How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Peguin Sandwich]

I 100% was raised where men are seen as weak and vulnerable if they can't shrug off emotional problems.

I've encountered a similar mindset a few times, particularly last year during a health scare I was going through. It seems to be a Baby Boomer thing coupled with a lack of patience, where they're trying to "toughen you up" because that's how they were raised, but given certain contexts it can be really inconsiderate. Being pragmatic is understandable, especially if someone's been through Hell and back themselves, but coming off so blunt makes them look dickish. Like, read the room first man.
That's not to say people should have emotional outbursts like a child every chance they get and to excuse it, just that there's better ways of comforting others going through a rough time, easing their stress so they stay level headed for their own well-being and sanity.

I just don't believe in therapy. My heart isn't in it.

While it's helped me think differently about some situations I generally haven't found it all that useful compared to talking to my friends througout the years about stuff.

 

[ChickenFriedFan]

I got taken for a ride by my own parents. They got into massive debt, so they wanted to sell their house and move to a cheaper state, but they hadn’t done any maintenance on the house in the 10 years they owned it. They had no money to hire anyone, so I spent the last year and a half — and went $24k into debt — fixing up the house with the promise that they would pay me back for what I put into it when they sold it. Not even labor, just the money I spent on repairs and materials.

I bought and replaced toilets, installed new appliances, tore up their chipped bathroom tile and replaced it, fixed their showers, repaired the sprinkler lines, replaced the worn-out carpet with laminate hardwood flooring, replaced their degraded piping, got the foundation repaired, fixed the front and back yard, repaired and re-stained the fence, and completed countless other projects around the house. I pretty much learned how to build a fucking house through YouTube videos.

Now they’re finally selling the house this month. They’re getting around $500k for it, and when I talked to my dad today, he said he never agreed to pay back the debt I took on fixing his house.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I got taken for a ride by my own parents. They got into massive debt, so they wanted to sell their house and move to a cheaper state, but they hadn’t done any maintenance on the house in the 10 years they owned it. They had no money to hire anyone, so I spent the last year and a half — and went $24k into debt — fixing up the house with the promise that they would pay me back for what I put into it when they sold it. Not even labor, just the money I spent on repairs and materials.

I bought and replaced toilets, installed new appliances, tore up their chipped bathroom tile and replaced it, fixed their showers, repaired the sprinkler lines, replaced the worn-out carpet with laminate hardwood flooring, replaced their degraded piping, got the foundation repaired, fixed the front and back yard, repaired and re-stained the fence, and completed countless other projects around the house. I pretty much learned how to build a fucking house through YouTube videos.

Now they’re finally selling the house this month. They’re getting around $500k for it, and when I talked to my dad today, he said he never agreed to pay back the debt I took on fixing his house.

I'm furious at your parents on your behalf. This is insane, and a horrible betrayal. I'm sorry.

 

[_Delirium]

You don't. Why are you even asking other people to think for you? You're just asking for your mind to be colonized lmao

Slave mentality. I kind of understand Getmeout's desperation to not be black since he's a stereotype

I just don't believe in therapy. My heart isn't in it. Therapy (court-ordered or otherwise) would be a waste of time.

I'm raised in a similar culture. I don't believe therapy is necessary, you can get over it by yourself.

And yet, you are struggling with an exhausting example of Eastern Asian stereotype. Do you think you deserve it?

Yes. If I was better at life I'd move out and never look back. This is my fault and it will continue to be until I find a way to resolve this. If you're not resolving your problem you're not trying hard enough, there's always a way

I could have do more so I can afford to leave this very moment, but I didn't. So it's on me for my own decisions.

Therapy has a parallel to the Trick/Whore relationship. It's paying a person to care about you, pay attention to you, hear you. That is a humiliating situation for both parties. It highlights
the fact that you have nobody in your life that you can confide in, or that you can trust and respect at your level. The AI thing would be far less demeaning, but still pitiful.

I complain to AI a lot. I always complain about the same shit and I think it's better to dump it all on a clanker than waste a real person's time.

 

[Agarathium1066]

Now they’re finally selling the house this month. They’re getting around $500k for it, and when I talked to my dad today, he said he never agreed to pay back the debt I took on fixing his house.

I know it will be shitty to do but you need to take them to court over this. They chose to screw you over fiercely. You aren't even asking for that much they just want all of the money that they gained in part due to your work.

