Plagued Nice Guys

[Vorhtbame]

I don't see how not wanting kids is a bad thing- I mean if a guy is thinking of having kids early on into the relationship; back dat ass up dude. You're gonna scare the women away by getting too serious too soon.

To some extent, it's good to know about things like that. If a prospective partner is adamant that they don't ever want to have children, but you know you do, then it's better to end it sooner than later. Nothing dooms a relationship like having incompatible life goals.

But that's the thing. These guys assume the relationship already exists, and so the woman is obligated to bend or change completely. They don't see any sort of difference of degree between "shows mild willingness to be in my presence" and "drops panties when she hears my name"--because they experience no such difference in themselves.

 

[LtCucumber]

To some extent, it's good to know about things like that. If a prospective partner is adamant that they don't ever want to have children, but you know you do, then it's better to end it sooner than later. Nothing dooms a relationship like having incompatible life goals.

But that's the thing. These guys assume the relationship already exists, and so the woman is obligated to bend or change completely. They don't see any sort of difference of degree between "shows mild willingness to be in my presence" and "drops panties when she hears my name"--because they experience no such difference in themselves.

I guess it depends, some mean "I don't want to go through the physical pain of having kids" while some mean "i don't want to raise a child at all". For example, some won't want to get pregnant or have a child but would be open to adopting. So it could mean a couple things when someone says they don't want to have kids.

The second point though, yes, definitely. It's not just the "having a child" thing they expect women to change, they expect their standards to change to fit them (so I guess that sense of entitlement).
From personal experience I know you're right about these people being "unable to tell the difference between 'she tolerates me or likes being around me' and 'she wants to fuck me"; what's worse is when you explain this difference to them they seem to ignore it like "we'll bang ok" multiple times after being told about your disinterest despite enjoying being a FRIEND to them.
They don't know the difference, but when told about the difference, they don't like it, so they deny it as if your feelings on it doesn't seem to matter, as long as they're interested, that's what matters.

 

[Vorhtbame]

I guess it depends, some mean "I don't want to go through the physical pain of having kids" while some mean "i don't want to raise a child at all". For example, some won't want to get pregnant or have a child but would be open to adopting. So it could mean a couple things when someone says they don't want to have kids.

And that's why you clarify before you get in too deep, sure. Compatibility isn't just about kinks!

They don't know the difference, but when told about the difference, they don't like it, so they deny it as if your feelings on it doesn't seem to matter, as long as they're interested, that's what matters.

I think of them as no different from the militant shippers in different fandoms, who insist that any act of friendship between two characters is proof that they're totally hot for each other. They just want it to be that way, and that makes it so. It's not that your feelings don't matter; they just assume you don't understand your own feelings.

 

[The Valeyard]

I guess it depends, some mean "I don't want to go through the physical pain of having kids" while some mean "i don't want to raise a child at all". For example, some won't want to get pregnant or have a child but would be open to adopting. So it could mean a couple things when someone says they don't want to have kids.

I don't think these guys want to raise someone else's kid(s), and would view adoption as another form of cuckoldry.

 

[DatBepisTho]

I don't think these guys want to raise someone else's kid(s), and would view adoption as another form of cuckoldry.

Agreed.
Because, to them, nothing says manly or tru luv like having niceguy biological fuckups children.

 

[LtCucumber]

And that's why you clarify before you get in too deep, sure. Compatibility isn't just about kinks!



I think of them as no different from the militant shippers in different fandoms, who insist that any act of friendship between two characters is proof that they're totally hot for each other. They just want it to be that way, and that makes it so. It's not that your feelings don't matter; they just assume you don't understand your own feelings.

Of course- though I don't know how many people make a big deal out of having kids, I haven't dated much or been in any "serious" relationships. Nobody's discussed this with me so I don't know how many people see it as important.
Though that and other compatibility issues should be talked over in the early stages of the relationship to avoid problems later on.

That's also pretty much how their minds work- "I think it is this way, my word is law". Usually they will tell someone they're confused about their own feelings (which in itself is insulting and won't get them laid)- But the thing with a lot of nice guys is they expect others to cater to their feelings, whatever method they use, whether that's denying the other person's feelings (I won't powerlevel too much but when a "nice guy" does that it's the most infuriating thing ever... my guess is it's also a red flag, clearly your feelings won't matter at all in the relationship if you choose to date them), acting like someone is confused about their feelings, or some other method- So I guess there's a lot of different "nice guys" with different ways of thinking but they all have a similar if not same train of thought?

 

[DrJonesHat]

Never associate with anyone who thinks they know you better than you know yourself. That's beyond arrogant.

