How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Squanto Airi]

I have not slept well the past two days.
EDIT:

Taurus in Uranus sounds like trouble!

Not if you're Heather Hambly

 

[Gimmighoul]

postpartum is going to fucking kill me

 

[ChaosReignsOnSomeSaturday]

I essentially got sniped by a guy I know in regards to a girl I was interested in. My buddy attempts to help me rebound by introducing me to his friend. I message her in 2 conversations, she's into cosplay or something and I have like a passing knowledge of the stuff. She ghost the conversation for like a week, and everyone is like "she's just shy keep messaging her just be patient."

Today he tells me it's not gonna work out that she said I was overwhelming her and talked about myself too much. I showed him the entire DM chain, like 8 messages, and he proceeded to talk to me like I'm some retard who's never held a conversation.

"Well you never asked her about her interest..."
"Well you need to ask OPEN ENDED questions..."
"You talked about being interested in this thing but never went into more detail..."

SHE NEVER PROMPTED ME FOR ANYTHING
I knew 2 things about her and I thought if I got us talking about 1 it'd open her up to ask me something about myself which we could work off. He keeps being like, "You fucked up but Don take it hard."

No nigger I didn't fuck up. I'm not some sperg who doesn't have the capacity to talk to someone so stop treating me like I am. I'm just so pissed it's unbelievable. Somehow everything is either partially or fully my fault to these people and I genuinely do not know what to do anymore.

 

[Banquet Meal]

i think im going to have a stroke...my child is in the hospital still, he has a sleep study next thursday because they think he has central sleep apnea, and they told me that he will be on 02 full time now, but no one can tell me WHY...but what could make a situation like this worse???
i can tell you.
last night at 4am, my husband woke up shrieking in pain, puking his guts out...i called an ambulance because wtf.....long story short, he was admitted to the hospital with severe pancreatitis....!!!!!!
the best part? hes in the adult hospital that is adjacent to the one my kid is in. i seriously cant believe this is happening. idk what to even do now. im so scared. ive never been away from my husband ever, and he cant even talk because hes super out of it from pain and the drugs they gave him....when it rains, it fucking pours

like...how does this even happen to anyone...i swear we have the most fucked up luck of anyone ive ever met. now im scared to death for both of them

 

[Frag Tag Mini 3]

i think im going to have a stroke...my child is in the hospital still, he has a sleep study next thursday because they think he has central sleep apnea, and they told me that he will be on 02 full time now, but no one can tell me WHY...

Your kids brain has issues with the parts of it that help regulate body functions. Basically theres a central section that tells the rest of the body to do stuff. You ever wonder why your body can change its temp? Or why is it the heart rate can increase or decrease without you thinking about it? Part of your brain is set up to just do and regulate that. That part of his brain isnt really working like it should and just kinda gives up when he goes to sleep. Sleep Apnia is typically treated via making sure the air pressure is high enough to get past the physical throat obstructions. However, theres not a physical obstruction, its the brain not working. You would have to pressurize the air enough to make his chest rise and then have the air hit negative to extract it from his lungs. Thats a no go and way to high pressure. The alt? Take the normal air thats 70% unusable material (nitrogen) and make it 100% usable oxygen. Think of it this way, its like taking a person that's about to die of dehydration and isnt able to drink water and just dumping them in a bathtub full of water. It's going to soak into them. It's not ideal, but it's a solution, it works, and it should really help him have a much better quality of life.

 

[stick]

The trick was to accept that you (we) are indeed the weird ones for prioritizing stuff like principles and charitable behavior.

I find that sad but I'll try. I usually go into new places thinking that I'll be smarter and use my past experiences to make better judgment calls, then the people there are nice and I end up going "...well, why would they lie?" and the same shit happens all over again. I will try to really steel my resolve when I start my next job.

 

[Sergeant Major Buzzkill]

It was an okay birthday. Going thru some heavy, mixed emotions right now.

 

[Legalize Asbestos]

I find that sad but I'll try. I usually go into new places thinking that I'll be smarter and use my past experiences to make better judgment calls, then the people there are nice and I end up going "...well, why would they lie?" and the same shit happens all over again. I will try to really steel my resolve when I start my next job.

Yeah it's a deficit on your part, probably. Eg. In a conversation with three in the room, it may be more important to the one person to look cool in front of the other (maybe that person is rich, or friends with the boss, or fuckable, or whatever - there's more benefits to aligning with them than to you), so they'll do things at your expense. Especially when they pick up on the fact that you can't tell when you're being 'handled'. I've seen a lot of situations where the 'good at his job but spergish' guy is paid in platitudes and never wises up to it.

It's not just ruthlessness or predation on their part either. For example, I use to have a bad habit of blurting out whatever I'd heard earlier in the day to avoid awkward silences at work. Turns out that meant I couldn't be trusted with anything said in confidence. Who would want to deepen a relationship with someone known to tattle secrets all day? It made me a liability. That sort of thing.

