How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Blamo2000]

It's why doomerism is so popular. A bunch of people being validated that life is indeed shit, and anyone who dare go "hey, let's pull each other up" get exiled for badthink. Yet I can relate to that; it's scary seeing others push forward however minuscule if you're not yourself. But in what way? Towards what? Stop thinking about a partner, kids and house: What is truly being left behind? Hobbies don't go out of fashion. Once you stop dooming over turning 30, the less stressed you get about being 'behind'. You can do the things your friends with kids could only dream of, and then try to catch up with YOU when their kids are grown up and gone. Unc at 51 trying to get back into fishing.

It is easy and comforting. Handling uncertainty and risk is hard, it is much easier to just accept that you cannot win at all. When you get older you could unlearn this with experience, unfortunately considering there is no real transmission of wisdom and experience between the generations. The next generation is doomed to repeat the same mistakes, now even more misled by influencers and other insincere or downright predatory actors.

. Sitting around pretending to do shit. Coworkers with bad attitude, useless meetings, other such retarded shit

I can sum it up like this: You are rewarded to talk a lot, but you are disincentivized from saying anything.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

It is easy and comforting. Handling uncertainty and risk is hard, it is much easier to just accept that you cannot win at all. When you get older you could unlearn this with experience, unfortunately considering there is no real transmission of wisdom and experience between the generations. The next generation is doomed to repeat the same mistakes, now even more misled by influencers and other insincere or downright predatory actors.

From what I've experienced it's also just very job-centric. And jobs notoriously can't change overnight, they're completely out of your control, and it's overall a negative experience for everyone involved. If however it was 10 people age 20 to 40 who went "I wanted to go take nature pics today but I ended up reading instead so i'll take that as a win", even the broke loser can go "cool". I feel behind in terms of passions, hobbies and health, yet it's the job situation that drags me down. Even now that I'm going back to a 'shit job' that is in all ways but pay superior to the one I left.

You are rewarded to talk a lot, but you are disincentivized to say anything.

Working too fast is rewarded with more work. If you complain about lack of work, you're either telling your boss that you could be fired with little consequence or that you're implying they're bad at allocating responsibilities. And I'm just too work-driven to sit on my hands. "I was cleaning already so I also defrosted the fridge". Cool! "While uploading the pdf, I saw a bunch of typos on the site and corrected them", who'd you ask for permission? Did anyone else proof read it? Why didn't you send a mail? Or in case of the job I just left, "Why didn't you just do it without sending us a mail first?", unless they felt like I should've at which point they ask why I didn't.

I read someone describe micromanaging leaders and it was that job to the fucking dot. Blamed for not taking the initiative to do anything; punished for doing so, further cementing that you shouldn't dare taking on new tasks. Meanwhile at other jobs: Oh you saw an issue and tried to do something about it, outcome irrelevant. Good! I swear taking this old job of mine back is mostly just to try to regain some sense of reality. An aging grandma constantly asked me if I had shit memory to the point I started believing I did.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

It sounds male-coded as hell but sometimes you just need to talk to someone who can differentiate between "they just need someone to agree" and "theyre actually looking for a nudge now".

How is that "male-coded"?

 

[Blamo2000]

From what I've experienced it's also just very job-centric. And jobs notoriously can't change overnight, they're completely out of your control, and it's overall a negative experience for everyone involved. If however it was 10 people age 20 to 40 who went "I wanted to go take nature pics today but I ended up reading instead so i'll take that as a win", even the broke loser can go "cool". I feel behind in terms of passions, hobbies and health, yet it's the job situation that drags me down. Even now that I'm going back to a 'shit job' that is in all ways but pay superior to the one I left.

I think the most important thing would be a feeling of progression. Normies are very judgemental about anything really, be it jobs, fashion sense etc. I found that the "hecking bad bigots" online are more tolerant in the actual sense of the word.

I think you can ease the worries about the job if you feel you are working towards something, not just day to day survival. Of course it is a good question what can be achieved in today's hot and dynamic economy. Or at least have a plan B, so you won't feel trapped.

I swear taking this old job of mine back is mostly just to try to regain some sense of reality

I think you may the right choice. Having money is nice, but not going insane has its benefits as well.

 

[Cherry Milk]

I'm feeling rather isolated and I don't know where my time goes.

Playing pretend with troons and gender specials is driving me mad, too.

 

[PetiteFeet]

I can relate. Something that helped me previously, apart from prayer, was putting up a few sticky notes around my living space that said "YOU ARE NOT A" [whatever negative self-talk I was telling myself lately, moron, failure, etc.]. It might seem silly but can't hurt to try, especially since the reminder ultimately needs to come from you, yourself.

Nah, it makes sense. It just feels awful that I need to put up physical reminders for myself that XYZ isn't reality, it makes me feel like even more of a freak and a failure, even if it helps in the long run. It's embarrassing. "Normal" people don't need that, further othering myself.

Is it like, trouble doing chores - or trouble having a life?

Everything. Bluntly put, I have a mixed bag of personality disorders that cripple me, and I've been fighting myself since I was a teen. Things that don't interest me require monumental effort to build up the momentum to do immediately if I have a bad day, so things are often put aside for tomorrow instead of doing it immediately. And things that interest me? Well, I haven't felt a genuine spark of joy with any of the things that "should" make me happy in what feels like over a year.

I am drowning in a pit of my own despair and inability to fix myself.
-
I appreciate everyone who takes the time to reply to me, or even read my continuous bullshit. This is why it's important to have healthy hobbies and friendships, if you don't you become just as insane as I am. I need a break from myself.

 

[Xenia]

Doing well... Currently "playing" with one my "friend"...

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Not much has changed on my end; just need to vent a bit. Physically, doing alright, just mentally drained for the most part, mild exhaustion from a lack of sleep - I REALLY need to get a better eat/sleep schedule down. My writing has officially hit a HUGE snag, though; got stuck with designing a monster, and I legit have no idea how I'm supposed to proceed.

 

[Duke Nukem]

I think the most important thing would be a feeling of progression. Normies are very judgemental about anything really, be it jobs, fashion sense etc. I found that the "hecking bad bigots" online are more tolerant in the actual sense of the word.

I think you can ease the worries about the job if you feel you are working towards something, not just day to day survival. Of course it is a good question what can be achieved in today's hot and dynamic economy. Or at least have a plan B, so you won't feel trapped.


I think you may the right choice. Having money is nice, but not going insane has its benefits as well.

My own job under-staffs departments regularly. Sucks but what can you do. I have no support from my family and normies piss me off. I at least have a consistent schedule so it's tolerable.

What are people 40 and under supposed to aspire to at this point? Many of us cannot even afford to live on our own, let alone buy property or start families. Zoomers and Gen Alphas are ultra fucked.

 

[Harry Dresden]

Does anybody else feel like life is over? I feel like I have nothing to look forward to; nothing makes me feel anything anymore. I have been listening to songs I used to love, like "Kids" by MGMT and "Shooting Stars" by Bag Raiders, and they just don't hit anymore. Nothing hits anymore. I used to look at the year and think, Wow, the future is close. I thought that I would have moved out and begun life, but no, life is a flat circle. I still live with my mom, but now YouTube isn't even a good way to cope with life anymore. No YouTubers interest me like in the old days; I basically watch YouTube more out of habit than entertainment. It's the same thing with KiwiFarms. Even the KiwiFarms don't make me laugh like they used to. I don't even want to wake up in the morning because I know the day will be another waste of time.

I have lost all hope for the future and ambition; most of the things that used to bring me joy in the past don't make me happy anymore. and I don't enjoy my life anymore. Does anyone else relate?

 

[_Delirium]

Does anyone else relate?

Yeah. But I've stop thinking about it. Because thinking about it will make me go insane

 

[Getmeout]

I've had too much pizza. My stomach hurts. I'm just going to hibernate for the next 57 years.

 

[Chris Redfield]

I...