 

[Taxes]

I am trying not to blow up because I had the misfortune of rooming with retards & my lease ends in three months. Holy shit I am pissed.

Spoiler: BIG RAGING AUTISTIC RANT

These roommates had a party yesterday and brought their loud and obnoxious friends over. I skip out cause I'm not interested in that. I stay out for 4 hours. Come back at 12 midnight, but they are STILL there. I ask that they keep the noise down so I can go to sleep (basic courtesy). Only gets quiet at 1 AM. I wake up at 9 AM to start my day, while they are up at 11 AM. Agitated for rest of day, but can't confront them till now. It is 11:39 & they are watching trashy reality TV. I'm not a confrontational person, but I really need to set this boundary.

I go out and ask that they give me a heads up before they bring people over and I them. One simple request. The more annoying one pipes up and says she felt disrespected. Why? Because she does most of the cleaning & that she rarely brings her friends over. She then got mad because I had an "agitated face" (no shit, it was 1 PM & I was tired).

Some of these critiques would be fair if:
A) it wasn't her choice, she never asked for/suggested/accepted a rotating schedule of chore
B) her family is often here & so is the cousin of one of the girls

Mind you, this apartment is tiny. It's a two bedroom, shared living room/kitchen/laundry hole. The walls are thin, the rent expensive, and the landlords useless. Why doesn't her friends and family go to a bigger house or stay in a hotel? In fact, they use the TV more than I ever had and absolutely hog the kitchen. Everyday they are cooking, eating meals there, or cleaning. Then, they stuff the fridge with their crap and leave barely any space for me. All of this with noise, so much noise! They make noise from dawn to dusk (literal screaming & playing loud music) AND don't let me clean. They always say "no, it's fine" or "we already did it, no need," so I just wash my rare dishes, do my laundry, and take out the trash. No one is making you do everything here, you chose this!

My shy & out of the way nature means my in my attempt to keep the peace, I capitulated and apologized for making her feel that way. This was a retarded choice as I didn't make her do anything. That was all on her. No one controls our feelings except ourselves. Not my fault she felt slighted, stupid bitch.

So, I've developed a seething hatred of women like this. The little HR/HOA pseudo-Karens. The fake nice bitches who talk behind everyone's back. These cunts think cause they are do a bunch of bullshit to suck up to their mediocre professors for shitty internship jobs, that they can just do whatever.

I'm so angry, I could scream. But I'm trying to not get angry cause they'll pull the "she was being aggressive & I was so scared." This has often led to me being walked over by people who think they are better than me. I have been tolerating them for nearly a year because I had earbuds & they had school. Now, they'll be here more. And so will their families. Omfg.

Worse is that is the third time I've I've delt with these types. I keep getting placed with couples, friends, foreigners, or all three. I genuinely get the worst people to room with and I'm losing my mind. I know I should speak up, but the last time I did, the first set (mexicans) told the managers that I was firtying up their space. Mind you, all I did was leave dishes in the sink for a couple of days. I was busy with my exams (PL: microbiology major, while they were english majors). If they had said, "hey could you clean that up, I would." But no, they go to tell on me like fucking pussies. The managers waved them off and told them to stop being babies. Meanwhile, they continued to bring their family, friends/strangers, and even fucking dogs over!

What do I do? Try again & take back my apology in the morning? Continue ignoring them & keeping my disrespectful attitude? Pray they end up with ovarian cancer and never reproduce? Poison their food?

 

[Blamo2000]

I just want to turn my life around. I spent the last 4-5 years normie maxxing. Eh, it's not for me. The job drains my soul and is getting more and more corporate. The pay can't scale as much as I would need to, nor I want to deal with the job hunt. I miss when I had full remote work. I was more productive and had to deal with less BS. I interact with people more sure, but I just don't jive with normies much. I can keep up discussions etc, but it's not my world.

It sounds incredibly gay, but I think I will go nuts if I don't try to work towards my dreams. Sure, I may get another promotion in like a year or two, but the last thing I want is more meetings and pointless reporting. I now totally understand why people do anything they can to keep up their content creation or online artist job.

I won't gamble considering my parents and siblings are dependent on me, but I hope I can build up skills and somehow make it, considering AI will fuck up everything, the social media platforms are pure cancer and at best we have a stagnant economy it won't be easy..

