Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[myhairisonfire]

I caught this too. Jack's declining health felt on display here. At 5:34 he pauses in a very strange way. Felt like an infarction prelude.

It just looks like hes swallowing mucus buildup before he speaks. Wish he would do that more.

 

[ZipDisk]

take the pizza's apart to see who gave the most topping.

I thought that was playing with food?

 

[Pig Cups]

Hello! Catching up on the thread, so please bear with me. School has been keeping me very busy.

When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Christ Almighty, I thought the thumbnail was a hunk of raw meat at first blush.

It still doesn't look anything like a...whatever it's supposed to be. Fruit dessert pizza?

Literally looks like a piece of resected colon tissue taken out of someone with colorectal cancer. No, seriously…

Spoiler

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I love that picture of Jack. He looks like Uncle Sam in the famous poster, but is instead encouraging able-bodied young men to get disabled and stroked out so that they can enlist for BURGER WARS.

I wonder if Aunt Myrna had any other recipes besides party cheese salad. I'd love to see Jack make at least one more of her monstrosities before he croaks.

Several if I remember correctly, she used to have an intro in jacks videos.

Yeah they all sucked too

I will go to my grave defending Aunt Myrna’s coleslaw. It is quite gud, and is a wonderful alternative to slaw with a mayo-based dressing. I’ve made it multiple times, including for company. It’s a great accompaniment for a fish dinner.

Of course, I slice my vegetables much finer than Jack does in his video, and I also add caraway seed and sub in EVOO to the boiling celery seed/oil/vinegar/salt mixture at the beginning, but I digress.

The woman surely wasn’t the Mossad-tier culinary torture agent some of y’all make her out to be- outside of modern standards, the party cheese salad isn’t some kind of aberration…it’s just like the countless other aspic/gelatin abominations from the time it was trendy, and she probably didn’t even conceive the recipe all on her own. Hate to say it about anyone in the Scalfaniverse, but cut her some slack.

Jack Junior's wife, Brianna, is pregnant. This cursed blood line lives on,

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“Now, I’m not gonna sit here and act like I was perfect…”
>Translation: “I can’t even get my dick up to a mere half-mast unless I simultaneously take 100mg of sildenafil and close my eyes to imagine young twink bussy while I dangle my limp noodle inside of my wife like the sexual disappointment that I am.”

It fills me with dread that these two fuckups are going to bring a kid into this world, while being completely unequipped to be parents on every imaginable level. Also, (outside of MOAR FÜD) this upcoming grandchild just might be the thing in Jack’s life nowadays that has him most excited about the future.

If God has a vindictively sadistic sense of humor, He’ll strike Jack down with another serious medical emergency that doesn’t immediately kill him, but leaves him minimally conscious and languishing in the hospital a couple weeks before the baby is born. The family will say their goodbyes, and it’ll dawn on Jack that he’s never going to meet his grandchild. He then writhes in that emotionally torturous pain before descending into the forever abyss.

 

[Marc]

It’ll dawn on Jack that he’s never going to meet his grandchild.

*eat his grandchild.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

If Jack lives to meet his grandson, he’s going to be irritated as hell over the baby getting so much attention. Guarantee he was one of those dads who was jealous of their children (from birth onward) for being the focus of their respective mothers’ attention.

Is anyone else totally unsurprised by the revelation that Jack was raised Jehovah’s Witless?

 

[She Brings The Rain]

THE LOCAL, HENDERSONVILLE, TN​

Original:

Preserve Tube: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=FO4qmyZeO4c

Spoiler: Local Archive

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"Was that a toothpick?! Be careful, guiz!"
And him indignantly exclaiming some people don't see those sticking straight out of their sandwiches. How many times do we think Jack has stabbed himself in the mouth because he was too quick to try to stuff food down his throat that he missed a whole toothpick.

 

[Gentlebastard]

*eat his grandchild.

Don't be absurd, Jack is nowhere as likable as Saturn. Or mobile/strong enough to capture and hold a baby, for that matter.

 

[Tiresome]

Is anyone else totally unsurprised by the revelation that Jack was raised Jehovah’s Witless?

The sect that believes that literally everyone who doesn't think exactly like them is going to be annihilated by God's wrath at any moment? Can't imagine how that would apply to Jack.

 

[Marc]

Between Jack's voice and limp arm, I keep expecting to see most of Jim Henson up his ass.

