📚 Megathread Tranny Sideshows on Social Media - Any small-time spectacle on Reddit, Tumblr, Twitter, Dating Sites, and other social media.

This tweet popped up on my TL and this user thinks they delayed the Shrek 5 movie because she thinks her hit tweet claiming one of Shrek's son is trans was scrapped because they were actually going to do it.
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The original tweet with 381k likes.
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How are Earth can anyone tell me with a straight face that these tweets aren't botted when the user in question only has 3.9k followers and yet some how gets 381k likes on a pro transgender post and the quote tweet a year later gets over 182k likes as well? Who is liking these tweets and assuming they're real, why do this many people care about transgender people this much?
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Twitter has a massive botted likes problem. It's not a tranny character, it's just the artists not referencing the eyes.
 
Has that retard ever seen a child from two brown eyed parents? From what I understand babies almost universally have blue eyes at birth. Someone close to me had blue eyes until they were around 10 when they changed to green. Just like black babies have almost white skin when born and turn darker over time.

And yet we’re the ones who don’t have more than middle school biology (which is when the subject of eye color and genetics comes up, so what’s his excuse?)
 
Accept Only Substitutes said:
Has that retard ever seen a child from two brown eyed parents? From what I understand babies almost universally have blue eyes at birth. Someone close to me had blue eyes until they were around 10 when they changed to green. Just like black babies have almost white skin when born and turn darker over time.
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I think these people know that. Its just they're so desperate for trans rep to where they'll take anything as a sign or a clue that a character is trans and try desperately to promote the idea to where it gets super popular online to the point where they think the writers will actually make one of Shrek's sons trans.
 
just like every other gal ykiyk
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there is also this photo (hope i did the spoiler thing right, this is my first time attaching images)

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Jacques1194 said:
This tweet popped up on my TL and this user thinks they delayed the Shrek 5 movie because she thinks her hit tweet claiming one of Shrek's son is trans was scrapped because they were actually going to do it.
View attachment 8643045

The original tweet with 381k likes.
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How are Earth can anyone tell me with a straight face that these tweets aren't botted when the user in question only has 3.9k followers and yet some how gets 381k likes on a pro transgender post and the quote tweet a year later gets over 182k likes as well? Who is liking these tweets and assuming they're real, why do this many people care about transgender people this much?
View attachment 8643054
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Imagine openly bragging about a tweet and not being ironic about it.
 
Accept Only Substitutes said:
can I ask you to both post more insanity like that and yet somehow not post any more like it?
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I'll do my best.... I aim to please.
Israel Light said:
I'd assume you're just doing it for fun without having it as a "side gig"
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Tbh, I've been very unsuccessful at making money online for years. I was looking at an old friend's website yesterday and realised his work was nowhere near as good at mine but he'd obviously understood the business side of it, whereas I've always been more focused on the artistic side. He's made a few hundred thousand apparently and I've made bugger all. Never mind. At least I enjoyed it.
Firby Nurbs said:
(hope i did the spoiler thing right, this is my first time attaching images)
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I need to learn that.
 
Accept Only Substitutes said:
Has that retard ever seen a child from two brown eyed parents? From what I understand babies almost universally have blue eyes at birth. Someone close to me had blue eyes until they were around 10 when they changed to green. Just like black babies have almost white skin when born and turn darker over time.

And yet we’re the ones who don’t have more than middle school biology (which is when the subject of eye color and genetics comes up, so what’s his excuse?)
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60% of babies are born with brown eyes. Blue eyes are almost universally a European trait. From here:
Are all babies born with blue eyes?
No. It’s common for babies to have blue eyes at birth, but it’s not universal. In fact, one study from 2016 found only about 20% of babies have blue eyes at birth. That same study also found that about 63% of babies have brown eyes and a little under 6% have green eyes.
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That said, I don't know how or why they decided an ogre baby was trans.
 
Lord Of Shit said:
Hey, that one even fooled our own Magic Pickle, the Jane Goodall of troonology.
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Getting cheeky with me, are you? (I jest, I jest. Even the Goodalls have bad days.)

Everyone passes a lot more convincingly when you see them on tiny little phone screens made for ants, which actually makes me wonder if that plays a role in how many troons 'n' poons "pass" on social media: if desktop usage was more commonplace and you could see images in much higher resolution, would people be falling for these ruses as often as they do? (Probably; we're not a particularly clever species with fantastic eyesight - we just have opposable thumbs.)

Actually, on the subject of confusing online weirdos that puzzle many a farmer: Maldy posted an AI-generated pre-transition photo of... itself, designed - I'm sure - to maximize pooner jealousy. This is getting very creepy! Wherever the truth lies in Maldy's natal sex (I'm still firmly on Team Peen over Team Poon, but there have been many good arguments made), one thing's for sure: this is someone seriously fucked in the head either way.
Link | Archive

Almost 13 years on T (legally) also 2 years pos(top) :)​

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Anyway, my browser is having palpitations from too many tabs again, so let me provide a haul for everybody. Hopefully this makes up for the error in my clocking ways!

A man on the verge of trooning out capitalizes on the death of his father-in-law to panhandle for money online. While he claims that his wife is supportive of his budding trannydom, even OP admits that the timeline is suspicious as his egg has conveniently cracked in the eye of the storm, but this doesn't stop him from chasing escapist fantasies of skirtgospinny while his grieving wife tries to coordinate moving them out of state to be with her aging mother.
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Years of masking ruined my life, and now I need help.​

Long post. TLDR: I tried to provide in a masculine field, couldn't keep up the mask, father-in-law passed, need to move, no money left, AND my brain decided this was a great time to let me realize I struggled so much because I was a thick shelled trans fem. Please help!
GoFundMe
https://gofund.me/db61c952f
I am not one to ask for handouts, but I feel like I'm low on options. Much of my life I pursued professions in masculine fields. I enjoyed it for a time, but struggled to advance when I wasn't able to command respect from my peers or join them in masculine ways.
I stayed at my last fulltime job for 7 years working hard, but when I advanced to management, the team took my empathy and desire to nurture as a weakness to be exploited. I tried to take control. I tried to earn their respect, and it never worked. I was so overworked and stressed that I was asked to step down. I do not exaggerate when I say if I had not lost that position it would likely have killed me.
Meanwhile, my father-in-law had been ill with a cronic lung condition (IPF), the only cure for which was a lung transplant. He normally lived in another state, but his best bet was to get on the transplant list in my state and we would be his care team. Time was running out and I was trying to find any avenue that would provide the financial stability we needed and the freedom to care for him and his wife.
Eventually I realized my old job wasn't working, even in a reduced position. I was always working, just getting by with modest savings, and I never had time for the family that needed me. It got so bad I had to take my father-in-law to a follow-up appointment and I scheduled a new job interview the same day. We got bad news at the doctor. His disease was advancing and his prospects for recovery weren't good. They removed him from the transplant list.
I was able to secure the job, but in my desperation I failed to realize this commission-only job wasn't as sure of a prospect as I had been sold. I tried to make it work for over a month as my savings dwindled. Eventually I had to call it quits and dusted off my gig job app. I got to work as fast as I could to maintain.
A few weeks in and we got a call. My father-in-law's health had turned and he was admitted to the hospital in his home state. We packed our bags and got there ASAP. After a week of sleeping on my dad's couch and a night in the ICU, he passed away. My savings were gone, and I had to call in for help even paying for the cremation service, which we were able to do.
We went back home and got to work. Our only goal to try and scrape together enough to fund a move and relocate back in my old home state where he lived. We need to find work, a place to stay, and get started helping my mother-in-law with daily life. She has a caretaker that is a friend of ours, but his resources are extremely limited.
Initially the goal was to move into their house and that may still be part of the plan, but the condition is very poor and there's a really bad mold problem that may force us to sell and scrap the house.
In all of this stress, doing my gig job, I started unpacking how I got here. On the side my partner and I had been exploring my feelings about gender and sexuality. More than once I had said I hated being a man. I didn't realize how deep it ran untill I didn't have to keep up the facade anymore. I realized I was trans and had a near transcendent moment of realization as I pulled this new self out of my mind.
But all of this timing is AWFUL! I quit my job in August, tried the commission job in September, my father-in-law passed in October, and I came out of my egg TWO WEEKS AGO. My partner has been nothing but supportive of me, but she lost her dad, has to uproot our lives, and move back in with her mother, while her partner has a life changing paradigm shift. She's overwhelmed. I have not come out to my family yet, but we're getting closer by the day.
We have only just been able to scrape by month to month, sometimes day to day. We just don't have the cashflow to do what we need to do. At one point I had to borrow $500 from my dad to get my brakes fixed and I don't want to owe him money.
Any help would be appreciated. I'm just trying to get us back on our feet.
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A pooner tries her hand at LARPing as a CHUD whenever people poke fun at her dainty appearance in the hopes of throwing people off of her trail. While she seems to believe that this saucy little comeback reaffirms her masculinity and gives her the upper hand in her conversations, I have a feeling these retorts are often met by her hecklers sharing a knowing glance, a wry smirk and a long, drawn out "Okay" before ending the conversation and resuming it once she's out of earshot.
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Turning the tables when getting (purposefully) misgendered​

I live in a very southern American state and often get misgendered on account of my voice and hair. I am still fairly androgynous but have been heckled at work before by both coworkers and customers, it’s usually easy to brush off but when it gets really annoying or consistent, I just say something along the lines of: “I don’t know what kind of woke agenda you’re trying to push on me, but I am a biological male and there is nothing you can say to brainwash me into thinking otherwise”
Obv this probably isn’t the best idea long term but it’s pretty funny for me
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Phallic fixation: a li'l dood can't stop daydreaming about dongs, so completely captivated by the concept of cock that she will actually waste hours in bed thinking about them (and the absence of one on her body). Only in this day and age can someone get away with such libidinous laziness; I am not a particularly pious pickle, but people like this make a good argument in favor of some degree of organized religion so that they don't waste away in abject apathy otherwise.
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Bothersome obsession with dicks​

I have pretty severe bottom dysphoria and even though starting T has made a huge difference in terms of quality of life in general, this still distracts me and hinders me living my daily life.
I try to distract myself; I have hobbies and friends and have dated people who my genital configuration is not an issue for. I'm very thankful for all of these things.
Still, not having a penis is on my mind seemingly 24/7. Some days it is debilitating and I spend hours in bed in a dysphoric spiral. I have bought several prosthetics over the years without having found the right one, and feel guilty and ashamed for the money I spent, as well as all the time and energy I spend researching and looking at prosthetics, t-dicks, bottom surgery, and cis penises as well. Testosterone and a heightened libido might have even made this a bit worse.
I find it hard to talk about this to anyone in real life because of the shame. It feels pathological, which I'm aware is probably just the nature of gender dysphoria, but I don't know if it means I have a separate issue from gender dysphoria that I should get help for. I do have a gender therapist, but for several reasons I am unable to see them often enough to discuss this in depth.
I guess I am just wondering if anyone else experiences something similar, and if anything has helped you?
Thank you.
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Speaking of faith and FTMs, this one wants to attempt to go stealth when joining a church, which I'm sure will go over very well and definitely won't convince anyone that demonic infiltration is a more pressing concern than they first realized.
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Stealth at church?​

I've always been a spiritual person. Before I transitioned, I went to church every Sunday and to Bible study as well as volunteered at a very progressive Baptist church where I used to live. When I came out and started T, I stopped going, afraid that it wouldn't go over well despite how progressive and welcoming the church was. Since then, I've moved to another state, and I've had top surgery. I pass pretty well, though sometimes I get clocked over the phone by voice only. I'm not stealth in my daily life or at work, but lately I've been thinking of going back to church. Does anyone have any experiences with attending church stealth? How did it go?
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A TiM resents knowing that even among other gender dipshits and gender dipshit supporters, everyone sees him and his kind for what they really are: ugly men in drag. Such brutally honest depictions leave OP bitter towards even the most airborne of flying monkeys as he writes that it feel as if "they want to create a "safe" man by masculinizing a trans woman." Just goes to show how little they understand about TERFs and transphobes - to many of us, trannies are the most unsafe kind of man there is!
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I don't like the way a lot of queer non-trans women depict us. It has me questioning the intentions of large parts of the "queer community". Am I insane for this?​

I came across this tweet today and it reminds me of many other depictions of trans fem people made by non-trans women. In isolation, I struggle to care about an OC that I personally don't feel any common ground with. But it feels like a pattern inside the queer community. This bookcover and this mural are other examples.
It's like they have a need to depict the "wokest" most "progressive-est" representation of a trans woman imaginable - and for some reason that is a non-medicalized ""AMAB"" with facial hair along with superficial feminine presentation (sometimes literally putting a bow on what reads as a cis-man and calling it the pinnacle of MtF representation).
The contrast between presentation and body is something that really gets to me. In the mural and book cover, the addition of ill-fitting clothing and a little bow~ feels insulting. I genuinely cannot tell the difference sometimes between maliciously transphobic caricatures and these kind of depictions.
It even feels fetishistic sometimes, like they want to create a "safe" man by masculinizing a trans woman.
I see so many depictions of "GNC" trans women - but so few trans women who actually feel represented by them (even among butch or otherwise GNC trans women).
TL:DR: Why on earth is there such an over-representation of non-transitioning trans women in queer depictions of MtFs?
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A self-described "autistic trans woman computer nerd" notices that it seems every other sheep in the female flock of Reddit seems to actually be a wolf in disguise just like him, leading him to speculate on what exactly causes such a phenomenon to happen. Some theorize that it's because "there are more terminally online trans women than cis women" while others suggest that it's because "trans women are less likely to have internalized the message that being a lesbian is bad as young people."; the funniest part about this, though, is that whenever the sisters of Sappho come up, transbians can't stop themselves from complaining about that damn cotton ceiling that blocks them from getting a taste of that sweet, sweet monosexual muff.
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Are there more trans lesbians than cis lesbians, or am I just on Reddit?​

Pretty often when I'm scrolling through comments in subreddits that are not related to gender or sexuality, I'll see comments from people talking about being a lesbian or liking women. Then I'll click through to check it their profile, and easily 80% of the time I'll see something trans related immediately.
This is commonly associated with several other specific things such as: being autistic, having an interest in computers or programming, D&D, Warhammer 40k. Also, they actually bother to decorate their Reddit avatar with the lesbian pride heart or something similar.
It's gotten to the point that when I see someone say something like "I'm a lesbian and I was diagnosed with autism at 32" or "Lesbian here, the 40k fandom is pretty hit-or-miss with the LGBT community", I can almost guarantee that they are a trans woman.
Don't get me wrong, I'm describing myself. Autistic lesbian trans woman computer nerd. It's just that I find it out in the wild on Reddit so often.
Rarely have I seen someone say they are a lesbian and then it turns out they're a cis woman who is into horticulture or something. Like maybe once or twice I've seen that. Nearly every other time that someone specifically points out being a girl or being a lesbian, they're a trans woman in my experience.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this experience. Like there are far more cis people in general, right? So wouldn't the total number of cis lesbians far outweigh the number of trans lesbians? Or is there something about being a trans woman that makes you more likely to be a lesbian?
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During counseling, a FTM vents to her therapist about feeling lonesome without someone by her side, but her therapist is quick to urge her to date troons 'n' poons instead of courting normal women. Naturally, this hurts OP's feelings to know that her therapist thinks regular chicks have no interest in her, but a fact she mentions in passing merits presentation at the start of this post: she admits that she has carnal desires for her therapist and has been caught ogling at her directly before. Hm, do you think maybe that's why your therapist is advising that you leave ordinary ladies alone, OP?
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Therapy experience: My therapist told me a heterosexual relationship isn't possible for me.​

