Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Marc]

maybe it's the 4 mint julips with mint from my garden coming out I took this a bit personal his stupid fucking lies.

Though Jack's lies are an insult to any honest man's intelligence, we should refrain from taking personally the lies Jack tells purely for his own comfort (though perpetrated publicly, with all the tact of scratching his ass before an audience).

The harder he kills himself with poor diet decisions, the more of a diet expert this mountain of shit feels the need to record himself pretending to be; so he can feel like his legacy's preserved in the event he never returns from the bathroom. Every narc at the end of their life turns into a legacy-fixated cow.

The only reason Jack doesn't lie at an even greater rate is due to the bottlenecking within his patty melt of a brain. Every one of this big baby's lies may as well be told with his lame hand visibly caught in a cookie jar. This is a guy who will brag about how he eats only meat while holding a fork full of potatoes, then exercise damage control by smugly claiming that he was ackchully eating a pile of cold butter; and shouldn't we all feel foolish for doubting the one, honest man scooting the earth.

 

[AltisticRight]

So I visited my mom recently and for dinner she made spaghetti, but decided to try an "online recipe" that involved making it in a crockpot and even worse - adding greem jeez to it. Seedless to nay it was NOT GUD, but I'm worried that I got tricked into eating a Scalfatty recipe. Do any of y'all know of an older Jack video where he makes spaghetti in a crockpot and adds greem jeez?

Keyword: one pot recipes
These are utterly vile recipes propagated by retarded TV cooking channels. Each and every one of them are tantamount to war crimes. The idea is to just dump everything into a casserole and let it cook, sometimes they cake it in preshredded cheese full of anti-caking agents and dump it in the oven. It's disgusting. We love making fun of Scalfatty, but unfortunately his way of cooking (like the so called lasagna) is actually promoted by typically American television cooking channels.
Show these single pot "pasta" recipes to any true blooded Italian, they'll write another manifesto bitching about economics and tradition.

Look, not all of them suck. Just most of them. Like, 99.99% of them suck. There's a reason pasta likes to be Al dente or a little over if you prefer softer noodles, not cooked to fuck. Pasta is easy and low effort. It boggles my mind how even popular channels would mess up a simple cacio E Pepe and suggest adding fucking starch to it. Pay $1 extra for real cheese nigga. Any Italian grandma can whip that thing up in 15 minutes. With the prep time required for a one-pot-mutt-slop, you'd be able to finish a proper recipe.

Another fucking video where Jack recommends you call ahead to a fucking fast food place to check if they have a certain item, in this case DOUBLE FUCKING PEPPERONI

I'm pretty sure all the pizza places can make "pepperoni" pizza, Jack. That's like calling into Qing Cong's Chinese takeaway and asking if they have fried rice.
"Sir is dis plank?"

Unpopular opinion: pepperoni is worse than pineapple on pizza.
Don't bother changing my mind because I'm right and you're wrong. Pineapple is sweet, it can balance the acidity of other ingredients if done right. "Pepperoni" is greasy American salami, the grease leaks into cheese which is likely anti-caking preshredded goop already. It's greasier than Wong's wok.
Coating pizza with pepperoni is like coating any Asian sounding dish with soy sauce. Just because it's full of an Italian sounding thing doesn't make it taste better. And Pepperoni is American.
I need to get off my dumb arse and write that food YouTube thread.
\end my autistic rant

 

[ADN_VIII]

Don't bother changing my mind because I'm right and you're wrong. Pineapple is sweet, it can balance the acidity of other ingredients if done right. "Pepperoni" is greasy American salami, the grease leaks into cheese which is likely anti-caking preshredded goop already. It's greasier than Wong's wok.

If it makes you feel any better, most any high volume cheap pizza place doesn't use pre-shredded stuff with anti-caking powder. Legitimately the volume of cheese needed in the span of a day is too high for the prepackaged bags of stuff. I used to work at a take and bake place and we would get blocks of mozzarella (low moisture, of course) in about 25 pound increments which we (meaning I) would shred each morning.

See, my pajeeta boss always hired high schoolers and only kept two adult employees to open and use the machinery so I got very familiar with the shredder.

 

[BigTsBull]

From todays F as in Frank with Jimmy.
Jack: “The best way to describe us three brothers. Charles is logical, intellectual, scientific thinking. My brother Jim is West Hollywood gay and all emotions. And I’m half and half”

 

[AltisticRight]

"DOGE GOOD"

Man without a job cheering on other people losing theirs because a bald White nigger Reddit edgelord who was a "socialist" before he saw a new grift is doing dumb shit, all while he fatly copes and seethes about shitty roads and crumbling infrastructure.

Veggie burgers aint all bad. Also as a vain fuck and someone big into lifting.

They're pretty good when they're not trying to be fake meat. I have no idea who the target audience of wannabe meat products are. Vegans won't eat it because it's "beyond the periodic table of elements" and meatheads won't eat it because... Because it's not fucking meat. I guess it's for hippies who want to virtue signal and feel good. When I was in Australia, they had it for offer at the vegan foods area. They never sell out while other vegan options are often gone. Either they have way too much stock or nobody wants them. I'm guessing it's both.

I really like deep fried mushrooms burgers, add a hash brown to it. It's great. Is it healthy? Nah, it's a burger.

If it makes you feel any better, most any high volume cheap pizza place doesn't use pre-shredded stuff with anti-caking powder.

Basically, chain pizza slop places offer better pizza than scalfatty's from his $600 Guangzhou made pizza oven.

I don't know if that's a compliment or not. I think not.

 

[The Stranger]

From todays F as in Frank with Jimmy.
Jack: “The best way to describe us three brothers. Charles is logical, intellectual, scientific thinking. My brother Jim is West Hollywood gay and all emotions. And I’m half and half”

clip?

 

[p1138]

Keyword: one pot recipes

Don't forget that period between about 2000 and 2010 or so, when tons of TV commercials and shit called them "dump" meals. Dump cakes, dump dinners, dump & go, dump meals. There's still some places marketing them as that, but it's just not the same as that old lady in those infomercials screeching about dumping shit into a bowl and baking it then calling it food.

Yes, it can work with some recipes. But the dump shit goes beyond just one pot, and usually doesn't even include stirring it. Never mind the fact that the word "dump" is not something I'd ever want to associate with food as a descriptor.

"oh, what's for dinner tonight?" "dump chicken stir fry with a dump chocolate raspberry pie for dessert, but I've also made some dump appetizers and dump cocktails"

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Don't forget that period between about 2000 and 2010 or so, when tons of TV commercials and shit called them "dump" meals. Dump cakes, dump dinners, dump & go, dump meals. There's still some places marketing them as that, but it's just not the same as that old lady in those infomercials screeching about dumping shit into a bowl and baking it then calling it food.

Yes, it can work with some recipes. But the dump shit goes beyond just one pot, and usually doesn't even include stirring it. Never mind the fact that the word "dump" is not something I'd ever want to associate with food as a descriptor.

"oh, what's for dinner tonight?" "dump chicken stir fry with a dump chocolate raspberry pie for dessert, but I've also made some dump appetizers and dump cocktails"

Jack can’t even get that right. Witness ice cream birthday cake bread!

And for no reason at all, Junior’s wedding. Jack never shuts the fuck up. Acts gay and obnoxious and like a 90’s dad with the family’s first camcorder. 90% guests are slobs

Is the bridesmaid a Brianna sibling that isn’t undergoing tammification?


CU Janette!

 

[Adamska]

But lentil sloppy joes are the SHIZZ.

One of my favorite Indian dishes is a Lentil stew that is very similar to Dal Gosht or Dal Bati. It's an excellent dish to mix with rice and have with naan, the spiced and strong textures pair well with both, and I do not need curry to enjoy it. Indian cuisine more than anything else besides Amharic shows you don't need meat to enjoy a delicious meal. Jack is just a toddler who wants to eat himself to death with meat n cheese and comes up with copes to justify it.

Hell, it's clear even he craves grains given how he gargled "warz" to ensure he could eat all the crust from that horror pizza when no one is looking and so he has an excuse for his brother.

Veggie borgles are surprisingly enjoyable as an omnivore that edges to rare beef, all they need is some black pepper and maybe a dash of a high vinegar content hot sauce.

I've never had good success with veggie burgers, since they tend to just taste cheap due to soy being commonly used, and soy is used in cheap beef to stretch it out.

I've had better success with mushrooms as a meat substitute; it makes a very excellent cheese steak vegetarian dish if you are okay with cheese. They also work nicely as a hot-dog duplicate with the right one.

Jack can’t even get that right. Witness ice cream birthday cake bread!

I'm not surprised that he's such a moron he can't even do dump cakes right. Chili is also often plop and forget and he's fucked those up just as often.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

This is a guy who will brag about how he eats only meat while holding a fork full of potatoes, then exercise damage control by smugly claiming that he was ackchully eating a pile of cold butter

And from then on, for a brief spell there, Jack would make an absolute show of applying pads of butter to his steak. Something he didn't ever do before, and something he has since stopped doing.

That's the amazing thing about narcissism: the almost surreal lengths it will take you to as you desperately try to convince people you aren't lying. The joke of course being how obvious the lie is.

Jack: “The best way to describe us three brothers. Charles is logical, intellectual, scientific thinking. My brother Jim is West Hollywood gay and all emotions. And I’m half and half”

No way... Time stamp? That would have to be added to the pile with how he "chooses to be straight," as well as the constant effete body language he used to have (back when he could still use his body).

 

[souschef]

Ahem…. Jack. Let’s not forget your Meatsbread…

That "bread" always give me a chuckle. Only jack can wipe up a bread that seeps moisture out of it straight outta the oven

 

[BigTsBull]

clip?

https://www.youtube.com/live/SWtaqRDAzOk?feature=shared

1:09:30

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

The one "fake meat" thing she got me hooked on and our household changed things, is lentil sloppy joes. I'll never go back to beef. It's better tasting, cheaper and way healthier. I'm not anti meat at all I get teased because I eat Mett, scrapple, oysters all things Mrs Basso thinks is gross. But lentil sloppy joes are the SHIZZ.

got a recipe link?

 

[Falcon Sebben]

TBH I don't think they should've picked Galactus either. That's blowing the load harder than stealing Doom for the Avengers. I'd have shot for the Mad Thinker or the Puppetmaster over them first.

And fair enough. It's hilarious to see him with one labored breath reee about female silver surfer and still cope and try and excuse his retarded defense of the CGI slop remakes they call "live action" with another. It's a dark reflection and shows his logic when he tries to cheat on his diet by doing that.

The real issue is 21st Century Fox has no idea what they're doing so they throw bigger and better at the screen and hope it works. it's also why they're bringing back RDJ to play Doc Doom. He's their cash cow. He started the MCU and they're counting on him to make the movie a success.

Does this clown with the physique of a full garbage bag believe there's a ton of propagandistic Disney media out there that he's aykchully boycotting, instead of unconditionally supporting with Tammy's money?

Yes. Yes he does. He honestly thinks he's a lone voice in the wilderness that people pay attention to.

The one "fake meat" thing she got me hooked on and our household changed things, is lentil sloppy joes. I'll never go back to beef. It's better tasting, cheaper and way healthier.

I've totally made those things and they're awesome. We still go back to beef when making burritos and stuff though but lentils are great for a lot of things. Made a killer lentil soup one night just by throwing items together and it's become a favorite of Mrs. Sebben.

From todays F as in Frank with Jimmy.
Jack: “The best way to describe us three brothers. Charles is logical, intellectual, scientific thinking. My brother Jim is West Hollywood gay and all emotions. And I’m half and half”

Charles is the pseudo-intellectual but probably smarter than Fatty so it's understandable that Fatty thinks he's logical and smart.
Jim is the openly gay faggot.
And Fatty is the in the closet faggot who transferred his love of cock to food instead and thinks he's smart.