Spoiler

am now a mom!
I had to have an emergency c section for reasons they're still a little unsure of but thankfully he's breathing independently and is just an absolute little soldier. I got to have skin to skin contact with him earlier and I didn't know you could love something so deeply until now (of course I love his father but this maternal love is something different). He's just so beautiful and I feel so incredible being a mom; I'm hoping his recovery is quick and we can take him home soon, considering how early he is - he is doing brilliant and everyone seems super happy with him. As he was being fed earlier (just a tube for now) he was squeezing my finger the entire time. It's really late and I'm catching up after two hours of sleep and a surgery so I'm resting right now but I already can't wait to go see him again.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Does anybody else feel like life is over? I feel like I have nothing to look forward to; nothing makes me feel anything anymore. I have been listening to songs I used to love, like "Kids" by MGMT and "Shooting Stars" by Bag Raiders, and they just don't hit anymore. Nothing hits anymore. I used to look at the year and think, Wow, the future is close. I thought that I would have moved out and begun life, but no, life is a flat circle. I still live with my mom, but now YouTube isn't even a good way to cope with life anymore. No YouTubers interest me like in the old days; I basically watch YouTube more out of habit than entertainment. It's the same thing with KiwiFarms. Even the KiwiFarms don't make me laugh like they used to. I don't even want to wake up in the morning because I know the day will be another waste of time.

I have lost all hope for the future and ambition; most of the things that used to bring me joy in the past don't make me happy anymore. and I don't enjoy my life anymore. Does anyone else relate?

You've outgrown (or part of you has) the old things. You need to find new things, not melt into a puddle.

 

[Meat Grinder]

Solo traveling for work at a time that's already extremely busy... but the family business is in a dire strait with the bank and there's really no room for how overwhelmed I feel. I'm trying to finish school so I have a back up plan, but I'm also trying to save up so my boyfriend and I can start a life together. I am so desperate for bad things not to happen, but the overwhelming pressure and feeling of doom is inescapable. I just want God to lead us out from under this shitty doomed feeling. I don't want anything fancy, I just want my family to be okay and to be able to start our own part of it.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I think the most important thing would be a feeling of progression. Normies are very judgemental about anything really, be it jobs, fashion sense etc. I found that the "hecking bad bigots" online are more tolerant in the actual sense of the word.

When I did covid testing, it was on the whim of a friend who worked a hotdog stand for 4 years as a teacher graduate. He had no worries however because he was busy marrying a girlfriend, so if his career didn't pan out, his personal life did. And then he landed a teaching gig and then just.. had to work. Teachers work. You don't shop around for jobs or go entrepreneurial. I however only associate this place I live with studying and working. If I do neither, I'm wasting my time. Yet, when I go home for xmas, I get that "wow, there's more to life than that" feeling, only to immediately remember there's no jobs there, none of my old classmates live there, and I could move anywhere else instead of just "back home".

One thing I remember fondly from this job I'm now returning to was just.. simplicity. Walking home 7:30pm in the winter after an evening shift. Past rich mfers who nonetheless sit in their living room watching TV like the rest of us. I was happy with my job and had time to focus on other things, yet I put them on hold til I "had a real 9-to-5" job, yet I never felt more restricted than having such a job. I need to learn to function with irregular shifts but that kinda relies on me having a hobby that doesn't rely on other people, and that's the opposite of making friends.

What are people 40 and under supposed to aspire to at this point? Many of us cannot even afford to live on our own, let alone buy property or start families. Zoomers and Gen Alphas are ultra fucked.

"Zoomers act like kids in their 20/30s because there's no benefit to being an adult. The things usually guaranteed an adult; a house, a family, well-paying work, do not exist anymore".

I have lost all hope for the future and ambition; most of the things that used to bring me joy in the past don't make me happy anymore. and I don't enjoy my life anymore. Does anyone else relate?

I still associate "finally doing things" to just be traveling. Driving 4 hours and tenting somewhere. Yet I know traveling is just as lonesome. I watched a show on the 2 gap years kids usually have here after high school, and when everyone else was done partying and went back to school, this one chick just kept wanting to travel. She'd text all her friends who'd go "bro it's time to get real". Frankly I hate traveling. I prefer the journey of moving itself, which is why I hope this motorbike thing pans out, but to simply strap up and go on a long weekend myself when the alternative is stooping to using some social site to find like-minded folks? Hm.

Actually, we got a pretty popular such site that came out of nowhere. It's not dating, despite people treating it as such, but I still have this icky feeling that going out of your way to find friends means you failed to do so organically and you'll only find losers. You also need a concrete thing to do. Like, "I need running pals". I've no clue what I want to gain from having friends.

 

[Core Theorist]

I keep remembering a fucking hysterical post here on Kiwifarms and I know I can find it again, but the specific hilarity of it was the juxtaposition of the contents of the post and the poster's PFP and I'll never be able to experience the same whiplash or convey it to anybody else again.