Crossposted from r/FTMStraight ... (I made a few small clarifications)
"English isn't my first language. I’m a guy, almost 34, (10 years on HRT, post-top surgery and hysterectomy) who’s been struggling to feel attractive. I’m slowly trying to connect with my sensuality, like feeling confident while barbering (I started learning about a month ago) or being more intentional with my style. I’ve matched with a few girls (cis and trans) on a dating app. Nothing serious yet; most of them are 20-22, which feels a bit weird to me given the age gap, but I guess it’s progress.
Context: I’ve been with my current therapist (a cis woman, around 38) for almost 4 years. She’s usually very tactful and I’ve felt comfortable with her, even when she challenges me. She recently had surgery and had to cancel our last session, so I’m not sure if that’s affecting her mood.
In our last session, I told her how vulnerable I feel expressing my desire for a relationship with a woman. I often dismiss it as 'superficial' or 'unimportant,' telling myself I shouldn't want it or that there are more important things to worry about. I usually feel ashamed even saying it. That’s probably why I resisted identifying as straight for so long. I’m taking baby steps now, and in a way, I’m excited about it.
We’ve also discussed how I feel 'not enough' when I step outside of expectations. I’m great at meeting goals (especially academic ones) even if they don't make me happy. That’s why I’m studying barbering; it’s different and challenging, but I’m doing it. "I feel so frustrated that I can't seem to build a romantic relationship (even though I have no trouble making friends). I feel like I'm awkward or weird, or like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me that eventually makes people walk away.
The session was going okay until she suddenly asked why I don't date gay or trans men (she’s suggested this before). I mentioned that sometimes at parties I show interest in gay men just to feel validated or attractive (I used to identify as pan-heteroromantic). Once, I mentioned being curious about a friend (a trans man); she followed up on that the next session, but it was irrelevant to me. Interestingly, she has never asked about the women I’ve gone on dates with or mentioned an interest in.
Then she asked about my transition. We don't talk about it much—I intentionally sought a therapist who wasn't a 'trans specialist' because my previous therapists eventually became more like friends than clinicians. Literally friends.
Shortly after discussing my transition, she told me: 'The problem is that you want a heterosexual relationship, but the kind of relationship you could have can’t be one. A straight woman won't want that.' She didn't mention bi or pan women as possibilities. She suggested I should date a trans woman or someone else 'in the community.' I mentioned I might get phalloplasty one day, though it’s not a priority. She just nodded as if to say 'it’s an option,' but added it’s not a guarantee. I feel like there’s a disconnect in how she views genitals and gender. I stayed calm during the session, but mostly because I wasn't fully processing what she was saying in the moment. It was a bit strange; we’ve discussed things like polyamory and other alternative topics in our sessions, and I hadn’t felt judged before but I realize now there were small signs that she’d been thinking that for a while.
The session ended shortly after. When I left, I felt like absolute shit. Usually, I leave therapy tired or reflective or happy, but this time I felt terrible. I talked to a friend (who is also a therapist and transmasc) on the way home. He asked if I felt it was transphobia. I said no, because she has helped me improve my life significantly (better job, traveling, adopting my dog). But something shifted. My friend thinks she might just have a very narrow view of the situation and that I need to talk to her about it.
Later, I started spiraling: I know not every straight woman will like me (being trans included). I know she’s have an opinion. But what if most women out there share that opinion? Is it even worth trying? I was so anxious, crying, avoiding my family. I just listened to music and petted my dog for a day and a half. Surprisingly, a song by my favorite band was the only thing that grounded me.
There’s something else I haven't mentioned: I feel a certain attraction toward her. I’m fully aware of what transference is, and I’m almost certain that’s what’s happening here, especially since our relationship is strictly professional and I intentionally know almost nothing about her personal life. I haven't brought it up because I’m terrified that speaking it out loud will make the feeling more intense or complicate the therapy to the point of no return.
I recently found out she got married—I’m pretty sure it was just a couple of weeks ago. As far as I know, she hasn't noticed how I feel, though there was one time I got visibly distracted by her skirt. Another time, I had a total Freudian slip: I was trying to say I wasn't looking for a relationship at my workplace, but instead, I said, 'I’m not here [in this office] to look for a partner.' Her 'no' was instantaneous—it felt defensive, maybe even a bit uncomfortable. It was a sharp reminder of the therapeutic boundary, and it left me wondering if she sensed what was going on in my head."
I’m going to talk to her tomorrow in our next session. It’ll probably be awkward. My goal isn't to change her mind, but just to tell her that I felt invalidated and that if she has questions, I can provide resources or answer them directly.
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A classically trained musician from Italy longs to do away with dresses and gowns and blossom into the beautiful boy she is meant to be, but there's a bit of a problem with this plan: she is the daughter of a renowned Italian musician, and their reputations are deeply entwined in what she describes as an "extremely conservative" field of art where "many people here barely even know what being trans actually means." Now she worries about being a trailblazer in a country where transgenderism hasn't fully captured the people as she risks taking down not only her own career, but her father's as well - yet still, the pied piper of poonacy plays on, tempting her further into the forest...
Link | Archive

Trans classical musician in Italy — scared about coming out and career consequences​