 

[Aunt Carol]

He’ll strike Jack down with another serious medical emergency that doesn’t immediately kill him, but leaves him minimally conscious and languishing in the hospital a couple weeks before the baby is born.

As others said previously, Jack likes the penis-by-proxy bragging rights of a grandkid, but when the kid is born he's going to quietly seethe at not being the center of attention. He might not even be aware he's doing it or why.

Karmic justice for Jack would be another stroke taking the rest of his ability to swallow. I'm convinced he's already been warned about silent aspiration but ignored it. Picturing a tube feeding arc, where Jack bitches about not being allowed to swallow meat into his lungs, and then once he's at home, leans NPO.

Is anyone else totally unsurprised by the revelation that Jack was raised Jehovah’s Witless?

This explains his hatred of Christmas decorations.

"Was that a toothpick?! Be careful, guiz!"
And him indignantly exclaiming some people don't see those sticking straight out of their sandwiches.

Nothing gets between Jack and food, but don't forget he's accidentally admitted he's got severe visual deficits post-stroke. This is another hint to the degree.

 

[Pig Cups]

This fat fuck had 7 days to research and prepare his ABISH BONDAY BOMENT and he shits out a 2 minute vid which has less content than what you'd get reading superficially a wikipedia article about the subject

What a lazy idiot

These videos are even less than useless. He gurgles speculatively about something that he could effortlessly get the full story on beforehand, and give his viewers an informative, complete picture (and thus come off like an all-knowing sage, as he so desires). Yet, he doesn’t. Instead, we get loose brain droppings from an unfinished stream of near-consciousness, with an assurance that a follow-up will be made at a later date to confirm the material from the previous videos.

And we all know that this lazy fuckhead is never going to make his promised follow-up video. Beyond worthless.

Get a Slap Chop or something you fat bitch, you can even do that one handed.

No. Those things cut so maddeningly uneven, they’re not even worth wasting the $19.95. Pretty sure the only people who bought one only did so because they were entranced by a hooker-beating Israeli pitchman who told us how much we were gonna love his nuts (yes, I was one).

Molasses are nasty

Gotta disagree, HHH. Molasses cookies (with or without ginger) are a guilty pleasure of mine, whether made by my grandmother, or a commercial bakery (like Dancing Deer Baking Co.).

One of my favorite molasses cookie recipes to make at home is the Joe Frogger cookie from the 18th century. They originated in the seaside town of Marblehead, MA, and because they contain no dairy, they keep for a long time at sea, making them a keen sailor’s food- very consistent with the town’s maritime origins. I must say, the dark rum makes for a nice touch.

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I can’t believe this is fucking real. What kind of family member posts a likeness like that, unless they’re purposely trying to make fun of you?

For fuck’s sake, he looks like he’s in the midst of trooning out.

 

[Adamska]

No. Those things cut so maddeningly uneven, they’re not even worth wasting the $19.95. Pretty sure the only people who bought one only did so because they were entranced by a hooker-beating Israeli pitchman who told us how much we were gonna love his nuts (yes, I was one).

I should note that Jack at one time had a Slap-Chop btw. Here's the link to his "product review". He's also used it in the three salads video if I remember correctly too; he used it to dice up onions for his horrible bean salad.

Also molasses is a solid choice for quite a few baking items or sweets IMO. They make a great pie filling component if you use light/mild especially.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

I should note that Jack at one time had a Slap-Chop btw. Here's the link to his "product review". He's also used it in the three salads video if I remember correctly too; he used it to dice up onions for his horrible bean salad.

The Slap Chop represents something that's been irking me about Jack's channel for some time now. He is so disabled that he would actually fill an interesting niche online if he made his channel about cooking at home as a handicapped person. The Slap Chop would be an important tool in the arsenal of the handicapped home cook.

If he leaned into that, it would actually give him a reason to buy tons of gadgets, change his setups, rate products for how "accessible" they are, stick with super simple but filling recipes, etc. Being a cook with one arm is an actual marketing angle. But no. He's going to pretend to his dying day that he's perfectly able-bodied thanks to Tammy, weasel words and bad edits.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

So Jack probably put some of his dumbest tweets up today

Insulting jews for daring to criticize Israel as "NASCAR FANS" as though Jack doesn't like the spitting stereotype of what people think of when it comes to those fans



Seriously what the fuck is he talking about?