 

[long waters]

Now they’re finally selling the house this month. They’re getting around $500k for it, and when I talked to my dad today, he said he never agreed to pay back the debt I took on fixing his house.

That would be some jeet-coded insane scam to pull on anyone, but doing that to your own child?! What the fuck is wrong with people. Is this some kind of "I raised you so I'm entitled" kind of boomer bullshit?

Therapy has a parallel to the Trick/Whore relationship. It's paying a person to care about you, pay attention to you, hear you. That is a humiliating situation for both parties. It highlights
the fact that you have nobody in your life that you can confide in, or that you can trust and respect at your level. The AI thing would be far less demeaning, but still pitiful.

I 100% was raised where men are seen as weak and vulnerable if they can't shrug off emotional problems. No points for guessing the stance on alphabet issues.

That's the mindset I've adopted.

I just don't believe in therapy. My heart isn't in it. Therapy (court-ordered or otherwise) would be a waste of time.

I used to think the same, and to some extent I still do. But at the same time I don't want to avoid something that can be potentially helpful because of "muh pride".

I complain to AI a lot. I always complain about the same shit and I think it's better to dump it all on a clanker than waste a real person's time.

Funny thing, I don't want to complain to AI because I don't want it to "think" badly of me, in a way I care more about clankers than I do about real people Although given the retarded technical stuff I ask it sometimes, it probably already thinks I'm an idiot

 

[_Delirium]

Funny thing, I don't want to complain to AI because I don't want it to "think" badly of me, in a way I care more about clankers than I do about real people Although given the retarded technical stuff I ask it sometimes, it probably already thinks I'm an idiot

I don't care if they collect my data, if they want to read 100k words of my whining then they can have it.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Not doing great. I keep trying to change little things I do during the day, yet I fail to try the changes I know I need to commit to like more physical exercise and picking up a book to read. I feel like an utter failure of a human being and I can't un-think these thought patterns.
If I didn't have my dog, this would be a day completely devoted to just sleeping because it's my only real escape from my miserable and useless self.
My 3DS is beginning to break, so I ordered a new analog stick and a new d-pad. I got a new couch and got rid of my old, massive couch and my leather armchair that I've never used in the five years I've had it.
I plan on making a little corner in my living room for arts and crafts, so I can keep it separate from my PC desk.

I can't help myself or make the improvements I need to change and grow as a person. I am stuck in quicksand, slowly drowning. I am a frog in a slowly boiling pot, self-aware enough to feel the pain but unable to commit to anything.

 

[_Delirium]

I can't help myself or make the improvements I need to change and grow as a person. I am stuck in quicksand, slowly drowning. I am a frog in a slowly boiling pot, self-aware enough to feel the pain but unable to commit to anything.

It is what it is

 

[Burning Bridge]

I can attest to this. However, I must ask: what does one mean when they say "I don't believe in therapy"? That it doesn't work, or that the way in which it is done is icky and yucky and you don't like it therefore you don't commit...?

Having thought some about it, I don't even like the concept of therapy. Its function is as a kind of safety net or protectionary measure, and people are very funny about having access to that kind of thing. It encourages recklessness. It gives institutions carte blanche to treat people however they wish because if they break, there's the safety net waiting to catch them. If the safety net doesn't help them, then it's their own fault.

You'll find no end of people that believe that people get what they deserve in all circumstances. Hell, the idea is so fundamentally baked into human psychology it constantly shows up in religions everywhere. Some even go so far as to say that the circumstance of your birth is a direct consequence of some past behavior.

 

[obsdj]

I feel like an utter failure of a human being and I can't un-think these thought patterns.

I can relate. Something that helped me previously, apart from prayer, was putting up a few sticky notes around my living space that said "YOU ARE NOT A" [whatever negative self-talk I was telling myself lately, moron, failure, etc.]. It might seem silly but can't hurt to try, especially since the reminder ultimately needs to come from you, yourself.

I've been dealing with some kind of stomach bug these last several days, can't eat anything except some plain rice which I guess is keeping me from emotional eating so yay? Also sleeping a lot, but it seems to be what my body needs right now so I'm letting it happen.

 

[long waters]

Some even go so far as to say that the circumstance of your birth is a direct consequence of some past behavior.

