Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Doctor of Autism]

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out of context this is unironically one of the funniest things jack has ever posted

I genuinely don't know whether that was a stock image Jack found or AI generated (of either a random guy or making the AI make him look more handsome)

 

[p1138]

In a world where Jack was a little more succesful, he would have collabed with Cathy Mitchell. If only he sold more Nu Wave cookers or whatever they were called.

Nah, you see the problem is that even when he kept getting repeated chances in life he managed to fuck up every single one of them entirely because he's a shit human being. That west texas investors club thing where he didn't cook his own food at a bbq cook-off and made the show people do it so they could at least have something to fucking film.

Cathy Mitchell could have been a complete cunt off camera for all I know, however she's at least charismatic in the commercials. Fatty can't do that.

They're just so nasty, 10 extra minutes is all one would need for something more edible. It really can't get any worse than these one-pot-slop meals.
Oh wait.

I guess I proved myself wrong.
Is this better or worse than Scalfatty's lazy man recipes? I honestly don't know.

To quote her in the commercial "it's like coloring, with food!" as in a children's coloring book. Hilariously it could have been marketed as a children's product showing the real measurements then having a visual representation, include safety warnings about handling knives and the oven with parents and shit, and probably would have done better. But instead they targeted completely retarded people. They even showed a parent working with a kid in the commercial but only glossed over that instead of making it the selling point. I'm pretty sure the book never even existing as a buyable product, considering hardly anyone discusses it and it seems like too much of a 2008 era shitpost from collegehumor

 

[Puggers]

Fatass can't even be bothered to get up and take a photo outside. Just posting a screenshot from his ring camera.

Also, that porch is fuck ugly.

 

[The Stranger]

Also, that porch is fuck ugly.

Nothing more appealing and welcoming than a cold, bare concrete slab in the front of your house.

 

[myhairisonfire]

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Fatass can't even be bothered to get up and take a photo outside. Just posting a screenshot from his ring camera.

Also, that porch is fuck ugly.

This is some Wall-E tier shit.

"Looks like a beautiful day out there! Praise God!" *turns back to giant screen playing Blues Clues*

 

[Marc]

Fatass can't even be bothered to get up and take a photo outside. Just posting a screenshot from his ring camera.

Remember: Even though Jack compulsively buys shit with his wife's credit card and has it Amazon Prime'd onto that very slab greeting visitors to their pole barn Groverhaus, he complains that UPS drivers should be mandated to put the packages inside his house for him; because he can't get his wheelchair over the threshold, and has to reach out with a cane or grabber to try to turn the boxes left on that "porch" over until they fall through the front door. That way, he can close the door, scoot back to his segregated section of the couch draped with boom boom blankets, and yell at Hope to gnaw open the boxes for him.

 

[Whaler]

Nothing more appealing and welcoming than a cold, bare concrete slab in the front of your house.

He could easily get a waterproof rug from Amazon and have somebody slap it on that porch for him to give it some kind of life and color. I guess since Jack ever hangs around out there he can't be bothered to make it look nice.

 

[densedance]

Says the fat cunt that uses AI generated Pictures as Thumbnails for his food creations that do not even recognize whatever he's cooking in the video at all.

 

[p1138]

Says the fat cunt that uses AI generated Pictures as Thumbnails for his food creations that do not even recognize whatever he's cooking in the video at all.

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So Fatty really thinks that blurred thumbnails will make people think things are sexual, rather than just having a pair of tits in an un-blurred thumbnail? Or does Fatty just not realize the thumbnail isn't an example of how everyone else normally sees T&A since his eyes are all fucked up?

Fatass can't even be bothered to get up and take a photo outside. Just posting a screenshot from his ring camera.

That is some peak fucking laziness. Could be scooted himself over to a window, or even the door and just opened it.

 

[VenomPlug]

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Fatass can't even be bothered to get up and take a photo outside. Just posting a screenshot from his ring camera.

Also, that porch is fuck ugly.

Truly amazing fatty. Crooked rails, stairs he can't even reach in his current state, what's with that center pillar with holes and some sign on it? Loving all the empty space with shit just doing whatever because fatties are too obese and too disabled to maintain it. Picture is such a low res, reminds me my old Nokia i had when was a kid.

 

[Enig]

Truly amazing fatty. Crooked rails, stairs he can't even reach in his current state, what's with that center pillar with holes and some sign on it? Loving all the empty space with shit just doing whatever because fatties are too obese and too disabled to maintain it. Picture is such a low res, reminds me my old Nokia i had when was a kid.

They have an outdoor temperature gauge on the pillar, one that is too wide for the pillar to begin with. Also, why are the railings attached to the pillars only at the top by a single horizontal beam, why are the lower horizontal supports cut off entirely?

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Truly amazing fatty. Crooked rails, stairs he can't even reach in his current state, what's with that center pillar with holes and some sign on it? Loving all the empty space with shit just doing whatever because fatties are too obese and too disabled to maintain it. Picture is such a low res, reminds me my old Nokia i had when was a kid.

