You'll be great. I believe in you.
For the very few experience I had, accept who you are, accept that she lied to you and move on. Most people love the touch of a woman, both caring each other.
I've used the two that are active here on/off for a few weeks at a time for years, and it's the exact same people that pop up every time. Why? They're single for a reason. And that reason is deeply rooted in them. That, or it's someone fresh out of a relationship who barely let the change sink in before needing to cling onto another person. I've been engaging with people online for decades. I have a bunch of markers I identify in people as low quality and move on from.
The woman who got the job I just got neglected for got it to avoid bullying in her current department. It didn't work out after 3 months of wasted resources, so now she's given a reception job instead. Literally not a single interview; hundreds of applications for both positions wasted, because she knew people internally and went "blohooo". I've tried relocating 4 times within my own means, 2 of which wasn't a change in pay or privileges, and even that wasn't enough. With two superiors who audibly and often applaud me for my coordinative/IT work, yet deny me such a position. It's fucked.
Of course they'll deny you such a position because they're your superiors. They have virtually zero incentive to support you until you threaten to leave unless they cater to your demands (which rarely works as virtually everyone is replaceable). That's why I specified client-facing roles as you want contacts outside of your direct network. It's people outside of your company who have a stake in giving you a pay raise. No clue what your work field is, but if you have developed at least some cordial relations with your clients/people who you render whatever services to, ask if they'd prefer to have you in-house rather than deal with the unnecessary middlemen that are your bosses.
Sleep, go outside, and talk to people who aren't your schizo voices. Just don't bother anyone in customer service. If you literally cannot find a living soul to talk to you, find a priest or a hobo to listed to you vent in exchange for cheap wine. I presume psychologists are not in your budget. All 3 render very similar services onto society but just at different prices. If you're in a big city and young, find yourself a group of commies/anarchists/junkies. My city's weirdos organize chess matches under a bridge in a public park. Just don't accept any cigs or drugs they give you. Don't get robbed.
I don't recall if you've made previous posts with more context (I'm sure you have, I just don't remember/didn't see them), but seems to me you've left a bad situation that benefited you not in the slightest.
Just tell him, man, while you can. Apologize for falling out of touch if you must, but tell him how much you care, and that you're scared. Best case, he'll be fine and your friendship may be rekindled stronger than before. Worst case, you won't have the regret of things unsaid.
Yeah I feel much better today about the whole situation. Had a long discussion with support network about it and evidently they had the same issues and then some as I did but they said they didn't want to say anything because I was trying my best to make it all work.
