Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[No Thank You v 2.0]

Speaking of emotional incest

It looks like Bowie is about to grab for her razor, a great toy for a toddler.

 

[irishlass]

I stared and stared at that leg… couldn’t make it make sense

It has to be a massive photoshop fail no?

 

[Jizzrag]

Highlight at around 6:18 where she expected people to laugh, but no one did, so she says she "I know people are laughing because it was funny, right?" to almost no reaction. Oof.

Hahaha, I had to clip it

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

Hahaha, I had to clip it
View attachment 7116253

“When people ask me ‘how did you become successful’”…
No one is asking you that, Ryann.

 

[The Hardest R]

Sorry for the useless post but I had to get in on page 1488. We did it Reddit KiwiFarms!

The monthly "pint club" from Jeni's (on the website) is four pints. She has six, so this is probably a secondary order plus the regular monthly club.

I bet she's not just getting a monthly order, but actually several orders each month. That would explain why she has six pints instead of the standard four. [The annual membership, 4 pints each month, is 759 bucks. Shorter memberships are more expensive per month]

I think this is a relatively new development because for a while she used to talk about eating Jeni’s all the time. Maybe this is from her OnlySimps money?

 

[Cal Arts]

How did she get her leg that far back. I thought it was her arm at first, then saw the foot on the end of it.

She's a whore.

 

[Turquoise]

Psst Tess, the 'healthy at every size' thing only works if you tell people you snack on cauliflower and swim a mile every morning.

 

[Poopfart]

I’m sure this will help with recovery
View attachment 7115313
Jeni’s ships to her monthly

This is one of the fattest things I’ve seen. 6 fucking pints of ice cream per month?????

No wonder she struggles to breathe and hurt her knee by sheer force of fat. What a god damn piece of shit continuing this gluttony so she can force her kid to be her caretaker.

It’s gonna be a sequel to Psycho where the skeleton in the basement is a melting, rotting mess from the sheer amount of fat.

 

[Angry New Ager]

Fats are so astounding. The idea of eating more than a pint of ice cream every single week is completely insane to me. Who is hungry enough to want ice cream every single day? Why would you do this to yourself? How do you think, "Yes, this is a totally normal thing people do"?

NGL, when it's hot as balls out in mid-summer, I'll say "fuck it" and live on nothing but ice cream and sorbet for a few days at a time. Six pints a month in July and August? That's a good start. I fucking love ice cream, and am not ashamed to admit it.

But six pints, delivered every month, all year round? That shit would be backlogging in my freezer and growing a heavy coating of ice crystals on top between October and June. That's a lot of fucking ice cream, especially if it's high-quality, with a high fat content and not a lot of air stirred into it; there is only so much of that most people can eat in one go.

Unless you're a deathfat, of course.

The monthly "pint club" from Jeni's (on the website) is four pints. She has six, so this is probably a secondary order plus the regular monthly club.

I bet she's not just getting a monthly order, but actually several orders each month. That would explain why she has six pints instead of the standard four. [The annual membership, 4 pints each month, is 759 bucks. Shorter memberships are more expensive per month]

I don't think she's signed up for the monthly "pint club" (or maybe the first rule of Pint Club is that you don't talk about Pint Club, and no, I'm not the least bit sorry about making a joke this bad).

I mean, given her recent coming-down in the world, there's no way she's going to keep a subscription to Jeni's going, because she can't fucking afford it.

And consider this: Tess gleefully shoves Little Debbie holiday tree cakes into her face (which she may have been paid to do, but she wasn't faking those foodgasms). Her idea of an awesome Super Bowl party featured bowls of standard-issue crap candy. Baking cookies with her kid means buying a tube of dough from the supermarket. She's as non-discriminating a sugar addict as they come.

Jeni's is sending Tess six pints of ice cream every month because she's a massive, sugar-addicted deathfat influencer who occasionally posts about having received their products to her audience, which has a lot of other sugar-addicted fat women in it. That's it.

Anna O'Brien gets a ton of promotional freebies from high-end beauty companies, who are clearly wasting their products and money on her because she hardly ever gets around to opening those boxes on camera (and is so gross as to be anti-aspirational), but they keep sending it anyway.

