How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

the shit she's still had here is getting tossed into the trashcompactor as I'm typing this

Good for you. I've kindly held onto things as a courtesy before, for far too long. I tossed an ex's (not my kids' dad's, bc my kids deserve to have the option to have them even if he can't be arsed to pick them up or pay for them to be sent to him...for almost 20 years, the bitch) high school yearbooks a couple weekends ago, and it felt great. My getting back shelf space > stale nice girl guilt.

It feels like every time I finally relax I'm hit with another crisis.
Long work week where I get a rare Saturday off? Walk in in the door at 10:30 at night and have to deal with a crisis and don't get to sleep until 3:00 in the morning.
My day off? Spend all day taking dealing with my wife's crisis.
Have a really productive afternoon helping a friend with some maintenance, where I finally feel chilled out and like myself for the first time in weeks? Immediately walk through the door and Bam! another crisis.
It's 11:00 p.m. and I finally boot up that game that I've been meaning to play and guess what? 14 texts ring through my phone, yet another crisis.
Plans you made a month ago with a friend that you were really looking forward to? A actual life or death crisis pops up, and you have to cancel literally an hour before.

It's fucking exhausting, and this is just the last two weeks.

Feel you. Finally got to a point of whew, things are normal and OK, so now I can get excited about future plans...and bam, one kid has a major crisis this week - a serious one with a very uncertain but life-impacting outcome, both short- and long-term. I managed not to get completely derailed from other things I must also do, so for me, in a personal/ self sense, that's good, but there's a long road ahead both for my kid and for me.

Hard to stay on track when your heart & soul is/are struggling, even knowing that you're no use to them if you fall apart.

 

[AnOminous]

I suck and I hate myself.

Everyone I actually love is old and on the verge of death. Everyone I care about could die any day and I live in dread of that moment that is not just an irrational fear but an inevitable event.

I'm not even nice enough to them. Could I do better? I obviously could but I don't.

About the only thing I can be proud about is I sometimes cause damage to evil motherfuckers. I guess I'll continue doing that.

 

[Asterism]

I suck and I hate myself.

Everyone I actually love is old and on the verge of death. Everyone I care about could die any day and I live in dread of that moment that is not just an irrational fear but an inevitable event.

I'm not even nice enough to them. Could I do better? I obviously could but I don't.

About the only thing I can be proud about is I sometimes cause damage to evil motherfuckers. I guess I'll continue doing that.

I believe in your healing. From seeing your posts over the years, I think you are quite well intentioned all things considered.
Perhaps something like art therapy (painting) could be good for you. Sorry if that suggestion seems random.
I as a Christian will pray for you.

 

[Medic]

I got a scuff on my knee from work. I'm a bit confined but I'll survive.

 

[DenseDeerFather]

I'm doing good today actually. I caught 10 full hours of sleep like a baby after several nights of bad sleep and I feel rested.

It's nice.

 

[Core Theorist]

Technically, I can go into 'phase 2' of my modelling project I kept mentioning, but I just don't have the mental energy... I've been having a lot of fun with the simpler work of what I've doing so I want to keep doing it. Not sure what to do here...

 

[Swine Schwein]

cause damage to evil motherfuckers

Out of all the people calling Patrick S. Tomlinson fat, I've always thought your way of doing it is endearing and almost kind. What if you're becoming an old softie, against your own intuition? Spread the love!

 

[fist_of_khonshu]

I have been...miserable. Lost my job. Lost funding for school I had through Americorps. Boyfriend and I split again. And I feel absolutely horrible. I know its some sad fag shit to say it but Im so close to just putting a gun in my mouth and calling it a life. Everytime I seem to be able to get ahead, whether it be in love, school, careers or whatever I end up either sabotaging myself or life has a way of fucking me over with shit I CANT control.

I ruined a friendship by posting about a guy on here. Granted he was being a bit off. I ruined my own life and thats on me. I want him to be my friend again but I know in my heart he'll never trust me again and that's something I need to live with. Its my own fault for doing it, I take responsibility for it but the guilt is eating me alive everyday on top of a plethora of other shit.

Inherited my grandma's blanket she died in, havent been able to bring myself to wash it. And i've been skipping meds, in and out of states of delirium and im starting think reality is slipping from me. Mental health is not an excuse to be a dick but I'm actively planning to just try and get SOMETHING and start life new. Name change, wipe my socials, everything.

 

[WULULULULU]

I feel like fucking shit. A community that I was a member for has been backstabbing me for 7 fucking years. Stomached all of their fucking retardations (even didn't bother joining their discord) until 2 fags who co-opted the community a mere few months decided to convince the already poisoned community to kick me out. Fuck the modern internet and its people.

 

[huesofmercury]

alive as alive can be

 

[DenseDeerFather]

I feel like fucking shit. A community that I was a member for has been backstabbing me for 7 fucking years. Stomached all of their fucking retardations (even didn't bother joining their discord) until 2 fags who co-opted the community a mere few months decided to convince the already poisoned community to kick me out. Fuck the modern internet and its people.