Hi everyone,
I’m a trans man living in Italy. I’m a classical musician and I’ve grown up entirely inside the classical music world: conservatory, competitions, orchestras, the whole environment. It’s a small world, very traditional, and very reputation-based.
Two years ago I had top surgery in secret. Last year I started a microdose of T (in Spain, where it’s much easier to access than in Italy). Only recently have I really started seriously questioning whether I should come out publicly.
For a long time I thought I was okay being called by my birth name and just saying I was non-binary. It felt “easier,” less disruptive, less risky. But the more time passes, the more I feel like I am actually a trans man, not non-binary. And I don’t know what to do with that realization.
I don’t think it would be easy for my family to accept. But what scares me even more is the professional side. I’m fairly well known in my niche, not just for my work, but also because my father is an important musician. I’m very often introduced or perceived as “his daughter.” That label follows me everywhere.
The classical music world in Italy is extremely conservative. Most of the people in positions of power are middle-aged cis men (often politically right-leaning), and there are basically no openly trans people in this environment. In fact, many people here barely even know what being trans actually means. There are almost no visible examples, no precedent. It feels like stepping into completely unknown territory.
There aren’t many openly trans people in Italy in general, and even fewer who were already somewhat known before coming out. I feel like I don’t have models to look at. I don’t know what happens next.
Part of me just wants to disappear. Start over somewhere no one knows me. But that’s not very realistic.
If anyone has experience coming out in a conservative professional field especially in classical music, or in a country where trans visibility is low I would really appreciate hearing how you navigated it. How did you handle your name? Your professional reputation? Did you lose work? Did things eventually stabilize?
I feel stuck between protecting my career and protecting myself.
Thanks for reading.
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While online to score some action, a troon is approached by a heterosexual couple seeking a unicorn to make believe with them and live in harmony, harmony - except when the female half of the duo realizes OP is transgender, she nips this in the bud by informing him that she has been traumatized by MTFs in the past sexually so they can never be more than friends. The comments on this one are shockingly reasonable for Reddit, which makes me suspicious that they're trying to control their tempers to look less like the psychotic rapists they've been for the last decade, but a few standard trannies whining about how it's unjustifiable no matter what happened to the woman still manage to slither in.
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Cis woman I matched with said she can't be more than friends because she has "trauma" with transfems and idk how to feel about it​

I (mtf) recently matched with a cis woman on a dating app. Turns out the profile was her and her cis husband looking for a third, which I normally wouldn't go for but I'm feeling adventurous and she was cute af. But when we started chatting she was like "i'm gonna be upfront: we can't be more than friends because of my deep trauma with transfems." I think she said her abusive ex was transfem?
I don't want to be disrespectful towards anyone's trauma or aversions, but this just feels like blatant transphobia to me. Am I wrong? If it was an aversion to penises or something like that I could understand, but her partner is a cis man. Idk.
Thoughts? Is this just thinly-veiled transphobia, or am I just being a dick?
Edit: the ios app ate most of my post??? Should be fixed now. Jeez this app sucks istg
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[–]Naive_Market_9688
Why is it that everyone's answer to 'they didn't want me' is that they MUST be transphobic? This is the exact response that pre-ops (sometimes pre everything) give when they can't get a lesbian to sleep with them, or a cis het (or gay) man for that matter.
It is not solely at your discretion who is attracted to you and who isn't!

[–]Areotale
Idgaf if she said it's trauma, it's not, it's transphobia plain and simple.

[–]Mother_Rutabaga7740
Gonna go slightly against the grain.
Like, I think it’s understandable to feel hurt about this, just like how a black person would feel hurt if a white person confessed that she didn’t feel comfortable around black people. At the same time, trauma is not a person’s fault, and frankly, the best thing for a person like this to do is to reject you upfront. Lying about their feelings will make them uncomfortable and blow up on both of you eventually.
Idk, I guess for me, if someone rejected me just because they wanted a cis partner, that’s that. They can’t lie to themselves until they’re attracted to me, and I don’t want them to try. As long as they don’t use that to misgender trans people or push discriminatory policies onto us, it is what it is and I just won’t talk to them.
Edit: it seems like they approached you first only to reject you. I’ll admit that’s pretty weird. I still stand by my point generally, but for your case, yea that woman’s weird

[–]bluecrowned
Would she feel that way if she had a bad experience with a cis person? Probably not.

[–]Witch-Alice
Replace "trans" with say, skin color. This is bigotry plain and simple.

[–]1i2728
The man wants a cis girl unicorn.
That's what's happening here.

[–]therapistgock
Substitute transfem with "black people", and you have your answer. Its predicAted on the thinking that people of the same group are the same.
And not to be crude, but you kinda lie in between the spectrum of them, which I think you bring up with her partner being cis. You bring nothing to the bed they don't have already.
Then there's the layer that if she's so traumatized, why'd she match with you? If he's running it.....then he's either oblivious to her trauma....or such a chaser he doesn't care.
Dodged that shit like Neo.


[–]Tornado547
I believe her when she says that her transphobia is the result of trauma. But something being a trauma response doesn't make it automatically okay. If you have a trauma response that results in you acting in a bigoted or otherwise harmful way, your trauma is valid and your feelings are valid but your behavior is still unacceptable and you have an ethical obligation to fix it. And until you do, other people are fully allowed to nope the hell out which is what you should do OP.

[–]CravingNature
Good luck with your healing but I can't be friends with somone who judges a group by an individual.

[–]beansquishy
This girl is whack and I would not be friendly with her. I think everyone else has given good advice so I wanna put on my tinfoil hat and say its probably her boyfriend who vetoed this and she's just saying whatever.

[–]Rubycon_
I think it's really weird she'd launch into all that. Why not just not respond or block or not swipe? This reminds me of men who match with women to let them know about their 'shortcomings' in their view. What was the reason she needed to speak with you at all?

yeah, that’s actually a really good point. If she is this aversive, even though it’s obviously wrong and bigoted, why even talk to OP in the first place? Makes zero sense.​

[–]spiralenator
I would have said “I don’t think we can be friends either. I have trauma from bigots.”

[–]TheOneArya
yes, that's just transphobia. not even veiled really. blaming an entire marginalized group for one person's wrongs is just bigotry

[–]AndyyBee
I feel like that would be like refusing to date a black person because you had a bad experience with a black person before. She's allowed to not date whoever for whatever reason, and consider yourself having dodged a bullet. Hope she gets therapy and learns not to project her negative experiences onto other members of minority groups.

To this point I actually know people who seek out (for example) a black therapist because they got hurt by another black person and are developing PTSD related to race. I think that says a lot about someone who does not like bigotry versus someone who finds excuses for it. And it really could just be a red herring cuz people don't want to look bigoted even if they are very bigoted​
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I feel like that would be like refusing to date a black person because you had a bad experience with a black person before.​
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Before I saw this reply, I was literally going to use the example of my bigoted mother, who has problems with black people because apparently black people bullied her when she was young.​
Just because bigotry is caused by a traumatic event doesn't make it ok. It's still bigotry and it's still on the person to unpack that so they don't cause harm, same as any other trauma response.​
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Honestly, that bigotry isn't even really caused by a traumatic event. No white person is scared of only white men after a bad experience with one.​
A TiM gets pissed off that "AFAB" friends of his inform him that he should be grateful to be spared the indignity of female anatomy, and rather than sympathize with the struggles they face, he views it as them "taking it out on him" because he is a self-absorbed crossdresser. Reddit hons, attracted to any opportunity where they can express virulent, shameless misogyny, descend on the post like sexist piranha smelling period blood in the water. Let's take a look at the bloodshed!
Link | Archive

Has anyone else had this?​

I had some friends who were Afab tell me that I wouldn’t want to be assigned female at birth due to either periods or misoginy, and its really frustrating hearing this stuff because it always comes from supportive people, I understand these things aren’t pleasant to go through, but it isn’t my fault and taking it out on me is fucking shitty.Has anyone else experienced this?
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[–]sammi_8601
Yes I've had it, tbf most have shut up when I've monotonely responded with a list of shit Ive had to deal with though being trans accompanied by literal where do you think I got this scar, and this one?, and why am I missing teeth? (Got the shit properly kicked out of me a few times for being trans)

[–]ConnectionIssues
"I already get period-like symptoms with regularity, and I would gladly take decades of the worst, most debilitating periods ever, if it meant I could conceive and carry a child like any of you.
As for the misogyny, bold of you to assume I don't experience any. It makes me seethe every time, and the fact that so many women I talk to view it as some essential part of being a cis female is all the more enraging. All of us deserve better."

[–]Born-Garlic3413
Mention gender dysphoria, your body feeling wrong constantly? Also, ask them to think what it would be like if they felt like a girl inside but everyone called you Fred and misgendered you for a week?

I tried this with my mom, she said she'd laugh if people misgendered her. Cis people just don't get it​
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sigh< I know. It's hard to convince someone who doesn't want to be convinced, doesn't want to know the truth of what you're feeling.​
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As an educator I'm well aware It sometimes takes dozens or hundreds of exposures to an idea to change someone's mind. And often dropping all attempts to change their minds is what works best. Just being yourself for long periods.​
Cis people often have no idea what minority stress feels like. It's a rare person who has the curiosity and strength to listen and go there in their own minds.​
It's an enormous strength of many queer people. They've been through it. They know.​
Sometimes people need someone else to tell them for you-- for example, a close friend, a sympathetic aunt, an experienced, gender-informed therapist. It's the old 3rd-party marketing rule. Marketing comes better and hits harder from someone who's not got skin in the game.​

[–]verathene
“But are you able to enjoy sex and start a family?”

[–]jk013x
Yeah, because young effeminate boys are never the targets of misogyny...
I spent most of my childhood being called gay, as though it were an insult, because I wasn't into football. I was physically attacked repeatedly because I was less masculine than my male classmates. I was sexually assaulted by 4 young men because I wore a skirt to school. They wanted to be sure I got the full "being a girl" experience...
Anyone who stays things like "you wouldn't want to be AFAB" is ignorant of the realities of being trans in a world conditioned to be assholes.
It's not the same as being AFAB, but it's not as different as most people think.

[–]Makra567
I think im gonna start saying "yeah, being transgender is way easier than that. Im actually so lucky i was born this way. Itd be such a shame if people treated me like a regular woman all the time or if my body caused me pain." In a venomously sarcastic tone and then staring daggers at them until they get the hint. Like its just such a stupid thing to say. I feel like the only thing worth doing is highlighting the absurdity of it.
Alternatively i guess if they just mention periods, "a hysterectomy is cheaper than vaginoplasty. You can solve your problem as easily as me if youre serious."

[–]mchngrliris
yeah misogyny sucks but so does transphobia. do they think that we are magically exempt from bigotry? if anything we are hated a lot more. it shows a deep lack of understanding about our experiences and how society views us

[–]Mentallyunstables
I hate that periods are seen as this sacred female event. Its simply a bodily phenomenon. And most of the time, the people who harass trans women about their lack of periods, are people who are well off enough to easily afford menstrual pads, medicine, etc. If people put the energy they do harassing trans-women about periods into advocating for more resources for women who can’t afford menstrual care, maybe it would be a less miserable experience for the people who have them.
Edit: and this is not me trying to downplay the severity of periods, but it is ultimately not helpful (imo) to play pain olympics with other women when you could be using that energy to make life easier for BOTH of you
I’m sorry that they said these things to you.

