Opinion The Gen Z stare isn’t rude. We’re just not going to conform for your comfort. - Our communication style was shaped by character limits, subtweets, and voice memos sent from bed. We learned to be blunt and concise because that is what the world we’ve grown up in demanded, writes Valentina Botero

https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/gen-z-stare-etiquette-rude-b2793153.html
https://archive.ph/vFs3l
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Gen Z is stuck in the middle of what some older generations are calling an etiquette crisis, and now the spotlight is on our cold, dead-eyed “Gen Z stare.”

If you haven’t encountered the stare or the manufactured media outrage about it, the Gen Z stare is a blank, unbothered expression that older generations find terrifying.

Naturally, Gen Z pushed back, especially those working in the food service industry, who are often most accused of doing it.

One pizza shop employee summed it up perfectly: “You just asked me if we sell pizza.” A coffee shop worker recalled a customer asking her to explain the difference between iced and hot.

Of course we're going to stare. What is there to say when you’re being asked inane questions while earning minimum wage?

What older generations consider rude is what Gen Z sees as honest and efficient. We grew up (chronically) online. I graduated college in December 2020, started a fellowship on Zoom from my parents’ house, and didn’t set foot in an office until I moved to New York in 2022. I still haven’t worked five full days in person.
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Our communication style was shaped by character limits, subtweets, and voice memos sent from bed. We learned to be blunt and concise because that is how the world we’ve grown up in demanded.

That’s reflected in how we show up to work. According to a 2024 Stanford report, Gen Z is “pragmatic” and we “value direct communication, authenticity and relevance.” Sometimes that means less small talk and more clear, precise communication.

“Which is a hard thing for older generations,” executive leadership coach Dr. Carol Parker Walsh, who works with generational workplace issues, explained, “because they were trained not to be honest and authentic, but just to adapt to whatever the workplace norms were.”

Take hierarchy, for example. It’s not that we're anti-leadership; we’re just not as impressed by titles. As Walsh noted, many of us weren’t raised with an emphasis on winners and losers. Everyone was seen as equals (yes, even if that means a participation award for all).

Combine that with growing up exposed to global issues — racial injustice, wealth inequality and climate change — and it makes sense that Gen Z views power dynamics differently. We’ll talk to the president of the organization the same way we’d talk to the maintenance staff. It’s not out of disrespect — quite the opposite, because we don’t see status as a reason to change our tone.
We’re also not interested in the performative hustle culture. With that blunt rejection, Gen Z killed the millennial fever dream ignited by Sophia Amoruso’s 2014 memoir #GIRLBOSS. Only 6% of Gen Z professionals aim for executive roles, according to Deloitte. Why? Because climbing up the corporate ladder isn’t worth the burnout, particularly with the economy and government putting so many workers at risk of layoffs.

We have different belief systems, and that’s where the tension lies. But we didn’t just appear out of nowhere. We were shaped by the society now critiquing us.

“When we tell our children: ‘You’re amazing, everything's possible, go after what you want,’” Walsh said, “I often say to older generations: if you want to point a finger, bring it back home.”

Still, as Walsh notes, even good change makes people uncomfortable. Gen Z shouldn’t have to conform to outdated norms, but we do need to recognize that transformation takes time. And for older generations, the answer isn’t trying to mold us into what was. Instead it’s about improving communication, embracing discomfort, and creating workplaces that reflect the people in them.

But the etiquette dilemma doesn’t stop with Gen Z and a shift in mindset may be already happening. Recent spikes in Google search show that people are specifically looking for answers on what’s considered rude with an increase in queries like “Is it rude to ask how someone died?”, “Is it rude to leave someone on read?” and “Is it rude to point?” — showing that everyone is questioning unclear social norms.

Perhaps Gen Z is shaking up the workplace. But if the cracks bother you, maybe the foundation wasn’t strong enough.

Author:
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Hey there. My name is Valentina Botero. I’m an audience journalist that specializes in social media management and community engagement.​

I was introduced to journalism from a young age, and since then I have worked to make the content I create accessible to all communities. As an intern and a fellow at the Tampa Bay Times, I spent my time creating Spanish content to reach our Latinx/ Hispanic community on different topics. Now, I am an assistant audience editor at the Independent, a UK-based online newspaper. In this audience-driven role, I manage social accounts, boost articles by using SEO and advise teams across the newsroom on social strategy best practices.
 
Gen Z doesn't want to put grease on the social wheel, it can enjoy the consequences
I don't see any reason to care. Unless my zoomer underlings being fellow spergs prevents them from driving a forklift or prevents the grocery store zoomers running a checkstand, them being kind of anti-social seems irrelevant.