Seriously explore whether or not you are just blind to this dynamic. I didn't get wise to it until some blood pressure meds inadvertently slowed me down enough to notice the social cues. And if I go off the med I become blind to it again. It's a deficit; can't learn your way out of a clubfoot or a gimp hand. I'm doing a lot of assumption here, but try the assumption, maybe it fits.

 

[Neurotypical Mantis]

i would like to be on the internet for one second without being forced to listen to someone trying to justify child porn

 

[AnOminous]

The one guy I actually respected and gave a shit about is kind of an entitled, weird douche.
I'm not joking when I say I don't think any of this is real anymore. I really don't think any of this is happening. I really think all of this has to be a dream.

Remember when the world made sense.

LMAO yeah that was a time. Wasn't it? Lmao.

I have not slept well the past two days.

I have not slept well in fucking years. I have slept like the guy in the fucking Machinist for years. I can't believe the level of non-sleep I have had and the absolute insanity I have experienced.

 

[Me•cha•ni•cal]

Your kids brain has issues, let me explain sleep apnea to you as if you were five.

Nigger I get you’re trying to be helpful but read the fucking room. I don’t see how your dumbed down explanation of what sleep
apnea is would be helpful to someone who feels like their world is falling apart.

It’s not even confirmed that her kid has it which is why they’re doing the sleep study to begin with. ”Your kids brain has issues”? Fuck all the way off with that shit.

 

[SOLDIER OF WALES]

Might pay off my car this summer. I'd have to liquidate my shitty little alternate assets but it'd be $360/mo off of my back.

Debt is the fucking devil. I only have a mortgage and the car loan but fuck bro. I can't believe US culture is literally just "LOL take out a loan for your car, for your house, for your education, put shit on credit cards lololol". Worst part is that your parents teach you this shit too and you don't figure it out until you're looking down the barrel of $2500/mo+ in expenses. Even though I'm a lame little fuck I'm glad I only took out a loan for a 19k car instead of a 30-50k one.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Sunday is starting out wrong. Barely got any sleep, my parents' dog has stomach issues that are more or less chronic (I suspect he's allergic, my parents refuse to do anything about it which results in the dog having close-to-liquid shits, and him grazing on plants) and he has kept me up all night.
My entire nervous system is on high alert and it feels worse after I started on Abilify, honestly. The few perks I felt cannot be matched by the negatives, and I feel like just dropping it entirely. Last time I was this against taking my meds was when I was prescribed Adderall and it did fuck all for me but give me brain zaps.
Frankly, I want to more than cry. I don't know who or how to ask for help. I'm not planning anything but sometimes I wish I was a little bit more egotistical.

I'm going to chalk it up to the lack of sleep, deep down I know the exhaustion comes from somewhere else.

 

[Victory Leo]

I've been wanting to lose weight for a while, and in the last few months I finally decided to lock in and go through with it. I decided to go with the intermediate fasting route, usually 24 hours/one meal a day besides water & black coffee throughout. and its been working pretty well. I like the feeling of control its given me over what I eat, instead of just grabbing whatever's available when I do finally eat now I'm after things with protein and vitamines, which is good, because it means my appetite for trash has basically completely vanished. I've lost about 15 kilos doing this so far, and plan on losing more.

the worrisome part is that I've found myself enjoying the feeling of hunger, the longest I've gone so far has been 71 hours, and it was concerningly easy for me to go that long, and I would have probably gone longer had I not overcaffinated and vomited it all out at the end. I've tried to keep away from doing longer fasts, since I know there's risks of long term damage, but it also feels pretty good, so idk, I guess I have an eating disorder now.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

the worrisome part is that I've found myself enjoying the feeling of hunger, the longest I've gone so far has been 71 hours, and it was concerningly easy for me to go that long, and I would have probably gone longer had I not overcaffinated and vomited it all out at the end. I've tried to keep away from doing longer fasts, since I know there's risks of long term damage, but it also feels pretty good, so idk, I guess I have an eating disorder now.

You enjoy the burning sensation of knowing your body is absolutely eating itself. it starts for real after 12-14 hours I think and then goes real hard after 16-18 hours. Fasting is a net-gain in every single situation and religions that do it for such reasons live longer and more healthily than others. Chad starving monk vs. ODing american fanatic etc.

Spoiler

I've consumed so much pro-fasting content, ranging from Disney+ sponsored series to "an asian doctor in canada with a handicam" and we don't talk enough about fasting. The circadian rhythm, the awake/sleep cycle? Your organs got that as well. Your body self-regulates overnight to wake you up with long-lasting energy. It needs to be idle to do that, instead people eat a snack at 9:30pm before bed and at 6:30am when they wake, making their body work throughout the night. Imagine having spit-shined your boss' car overnight and the first thing he does when he opens that carport is throw a bucket of soap on it. Bro it was already ready to go?