They're pretty good when they're not trying to be fake meat.

This right here.

There's a burger place that makes a meatless burger which is a couple of seasoned portobello mushrooms with cheese stuffed between them. They're then breaded and deep fried. They're fucking delicious.

 

[AltisticRight]

Don't forget that period between about 2000 and 2010 or so, when tons of TV commercials and shit called them "dump" meals. Dump cakes, dump dinners, dump & go, dump meals. There's still some places marketing them as that, but it's just not the same as that old lady in those infomercials screeching about dumping shit into a bowl and baking it then calling it food.

Yes, it can work with some recipes. But the dump shit goes beyond just one pot, and usually doesn't even include stirring it. Never mind the fact that the word "dump" is not something I'd ever want to associate with food as a descriptor.

"oh, what's for dinner tonight?" "dump chicken stir fry with a dump chocolate raspberry pie for dessert, but I've also made some dump appetizers and dump cocktails"

They're just so nasty, 10 extra minutes is all one would need for something more edible. It really can't get any worse than these one-pot-slop meals.
Oh wait.

I guess I proved myself wrong.
Is this better or worse than Scalfatty's lazy man recipes? I honestly don't know.

There's a burger place that makes a meatless burger which is a couple of seasoned portobello mushrooms with cheese stuffed between them. They're then breaded and deep fried. They're fucking delicious.

Australia has these massive mushrooms that works very well. Vegan haloumi works pretty well in burgers as well.

 

[charlesdickens]

In a world where Jack was a little more succesful, he would have collabed with Cathy Mitchell. If only he sold more Nu Wave cookers or whatever they were called.

 

[Bassomatic]

got a recipe link?

It was something Momma basso taught me,

Boil lentils in a veg stock (if you don't care about vegetarian chicken stock will make it even richer)
sautee onions and bell peppers
ketchup Worcestershire
adjust for taste.

I do want to warn you all, there's no GUD MEET in this so if you die I'm really sorry. I hope you all enjoy it

 

[AnOminous]

It boggles my mind how even popular channels would mess up a simple cacio E Pepe and suggest adding fucking starch to it.

Other than a really few things, like in some kinds of breading or Chinese takeout copycat dishes or egg drop soup, cornstarch isn't an ingredient, it's an admission of failure. It's a last-ditch way to save a sauce or gravy you've screwed up.

Unpopular opinion: pepperoni is worse than pineapple on pizza.

I don't think it's that bad, it's just the most pleb-tier topping there is. I'll sometimes get it but I won't pretend it isn't engaging in plebbery.

I think I've mentioned shredded soppressata as a patrician alternative but unfortunately your average shit-tier chain pizza place isn't going to have that.

Boil lentils in a veg stock (if you don't care about vegetarian chicken stock will make it even richer)

Shroom stock also does the trick.

 

[Tiresome]

In a world where Jack was a little more succesful, he would have collabed with Cathy Mitchell. If only he sold more Nu Wave cookers or whatever they were called.

Cathy was a no-nonsense, fast-talking consummate pitchwoman and huckster. She would have run rings around even pre-stroke Jack while he was struggling to get an "Ughh, looks gud" out of his retard brain. Don't forget, he even tried one of the products she advertised, ignored the directions, raged about his own fuck up in the video as if it was the product's fault and got slapped with a lawsuit for his trouble.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

They're just so nasty, 10 extra minutes is all one would need for something more edible. It really can't get any worse than these one-pot-slop meals.
Oh wait.

I guess I proved myself wrong.
Is this better or worse than Scalfatty's lazy man recipes? I honestly don't know.

Boozy Aunt Sandra used to love making use of the slow cooker in her stand and stir show. Several times it was some kind of soup that had pasta in it. It's been simmering for eight hours. That pasta is now just mush.

There's very few one pot meals that are truly one pot. Make a soup in the slow cooker? Fine. Just cook the pasta or the rice separately and add it when it's done. Doesn't take that much time and nobody likes mushy pasta.