Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[S.C.U.D.]

Found another great pre-Norm/11 exchange. Interestingly Patty the Sandwich Maker does not correcT the record that his name is actually Patrick, child. Maybe he likes being called Patty?

 

[poopshoes]

Enjoy cribs, stalkers.

 

[Vernon Dozier]

Rick is a mediocre white person.

 

[Gemerson]

Rick is a mediocre white person.

You think too highly of Rick Tomlinson.

 

[Markorian]

He's been doing these for years, but has never managed even a marginally funny one. Pure cringe and constantly misspelled names.

As if we needed more proof the fat fuck doesn't read, here's some more of fatrick very confidently acting like something exclusive to the Peter Jackson films is just default canon.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

You should! Mustard is super easy to grow, it needs no attention, it needs very little water, it's good for the soil, bees love it, and it's a gorgeous plant. It'll probably grow even on that shitty, salted strip Rick has going on, gardening isn't that hard, but growing mustard is piss easy, you just throw a bunch of the seeds in a plot of soil and it'll do everything else by itself.

I originally read that they were not native to here which normally means they're an evasive species but I guess not. I'll start growing some in July so they're done around October when the first bit of frost appears since it's supposed to help the flavour. My greenhouses have more than enough room for some.

I also meant make my own sarepska. Black mustard seeds are dirt cheap and I can make it as smooth as I want.

View attachment 7283823
Enjoy cribs, stalkers.

I didn't know a black guy lying to his people was "doing the job really well". Though I suppose it is if you're a mediocre white guy from Milwaukee with a penchant for making pepperoni out of them.

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

Before I doze off into a good sleep, it would seem Rick is currently doing the opposite. It always feels special when you catch an oinking in progress such that nitter lists it in seconds, not minutes or hours.

https://archive.is/CoLyM

I just had to grab this one because in the sea of rote prisonings and childings occasionally he breaks the mold. And broke it he fucking did with his fat hooves by being a histrionic, "poetic" """victim""". I have an opinion on your courage: you needed an escort because of Dan and BDA being present in a public courthouse to listen and watch.

 

[News Enjoyer]

When people like Rick say Barry did well, I have to wonder what they think he did. Gay marriage? He was against that. Happening to be in the White House when we finally got Bin Laden? He didn't have anything to do with that. Be lack? Would we celebrate Nixon if he was a negro? Barry's incompetence was enough to disillusion many who self-identified as liberals at the time, but it seems to have been a religious experience for others.

 

[grey area]

How fucking retarded do you have to be to threaten violent reprisal against federal agents when you're suing the local PD for doing their job against a person with a conviction relating to domestic violence who also happens to have an appalling, hate-filled online presence?

Pat is an affront to the real victims. Perhaps I'm thinking optimistically, but I hope the courts utterly ravage him and set an example. His LotR "jokes" should be enough to throw him in an oubliette with one daily hunk of niggeroni and stale bread to subsist on.

 

[Sumptinsfuckey]

Some facts you stalker childs are too stupid to understand. Rick is not just fat, he is obese. Pat is not just gay, he's so flamboyantly gay that Rip Taylor would tell him to tone it down. Mustard, any mustard, on a hot soft pretzel is ambrosia.

 

[AN/ALR56]

It's funny he probably fantasizes as a badass doing a last stand against a gestapo raid if ICE ever goes to his house (let's assume he harbors a latino worker or someone he knows he's ilegal) but at the most he either dies in a quick shootout, ending up in a 5 line footnote in any local news network, or being the joke of grifters on twitter for a single day, with his mugshot and "former sci-fi author" being his only epitaph, no one would give a fuck about his shitty books or his retarded twitter career.

Or his "resistance" last 5s into the bodycam when the ICE agent tases him and tackles him to the ground while the house is quickly surrounded, he cries about it, but both republicans and liberals ignore him after the 5 minute news segment and quick CNN interview.

 

[Detective Carey]

His current spoutings do indeed seem to be a poor choice given his footprint, but instead of him being punished, I'd love to see him ironically vindicated. Imagine how funny he'd be if he snagged that brass ring talking head slot he seems to crave.

Imagine him frothing at the mouth as the official public mouthpiece, for anything really. From local county dog catcher to press secretary. You just know they'd let him spaz out on TV for outrage engagement, and quietly hobble any actual ability to dictate/enforce policy.

He wouldn't even need to have stalker children rounded up for prison, they'd all die in front of their televisions of terminal laughter.

 

[Judge Holden]

Burnt out a lil last week so was taking a breather, but randomly came accross this in the wild and laughed so fucking hard my tummy started horting


Upon inspection I have missed some absolute fucking prime pig cawntent

We tended the fire through the night, watched for the glint of predators' eyes in the tall grass, and ran off over the next hill just to see what awaited.We are not an "injury." And the world you built labeled us a "disorder." - Pig Man on being diagnosed fat and autistic

I am the sun at the center of your existence

You are an immortal criminal sociopath

You chose to rot away in a cage until the end of time. Enjoy prison.

They are not entering my home without a warrant. They will leave peacefully, or they will be treated like any other criminal intruder into our castle.

It's a near certainty ICE will be at our home in the near future

you don't get to have an opinion on my courage. You have never, and with continued fortune, will never experience even a fraction of a percent of what my family has been through.

Gawd I missed this fat fucking slut pig

 

[S.C.U.D.]

His current spoutings do indeed seem to be a poor choice given his footprint,

I believe you mean hoofprint.