Jack living in his fantasy land where everyone loves Daddy Elon



He totally wasn't mad when typing this



Crying about the Bible app

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Crying about the Bible app

If fatty actually read the bible he'd see what Jesus actually said and realize his megachurch is full of shit and grifting him and hammy

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Also molasses is a solid choice for quite a few baking items or sweets IMO.

Always use a bit of molasses when making jerk chicken. Gives it a bit of sweetness and helps with the browning.

The Slap Chop represents something that's been irking me about Jack's channel for some time now. He is so disabled that he would actually fill an interesting niche online if he made his channel about cooking at home as a handicapped person. The Slap Chop would be an important tool in the arsenal of the handicapped home cook.

If he leaned into that, it would actually give him a reason to buy tons of gadgets, change his setups, rate products for how "accessible" they are, stick with super simple but filling recipes, etc. Being a cook with one arm is an actual marketing angle. But no. He's going to pretend to his dying day that he's perfectly able-bodied thanks to Tammy, weasel words and bad edits.

He did. Kinda. Post stroke that took his right side he had a mandoline that could be worked one armed. But it was big and cumbersome and it was just him and Hammy so they used it once and we never saw it again.

But it's never been about, "I'm a one armed guy" it's, "I want to eat as much as possible".

Seriously what the fuck is he talking about?

It's the whole Snow White debacle or as it was better known, "Off White and the Seven Diversity Hires".

Disney is coming out with a live action Snow White next week. Due to troubles with the star, Rachel Zegler, being a bit of a bitch and snide zoomer during interviews there was a bit of a backlash. The seven dwarves were originally the "seven magical creatures" only one of which was a little person and some were women and even black. Then this was changed to CGI dwarves later that look terrible. And there's no handsome prince or love story. It's about Snow White coming into her own and becoming the leader she's meant to be.

It's been so poorly received and Rachel has gotten so much negative press they cancelled the premiere in London last week and critics are not getting advance copies. Disney is running scared of this one.

Jack living in his fantasy land where everyone loves Daddy Elon

DOGE is possibly one of the biggest problems this administration is facing. It's another misstep in a series of missteps by Trump and Elon. But Fatty needs to pretend that everything is great because like in that episode of the Twilight Zone, "It's a Good Life" or the spoof they did on The Simpsons he needs to say, "It's good what Elon and Donny are doing!". And that's only because his benefits haven't been affected yet. The moment they do he's going to be bitching about it.

 

[Marc]

If fatty actually read the bible he'd see what Jesus actually said and realize his megachurch is full of shit and grifting him and hammy

This seems as good an opportunity as any to remind everyone that Jack claims to keep a Bible in every room of his pole barn house, in addition to the Bibles he claimed were placed in the walls during construction.

 

[p1138]

This seems as good an opportunity as any to remind everyone that Jack claims to keep a Bible in every room of his pole barn house, in addition to the Bibles he claimed were placed in the walls during construction.

I've got religious family members that have a bible or two. Some of them are even bibles that have been passed along through some generations. But the need to keep a bible in every room, in addition to the 3 I believe it was he stuffed into the walls has always made me consider something.

Was he just stealing bibles from hotel rooms for years(it's definitely not a thing everywhere anymore, but it might still be a thing in his part of the US)? He's probably left a handful in the previous house for Jr. as well. Yes I know you can just buy bibles, but it seems so ridiculous.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

Bibles in the walls of his house?! Not a Christian but in my religion books or any papers containing the name of God are to be treated as sacred. That means you don’t stack them with non-religious books and always make sure they are on top in any stack (and stacking is to be avoided altogether). What good can a Bible do stuck in a wall? They exist to be studied and learned from, to inform how a person lives his life and treats other people.

I’m amazed by how this carbuncle finds so many new ways to be stupid and disgusting. It’s really quite remarkable how awful he is.

 

[p1138]

Bibles in the walls of his house?! Not a Christian but in my religion books or any papers containing the name of God are to be treated as sacred. That means you don’t stack them with non-religious books and always make sure they are on top in any stack (and stacking is to be avoided altogether). What good can a Bible do stuck in a wall? They exist to be studied and learn from, to inform how a person lives his life and treats other people.

I’m amazed by how this carbuncle finds so many new ways to be stupid and disgusting. It’s really quite remarkable how awful he is.

I've seen people write verses on the frame of a house, but yeah the bible in the wall thing seems weird, especially multiple(he was really proud of that). I wouldn't be surprised if the contractors just threw them out without telling him due to not wanting them in the way of the insulation and shit or even just being a needless flammable object in a wall.