Ahaha, you too, huh?

Happened to me a few years ago in some art community. Yes, on Discord. Got scapegoated for other people being retarded and thrown under the bus. Left of my own volition when the server went on lockdown. Then the whole server went tits up because the actual retards kept being retarded and it turns out it had nothing to do with me. Hindsight is 20-20.

Anyway, sorry to hear that happened. Fuck those people. Hope you find a community of cool people.

 

[Orange Tabby]

I had suggested to my mom that we could go out to eat to celebrate my brother passing a big test, because we’re here visiting. Nothing huge, very casual dinner, I’d pay.
Her immediate response was, “oh no, that’d be too annoying and awkward!” (Presumably because my kid would be there. They would’ve been super excited to do something with all of us.)

I’m heartbroken constantly by the shit my mom says.

 

[LonesomeDud]

I suck and I hate myself.

Everyone I actually love is old and on the verge of death. Everyone I care about could die any day and I live in dread of that moment that is not just an irrational fear but an inevitable event.

I'm not even nice enough to them. Could I do better? I obviously could but I don't.

About the only thing I can be proud about is I sometimes cause damage to evil motherfuckers. I guess I'll continue doing that.

We all fall short of the vision of God. All we can do is move towards that everyday. I know I'm not enough to overcome my own shortcomings. I think for a lot of people who have amazing families, careers, social lives because there's a God-sized hole in them.

I'm very stoned, but just trust me, bro.

 

[obsdj]

I splurged on a new hard drive (I was running really low on space) and installed it this morning. It gave me a brief surge of "Hey, I can still do stuff." I'm in a place where I really needed the reminder.

 

[Cake Point]

Doing good. I had a great day. And it was raining, so perfect

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I am on the brink of finishing a major long-term commission and I'm very relieved, I've spent so long agonizing over it and thinking my art isn't good enough so now that its coming together I'm thinking, "Well shit, this actually kind of fucking slaps".
I told myself I'd take a week off from projects afterwards to recover from burnout and suddently I've got all the motivation in the world to tackle the little projects the built up, and I've already decided go turn an already large project into something comically larger. In a way though I think doing art for myself will be recovery in its own way.

I swear sometimes I need to be duct taped to the couch and told to Do Nothing so I don't any more insane.

 

[Nick Obre]

I had suggested to my mom that we could go out to eat to celebrate my brother passing a big test, because we’re here visiting. Nothing huge, very casual dinner, I’d pay.
Her immediate response was, “oh no, that’d be too annoying and awkward!” (Presumably because my kid would be there. They would’ve been super excited to do something with all of us.)

I’m heartbroken constantly by the shit my mom says.

"Well mom, you don't have to come" and then you invite your brother and whomever else to dinner, just not her.

Don't put up with her shit, mothers are used to getting away with being shit people because their kids don't feel like they can hold them to the consequences.
But you can.

Don't even be rude about it, just organize the nice evening you wanted to have, and don't invite her, and if she complains, tell her you left her out because it'd be so annoying and awkward to you.

----

I have a date tomorrow night. Lady seems great, we have lots in common, she's pretty, and sweet... but she also seems a little oversensitive sometimes. I put it to having had bad experiences, in turn causing trust issues; hopefully if things work out between us, we'll develop enough trust that these things won't be an issue anymore.
But if they remain an issue, well, let's see how far we can go, and use it as a learning experience.

 

[LonesomeDud]

I had suggested to my mom that we could go out to eat to celebrate my brother passing a big test, because we’re here visiting. Nothing huge, very casual dinner, I’d pay.
Her immediate response was, “oh no, that’d be too annoying and awkward!” (Presumably because my kid would be there. They would’ve been super excited to do something with all of us.)

I’m heartbroken constantly by the shit my mom says.

Don't let your mother dictate the family. "Mom, it's a shame you have to miss this one."

 

[Lukie]

I had suggested to my mom that we could go out to eat to celebrate my brother passing a big test, because we’re here visiting. Nothing huge, very casual dinner, I’d pay.
Her immediate response was, “oh no, that’d be too annoying and awkward!” (Presumably because my kid would be there. They would’ve been super excited to do something with all of us.)

I’m heartbroken constantly by the shit my mom says.

Take your Brother out to celebrate. Don't invite your Mother.

edit: In fact stop inviting her for anything

 

[Señora Airi]

I feel like fucking shit. A community that I was a member for has been backstabbing me for 7 fucking years. Stomached all of their fucking retardations (even didn't bother joining their discord) until 2 fags who co-opted the community a mere few months decided to convince the already poisoned community to kick me out. Fuck the modern internet and its people.

Communities always tend to tear each other down due to co-opts. I remember a niche vtuber who let a lesbian in her server. It then tended to fall apart due to mods giving her special treatment over regulars. I ended up leaving with a few other guys.

Tax: work's been alright, except for this one older gentleman who had his ringer turned all the way up for his alarms. No biggie, except his alarm sound of choice was straight up porn.