Recently my brother and his wife were visiting and she suggested I play Coral Island which I kind wrote off based on how it looked before, but I realized I'd wondered for a long time how people could play other farm sims after Stardew Valley pretty much did everything the best as far as I am concerned and she said she liked it more than Stardew Valley so I gave it a try...
Oh boy. My first impressions were correct, this is the single most pozzed game I've ever played since I usually have no reason to play a pozzed game. The reason I initially wrote it off is it's horrific, generic cookie-cutter 3D graphics that cannot compete at all with Stardew's style which still put me off greatly but are FAR from the worst thing now that I know more. The characters in this game... are like a fucking parody a right-winger would make. 80% of the cast is some shade of brown, they're like 50% gay (excluding player sexuality, dunno how that works), they/thems abound, all the disabilities.
Looking at the marriage candidates if you wanna play a straight male you've got: Several generic brown girls too boring to describe individually, the funniest right-wing parody adjacent black girl who is tryin' to be an astronaut n sheit
who looks exactly like you'd expect, safe horny brown muscle mommy
who is so safe horny she's ugly, hijab muslim, a cute white girl... who has extreme stretch marks because she divorced after she gave birth to an interracial brown child, green-haired + tatto'd + nose ring asian from doctors without borders (cute, but whoa red flags).
That's more than half the candidates a straight no off the base leaving: cute nerdy asian, cute light brown baker, white twin sister of divorced brown'd mother, snooty white rich girl. There are also some like pacific-islander looking... mermaids, but they apparently come later in the game (spoiler: I'll never get that far). Despite having way more options than Stardew Valley you really have less because so many are just straight lol-nos. I guess you could just date the they/them pajeet man instead!
I really didn't get far because all these horrendous characters just put me off quicky - I don't wanna be friends with any of these people. The game is just the classic Stardew rip-off that takes pretty much all it's systems almost exactly... but they also ripped off Animal Crossing's museum and added bug catching to accomodte, ooh-la-la! I got far enough where the Stardew Valley story rip-off comes into play where instead of the Joja store movine into the town an oil drilling company called Pufferfish does and all the islanders instantly band together to protest!
The branch manager Karen (Haha, get it? Karen?! I see what they did there, HAHA!) comes out and offends the locals by explaining their company. It was at this point when it hit me... wait, in Stardew you can side with Joja... can I join the oil company? They ripped off everything else, right? Sadly... no, you cannot. I was actually getting kind of interested in playing when I thought that would be the case, but sadly all my desire left me when I found you could not. Hell, I wanna join them... crap man,
I'd marry Karen over most of the real canidates. I want a CEO waifu written to be demonized by browns! Man, I guess Papa Smurf will never get to marry a polluting queen...
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my character is Papa Smurf. His pronouns are Smurf/Smurf. Sadly the clothing options are so limited I coudn't even get a red beanie or even red pants right away to complete the ensamble.
