Celebrity Gwyneth Paltrow / GOOP

[melty]

GOOP is Gwyneth Paltrow's scheme to sell stupid woo shit in a catalog/blog to other wealthy idiots with far, far more money than sense. I assumed it had gone out of business, but apparently it still exists.

GOOP is an acronym for Gwyneth something something Paltrow. Or maybe it's not. I have no idea. From their facebook page:

goop is one of the rare places on the web where food, shopping, and mindfulness collide—where the ever-evolving intent is to make every choice count. We’re all resource strapped, so goop hopes to surface the very best experiences, recipes, products, and advice. Launched in the fall of 2008 out of Gwyneth Paltrow’s kitchen, goop was originally conceived as a weekly e-mail newsletter. Its intent was two-fold: GP wanted a place to organize her unbiased travel recs, health-centric recipes, and shopping discoveries for friends, and she also wanted to get her own questions—about health, fitness, and the psyche—answered. Now, goop has become a place for GP to introduce some of the incredible experts who have mentored her throughout her life to a wider audience, and a place where readers can find suggestions about where to shop, eat, and stay from a trusted friend—not from an anonymous, crowd-sourced recommendation engine. Ultimately, we hope goop is an indispensable resource for all who love to make, go, get, do, be and see.

Some of the products she shills:

$120 NASA stickers that heal your chakras or something?
http://www.papermag.com/goop-slamme...io-frequency-healing-stickers-2446243888.html

Jade eggs for your vagina:
http://goop.com/better-sex-jade-eggs-for-your-yoni/

Moon Dust for smoothies:
http://goop.com/recipes/gps-morning-smoothie/
It also includes Ashwagandha, Cordyceps, and ho shou wu (?) if you can't pronounce it it's probably good for you.

Goop yourself, satirical blog:
https://goopyourself.podbean.com/

Parks & Recreation parody, because Parks & Rec is awesome:

There is a ton of content here, seriously look into it if you haven't already.

 

[RI 360]

lol Gwyneth Paltrow is a ween. God bless her for taking anyone stupid enough to fall of this's money.

 

[POWER IN MISERY]

for some reason i thought this thread was going to be about actual goop. you know, like slime.

this shit.

 

[Sanshain]

Mindfulness = Jade vagina eggs.

Of course. How perfectly obvious!

 

[Barbarella]

Paltrow is a terrible snob along with everything else.

 

[m0rnutz]

I'm pretty sure sticking a rock up your twat won't make sex more than very painful.

Not to mention someone has to shove a hand up and get it back out of your cervix when it goes missing.

 

[Ryker]

Bloody Gwyneth Paltrow. Totally deserving of a thread here. Anyone who names a child, "Apple" and declaims that bras cause breast cancer is a total idiot and needs a good slapping, if only to instill a little common sense into them.

 

[Mrs Paul]

OBGYNs also say that jade eggs could cause toxic shock syndrome and do damage to one's pelvic muscles.

 

[escapegoat]

Have we mentioned vagina steaming yet?

Because vagina steaming.

 

[ES 148]

The three women in the sticker picture look so... off. Especially the middle one. I can't put my finger on it but I'm sure faces don't look like that.

 

[Xenomorph]

Talk about a woman who has been rich so long she has completely lost touch with reality and how most people live. Must be nice in her gilded cage with her echo chamber of snobs.

 

[FisterSister]

It also includes Cordyceps

C L I M B T H E T R E E

 

[Android raptor]

Shoving eggs in bodily orifices is a notable weird fetish, wonder if Gwyneth is actually low-key pimping weird shit she gets off on as woo cures.

 

[Yaks]

The three women in the sticker picture look so... off. Especially the middle one. I can't put my finger on it but I'm sure faces don't look like that.

Nah it's what they look like. I've seen the middle one in particular in a few high fashion magazines and on runways. They like looking for girls with really weird facial structures because its more interesting.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

Those chakra stickers remind me of something overheard at Whole Foods (which should give you a good idea of where this story is going) about putting sticky notes on your water bottle with positive sayings on it. You see, the positivity of the sticky note will alter the molecular composition of the water, which will make it healthier for you. Because science.

 

[FatFuckingClown]

Hey, do any of y'all remember when she lived on that "$20 a week" challenge, and then proceeded to buy all of her groceries from fucking Whole Foods???? What a numb twat.

 

[escapegoat]

Those chakra stickers remind me of something overheard at Whole Foods (which should give you a good idea of where this story is going) about putting sticky notes on your water bottle with positive sayings on it. You see, the positivity of the sticky note will alter the molecular composition of the water, which will make it healthier for you. Because science.

That was actually the basis of a popular quack's entire career. Masaru Emoto and his magical feels water.

 

[Stephanie Bustcakes]

Those chakra stickers remind me of something overheard at Whole Foods (which should give you a good idea of where this story is going) about putting sticky notes on your water bottle with positive sayings on it. You see, the positivity of the sticky note will alter the molecular composition of the water, which will make it healthier for you. Because science.

Those people probably think flame decals make your car go faster.

 

[Fareal]

gwyneths fixation with doung really weird stuff to her vagina makes me feel sorry for chris martin

 

[BlueSpark]

Mike Redmond's GOOP articles are gold (he doesn't write for The Superficial any more, so the latest articles aren't his):
http://www.thesuperficial.com/tag/gwyneth-paltrow
Some examples:

Spoiler: GOOP