[–]lithaborn
Periods, misogyny, SA, etc, they're part of the female experience. I knew about the bad bits when I signed up for this and I went ahead anyway.
Being trans isn't a choice, transitioning is a choice. I choose the danger because I'm not just in it for fun, I'm not going to detrans the first time I don't get listened to by a doctor, the first time a guy grabs my tit without asking, the first time I get called a bitch, if I get overpowered and violated. I'm going to lean on my woman friends because they know how that feels.
I don't have to be raped to understand how traumatic rape is.
I didn't choose to be born without a uterus and ovaries, I didn't choose to grow up not being sexualized from the age of ten and indoctrinated into toxic beauty standards. If someone doesn't understand why I would have chosen those things if it were possible, they don't understand what being trans is.
Would I be miserable? Are you? I see joyous, outgoing, vicarious women all the time. They all have their traumas but they also have strength, resilience that I can only dream of. They're right, I couldn't cope with half the things cis women have to endure, but I can be there to empathize, to be the waterproof shoulder and the unshakable support. Tell me how bad it is and let me mourn with you. Help me understand more. If I'm not woman enough, help me improve.

[–]VeganEgg11
They’re entitled to their opinions. Don’t be overly sensitive to it as long as they’re supportive of you in general. Just say this isn’t a rationale based decision lol like this is just who you are.
Just say, okay well why don’t you get a hysterectomy and start taking T? And then they’ll say eww no i don’t want to be a stinky hairy man (or maybe they do, who knows!) but more than likely they’ll say no i like being a girl and you say yeah exactly. Based on your logic, you can have all those things you think would benefit you rationally but it’s not who you are in your soul.
Don’t let it get to you too much.

[–]OdiiKii1313
yeah, i have a friend who has complicated feelings about pregnancy and child-rearing, and has on multiple occasions made comments to me saying i should be thankful i can't get pregnant as if that isn't one of the single most upsetting realities i personally face as a trans woman

Ask her if she says the same thing to infertile cis women and if she says no call her out on treating you differently over something you didn't have control over.​
Her trauma does not give her a free pass to invalidate yours, if she doesn't understand how much that hurts you tell her and if she doesn't want to understand then you should walk away and feel better friends who respect you as a human being and as a woman.​
Again your trauma isn't lesser , your struggles aren't lesser don't let people walk all over you , cis women aren't the gatekeepers of womanhood and we're just as much women as they are and deserve respect and empathy.​


[–]Stottery
Periods and misogyny are both shitty experiences, no doubt. But something to remind your cis friends is that they don't only experience these things as an isolated event, they are part of their lived experience and subsequently part of their social world.
Maybe I wouldn't enjoy having a period but you know what I would enjoy? Being able to relate to a girlfriend and how she feels if she tells me she's on her period, and vice-versa when I'm on mine. Being able to bond over trying out period pants, or moon cups, or whatever other products we might be trying. The camaraderie of a stranger asking me for a tampon in an emergency, and being able to help her. Understanding and sharing jokes about wearing white pants, not just on the conceptual level of knowing what the joke is about but on the visceral, experiential level that makes things more funny to people.
I hesitate to say much about the misogyny part because it's an injustice that anyone should experience it. But even there, what do you get when a certain group of people regularly experiences a specific type of injustice? You get trauma bonding, support networks – you get friendship out of it.
Trans women are women and we want to experience life as a woman. We're generally not excited to pick and choose between the joys of being a woman and the mild conveniences of being a man. Because what it means for gender to be a social construct is that gender touches almost every part of our lives. You can't experience only the good parts without some kind of sacrifice.

You can carry tampons in your purse to hand to cis women in emergencies if you want. In fact I think that would be a very sweet thing to do​
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Oh I plan to once I'm a bit closer to passing. But my comment above is not just to say I want all those things... I'm 36, I want to have had those things, and if 20-something years of periods would be the price to pay for that, then I would have been happy to.​
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Yeah, I hear you. Autistic brain was just like "but you can do that". I think I've reached the point where I've stopped wishing for things that can't be, I'm concentrating on the present and the future. The most positive comments I've ever had have been "what do you identify as?". That might be the best I'm gonna get. Luckily I have the best friend group in the world, all different genders and sexualities. My special person sees me as me, and that's all I can ask​
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Also what a weird assumption that we don't experience misogyny because we do , they probably just assume we're all drag queens who can't blend in.​
I've been living as a woman more than anything else and I've experienced plenty of misogyny , they just see trans women as men in dresses and they believe their struggles superior to us because they can't understand that we are women just as much as they are.​
It's not that we don't menstruate in a vacuum, the price we paid was a traumatic childhood, inability to give birth, wrong parts that cost tens of thousands to fix combined with a potentially wrong puberty ruining our bodies right before our eyes , these people don't understand how much trauma and struggle we face and decide to spit in our faces despite the fact that they wouldn't last a day in our shoes.​
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I agree with this, luckily I have a few cis women that are really good friends and one even said that I was in their best friend circle, we openly share lived experiences and perspectives. I am grateful for these women, because I am not excluded from any topic and am told that to be a woman, I have to know what women experience, even if I can’t actually experience everything exactly the same way so I can at least relate in a conceptualized sense. One of the biggest things I am learning, is with dealing with guys that I don’t find attractive and are too pushy, touchy feely, and/or won’t leave me alone. As my old self, I never was like that or experienced anything besides not liking how guys talked about women treating them like objects or trophies. I am no where close to being as strong as I was prior to transitioning and now dealing with feeling vulnerable or a little on edge when I notice or experience guys getting too close, I am told that is something cis women deal with almost everyday and why they usually don’t go anywhere alone…no one regardless of gender or sexuality should have to worry like this, guys & some girls (trans and cis) need to learn proper boundaries and respect.​
I recently went out to club(usually a very safe place) and was made to feel extremely uncomfortable, and powerless for a while due to a drunk cis guy who couldn’t take no for an answer, once I was able to slip away, I informed my bartender friend and then that guy was quickly removed. This shouldn’t happen at all and being drunk shouldn’t be an excuse, nor a person dressed a certain way at a club be any sign that they are “looking” for something.​

