minecraft the movie - aka autism the movie; aka stuck in development hell

[Make America Dumb Again]

Brown skin behavior

Broccoli hair behavior

 

[Coolio55]

Matt Berry was going to be Steve instead of Jack Black before the 2023 writer's strike started. Thoughts?

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I like Matt but this just shows how little they got Minecraft.
Matt's far too pompous and refined for a guy who travels around, mining, building and fighting.

 

[Catch The Rainbow]

Saw it with the wife. Got Napoleon dynamite vibes from it. It's self aware how stupid it is and just rolls with it.

 

[BiggestKai]

I like Matt but this just shows how little they got Minecraft.
Matt's far too pompous and refined for a guy who travels around, mining, building and fighting.

I think they would have kept Steve's "character" the same, it would just have been funny deep british voice instead of funny tenacious D voice

 

[Viktor_Suvorov]

Brown skin behavior

 

[Banditotron]

I liked the movie it was really funny. I watched the unfinished cgi version and I think it added to it.

 

[Enoch Emery]

I'm sorry.

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unc does NOT understand the chicken jockey

 

[Pascal's Wagie]

Saw it, it was alright. I laughed a lot when they introduced the pigman called Chungus.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Watched a rip with pre-release graphics. Was kinda hilarious and added to the low-effort slop feel of it. CGI figures being unshaded, greenscreening done hastily for preview's sake.

Seen worse movies. At least the plot was small and contained, no attempt at a grander narrative.

 

[Turtles McDougal]

It's a popcorn-popping time-waster, but a fun one. Everyone knew the assignment and the assignment was "Fuck you, it's Minecraft."
The movie is unapologetic in its embrace of Minecraft aesthetics and game logic, and that just damn charming. Respect.

The Tenchoblade tribute was genuinely heartwarming.

 

[Sangue e terra]

I don't like when people talk at the cinema, but uhh... I will let this one slide, Godspeed based zoom zooms!

 

[Rome's rightful successor]

You weren’t capping. No wonder the police got called.

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Feels like a scene from idiocracy.

 

[Get the rope Macaulay!]

I wasn't expecting this to be Rocky Horror for gen Alpha kids who got lobotomized by Zoom school and Tiktok but here we are. Movie theaters better hope the Skibidi Toilet movie is either shitcanned or never gets off the ground.

honestly i think everyone involved in this would be fucking thrilled if Minecraft became the modern rocky horror. my mom talked about how pissed the blue haired ladies would get about how young adults would treat the theater during those showings, and millenial blue haired ladies are now bitching about kids doing the same thing today.

Yeah I misspoke, theaters will love it, the min wage theater workers will dread gen alphas acting like animals and somehow starting a fire because of the skibidi movie

theater workers should thank their lucky stars Gen Alpha has grown up in a world of 24/7 cameras. Do you know the sort of shit that went on at a rocky horror showing? you had the most artsy nutcases participating in a showing of a film in an era before the idea you might be "canceled" for saying or doing something offensive. at least its popcorn and not cutlery or dildos or toilet paper or semen theater workers have to clean up

Thoughts?

it would have sucked. Jack Black and his retarded songs are why this movie went from "bad" to "so good its bad" you can almost feel Jack coming up with them while on set too.

Yeah is this normal behavior in America to act like literal chimps in a cinema?

People must know that the actors cannot hear you through the screen and don‘t give a shit if you enjoy it or not?

So even just one monkey can ruin the experience for all others who want to watch the movie quietly.

Great.

Remember a dozen years ago when SJWs were complaining about cat calling and demanding white boys get "enthusiastic consent!" before trying to fuck a woman? not a single non-white dude actually brought into that shit and now all of gen alpha is a half breed.

Broccoli hair behavior

i remember when we used to call broccoli hair, nappy hair or pube hair.

 

[Kiwi & Cow]

My predictions:

1. This movie will be a massive box office hit, mark my words (be a hater all you want tomorrow will prove I'm completely right). The advertising for this shit is crazy and stupid kids who don't know any better will probably be the ones who want to watch it the most because they are the intended demographic after all, Minecraft is literally a game for kids these days it's a fucking nursery. Kids aren't picky either, so all the ugly uncanny shitty CGI and weirdass-looking actors won't bother them nearly as much as it does for anyone else.
2. It will be shallow and mindless like the Super Mario Bros movie and the Sonic movie.
3. They'll put memes into the movie. (or Herobrine, he's a meme anyways)
4. None of the shit from the movie will make it into the actual game. BTW if you saw some of the trailers there was some furniture, thing that has become a meme amongst Mojang devs.
5. There will be elsagate content based on the movie on youtube.

I'll come back to this thread tomorrow and I bet all 5 points turn out to be true.

Let's go over my five bullet points:

1. I was absolutely right!
2. Called it! Not heard anyone just say it was a good movie period, they all had something to add like "oh that line was so cheesy it was funny" and based on what many ppl said the plot makes no sense.
3. I think we all knew it was coming. My fav is a big pigman named Chungus, so wholesome Kanye reddit 100.
4. Still no crates, no furniture, no bucket nunchaku, no potato launcher, no battleaxe and no rope railings for the fence posts in the most recent update and if I know anything about Minecraft, none of these are ever going to added.
5. Yup! Yup! Yup! Yep! Yep! Yep! Nothing really awful yet tho so maybe it was a half true prediction.

Damn my intuition is insanely good, I should gamble at horse races I'm sure I'd become rich AF.

 

[The Decimator]

Seeing this movie in theaters last week was one of the most miserable experiences I’ve ever had in a theater. The audience was so obnoxious that I almost thought about killing myself in…Minecraft.

 

[Preferred Penne]

I watched it on a date last Saturday because it was the only thing playing at the theater with less than an hour's wait time. The best way to describe the movie is "They walk to a thing, some stuff happens, then they walk to another thing where some other stuff happens".

Fortunately there were only about a dozen other people there and they were well-behaved.

 

[Colon capital V]

Still no crates, no furniture, no bucket nunchaku, no potato launcher, no battleaxe and no rope railings for the fence posts in the most recent update and if I know anything about Minecraft, none of these are ever going to added.

Technically wrong because while none of this is making it into Java, Bedrock got a live event of the movie in action where you can fend off piglins and shit.

It may be temporary, but still.

 

[⚞⛇⚟]

I watched it in theaters and it was pretty fun. No one threw anything but it was still more - I guess interactive - than any other movie that I have watched. The worst part of the movie though was definite the autistic kid. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! No one cares about how you don't fit in the real world or whatever, please shut up.

 

[cryptidfuck]

Everyone definitely knows what kind of movie they're in.

CATCHPHRASE!!

 

[Preacher ✝]

It's getting a special event release to embrace the chaos.