So why wouldn't Jeni's keep sending Tess six pints of free ice cream every month? If it costs them $350 per year to do it, and she shows and mentions it just once, that's about as cheap as targeted advertising gets.

ETA: Oh, and happy Page 1488, my fellow Nazi transphobes!

 

[blue gopher snakes]

It is not normal to create fetish content based on your child’s bathtime. The only reason Tess’ foot was like that was as a “hurr durr sex” joke i.e. “look how far back I can throw my legs.”

Maybe you stick your son in the shower with you or dad because you’re running low on time. Nobody is documenting it, you’re just washing your hair while your baby plays with the bubbles.

Whatever the fuck Tess was doing there with Bowie was nasty as fuck. She shouldn’t have custody of her son. Rylee got off easy by comparison. What the actual fuck.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

The Jeni's is PR.

 

[cactus]

I'm wondering how much you guys think a pint is? Ben and Jerry's is typically a pint, they aren't that big, three scoops is like half a pint. Yeah, Tess is a fat fuck, but I know most of you don't only eat one scoop.

 

[The Hardest R]

Psst Tess, the 'healthy at every size' thing only works if you tell people you snack on cauliflower and swim a mile every morning.

Healthy at every size died with the proliferation of Ozempic and other similar brands.

I'm wondering how much you guys think a pint is? Ben and Jerry's is typically a pint, they aren't that big, three scoops is like half a pint. Yeah, Tess is a fat fuck, but I know most of you don't only eat one scoop.

To me, it’s more that we know that Tess’s situation is financially precarious and she’s blowing her limited funds on Jeni’s ice cream. To me, the expense is far more of a concern than the portion size of ice cream, which in her case, should be at zero anyway because she’s injuring herself by being such a fat fuck.

 

[OttoWest]

I'm wondering how much you guys think a pint is? Ben and Jerry's is typically a pint, they aren't that big, three scoops is like half a pint. Yeah, Tess is a fat fuck, but I know most of you don't only eat one scoop.

No one needs a monthly subscription to 4+ pints of ice cream, certainly not a 450 lb unemployed hooker.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Food for thought



She might indeed be doing the subscription ($200 for three months) and adding two more pints ($12 each). There are preset 6 packs available on the website for $68, but you can’t swap flavors and none of those summery flavors she got on the site yet except for the goat cheese one. Echoing @The Hardest R - imagine being in this precarious a financial (and health) situation and blowing this much on ice cream. Puts new meaning into the phrase “sugar addict.”

More food for thought (for Tess)



This and the latest HAES rant are some peak cope.

 

[Jack of the Lantern II]

It's unfortunate that the seasonal flavors aren't on Jeni's website yet, but the two that are give an idea of what each pint looks like, nutritionally. The Double Dough that doughy Tess received two pints of looks like this:



And the Goat Cheese with Red Cherries clocks in at a svelte 900 calories per pint.



What's a few thousand extra calories in ice cream when you're recovering from a knee injury, really?

 

[Dr. Butt]

No one needs a monthly subscription to 4+ pints of ice cream, certainly not a 450 lb unemployed hooker.

IDK, 4 a month is like 1 pint a week which many active males in their 20s can absolutely eat. A pint of Haagen-Dazs is a single serving after 40-50 hours at a moving company.

 

[a hapless toad]

The Jeni's is PR.

Yep. The press kits are six pints. She didn't pay for this ice cream.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

Yep. The press kits are six pints. She didn't pay for this ice cream.

Oh, but she will.

 

[CoolFool]

I'm wondering how much you guys think a pint is? Ben and Jerry's is typically a pint, they aren't that big, three scoops is like half a pint. Yeah, Tess is a fat fuck, but I know most of you don't only eat one scoop.

I don't know if it's common but I know my friends and family don't eat a whole pint in one setting, usually you eat 1/3 or 1/2 and save the rest for another day. A pint of ice cream is still a lot of ice cream for one person to eat in one setting and no one should be making that a habit, ice cream servings should be small, but American's idea of a normal portion sizes is pretty skewed these days.

Maybe eating a full pint every once in a great while is okay (Like a bad breakup or losing your job or something), but it really isn't good to eat a whole pint. Most Ben and Jerry's pints have 900-1,200 calories per container depending on the flavor, that's almost your entire day's worth of calories.