Lolcow Skylar Ittner / Keep Carroll Catholic / skylarmt / netsyms.com / Skylar the Troll Master - 50 lawyers turned him down / banned from college / banned from walmart

[GethN7]

Yeah, you'd think the maker of all things seen and unseen would have better uses for his time, but there you go.

Honestly, this is one of the odder things about Catholicism, as the only time God ever got pissed over wasting jism was when some asshole deliberately screwed his wife out of having kids when he was obligated to help her continue the family name and instead spilled it on the ground because he was a cunt and God struck him down for it.

It's one of the things more mainstream Catholics generally don't agonize over, but given the subject of this thread, he must really hate those nights when he feel the urge and is too ridden with guilt to just get it over with.

Funnily enough, the only specific thing God personally said about masturbation was in Leviticus, which was to clean up after yourself if you had a discharge of semen.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

do they share the same beliefs as skylar, or is he extra special in that regard

TBH Skylar would fit right in with them. If he's from one of these fundie Catholic sects, odds are he WILL reproduce, because he'll be matched up with some poor idiot girl who's been homeschooled in a fundie Catholic curriculum to be a homemaker and mommy-of-15, with hardly any contact with the world outside the people who share her beliefs. He'll impregnate some girl until she has to stop having babies for her own health, and then he'll resent her for having gotten fat and unhappy after spitting out a litter of kids, and they'll both resent the shit out of one another for the rest of their lives but be unable to get a divorce due to their religion. Ah, Catholic marital bliss!

 

[SydBarrett]

TBH Skylar would fit right in with them. If he's from one of these fundie Catholic sects, odds are he WILL reproduce, because he'll be matched up with some poor idiot girl who's been homeschooled in a fundie Catholic curriculum to be a homemaker and mommy-of-15, with hardly any contact with the world outside the people who share her beliefs. He'll impregnate some girl until she has to stop having babies for her own health, and then he'll resent her for having gotten fat and unhappy after spitting out a litter of kids, and they'll both resent the shit out of one another for the rest of their lives but be unable to get a divorce due to their religion. Ah, Catholic marital bliss!

(at the risk of ing a bit) you're assuming he can get a job and hold it for more than a week

 

[Fareal]

Mind showing me the place that doesn't? And no, I'm not talking about the room of those who care, or the moon, or whatever foolishness.

I'm in the UK. It's not exactly a thing here. We tend to have the same number of kids as other folk, which thanks to housing costs, is increasingly few.

 

[AprilRains]

I'm in the UK. It's not exactly a thing here. We tend to have the same number of kids as other folk, which thanks to housing costs, is increasingly few.

It's not a huge thing here either, but I suspect you'll find pockets of them in lots of places.

 

[AnOminous]

Honestly, this is one of the odder things about Catholicism, as the only time God ever got pissed over wasting jism was when some asshole deliberately screwed his wife out of having kids when he was obligated to help her continue the family name and instead spilled it on the ground because he was a cunt and God struck him down for it.

There are probably people who still call masturbation "onanism" after that guy.

 

[TS 298]

There are probably people who still call masturbation "onanism" after that guy.

I've met a few priests that do. It's a bit politer to talk about "the sin of onanism" in a sermon than just say "stop wanking."

 

[RodgerDodger]

I don't know why, but this had me thinking of ol' Skylar

https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic

 

[Trombonista]

There are probably people who still call masturbation "onanism" after that guy.

One of the Japanese words for masturbation is based on that.

 

[SydBarrett]

One of the Japanese words for masturbation is based on that.

oh
OH
so that's where the word "onahole" comes from

 

[RodgerDodger]

Yeah, there are fundie Catholics, even some who still attend Latin Mass at little out-of-the-way nothing churches that still stick to Vatican I teachings. I went to high school with people like that.

Oh yeah they are out there. Although they are thankfully fairly rare. The Catholic Church's top down organizational structure and 2000 year history of largely crushing descent ("nobody mention Martin Luther LALALALAL we're not listening!") tends to discourage all but the smallest, most remote and most inbred of such groups. (These days the clergy will do their level headed best to pawn any such parishioners off onto the Evangelicals or the Seventh Day Adventists. Somebody fun. "No really have you ever considered God's Holy Message in Snake Handling?". I think most modern Catholic Clergy find types like Skylar and his Mom somewhat more troubling than discovering a pack of those Weird MExican "Saint of Death" believers in the Church Basement. At least the Death Cult folks wont want you to hear their tentacle porn masturbation confessions. (I'm thinking after an hour with Skylar and his Mom the average mainstream priest might be saying a few quiet prayers to the old Saint of Death.)

 

[SydBarrett]

Oh yeah they are out there. Although they are thankfully fairly rare. The Catholic Church's top down organizational structure and 2000 year history of largely crushing descent ("nobody mention Martin Luther LALALALAL we're not listening!") tends to discourage all but the smallest, most remote and most inbred of such groups. (These days the clergy will do their level headed best to pawn any such parishioners off onto the Evangelicals or the Seventh Day Adventists. Somebody fun. "No really have you ever considered God's Holy Message in Snake Handling?". I think most modern Catholic Clergy find types like Skylar and his Mom somewhat more troubling than discovering a pack of those Weird MExican "Saint of Death" believers in the Church Basement. At least the Death Cult folks wont want you to hear their tentacle porn masturbation confessions. (I'm thinking after an hour with Skylar and his Mom the average mainstream priest might be saying a few quiet prayers to the old Saint of Death.)

maybe one or two prayers to the saint of alcohol too, Lord knows they'll need a drink after dealing with people like the ittner family

 

[Pocket_Sand!]

I grew up in a Methodist Church (forced to go until I was 14 or so), and lived in an area of the Midwest where Catholics and their churches are fairly rare. When we'd see the Catholic priest scandals on TV, or any other news related to the church hierarchy, it was kind of like reading a Greek newspaper talking about issues in Madagascar. It's simply something that never really crossed my mind, and I was never really exposed to. I suppose my lack of knowledge of the Catholic church is part of the reason I find ole Skylar interesting enough to watch.

 

[Meowthkip]

Every girl should get an abortion.

Spoiler

 

[ES 148]

Is all quiet from Skylar offsite? I liked his little tirades ;-;

 

[DrJonesHat]

Is all quiet from Skylar offsite? I liked his little tirades ;-;

I think having his phone hacked made him realize he wasn't nearly as smart as he thought, and he slunk away.

 

[Pocket_Sand!]

I think having his phone hacked made him realize he wasn't nearly as smart as he thought, and he slunk away.

Quite possible I suppose, it could be that getting zero positive feedback from any of the outlets he sperged in finally sank in, and he realized his "crusade" was really dumb ().

 

[GethN7]

Quite possible I suppose, could be that getting zero positive feedback from any of the outlets he sperged in finally sank in, and he realized his "crusade" was really dumb.

I do hope some common sense sunk in. Even if his mother was egging him on and encouraging him this whole time, if he has an ounce of sanity, the constant refusal of reality to confirm her asspatting should have knocked the scales from his eyes.

No need to rate this optimistic, I'm too jaded at this point to believe the above actually happened.

 

[DrJonesHat]

I suspect there was some fallout in the Ittner household over his phone getting hacked. Maybe he's grounded? Seems like the kind of person who would le his parents ground him at 23.

 

[Ti-99/4A]

I suspect there was some fallout in the Ittner household over his phone getting hacked. Maybe he's grounded? Seems like the kind of person who would le his parents ground him at 23.

Rates mommy dearest late:late: