- Joined
- Jul 6, 2024
I'm an asshole surrounded by averagely sane people
How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check
- Thread starter Milk Mage
- Start date
-
🐕 I am attempting to get the site runnning as fast as possible. If you are experiencing slow page load times, please report it.
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2022
Crazy how good you feel when you stop harming your sleep schedule and get 8 hours.
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2022
Shit got worse again.
Found out via-via that my ex had been cheating on me for months and just straight up lied to my face, to my family's face, about everything over the last 5 months of the relationship. Taking advantage of everyone's humanity and willingness to help out. Playing and toying with both my and my family's emotions just for personal gain.
Mostly mad at myself for not recognizing it sooner and still(back then) helping her out post break-up because I wanted it to be amicable & still cared about her even if we weren't right for each other.
Fuck that, all the shit she's still had here is getting tossed into the trashcompactor as I'm typing this.
I know it's in the past and what happened happened, but shit got real bad(mainly for her at first) during that break-up at certain points & appeals to my humanity as a person were made & I obliged, because I thought "Well, I can be cold, I can be strict, but I'm not heartless. I'll do the right thing.".
What a mistake that was.
Found out via-via that my ex had been cheating on me for months and just straight up lied to my face, to my family's face, about everything over the last 5 months of the relationship. Taking advantage of everyone's humanity and willingness to help out. Playing and toying with both my and my family's emotions just for personal gain.
Mostly mad at myself for not recognizing it sooner and still(back then) helping her out post break-up because I wanted it to be amicable & still cared about her even if we weren't right for each other.
Fuck that, all the shit she's still had here is getting tossed into the trashcompactor as I'm typing this.
I know it's in the past and what happened happened, but shit got real bad(mainly for her at first) during that break-up at certain points & appeals to my humanity as a person were made & I obliged, because I thought "Well, I can be cold, I can be strict, but I'm not heartless. I'll do the right thing.".
What a mistake that was.
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2024
Public holidays, not a penny to my name. I want to fall asleep and never wake up, and it's not like I'm exhausted, I just don't want to be awake.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
Went to the doctor and found out all the hard work on my health has paid off. Everything is looking great and I'm coming off a bit of my medication. Hoping to stick to it.
Flavius Claudius Julianus
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2020
Made the decision today to slim down. For context, I'm just over 250lbs, muscular, but still kinds fluffy and plain... heavy. 6ft tall, so I carry it fairly well. But weight is weight, and I'm just tired of physically feeling the inertia of hauling myself around.
I came from a lean cyclist/running background, so I know the drill. But that was like 7 years ago now, pretty much just done exclusively barbell work for 4 or so years.
Still, I'm excited to finally begin another chapter of fitness. The plan is to cut down to 225lbs or so, still retain most of my mass, shedding the extraneous fat. No concrete plan really at this stage, I just want to drop down to the 'feel comfortable in hot weather' region, as being big in summer fucking SUCKS.
I came from a lean cyclist/running background, so I know the drill. But that was like 7 years ago now, pretty much just done exclusively barbell work for 4 or so years.
Still, I'm excited to finally begin another chapter of fitness. The plan is to cut down to 225lbs or so, still retain most of my mass, shedding the extraneous fat. No concrete plan really at this stage, I just want to drop down to the 'feel comfortable in hot weather' region, as being big in summer fucking SUCKS.
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2024
Feels nice sitting at home doing fuck all. Hopefully the job search takes a week or two more so I get properly sick of this.
Also, too early to mean anything but I'm 8 days sober which is nice. My resting weight has dropped from 200 to 195lbs instantly.
Also, too early to mean anything but I'm 8 days sober which is nice. My resting weight has dropped from 200 to 195lbs instantly.
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2022
Up and down, once again. Firstly, the job; day shift is rather rough, as it's a lot more action-packed than the night shift and I'm dealing with a tranny, so... that's been something I've been having to adjust to. Getting my sleep schedule back on track isn't going all that well, either, as the late nights returning home make getting to sleep reliably a bit difficult. It's a lot better than working overnight, make no mistake, just... requiring some more adjustment.
Parents have gone on a day trip, but they still need someone to take care of shit for them while they leave; that task has also fallen to me. That means that they get to pester me over the phone to try and get me to do shit for them that they REALLY should've gotten sorted before they left, which when combined with my tighter schedule for work, makes getting shit done a bit more frustrating.
Aside from that, writing's... been a mixed bag. Plot's basically figured out, but the character design is having issues; without wanting to sperg - as I got to get some stuff done on my end before work - there was some drama I ended up causing several years ago with a number of (former) colleagues of mine about the design of a race I was creating, and now I'm finding that said race design works basically flawlessly for the story I had in mind, but... well, the memories of me going full retard are still there, and I still associate the design with it.