But in a way it is, isn't it? The society you are born in is a consequence of your ancestors' decisions, skills and abilities at governance and other things. And your genetic makeup is a direct result of your parents choosing each other. It's not some random "oh you're lucky you weren't born in India!" type thing.
That's not to say that you are at fault for the mistakes or oversights of those that were before you, nor does it mean you should rest on your laurels if you were born more fortunate than others. I view it as something to keep in mind for those that will come after you. Your own choices in life will influence them, and so in a way influence the whole world.

I think that is the lesson religion tries to teach in saying "people get what they deserve". Setting aside concerns for an afterlife, your so called sins now, they might not directly lead to your misfortune and immediate demise, but they might lead to your descendants' misfortune.

 

[Getmeout]

I love emo music a lot, always calms me down. It's nice to hear someone understand what it feels like. Has anyone ever watched 16 Wishes from Disney? They brought on an obscure band to make a song for it, "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" by the Willknots. I can't find anything else they've made but this song is rlly good and it's grown up with me.

 

[Legalize Asbestos]

I can't help myself or make the improvements I need to change and grow as a person. I am stuck in quicksand, slowly drowning. I am a frog in a slowly boiling pot, self-aware enough to feel the pain but unable to commit to anything.

Is it like, trouble doing chores - or trouble having a life?

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Having thought some about it, I don't even like the concept of therapy. Its function is as a kind of safety net or protectionary measure, and people are very funny about having access to that kind of thing. It encourages recklessness. It gives institutions carte blanche to treat people however they wish because if they break, there's the safety net waiting to catch them. If the safety net doesn't help them, then it's their own fault.

I am not following the progression of your line of thought. What do you envision therapy as involving? And what do you mean, "people are very funny about having access to that kind of thing"? Or are you saying that the fact of there being an opportunity (that some people avail themselves if, but most don't) to get some help itself causes the world to push people to the breaking point?

You'll find no end of people that believe that people get what they deserve in all circumstances.

That's basically the opposite of therapists' approach (well, not the opposite: a decent therapist won't fight you saying something is your fault if it truly is, but the reality is that many people get twisted up or preoccupied by fault or can't tell what's real or right so for some people they might need to break down to see where past responsibility lies).

One could even say that someone who has internalized the perspective you describe might benefit from a bit of therapy to get some relief from that (often sabotaging) belief-burden, or at least to sort and parse it in order to make some clear headed decisions about whether they agree or not.

I can relate. Something that helped me previously, apart from prayer, was putting up a few sticky notes around my living space that said "YOU ARE NOT A" [whatever negative self-talk I was telling myself lately, moron, failure, etc.]. It might seem silly but can't hurt to try, especially since the reminder ultimately needs to come from you, yourself.

I agree this can be very useful, both for the message and for retraining thoughts in general. The thing with rumination/ internal critics yapping 24/7 is that those internal messages are also partly habit grown over years without your even realizing it. Breaking habits, especially those operating at a level you don't always even realize is happening, requires being jolted out of "the usual" and interrupting/ redirecting. Notes, prayer, meditation, mind-emptying are all aids in retraining your mind as well as combating internalized negative self-views. And people think they're dumb, but when I was first trying to come out of a deep, dark hole, I found some particular pees n's affirmations that for a time I used both actively and passively - as in, in addition to trying to "feel" them, I had them running 24/7 in headphones. Those things are often more about changing the thoughts/ beliefs/ sense of power than they are interrupting the flow, but it, with a bunch of other things, can be helpful in interrupting and silencing the bad commentary as well.

 

[Endless Blabbery]

You'll find no end of people that believe that people get what they deserve in all circumstances. Hell, the idea is so fundamentally baked into human psychology it constantly shows up in religions everywhere. Some even go so far as to say that the circumstance of your birth is a direct consequence of some past behavior.

So true. Upon refusing to go to therapy after the retards told me to get it, I would get a nasty side-eye, implying that if I struggle, at all, then it's my hecking fault for not going to hecking therapy. In a sense, it's hard for me to believe that when they tell me to go somewhere or do something, they mean it with love in their hearts; because, if I don't want to do it, they act as though I am being inconsiderate instead of, I don't know, neutral or passive about it?

 

[Blamo2000]

I can't help myself or make the improvements I need to change and grow as a person. I am stuck in quicksand, slowly drowning. I am a frog in a slowly boiling pot, self-aware enough to feel the pain but unable to commit to anything.

