Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

Overwritten Tapes said:
This is mostly from when I was a late teen and all throughout my 20's..

Why did most women always have to shit-test? After a few times, it became obvious what it was, and after playing along those few times, it would turn me off automatically.

Do they ever grow out of it?
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My dad would shit test every dude my sister or I brought around even if they were just a friend, people do it automatically, unconsciously, it's done for a reason. My dads shit tested if the moids would flip out or if they can banter, if they're quick to anger etc. The ones he liked he took fishing or to help out with some job. Once determined not to be an instant psycho the shit tests would be more subtle or situational, that way you don't have to wait 2 years for something to happen to see how they would react. Shit tests are done by both genders. They might get better or more subtle with age as they learn what to test for and how, but I'm pretty sure it's mostly an unconscious thing. The redpill autists make them out to be such a big deal cause they always fail them.
 
I am having some parental troubles and I would like some advice from the kind farmers here.


I think I am at an impasse with my parents. I will try to convey the strife that has existed my whole life without writing a novel. They will both hold onto slights even if you apologize. My mom will make it clear at every opportunity that you wronged her, my dad will hold it in and boil. Additionally they will repeat frustrating behavior and literally refuse to improve. They have both, on multiple occasions, told me they will never change. And IF they DO change(which has happened so rarely I can count it on one hand) they will hold it against me seemingly forever(at least they haven't forgotten any instances yet). Though again my dad will boil in it and my mom will shove my face in it.

I have then brought it up to them that if they refuse to change I am forced to capitulate to all their demands --- regardless of the impact on my own life --- if I wish to have a civil relationship with them. In response I was told that "You don't have to do anything". Frankly I don't even know how I am suppose to take that. If you are wondering what demands they make of me it, does vary. My dad's are simple, don't cause any trouble for mom and don't disrespect him(unless he resents you in which case you do nothing but prostrate and hope). My mom's demands are more complex. Sometimes it’s something like spending time with her, or it could be appeasing her ego. But in all cases her genuine demands are never made directly. If her she decides to make a demand directly at some point her opinion will change and I then have to divine new behavior that she wishes for me to follow or new opinions to have. The most recent example was my neglect in specifying that I would indeed go out to dinner with them while also visiting them for the weekend (yes I did specify that I would see them, so it was implied that I would also go out to eat).

I use demand specifically since even if a verbal contract isn't made, if you violate their demands, you will then be punished. In the example I gave, when I didn't specifically say that I would indeed be having dinner with them I was then told that: I am making no attempt to see them, that there is no point in getting together at all (I was already planning to be in the area for other reasons and agreed that it would be nice to see them, but it's not like I can see them every week), that I have 0 investment in the relationship, that I do what ever I want ect. ect.

Yes, this is what happened. No I promise you I am not missing any context in this interaction. I can only assume that part of the problem is that last summer I neglected to spend a whole day with them when they were in my neck of the woods since I was working over time and didn't have time for much beyond work (I did go out to eat with them though). Perhaps I am heartless, but I still don't see how this would lead to the reaction I got for what at most is a minor mistake (correct me if you feel I am wrong). But I don't feel particularly charitable since it's been this way my whole life. Being accused of things I didn't do and then being asked to re-prove my fealty at every turn.

Perhaps I am sensitive, but this takes a toll on my mental health. Additionally it doesn't help that, for some horrible reason, despite being raised by parents that hate clear communication I desire it above all else. When I am having a problem, I need to communicate what is bothering me. Despite this being a part of my efforts to save the relationship, my parents will take it as an attack. Asking them to cease any behavior will then lead to an argument regardless of how kindly I request it (or it will go ignored like I didn't utter a word). I suppose I am repeating myself though.

As you may be able to tell, this is a tricky spot. Now that I am an adult and I feel even more strongly about asserting my own wants, this has lead to increasingly more tension in the relationship. I even have it on good authority that my parents are, frankly, not fond of me. To be fair I am running out of patience for their behavior as well(I will vent to my brother about them, but they also vent about me to him). Especially when I have kids I don't want to dedicate mental energy into figuring out how I recently offended my mother and then suppress all the stress that it brings and interact with them for the sake of my father. Or through my hatred of pedos and the internet not sharing with them pictures of my children and them taking that as me keeping them from my children(since I have told them that if they don’t curb their drinking and yelling at each other I would not feel comfortable leaving them alone with my children), however I know I can't trust my mom to not share photos since I have literally begged her to not share information before and I caught her in the act of sharing that info with other people (and this break of trust has occurred twice and that's only the times I caught her).