I have dinner at 5:30pm latest and eat 11:30am earliest, fasting 16-18 hours a day literally no problem. I brush my teeth 45 mins after eating dinner (the gums soften for 30 mins after eating), drink a glass of water and go to bed at 9pm. Brian Johnson's research has shown that the earlier you eat for the last time, the better. I think it was 11am but that's not realistic. It feels so good to be done with eating for the day at 5:30pm, being able to digest entirely before bed and even having a few odd hours to go for a walk, stretch or whatever, instead of this arbitrary delaying of dinner cause uhhh, "we always eat at 7!".

There's a returning chance you'll overcompensate when you go entire days without eating. On top of that, study has shown that fasting 16 hours monday to friday, eating whatever saturday-sunday, has the same effect as fasting all 7 days. It reduces fasting to caring only about when you eat, not what you eat. I read of an athlete who couldn't do the ironmans he used to. Started fasting, no problems, all health issues gone. Pensioners who took blood meds and couldn't drive because of it? Off the meds and driving again. Even a 72-year old bloke said he could go 48 hours fasting and then get a day-long energy burst out of nowhere on the third day.

I dropped 45lb by limiting my intake and working out, and the working out, as per usual, became a hobby more-so than a way to drop weight. You get addicted to seeing the weight disappear, at least until you plataeu and it becomes something you need to actively do every day for the rest of your life to keep the weight down. True for every habit, it needs to be sustainable, and me literally just not eating breakfast and instead having tea without sugar, if anything at all, is a no-brainer. No "uhh what day is it?", and if I feel like it, I can skip lunch and go even longer while still eating dinner.

Debt is the fucking devil.

I spent 8 months in this shit gig that I'm now thankfully leaving, but it gave me a buttload of money from commute compensation etc. that I could pay off my car and student loan. I have no debt, a decently healthy car, and about to dump money into a motorbike license and bike, also leaving me with no debt. I have a job and won't get unhoused. Debt is a fucking cancer and I'm not thankful enough that I don't have any nearly enough.

She ghost the conversation for like a week, and everyone is like "she's just shy keep messaging her just be patient."

Today he tells me it's not gonna work out that she said I was overwhelming her and talked about myself too much. I showed him the entire DM chain, like 8 messages, and he proceeded to talk to me like I'm some retard who's never held a conversation.

Spoiler

I matched with a chick I was very natural and 1:1 with. We spoke a lot, I asked a ton of questions, but she more or less just defaulted to "Oh yeah? " replies. Then one day I got busy and didn't reply and she goes "Um, got any questions you wanna ask?". Every reply I came with had a follow-up question and nothing ever came of it. Suddenly I realized the flow was literally just me talking and her doing some half-hearted flirting. One day I just woke up, realized I'm better than this and deleted her. We had even moved on to Facebook Messenger.

I can only speak for myself, but despite being the life of every group chat and guild I've been in; being one of the few who re-add friends years later and talk to them first if they haven't sent a message in ages, I still completely throw that experience and confidence out the window if I match with a somewhat equal chick, and it takes such balls to not do this. You're liked for who you are; it's the complete opposite to alter yourself to appease someone else who should above all else be interested in -you-.

You put yourself forward and she didn't mesh with it. Either because she like many women were carried on ass and feet through life, never having had to manifest a personality or social skills, or she's stunted and have very little to offer in the way you (and I) prefer it. We're not talking writing novels back and forth, we're talking being able to articulate yourself a few sentences a day before you dip into a date or what have you. To be 'overwhelmed' as an adult reeks of insecurity, self-infantilization and generally not being ready to date.

A friend/coworker tried to set me up with her 'best friend'. We talked a lot; morrowind, expanded universe star wars etc. The fact we connected through a mutual friend and she worked on the other side of the road made it very exciting. Then suddenly it just broke. I made some small comment about idk, feminist-adjacent cinema? And true to nature, instead of going "This ain't for me", it was a week of ghosting before she quietly deleted me. She, like your sow-to-be, did me a favor. It only takes one good date to land a Lord-fearing wife, but it also only takes one bad relationship to set you back 5 years worth of health, confidence and financial progress.

 

[Foltest]

I am feeling happy.
Spring is here, the weather is amazing and my dog is happy as a fat seal.
What more do I need?

 

[Victory Leo]

You enjoy the burning sensation of knowing your body is absolutely eating itself. it starts for real after 12-14 hours I think and then goes real hard after 16-18 hours. Fasting is a net-gain in every single situation and religions that do it for such reasons live longer and more healthily than others. Chad starving monk vs. ODing american fanatic etc.