I talk a bit previously about the incident on the Writing Thread, and they gave me some good encouragement - seriously, guys on the Writing Thread, I fucking love you all - it's just something that I'm still... ashamed of, I guess? The memories are still there, you know. You can check out what I meant here: confessions of a spamming retard.
Parents have gone on a day trip, but they still need someone to take care of shit for them while they leave; that task has also fallen to me. That means that they get to pester me over the phone to try and get me to do shit for them that they REALLY should've gotten sorted before they left, which when combined with my tighter schedule for work, makes getting shit done a bit more frustrating.
Aside from that, writing's... been a mixed bag. Plot's basically figured out, but the character design is having issues; without wanting to sperg - as I got to get some stuff done on my end before work - there was some drama I ended up causing several years ago with a number of (former) colleagues of mine about the design of a race I was creating, and now I'm finding that said race design works basically flawlessly for the story I had in mind, but... well, the memories of me going full retard are still there, and I still associate the design with it.
I talk a bit previously about the incident on the Writing Thread, and they gave me some good encouragement - seriously, guys on the Writing Thread, I fucking love you all - it's just something that I'm still... ashamed of, I guess? The memories are still there, you know. You can check out what I meant here: confessions of a spamming retard.
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2016
It feels like every time I finally relax I'm hit with another crisis.
Long work week where I get a rare Saturday off? Walk in in the door at 10:30 at night and have to deal with a crisis and don't get to sleep until 3:00 in the morning.
My day off? Spend all day taking dealing with my wife's crisis.
Have a really productive afternoon helping a friend with some maintenance, where I finally feel chilled out and like myself for the first time in weeks? Immediately walk through the door and Bam! another crisis.
It's 11:00 p.m. and I finally boot up that game that I've been meaning to play and guess what? 14 texts ring through my phone, yet another crisis.
Plans you made a month ago with a friend that you were really looking forward to? A actual life or death crisis pops up, and you have to cancel literally an hour before.
It's fucking exhausting, and this is just the last two weeks.
On a more positive note though, I've been making sure to try to take at least one day of the week to have some form of social time that is IRL, even if it's just doing grunt work with a friend. I've been really getting into gardening, and I've been helping out one of my friends who's just gotten started with it. it's nice to be able to trade plants with someone, and we've been taking turns helping out each other with our various garden projects. It's always a really nice time, and often it is the highlight of my week.
Long work week where I get a rare Saturday off? Walk in in the door at 10:30 at night and have to deal with a crisis and don't get to sleep until 3:00 in the morning.
My day off? Spend all day taking dealing with my wife's crisis.
Have a really productive afternoon helping a friend with some maintenance, where I finally feel chilled out and like myself for the first time in weeks? Immediately walk through the door and Bam! another crisis.
It's 11:00 p.m. and I finally boot up that game that I've been meaning to play and guess what? 14 texts ring through my phone, yet another crisis.
Plans you made a month ago with a friend that you were really looking forward to? A actual life or death crisis pops up, and you have to cancel literally an hour before.
It's fucking exhausting, and this is just the last two weeks.
On a more positive note though, I've been making sure to try to take at least one day of the week to have some form of social time that is IRL, even if it's just doing grunt work with a friend. I've been really getting into gardening, and I've been helping out one of my friends who's just gotten started with it. it's nice to be able to trade plants with someone, and we've been taking turns helping out each other with our various garden projects. It's always a really nice time, and often it is the highlight of my week.
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2025
Everything is so busy at the moment, can't wait for this weekend and the weeks after when I'm no longer busy and exhausted at the end of every day.
JustStopDude
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 7, 2017
I got to get on a plane and fly to Utah for a job interview. I spent my birthday on Monday drinking beer and telling ex coworkers and former customers to leave me alone as I can't provide assistance anymore.
Went to visit my birth parents. It was a bit of a nightmare. I spent the week installing a wheelchair ramp for them only to get a nasty gram from their HOA as apparently the Americans with Disability Act isn't supposed to apply to some boomer community on the Eastern shore. The rest of the week was replacing burned out bulbs, unclogging drains, and trying to setup medical home care for my birth mother.
Even though I don't get along with my biological parents and I live out of state, I'm the only kid of theirs that ever checks in on them. I got three siblings that all live close to them but they do fuck all to help them out.
It was weird seeing them both upset to see me leaving. These are folks that left me to age out of foster care. I don't remember ever seeing my birth mother cry before. I just remember them hitting me as a kid.
Now I can't sleep.