However despite all this they were never horrible to me. I wasn't beaten, beyond being frequently yelled at, I wasn't abused. And they have told me multiple times that they do want me in their life and, even though it's expressed as anger and judgment, my mom does seem to miss me. Otherwise she wouldn't expect me to call her every week. I even have some fond memories from before I was 11. Like being taught to ride a bike or hugging my dad. They also taught me financial literacy and professional confidence. They have also provided financial assistance for college and my wedding.

But I am at my wits end. Even though I have written this much, it still doesn't capture all the things they do which really hurt. I feel like I have done everything I can possibly try to improve my relationship with them. I can't keep playing guessing games like I did when I was young and I can't keep soothing the ensuing tantrum when I try to talk with them. I want to have the mental clarity to focus on my job, my future children, and improving my social life (I have no female friends and I really wish I did). They take such a toll on me, but I don't feel like I deserve to be able to cut them off. Also the family dog recently died and it's really taking a toll on my dad. I feel sad for him and wish I could provide support, but my relationship with him is especially tense right now. While I don't know to what degree I can comfort him I know that cutting them off will do harm. I wish I could provide comfort to my dad, but I just don't know how to do so. I wish I could make both my parents happy. But I don't see how that can be done while also respecting myself.

Thank you for reading all that and I must ask.
What do you think I should do kind farmer?
 
Taxidermied Rat said:
Thank you for reading all that and I must ask.
What do you think I should do kind farmer?
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Sorry for what you are going through :/. I think your problem is to complex to be answered by us. If you and your parents are both actually interested in fixing your relationship I'd ask them to go to therapy with you something similar to couples therapy). Old people tend to not want to do that but you should tell them that you actually also want a good relationship with them and that you, in this current situation, don't see another way to accomplish that.
I also really understand why your mother wants some pictures if her grandchildren, but I also completely understand why you don't want to send it to them if they can't respect you wishes to not post them.
 
A Cat in a Minefield said:
Sorry for what you are going through :/. I think your problem is to complex to be answered by us. If you and your parents are both actually interested in fixing your relationship I'd ask them to go to therapy with you something similar to couples therapy). Old people tend to not want to do that but you should tell them that you actually also want a good relationship with them and that you, in this current situation, don't see another way to accomplish that.
I also really understand why your mother wants some pictures if her grandchildren, but I also completely understand why you don't want to send it to them if they can't respect you wishes to not post them.
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therapy isn't necessarily going to help, in no small part because therapy is an entirely pozzed field, at least now, (see the troon/self diagnose menace). one thing with family relationships like that is to remember you're not alone and some sidegrade of straight bs is more common than you'd think, and they evolve very fucking weird. growing up my mom seemed very short fused, and i'd be prone to having breakdowns from some of it, though some of it was part me being assholish as well, my dad was basically a lower mental tier homer simpson, my grandma was moreso my motherly emotional support, and my grandpa was basically *the* s rank nigga in my life. then gradually, i learned my mother's struggles, and she has adapted and grown alongside me and became a rock for me and the gladys to my elvis, while i learned my grandma had a history of serious mental issues and abuse that had flareups and manic episodes occasionally but has begun to really not do fucking well at all with aging and has become a coin flip 50/50 complete bpd menace and someone i'd gladly care for as long as they stick around.

my cousins had a "hard love" father that eventually climaxed into one of them having various mental breakdowns, fighting him (seriously so), but now the younger started a family and they have a "want to eat pizza together with us and the kids?" relationship.

to use the tyler the creator lyric, "i fucking hate you (but i love you)" can be sadly frequent. options are dependent on your situation, the harshest and not likely desired or recommended, only if there was real shit abuse, is to deal with your situation best you can and leave when prepared, or just leave, or if you're already on your own, then "cutting off" besides maybe cards etc. you can't choose the family you start with but you can choose those you stay with basically. you can try to really work on everything and tell them your feelings, but the cold reality is that generally, from experience, you'll just get the "are you fucking retarded?" look. some combination of not listening, not believing, "if you think im bad you should have seen uncle jimmy", passive aggressiveness, and if they're both similar, and you have no hard recorded evidence of anything, then gaslight style attempts of "don't believe your lying eyes and ears" recollections of events. them yelling at you to stop your crying but them remembering it as "now (x), you need to do a little better sweetie, love ya" or some shit etc.