 

[Maude Snew]

Or his "resistance" last 5s into the bodycam when the ICE agent tases him and tackles him to the ground while the house is quickly surrounded, he cries about it, but both republicans and liberals ignore him after the 5 minute news segment and quick CNN interview.

 

[Cactuar King]

I decided to go back to my AI written sitcom idea from a couple months back and the AI came up with an idea I thought was interesting...

Recurring Elements:
[...]
Nikki's Therapy Sessions:
Brief cutaway scenes where Nikki vents to an unseen therapist (the therapist never says a word — they just silently write increasingly horrified notes).

INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY


The office is bathed in harsh fluorescent light. A cheap motivational poster ("Hang in There!") with a drooping kitten hangs crookedly on the wall.


NIKKI sits stiffly on a battered couch. She's wearing oversized sunglasses even though they’re indoors. She clutches a half-empty bottle of orange prescription pills like a stress ball.


Across from her, THE THERAPIST is a blurred figure — we only see frantic hands scribbling on a legal pad.


A long, heavy silence.


NIKKI finally speaks, her voice flat, like she’s reciting a grim fairy tale.

---

NIKKI
(quietly)
Patrick decided he was going to write the Great American Novel yesterday.
(pause)
He called it "The Space Cowboy Chronicles: Book One — Bootprints on the Stars."


(she shakes the pill bottle absentmindedly)


He stayed up all night live-streaming himself writing it.
(pause)
He spelled "galaxy" wrong.
Every time.
He spelled it "galexie."


(beat)


At one point he got stuck trying to think of a word.
He spent fifteen minutes live on camera, grunting and saying,
(does an impression)
"You know... the thing that happens when you move really fast. Like a runner. What's that called? Fastness?"


(she sighs, pops a pill without water)


And then... he made a character based on himself.
Only... cooler.
(beat)
He named him "Space Patrick."


(another pause)


Space Patrick defeats an alien invasion...
with his podcast.

---

The THERAPIST’S hand pauses, tapping the pen against the pad thoughtfully — then frantically scribbles "psychotic grandiosity?" in big letters.


NIKKI leans forward a little, eyes hollow.

---

NIKKI
(deadpan)
He dedicated the book to himself.
In the middle of the first chapter.
And signed it...
(beat)
"Best wishes, Patrick S. Tomlinson, future legend."


(long, empty pause)


Then he cried when the bookstore said they wouldn’t carry it.
He said it was a free speech violation.
Of his sacred artistic rights.

---

Therapist’s hand silently slides a tissue box across the table — more for themselves than for Nikki.


Nikki stares off into the middle distance, dreamily.

---

NIKKI
(softly, almost wistful)
Sometimes I imagine I’m on a lifeboat.
Far from land.
Far from bookstores.
Far from... Space Patrick.


(beat)


No phones.
No tweets.
Just me...
and the open sea...
and maybe some gentle sharks.
Sharks wouldn’t ask me to retweet their blog posts.


(beat)


I could love the sharks.

---

The THERAPIST’S hand scribbles furiously, paper tearing from the pressure.

NIKKI (perking up, fake hopeful):
Anyway.
How are you doing?


(Camera cuts to therapist — first clear shot — frozen in silent, wide-eyed horror.)

Nikki (gripping chair arm tightly):
"He tried to sign a kid’s cast at the bookstore. Only it wasn’t a cast. It was a birthmark. We are legally banned from three different Barnes & Nobles now."


(Therapist's hand slowly, visibly reaches for bottle of whiskey under desk.)

Maybe I'm easily amused, but man, my ribs just shattered when I read this. AI really has Rick down.

 

[Meriasek]

Or his "resistance" last 5s into the bodycam when the ICE agent tases him and tackles him to the ground while the house is quickly surrounded, he cries about it, but both republicans and liberals ignore him after the 5 minute news segment and quick CNN interview.

Impossible, anyone who enters his property without his permission will be immediately immobilised and held until the revolution changes the government back to true law and order, inspired by the heroic act of defiance by Patrick Bergeron.

 

[internet friend]

Maybe I'm easily amused, but man, my ribs just shattered when I read this. AI really has Rick down.

I reckon it would be funnier if it was played more straight, kinda like the therapy scenes in the Sopranos. Have the comedy come from the contrast between the serious, somber nature of the sessions and the ridiculous antics of the Fatprick.

 

[Cactuar King]

He'd have to be, stationary prey is the only kind Rick can keep up with. After all we have seen Rick. Seen Rick run. Run, Rick, run.
View attachment 7281194

That extra retarded expression he's got has to be my very favorite Rick face. Imagine some poor black child(stalker) desperately fleeing for his life down some dark Milwaukee alley, he looks back over his shoulder and this is what he sees.

"Castle"
That's certainly one way to refer to the hovel.

 

[Judge Holden]

Maybe I'm easily amused, but man, my ribs just shattered when I read this. AI really has Rick down.

Lets be honest, this thread has been a fucking disaster for the collective sense of humour. The shoop of fatrick on the beach among a herd of walrus had me bent over wheezing like a gay asthmatic for like five minutes

That extra retarded expression he's got has to be my very favorite Rick face. Imagine some poor black child(stalker) desperately fleeing for his life down some dark Milwaukee alley, he looks back over his shoulder and this is what he sees.

Incidentally this was also the source of one of my first fatrick shoops from way back when (forgot main account password so had to create a burner)