It's like... it's like lightning in a bottle that only I can enjoy and I'll never be able to properly beam it to somebody else to enjoy it too, and it's really pissing me off. Which makes it even funnier! I might just spend 8 minutes in MSpaint trying to replicate it manually anyway.

 

[Legalize Asbestos]

I am drowning in a pit of my own despair and inability to fix myself.

Sounds like you were use to parental guidance but didn't/couldn't learn agency as you grew up. Prescription: a husband. I'll audition.

Alternatively, if you want to build agency, build a routine and pray a lot. Pray very selfishly: 'give me this, give me that,' He's not going to give you anything you shouldn't have. I'm sure you've heard that a hundred times but humor me and hear it a hundred and first time.

My 'routine' is that I just have a list of things I enjoy doing and a commitment to devote n amount of time to it on certain days. If I don't enjoy doing it - have forgotten how to feel joy - it's usually because I've been drinking, which literally neutralizes the part of the brain that feels joy. Any 'dopamine-drip' thing like social media also neutralizes the part of your brain that figures out joy. MTTF 1.5hrs to the gym. MTWTF 1.5hrs to writing. MTWTF 1.5 hrs to marketing that writing, etc. etc. Like you, my energy is variable, so I don't say 'write from 2pm-4pm' because half the time I'm not put together enough to do it on command, but I will at some point during the day have 1.5hrs where I'm mentally good for whatever the task. And the task is usually under two hours because I lose focus after that and need to switch gears.

Having this shortlist of 'things I commit time to each day' is what I call 'building a carrier wave'. It's stuff I do everyday that I can then measure the rest of my life against. I'm often stressed but can't detect it - but if I write every day and then on Wednesday the writing is pure garbage, I can detect the stress because it's distorting the carrier wave (the routine). It gives shape to the day, which makes it graspable and able to be worked with.

You have to say things to yourself like: 'Just try this for thirty days, no matter what. I lose nothing by trying it.' It doesn't matter if you can't come up with a justification for doing it beyond 'it's supposed to be good for me.' Maybe you're too bird-brained and stupid to figure out a justification. Well that's okay. That's true for most people. Just have faith it's good for you and accept you won't understand it. No one understands a bike until they've learned to ride it. A lot of people kneecap themselves thinking they have to 'get' why something is good before doing it - but 90% of life is not like that at all. You do the thing, then after a while, you start to understand in your bones why it is worth doing.

 

[Blamo2000]

My own job under-staffs departments regularly. Sucks but what can you do. I have no support from my family and normies piss me off. I at least have a consistent schedule so it's tolerable.

What are people 40 and under supposed to aspire to at this point? Many of us cannot even afford to live on our own, let alone buy property or start families. Zoomers and Gen Alphas are ultra fucked.

All the solutions I could think of would involve having local communities or extended families that could pool resources etc. So, I basically have nothing practical that could help us. One could say I am totally black pilled, but I just don't worry much about it.

The gambling epidemic and falling for get rich schemes will get so much worse in the future. Hopelessness is a good way to generate revenue.

"Zoomers act like kids in their 20/30s because there's no benefit to being an adult. The things usually guaranteed an adult; a house, a family, well-paying work, do not exist anymore".

Yeah, society used to provide dignity and stability.

One thing I remember fondly from this job I'm now returning to was just.. simplicity. Walking home 7:30pm in the winter after an evening shift. Past rich mfers who nonetheless sit in their living room watching TV like the rest of us. I was happy with my job and had time to focus on other things, yet I put them on hold til I "had a real 9-to-5" job, yet I never felt more restricted than having such a job. I need to learn to function with irregular shifts but that kinda relies on me having a hobby that doesn't rely on other people, and that's the opposite of making friends.

I hope you can get into hobbies better when you get back to your old job.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

I know this year i've lost some weight just from clothes fit, no idea how much, i've been deliberately avoiding weighting myself because i know its not nearly enough and probably much less than i counted for even though i've been doing everything right.

i am also gonna be maxxing on eggs, sardines and lentils for protein because i am worried about money and penny pinching is the best i can do for the foreseable future. I am probably fucked and my life is gonna be over, i just want to reach my ideal BMI, at least i want to have that.