Went to visit my birth parents. It was a bit of a nightmare. I spent the week installing a wheelchair ramp for them only to get a nasty gram from their HOA as apparently the Americans with Disability Act isn't supposed to apply to some boomer community on the Eastern shore. The rest of the week was replacing burned out bulbs, unclogging drains, and trying to setup medical home care for my birth mother.
Even though I don't get along with my biological parents and I live out of state, I'm the only kid of theirs that ever checks in on them. I got three siblings that all live close to them but they do fuck all to help them out.
It was weird seeing them both upset to see me leaving. These are folks that left me to age out of foster care. I don't remember ever seeing my birth mother cry before. I just remember them hitting me as a kid.
Now I can't sleep.
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
Things are on the up-and-up! I bet a lot of people wish they were me right now. I've been drinking more water and I'm trying to gather up the cajones to start working out. College starts next month either way and I'm getting the final bureaucratic fuckups related to that under control. Feels pretty good, man.
Liquid denim
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2024
Currently sold something online. Now I am going through my house like an addict to see what else I can sell.
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2019
So I found a second, smaller blister on my foot tonight in between my big toe and the one next to it on my right foot. My grandma's been having a lot of health issues as of late, she's 95 and gets very defensive and starts elevating when I mention that something she's remembering is wrong. This was every now and then before, but it's been escalating recently. Today she asked me if she "[wanted] to bet" on whether I watered part of the lawn Thursday of last week. I told her it was Wednesday and got my journal to read part of the entry from Wednesday of last week to prove I was right. She has started getting extremely defensive when I mention she's incorrect and I know 100% she is objectively wrong about even mundane day-to-day things.
Incidentally, I've been watching a lot of old EEnE clips on Youtube recently and I didn't realize until recently how mean-spirited that show really was, even if it was very well-written, and I can describe the characters' personalities vividly 20 years later. Kind of makes sense that was my favorite show growing up given how jaded and pessimistic I am as an adult and how I tend to overanalyze things. Even if there is no correlation, that is wild to think given some other shows I watched back then.
Incidentally, I've been watching a lot of old EEnE clips on Youtube recently and I didn't realize until recently how mean-spirited that show really was, even if it was very well-written, and I can describe the characters' personalities vividly 20 years later. Kind of makes sense that was my favorite show growing up given how jaded and pessimistic I am as an adult and how I tend to overanalyze things. Even if there is no correlation, that is wild to think given some other shows I watched back then.
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2019
Probably will be taking an extended hiatus from bullshitting here. Too much going on in my personal life and just don’t have the same energy anymore.
See ya, space cowboys. It’s been fun
See ya, space cowboys. It’s been fun
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2020
I've been trying to fix my shit for a while as a means to prepare for the possibility of a death in the family and what that would do in terms of other family member's well being/living situations. That possibility gets closer and closer, but still not definitive. All while I'm working on buying a house/land and that process is stressing me out.
Slowly getting fine in terms of work. Can't say the same about everything else so far. Loans get paid on time so I'm not yet in trouble, hopefully with how I progress with my new job it won't be an issue to the very end, but... Tsk, can't say the same about the rest of everything. Especially personal life. I just don't want to move forward right now because of the feel of hopelessness. Started doing physicals aside from doing my hobbies, have to battle my weight gain. It got bad but I'll manage.
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2023
I'm sorry friend. I know that experience too well. I can only hope and pray it hasn't messed you or your perception of others up too badly.
Tax: the past two weeks post pascha has me feeling burned out and depressed. I missed last Sunday and am gonna miss this Sunday's liturgy due to covering a coworker's shift. Between that, being broke, and being fat, I've just not been happy. Was thinking about getting a part time job to help supplement the current pay I'm getting, but nobody's really hiring right now where I'm at. Do y'all have any suggestions for an online part time job?
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2022
Does anyone else feel like a trapped animal lately? I wouldn't even consider myself an outdoorsy person (I hate bugs and the heat), but lately I am so sick of being inside and I can't stop daydreaming about just running off into the woods and staying there. The other day I was driving and saw a vast open field of blooming flowers and all I wanted to do was stop and go lay down in them. This morning I was driving and I saw a bunch of cute cardinals flitting around, and it took a lot of effort to not stop my car and go watch these stupid birds doing bird things. Etc.
I've been taking any chance I can to go walking outside but I feel like it isn't enough, I really want to stay outside and do nothing for an extended period of time.
I've been taking any chance I can to go walking outside but I feel like it isn't enough, I really want to stay outside and do nothing for an extended period of time.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
I live in a hilly area and whenever I see a forest on the horizon I just have an urge to get lost in it, even if it kills me.