They have an outdoor temperature gauge on the pillar, one that is too wide for the pillar to begin with. Also, why are the railings attached to the pillars only at the top by a single horizontal beam, why are the lower horizontal supports cut off entirely?

It's because they had a shit house built for how Jack used to be and not how he is now.

 

[I am Jack's dead arm]

So Fatty really thinks that blurred thumbnails will make people think things are sexual, rather than just having a pair of tits in an un-blurred thumbnail? Or does Fatty just not realize the thumbnail isn't an example of how everyone else normally sees T&A since his eyes are all fucked up?

That is some peak fucking laziness. Could be scooted himself over to a window, or even the door and just opened it.

Nah, he didn't get up. He's mentioned how it takes "several minutes" to get to the door to let Hope in/out.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Says the fat cunt that uses AI generated Pictures as Thumbnails for his food creations that do not even recognize whatever he's cooking in the video at all.

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Fatty does know that people can see tits intentionally any time they want, right? Youtube creators don't have to use sex to sell because if people wanna see tits, they can find them on the internet anytime they want

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Of course he is [asexual]. No man with a half dozen strokes under their belt and the physique of a pumpkin can, the mechanics of it just isn't possible.

I meant I think Jack is asexual in the "doesn't care about or like sex" sense. (Maybe there is a different term for that?) But of course he's also asexual in the "doesn't have it" sense. To be scientific about it, the chode has been consumed by the fupa.

Nothing more appealing and welcoming than a cold, bare concrete slab in the front of your house.

But enough about Tammy!

 

[AnOminous]

There's very few one pot meals that are truly one pot. Make a soup in the slow cooker? Fine. Just cook the pasta or the rice separately and add it when it's done. Doesn't take that much time and nobody likes mushy pasta.

In even the classic "one pot dish" that is pot roast I usually use a minimum of three cooking implements. The first is to brown the onions and savories in a pot, then to sear the meat in the same pot after removing the savories, and the other is another pot to reduce the drippings and other liquid into a gravy.

Even if I do this in a multicooker that can do the searing, I'm still cooking multiple batches and the reduction still requires another vessel.

Yet another of the classic "one pots" is chicken and dumplings or egg noodles. While that's generally one pot while doing it, the ingredients themselves involve you already having roasted a chicken and if you're doing it right, having made stock from that very chicken.

FATTY MAD

You'd think this fat fucking retard would approve of Luigi considering he hates the healthcare industry so much, despite it being the only reason he isn't in a fucking coffin years ago.

I have tried my fair share of meat substitutes for boring logistical reasons related to keeping kosher.

I haven't seen a meat substitute I don't detest. By that I mean something explicitly intended to imitate meat. All this shit like Impossible and the Morningstar patties are just crap. Impossible in particular tasted like industrial waste. I felt eating it was like sucking off that Nazi Klaus Schwab.

My personal favorite vegan version of something American, the hamburger, is the completely unpretentious portobello burger. It's just a giant shroom on a bun. With some tamari and ginger and tomatoes and lettuce, and even some cheese if you're not vegan, another classic.

Also the absolute best pizza of all time, the Margherita, is completely kosher.

Imagine Jackhole getting served a Margherita and gurgling and death rattling in rage.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

Also the absolute best pizza of all time, the Margherita, is completely kosher.

If it was made with certified kosher ingredients and baked in a kosher oven, yes. There’s a reason a pizza place is usually one of the first kosher eateries to pop up in a new Orthodox community — where, contrary to what Jack claims, most people do NOT have dual US and Israeli citizenship. He was set straight on that BTW and refused to correct the record. Shocker, I know.

 

[densedance]

 

[p1138]

Can't even be bothered to remember how many pieces of pepperoni were on the pizza from his previous video
Whines that dominos only does stuffed crust in medium, and cost more than little caesars(no shit little caesars is cheaper)
Bitches that without a coupon the prices are stupid... like every fucking chain place in the country.
Bitches that it's only 38 pieces of pepperoni on a smaller pizza
Says they look like bigger pieces, but somehow that doesn't matter only the number of pieces
Tammy still can't take a bite of pizza without sticking her tongue out
Fatty is upset that Tammy gives the dominos pizza an A and says she'd only order the little caesars for a party.

But somehow little caesars "won" because it was 42 pepperoni on a 14" pizza vs 38 pieces on a 12" pizza... which even just by counting the number of pepperoni(which fatty said the pieces looked bigger) would mean Dominos actually put more pepperoni on the pizza even by number of pepperoni. Also, the menu price no one ever fucking pays(who the hell calls a pizza joint and doesn't ask for specials, or go straight to the coupon/deals section on the website? Come on).

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

You'd think this fat fucking retard would approve of Luigi considering he hates the healthcare industry so much, despite it being the only reason he isn't in a fucking coffin years ago.

Yeah but fatty loves rich people even more and CEOs are rich and RICH PEOPLE GUD to fatty