if you don't have a sibling or close friend that knows what's going on and sides with you, you can very easily be led into mental shit like "am i wrong?/ have i just deserved it?" no matter how mentally strong you may think you are or be. there's option of just sticking with them regardless, though eventually you might get tired of the bullshit after 10+, 20+, 30+ years and drift apart. however, people change every day, and that can lead to better or worse futures. generally though if a family member is a asshole you're connected to for whatever reason, you have to always wind up at a flavor of ifhy but love you. ideally we would all have families with no worse than sitcom dysfunction, but sadly in reality, you're only promised to (usually) not get a benoit or casey anthony. regardless of what you do, i'd recommend making your efforts to try to reach out to them regardless about how you feel, and to hug them as much as you can regardless, and if they need reasonable help to do so, for yourself, to go forward with minimal regrets, and above all else, treat others going forward as you wish you were treated, instead of wanting others to feel like you do in your pain
 
Shakira Flabbergasted said:
Unrelated: Ladies, how do open jar? I've tried all the usual methods like tapping it with a knife and running hot water over the lid, but all in vain. My usual jar opener is at work. Help
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The suggestions by long waters and Lentil Soup are better for jars, especially ones with wider lids but a good pair of adjustable pliers like picrel can be useful for some containers. (along with just general home repairs like plumbing) I used mine recently for a particularly stubborn bottle of homemade rakija a friend sent me.

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long waters said:
We also sometimes find a defective electric screwdriver, get it at a massive discount, fix it, then brag to the boys about what a sick deal we got and how cool we are for fixing it. (Okay I haven't done that with a screwdriver but I've literally done this with mechanical keyboards before)
Do y'all do that too?
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some try and that's why there are so many upset single moms with 1-2 year olds
 
Vlad the Implier said:
The suggestions by long waters and Lentil Soup are better for jars, especially ones with wider lids but a good pair of adjustable pliers like picrel can be useful for some containers. (along with just general home repairs like plumbing) I used mine recently for a particularly stubborn bottle of homemade rakija a friend sent me.

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Im disappointed Vlad doesnt recommend the "puncture the lid with a screwdriver" method.
Shakira Flabbergasted said:
Dang, maybe we do need an ask moids for advice thread. Thanks!
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we kind of have one but the 77 page testdrive suggests moids don't have the EQ necessary to run an advice thread.
 
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long waters said:
We also sometimes find a defective electric screwdriver, get it at a massive discount, fix it, then brag to the boys about what a sick deal we got and how cool we are for fixing it. (Okay I haven't done that with a screwdriver but I've literally done this with mechanical keyboards before)
Do y'all do that too?
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For dresses on the discount rack that just need a new zipper? Yes. For men? Well… it’d need to be a really good fixer-upper deal.
Taxidermied Rat said:
Thank you for reading all that and I must ask.
What do you think I should do kind farmer?
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They won’t change. You should step back slightly and try not to engage with any shitty behaviour. Always leave yourself an escape route and be willing to use it - if they’ve cornered you for a weekend and are being unreasonable it’s ok to leave. When they behave better give them more of you.
Also don’t forget that they press your buttons, and so try to modulate your own reactions. Don’t confront them so much as just politely withdraw when they’re doing it.
Don’t leave a baby alone with anyone who drinks heavily.
 
1. Is the love a woman feels for a man directly proportional to the size of the plushie we get them? for example: a 30cm duck plushie vs 190cm one, same question for a bouquet.

2. Do women really care about the difference betwen high quality perfumes and cheap ones? I heard good things online about the Giorgio Armani Code but since it's so expensive I want to ask first.

3. What training protocol do you recommend for moidmaxxin? rn I'm doing the following:
-3 sets of making eye contact and then immediately looking at the floor.
-4x10 of stumbling on my words when trying to jestergoon with a foid.
-As Many Reps As Possible (AMRAP) of not showering.
 
Anime Waifu NFT collector said:
1. Is the love a woman feels for a man directly proportional to the size of the plushie we get them? for example: a 30cm duck plushie vs 190cm one, same question for a bouquet.

2. Do women really care about the difference betwen high quality perfumes and cheap ones? I heard good things online about the Giorgio Armani Code but since it's so expensive I want to ask first.

3. What training protocol do you recommend for moidmaxxin? rn I'm doing the following:
-3 sets of making eye contact and then immediately looking at the floor.
-4x10 of stumbling on my words when trying to jestergoon with a foid.
-As Many Reps As Possible (AMRAP) of not showering.
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1. Yes. For maximum love, the plushie needs to be yuge (as big as her mom if you can get one in that size). She will imprint on the plushie and confuse the love she feels for it as love for you, and that's how you get married.

