every MTV reality show where bitches be shopping.
"We're here in long beach where we'll be running up a credit limit that would ruin the average american, *gleeful chuckling*"
baw baw badat baw baw MAW MAW MAW.

 

[Tingle]

Jack laments the 80s

View attachment 7093439

...So Jack admits he's what's wrong with society? Nobody is stopping you from going out dancing and socializing instead of binging TV shows and whining on the internet, fatty. Except you and your four strokes.