[–]schizo_affectionate
As a trans guy, they really shouldn’t have been saying that to you. It’s clear to me they don’t understand that we would love to the other sex as to what we were assigned at birth, even with the struggles.
Also trans women and MTF people still can (and often do) experience both misogyny and bloodless periods 😭
Ik you ladies understand, I just wish you all had better support systems

[–]PoggleRebecca
Yeah I've had people tell me that the abuse and exclusion trans people (women especially) face is completely justified because of misogyny and the abuse of cis men, and that if I want to be treated like a normal woman I should stop cis men from being so predatory and creepy.
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if I want to be treated like a normal woman I should stop cis men from being so predatory and creepy.​
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As if trans women have the power to do that.​


JFC​
Misogynistic, victim-blaming idiots. As if it's a woman's responsibility to stop men from being predatory and creepy. Honestly!​
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Gods, like we magically control cis men. No, we don't. Frankly, we generally have LESS influence than cis women do there. WTF are they even on about. Even then...y'know, people are responsible for their own behavior. If someone is being sucky, that's a THEM problem. Not an 'anyone else' problem. Now changing societal structures that encourage that? Fuck yeah. But gods forbid we do that. Can't mess with the Cistem.​

[–]Noctema
Yes, too many times. It is pure transmisogyny, and it is a strong sign that they are not understanding anything about what we go through, nor see us as actual women.

I’d tell them I feel the same way about my male body and societal treatment that comes with it.​
Periods sucks? Well I just so happen to loathe how sweaty, hairy and horny my body always is. How I’m always feeling so detached from my emotions. How angry I always feel.​
Misogyny is awful? Yes, and so are the crippling male expectation that I have to always keep my appearance as a manly man - against my own will - and the societal repercussions if I don’t.​
Hopefully they’ll come to the realization of how much it sucks to be trapped in the wrong body regardless of which sex. And if they say they’d still rather be a man, then congratulations now they know how it feels to be TRANS and wanting to be the other sex despite all of its shitty aspects​
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Damn. That is good. Imma use that if I ever run into it. That ok with you? I'll kinda credit you and everything....well, if I can even remember your tag anyway.​
Promise.​
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I would ask them how they would feel to be forced to go on testosterone and be forcibly transitioned, or how they would feel about a cis girl going through that. They tend to get pretty horrified.​

[–]AvidDndEnthusiast
Yeah, I've gotten that a few times as well, it's really shitty. Like, I know that periods suck, I know that misogyny is a real problem, but this is what I want. If I was granted the opportunity to switch so that I'm afab, I'd take that opportunity in a heartbeat, even though I'm aware the downsides suck.

Yeah, it's like saying someone who wants to get a car shouldn't want that because cars sometimes break down, insurance and maintenance is expensive, and sometimes people cut you off in traffic. Like, yeah? I know? But they also let you go vroom and get to places?​
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Also, trans women deal with misogyny as well​
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Also periods. Sure it's just the cramping and not the bleeding, but still​

Exactly how I feel, but if I try to say this they’ll say stuff like “You wouldn’t survive” or “You’ll be far less happy than you think”​
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I hate the "you'll be less happy than you think" stuff especially. Like I know how unhappy I already was, that's why I'm here.​
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If they think dysphoria is that easy and being a woman is that bad, why don't they just take T and start living as men then? According to them they've already survived a process far harder than being trans, so it's only logical right?​
I imagine if you asked them that they would look at you like you have three heads, and maybe you could help them understand why what they're saying is just as fucking insane as that suggestion is.​
...well, that or it'll backfire spectacularly and they think you're saying that being trans is a choice. That or you accidentally crack a few eggs...​
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Tf they mean "You wouldn't survive"?Like, I know it isn't the oppression olympics but trans women face way more discrimination and animosity than cis women. Just because most didn't have the privilege of a girlhood doesn't mean we don't experience misogyny and sexual harassment. Plus experiencing it later doesn't make it any less severe.​
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And it's stupid they say that. Have they any idea how painful electrolysis is? I've had far more surgeries in my life than most cis women.​
Lastly, a FTM without any shame admits to the general public that she finds pizza sexually arousing.
Link | Archive

uh... food boners?​

thinking about my favorite foods or in general some specific food cravings make me hard. Last week I was thinking about pizza and boom. wtf???? maybe it's because i was thinking abt something I really like??
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