2. No. The best option is the cheapest body spray you can possibly find in the deodorant aisle. If you can't find any under $5, just pick one of those spray deodorants and use it all over your body. Just to make sure you don't waste any, you should try to do this in an enclosed space like a bathroom and use as much of the can as you possibly can in one go. It also helps if you have a candle burning in there. The candle fumes will bind with the scent molecules from the deodorant and you'll smell irresistible.

3. That's a good start, but to optimize that routine you can add 3x15 reps of wall punches while raging at video games. Otherwise, no notes.
 
Perun said:
My dad would shit test every dude my sister or I brought around even if they were just a friend, people do it automatically, unconsciously, it's done for a reason. My dads shit tested if the moids would flip out or if they can banter, if they're quick to anger etc. The ones he liked he took fishing or to help out with some job. Once determined not to be an instant psycho the shit tests would be more subtle or situational, that way you don't have to wait 2 years for something to happen to see how they would react. Shit tests are done by both genders. They might get better or more subtle with age as they learn what to test for and how, but I'm pretty sure it's mostly an unconscious thing. The redpill autists make them out to be such a big deal cause they always fail them.
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I can explain why I don't agree with shit tests, and while they measure something, you are not testing for what you think you are testing, this is a very long post but refuting something takes more time than writing what's being refuted:

The problem with shit tests is that these tests are subjective and unfalsibiable, a test needs to have a clear pass/fail condition, and objective and tested evaluation criteria, it can't be "You will pass or fail the test depending on my preferences". It would be more precise to call it the Preference check. The test is: "I'm gonna be intentionally annoying to you, and if you react poorly you failed the test", the issue is that both outcomes prove you right and they assume nothing is wrong with the test in the first place, example:

  • If they react poorly to you being annoying they failed the test, so you were right in "shit testing" them because they failed.
  • If they react how you want, such as banter or by ignoring you, they passed the test, so you were right in shit testing them because they didn't fail.
At first glance this doesn't sound like an issue because all tests have a pass/fail condition, but this is correct as long as nothing is wrong with the test. Rather than testing something objective you are testing to support a previously held belief , which is that those who get annoyed when people they don't know are annoying towards them are not reacting well, when in reality it's a completely normal reaction, this is why I mentioned earlier that with "shit tests" you are assuming nothing is wrong with the test in the first place, even that use of language implies an objective measure where failure is on the other person, rather than the one doing the evaluation using subjective criteria.

Shit tests ignore that other people are also running shit tests simultaneously with competely different criteria of pass/fail to yours, for example: If your dad was annoying towards your sister's boyfriends, and they make the decision of not wanting to be with her anymore because they have other options and don't want to have to deal with future annoying in-laws, according to your dad they failed the shit test, and according to this hypothetical boyfriend your dad failed his own shit test, how can both tests be failed and their results be true at the same time? Because a "shit test" is merely a subjective evaluation for the behaviors that you want based on prior beliefs, and the evaluator has not failure condition, and you give it an aura of objectivity by using language associated with things that are objective.

I'll explain failure condition of a test with an example: Imagine you have a kitchen scale, you put a weight that says 4 ounches on it, if it shows 100 grams the weight truly weights 100 grams, if it shows another number the weight doesn't actually weight 100 grams, the issue with this logic is that you are assuming the scale can never be wrong. You can falsify the scale being accurate, how can you falsify your shit tests? You can't because it's subjective and there is no failure condition for the evaluator.

Let me give you an example to make it more clear: I am an employer, you and me schedule an interview at 11:00, my shit test is making you wait 20 minutes past 11:00, if you have any sort of issue with that, either by telling me directly or by distancing yourself from this job offer, then I made the right call by doing a shit test because you failed. In parallel the candidate is performing his own shit test, if they make me wait they don't respect my time and therefore will not respect me in other areas too, the employer failed the shit test. Both performed a shit test in which, in their own mind, the other failed.

Last example, this time for social interactions, imagine I DM you with the intention of being frens, after doing that I reply to you being confrontational and rude, I start calling you an autist, I'm sarcastic, I mock you, and in my mind if you get offended you failed my shit test regarding if you are sensitive or not, we were gonna be friends but you failed, in your mind I failed the shit test because you don't want to get to know someone who is rude and confrontational, specially when you just met them.

If you wanted to be more honest, rather than call it shit test (which implies objectivity, adequate evaluation criteria because it uses the word test, and the word "shit" to imply importance) you could just call it the "Preference check", the "Vibe check", the "Act how I like check" or the "Guess my rules test".
 
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