Hi y’all I just found this reddit thread, and for the first time ever I felt like I have found people in my community I can actually relate to.
There is so much I wish I could talk about with other people in the trans community, but I’m not met with kindness.
I’m 20, and
I transitioned under 10. I’ve been on hormones since 12 and I’m 100% passing. I got really lucky and took my mums genetics, and I look more feminine in my body and face than most women. I have pretty privilege. BUTI did not have the privilege of being closeted. Fucking props to the girls that do, I love that so much for you. But because I like to date,
and have not had surgery, and my parents always drilling into me that I’m perfect the way I am, and that I should own it on the chin, I have always been out.
People in my own community always wanna talk about how I’m so lucky this and lucky that. I am. In the things that they talk about. But I’m also treated the exact same way as they are by men I tell I’m trans to, or people throughout my life that have horrifically bullied me. The double standard goes hardddd.
When I talk about dating. I get very judged by my opinions. I do not tell the men I’m talking to I’m trans the same way every time. It’s different every time, my last boyfriend, I told him in person. “BUT THATS DANGEROUS” Helloooo this is not my first rodeo. I’ve been out for 12 years, I may be young. But I have more than enough experience in dealing with people and had to grow up very quickly in the world we live in. I’m sick to death of being looked down on like this “baby” in the community, just because I’m young.Especially when i have really helped this community to the best of my abilities.
You know I don’t want to get into to much, incase any of you actually catch on to who I am, because I have really come to like my privacy.
But I wanna be apart of conversations because I have a lot to say
. Why do I not put that I’m trans on my dating profile. Because you attract chasers, and I’ll be honest, every solid relationship I have had, the guy has said to me..“I’m so glad I got to meet you first, or talk and get to know you first.”Why, because like us and the rest of the world. I see a lot of shit online about trans people, I see a lot of misinformation. I see a lot of “trans” women that I would go as far to say, is that they are not trans. They are not trans in the way that I am and others I know are.
You know
if I was not trans, I’ve thought a lot on what kind of women I would’ve been. I don’t think I would’ve been really accepting on this community because, I wouldn’t have bothered to learn. And that’s sad, but true to most people.
Most men I have been with, and most friends I’ve had, BAR the RARE few. Have only learnt and educated themselves because they have known me, visa versa.
I don’t want a queer relationship. I’m a straight white woman in my head. I’m not gay I’m not bi, and I like straight men. If my boyfriend asked me to peg him, I would have the same reaction that any of my friends would. “HUH….”I don’t like anal sex, but right now it’s my only option. When I’m getting hot with my boyfriend I wanna spread my legs for him, then I’m met with the cruel reminder that I can’t, because I haven’t had surgery. I live my life (try to at least) like I am cis, because in 50 years,
will those 8 years of my life really still have that much of a hold on who I am and what I do, and who I can be with. No.
My last boyfriend, I told him I was trans in person.Why? Because being trans taught me having shitty and uneducated people in your life suck. (If they aren’t willing to grow)I knew based on the conversations I had had with him, that he believed in my rights. His reaction, which to me is the only reaction I accept now on. Was, “____ I honestly never would’ve guessed that, I’m not gonna say everything to quickly, because I’ve never thought about what that would look like being in a relationship with someone like you. But I want to be sure if I give you an answer” That conversation continues to have you or do you have plans for surgery.
If they like the dick more than you, then they are gonna be sad to see it go.I am not going to be sad to see it go. So the relationship isn’t going to work. If they flat out say I wanna be with you but we are being physical together. Have some self respect and leave.
But if someone can go, okay, this is not something I’ve thought about before, and I know it’s only temporary, and it’s no different to what I use in my hand at night. I can get past this because I like you for you. Then we have a winner, I don’t feel like they are repulsed by me, or that they love that feature about me. It’s a happy medium.
Something I do want advice in which I don’t know if you guys will have any, it’s a pretty universal experience, but how do y’all get over the rejection. It sucks. So much, because they don’t like me for the reasons I don’t like myself, nine times out of ten they would be with me if I had had surgery. So I’m stuck in this period in my life right now, where I have to wait on the stupid list for my date, and I can’t wait for it to be over,
but like everyone I still wanna get out there I just don’t want to be fetishised or rejected a hundred times to get that person in the middle.