You don't need to start with big things, just start going into the right direction. It will start adding up.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

It sounds incredibly gay, but I think I will go nuts if I don't try to work towards my dreams. Sure, I may get another promotion in like a year or two, but the last thing I want is more meetings and pointless reporting. I now totally understand why people do anything they can to keep up their content creation or online artist job.

Spoiler

I worked cleaning for 2 years; got a bunch of new coworkers who said they were tired of the corporate world. I always wrote it off as "they're about to retire and don't care", but then having spent 9 months in a bottom tier office job, man I'm tired of corporate culture. Sitting around pretending to do shit. Coworkers with bad attitude, useless meetings, other such retarded shit. I'm starting at my old job tomorrow and man, every little annoying thing wasn't that annoying looking back. Meet, work, shoot the shit, go home. No commute, extra shifts if I so desire.

Maybe more importantly, I stopped carrying my phone. I focused on my posture. I ate healthier. Working weekends kept me from drinking (as much). It enabled me to care about my life. I don't know if I want to return to an office job in the future but if so, it needs to be at least 50% hands-on. Fuck sitting in a chair imagining the good you're doing: I need to see that it.

I keep trying to change little things I do during the day, yet I fail to try the changes I know I need to commit to like more physical exercise and picking up a book to read. I feel like an utter failure of a human being and I can't un-think these thought patterns.

Spoiler

I tried making a table of the days I shop, do laundry or order food/buy alcohol. It was great motivation until I relapsed and it just became "here's the rest of the year in weeks and you'll always look at this relapse and be reminded you're weak". I've fasted 5-7 days a week going on years with no issues and I've also stopped drinking coffee. I can change my life yet I fail to take on new changes. Silly things like never ordering soda at restaurants. I read a decent amount but I could be reading more, yet it feels like a non-hobby. It doesn't bring me out of the house and I just shrug off a book I've read and move on. I like going on walks but then I might as well ride my bike and I quit doing that because I keep fucking puncturing and the reward for doing a 55km ride is sickness or reminders other people ride more consistently than I ever did.

I just ordered a fuck-off expensive motorcycle helmet and plan to getting a license in june, but it's also a huge gamble. It could be life changing or a waste of my savings and time, but better that than saving up for the sake of. My dad quit drinking when he got a motorbike again in his older days. I wanna do that too, but I fear I'll squander the chance the same way I wanted to quit drinking in 2026 and yet did so within a week.

It'd be fun to have a group chat simply for the sake of checking in or being all "I did/n't do this today". It'd also be very hugboxxy, but obviously posting in this thread twice a week isn't truly engaging other people in your struggles. Then again I've no friends who reliably reply and most are set to offline. I could change my life day to next, report it to any of them and get no replies. I've started isolating myself even harder (exclusively online) because clearly nobody gives a shit and it's kinda liberating. No "oh I gotta remember this and tell my friends".

That's a good call. Being surrounded by constant negativity and low quality noise all the time is a recipe for feeling like shit. The worst part it is addictive as well, you always need to get your fix of negativity.

It's why doomerism is so popular. A bunch of people being validated that life is indeed shit, and anyone who dare go "hey, let's pull each other up" get exiled for badthink. Yet I can relate to that; it's scary seeing others push forward however minuscule if you're not yourself. But in what way? Towards what? Stop thinking about a partner, kids and house: What is truly being left behind? Hobbies don't go out of fashion. Once you stop dooming over turning 30, the less stressed you get about being 'behind'. You can do the things your friends with kids could only dream of, and then try to catch up with YOU when their kids are grown up and gone. Unc at 51 trying to get back into fishing.

So true. Upon refusing to go to therapy after the retards told me to get it, I would get a nasty side-eye, implying that if I struggle, at all, then it's my hecking fault for not going to hecking therapy. In a sense, it's hard for me to believe that when they tell me to go somewhere or do something, they mean it with love in their hearts; because, if I don't want to do it, they act as though I am being inconsiderate instead of, I don't know, neutral or passive about it?

I've seen the health sector at work enough to know they just repeat what someone smarter told them to 8 years ago. Telling people to try therapy is just a way to say "I dont care and wanna dismiss your whining". And that's ignoring the work that is finding one: You get through 4 before you find one that fits you and then they retire. It sounds male-coded as hell but sometimes you just need to talk to someone who can differentiate between "they just need someone to agree" and "theyre actually looking for a nudge now".