I guess so. I have mostly just been enjoying not constantly looking forwards to food like I used to, its more like a daily treat to finally get to eat something now rather than what my entire day revolves around.
I think for now I'm going to try to stick to consistently doing 24 hour fasts, the couple of times I've gone over, I ended up either vomiting or overeating when I did finally eat. maybe a longer fast once every week.

 

[Otterly]

go lay in the sun for like 4-6 hours.

I can’t really do that because a. There is no sun where I live and b. I am so very pale. But I do spend as mic time outside as I cAn in the summer

I eat all the fat I want

I don’t avoid low fat stuff.

But I cook with butter, olive oil, and even lard, I drink whole milk, I eat cashews and nuts.

Yeah I eat butter, cream and I drink whole milk, if I can get it I drink the jersey stuff that’s even fattier. I would literally drink cream if it wasn’t so calorific
What you say is interesting and I think I agree with it - vitamin D is something very few people at my latitude get enough of. Energy drinks are not something I can tolerate but I will knock back some Berocca and try to remember to take my vitamin D/k2. WHAT I eat is healthy, I cook from scratch. I dislike processed stuff and sweeteners etc but I don’t think eat enough sometimes. I’m also crap at taking medication, I just forget to.
There is definitely some absorption issue. I am going to try and spend the summer eating more nourishing stuff, more of it and being consistent with vitamins.

like...how does this even happen to anyone...i swear we have the most fucked up luck of anyone ive ever met. now im scared to death for both of them

That is awful. Are they saying the central apnea is new? Possible consequence of the seizures? Had your husband has this before? You poor thing, I can’t imagine how stressed you feel over all this. I will keep you in my thoughts, feel free to vent.

I have not slept well in fucking years. I have slept like the guy in the fucking Machinist for years. I can't believe the level of non-sleep I have had and the absolute insanity I have experienced.

It’s torture. I’ve never been a good sleeper, I wake up at the slightest thing. Deep deep sleep eludes me. Then my kids arrived and one of them slept no more than a half hour at once for YEARS. It’s hard to explain to people what that level of sleep deprivation does to you, but it’s broken me. Then my husband snores, at a volume that no earplug can block, and I now get woken literally dozens of times a night by that. I resent it massively. I hate the sound
I recently spent a few days away from home somewhere quiet and even just a few days of that I felt a huge difference from. I felt so much better.
I don’t have any suggestions, people say all sorts of things like ‘have you tried a hot bath and chamomile’ and you just want to thump them. Sleeping pills are all terrible, rather like depression, there’s no solution that can be imposed externally. Only internal peace and safety leads to good sleep, and those can be elusive.
Actually the only thing that does work a bit for me is cold water - half an hour in as cold a body of water as won’t kill me for at least half an hour. But that’s not something one can do much where I am.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

I am really good. I decided to dry out a couple months ago (with a few lapses) and I've got energy and money for projects around the house.

It wasn't the drinking that was getting me down so much as the low-grade perma-hangover.

I don't think I appreciated how entrenched my case of the fuckits was.

But now I'm like... "I am tired of the front door to my damn house having marks on it from when the locks got changed out TEN YEARS AGO and I am ready to paint that shit a really annoying and cheerful color that will put the alcoholic whiskey tangos next door on blast."

 

[long waters]

No nigger I didn't fuck up. I'm not some sperg who doesn't have the capacity to talk to someone so stop treating me like I am. I'm just so pissed it's unbelievable. Somehow everything is either partially or fully my fault to these people and I genuinely do not know what to do anymore.

Unlike you, I literally am some sperg who doesn't have the capacity to talk to someone. I very often cringe looking at my own message histories, but on the other hand, I wouldn't have it any other way. If a lady doesn't like my spergy ways, then it's simply not meant to be and there's no point worrying about it.

You're liked for who you are; it's the complete opposite to alter yourself to appease someone else who should above all else be interested in -you-.

Pretty much this. I'm a firm believer of the "just bee yourself" mindset. I think pretending to be someone you're not might lead to momentary happiness and pleasure, but in the long run it's detrimental to both you and your potential partner's relationship. Keeping up a mask all the time is draining.
That is not to say that you shouldn't evaluate if you need to change things about yourself periodically, just make sure you are true to yourself and allow changes to happen at a good pace, not in a forced way.

I guess so. I have mostly just been enjoying not constantly looking forwards to food like I used to, its more like a daily treat to finally get to eat something now rather than what my entire day revolves around.
I think for now I'm going to try to stick to consistently doing 24 hour fasts, the couple of times I've gone over, I ended up either vomiting or overeating when I did finally eat. maybe a longer fast once every week.

I mess around with fasting for longer periods about once a year, it's an interesting experience. It's rather interesting how much time it seems to free up when you don't have to cook and eat as much, heh. Congrats on the weight loss btw.