I don't ask the McDonalds employee to be polite. I want him to put the fries in the bag as expediently as possible.
 
Take hierarchy, for example. It’s not that we're anti-leadership; we’re just not as impressed by titles.

Gen Z shouldn’t have to conform to outdated norms,
They are gonna find out what the real world is really like when they run up against the rocks of where power really lays.

Just because you "choose not to acknowledge authority or hierarchy" doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

You know who else didn't like authority and titles and shit, maaaaaan? That's right: hippies. And guess what? Nixon was re-elected in a landslide, by the 80s the Boomers were wearing power suits and running things, and they are now the conservative fuddy duddys the hip cool Zoomers are rebelling against with their dead emotionless stares.

Good luck.
 
I feel the "stare" is a form of detachment and their brains are actually formulating how they're going to describe the interaction on social media. Self absorption. A reflex response to mild discomfort that disengages the brain and enables fantasy mode. Such a weird fuckin world.
 
I don't ask the McDonalds employee to be polite. I want him to put the fries in the bag as expediently as possible.
While I don't necessarily expect politeness (I have sympathy), the old saying "manners cost nothing" applies IMO. If you're polite and friendly as a baseline then social interactions generally go well, in my experience. Additionally "kill 'em with kindness" is a fantastic way to respond to unnecessary rudeness as it flips the script.
 
1. parenting style went from "daddy's belt" to "we're best fwends", both bad extremes
2. it's no longer considered appropriate for adults in public to comment on or correct poor behavior, there is generally a lack of intergenerational mentorship both within and outside the family.
3. a lot of important experiences and milestones have been stolen from them by the effects of lots of immigration and the corporatization of outsourcing domestic work, no one hires neighborhood teens to mow lawns, babysit or dust their shelves because jose and maria do that, the corpo daycare does that, and it can be hard in many locales to even find fast food jobs because pajeets and other student visa holders get those jobs now.

Any critiques of the generation should really be shaming and humiliating their parents (which is really what most complaints about young people are really about). Who raised you?

Parents are also completely fucking doughy when it comes to advocating for their children. I'd kneecap every pajeet I saw until a joint had no one else to hire but my dumb kid so they could learn how working a basic job and money is like. (It really must be demoralizing how a lot of parents never really seem to have their kids' backs when it matters. They just shrug and blubber empty platitudes.)

Then you have the fact that suddenly they have to learn all these things themselves all at once while many of them are at the same time going through school and getting what are for them first jobs. (And "adult job" as a first job is a shit fucking idea.) Suddenly it's you need a car, you need to pay rent, utilities, school tuition, etc. when they should've been able to rely on a shit box they got working that shit job as a teen. And on the domino effect goes.
 
I've seen a flurry of headlines with the same premise, the alleged gen z stare, what I want to know is how many of these encounters are with minimum wage retail workers who don't care for their shitty job at all and more importantly how much of this is actually happening and not manufactured journoschlock

Millennials got their fair share of media bashing now it's the zoomers turn
 
It's absolutely hilarious to claim that gen. Z is used to being blunt or to receiving blunt feedback. It's even better when you claim that it's for food workers. I've done management before and when you criticize gen. Z bluntly, they lose it even when they're at fault. I come from a culture where being blunt and harsh is the norm and I found that even if I tone it down, they cannot handle it. I remember one case of a worker somehow unplugging a refrigerator full of meat in order to charge his phone and we lost thousands on that. When I bluntly ripped him apart for doing that he started crying.

They aren't cool and blunt. They're uncaring and checked out. There's a large difference. If they were blunt they would be able to handle honest feedback. That's harsh but caring
 
The Gen Z stare isn't done on purpose as an act of rebellion and this dumb bitch has literally no idea what she's talking about. Big difference between a spoiled privileged girl that has the opportunity to work online and a burnt out dead end minimum wageslave that's about to end his 9 hour shift, if the next person even shows up, to go to his roach infested shithole apartment he can barely afford and do it all over again the next day.
Combine that with growing up exposed to global issues — racial injustice, wealth inequality and climate change
I don't know why people act like this is the first generation to be exposed to worldly happenings, like annoying college kids in the 90s weren't talking about the exact same shit. And it didn't start there, either.
 
I feel the "stare" is a form of detachment and their brains are actually formulating how they're going to describe the interaction on social media. Self absorption. A reflex response to mild discomfort that disengages the brain and enables fantasy mode. Such a weird fuckin world.
Don't read into too much. It's just their passive-aggressive way too make YOU feel like an asshole. They just don't realize that it makes them look like retarded nigger.
 
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