Brother, sounds like you have made shitty friends and now are reaping the seeds you sown in fruitless relationships. I am happy to have a handful of REAL friends that survived from middle school through college and now distance/our own lives (plus a couple of newer friends that I gained from an old friend). We connect every few months and talk at least once a week. I wouldn't have that kind of relationship(s) if I didn't actively vet and reaffirm the relationship(s). Genuinely know the people I call friends.
You aught to look deep at those relationships and ask, "Did I try to get to know them, genuinely? Did I continue a doomed relationship out of necessity? I'm a fucking retard that needs to find happiness and contentedness with myself before I can form a meaningful and fruitful relationship(s)?"
Maybe someday soon, you can answer these questions and develop. Hopefully you find joy in life again and not feel the need to Doomerpost on the Kiwifarms of all places. Anyway, I'll stop this gay ass ramble here.