 

[The Great Chandler]

"And the Devil did grin, for his darling sin is pride that apes humility"

 

[Cripple]

Of course- though I don't know how many people make a big deal out of having kids, I haven't dated much or been in any "serious" relationships. Nobody's discussed this with me so I don't know how many people see it as important.
Though that and other compatibility issues should be talked over in the early stages of the relationship to avoid problems later on.

That's also pretty much how their minds work- "I think it is this way, my word is law". Usually they will tell someone they're confused about their own feelings (which in itself is insulting and won't get them laid)- But the thing with a lot nice guys is they expect others to cater to their feelings, whatever method they use, whether that's denying the other person's feelings (I won't powerlevel too much but when a "nice guy" does that it's the most infuriating thing ever... my guess is it's also a red flag, clearly your feelings won't matter at all in the relationship if you choose to date them), acting like someone is confused about their feelings, or some other method- So I guess there's a lot of different "nice guys" with different ways of thinking but they all have a similar if not same train of thought?

Re: Kids, in my experience it's age based. In my early 20's no one was talking kids, most people understood dating was for fun, and if it became something serious, great, if not, no harm. It wasn't until my late 20's people would start asking about kids because that seems to be the marrying age nowadays. You don't want to put the effort into a two or three year relationship and not have it work out when you could have raised your marrying chances with a like-minded partner.

But of course this is how non-entitled people approach dating.

 

[LtCucumber]

Re: Kids, in my experience it's age based. In my early 20's no one was talking kids, most people understood dating was for fun, and if it became something serious, great, if not, no harm. It wasn't until my late 20's people would start asking about kids because that seems to be the marrying age nowadays. You don't want to put the effort into a two or three year relationship and not have it work out when you could have raised your marrying chances with a like-minded partner.

But of course this is how non-entitled people approach dating.

fftopic:This.
I don't know about you guys, but not many people I know that are around my age are even certain if they want kids or not as we're at college and focusing on our qualifications and getting shitfaced whenever possible to focus on the commitment that is having kids.
Maybe the attitudes of some will change as they reach mid-20s or even later, like some people's opinions of god knows what changes as they grow older.

There's also the angle of "I love this person, but I don't particularly want to have kids with them". A few people have mentioned this to me when the topic came up in a group text a couple weeks ago.

I'm guessing that maybe someone mentioning very soon about kids early on is worrying to me is because i'm still young-ish and having not finished college yet, still trying not to fuck up my future, etc. Though my mind may change later.

The wanting kids vs not wanting kids thing is definitely more major than say a difference in opinion over something and probably will affect a couple more than "the toilet paper goes over not under" or some bs like that.

 

[DatBepisTho]

fftopic:This.
I don't know about you guys, but not many people I know that are around my age are even certain if they want kids or not as we're at college and focusing on our qualifications and getting shitfaced whenever possible to focus on the commitment that is having kids.
Maybe the attitudes of some will change as they reach mid-20s or even later, like some people's opinions of god knows what changes as they grow older.

There's also the angle of "I love this person, but I don't particularly want to have kids with them". A few people have mentioned this to me when the topic came up in a group text a couple weeks ago.

I'm guessing that maybe someone mentioning very soon about kids early on is worrying to me is because i'm still young-ish and having not finished college yet, still trying not to fuck up my future, etc. Though my mind may change later.

The wanting kids vs not wanting kids thing is definitely more major than say a difference in opinion over something and probably will affect a couple more than "the toilet paper goes over not under" or some bs like that.

Some people still don't want kids at 20+ and that's fine, too.
It's usually the Nice Guy mentality that believes a man can use sheer force of will to make his prospective partner change her mind and drop the panties when he wants the kids. And that makes them even more unappealing to a woman even if she wants kids.

Edit: reworded some stuff for grammar.

 

[Vorhtbame]

No biggie, it's the Nice Guy mentality that believes a man can use sheer force of will to make his prospective partner change her mind and drop the panties when he wants the kids.

That, or they think that they can berate someone into agreeing with them and have it mean anything.

 

[LtCucumber]

Some people still don't want kids at 20+ and that's fine, too.
It's usually the Nice Guy mentality that believes a man can use sheer force of will to make his prospective partner change her mind and drop the panties when he wants the kids. And that makes them even more unappealing to a woman even if she wants kids.

Edit: reworded some stuff for grammar.

without powerleveling I'd say that I know that's very true. Then again it's a mentality that's offputting to anyone, whether they want kids or not.

But it's the demanding nature of "I want this to be done so whether or not you want this change it's happening" from the typical "nice guys" is what makes them so offputting, regardless of how attractive you may find them initially... Hell, any single/free person here could find a very attractive, smart, funny person. But if they're entitled and needy, chances are that alone may turn that attraction into "LOL no". Especially if that person tries to use negs/whining/extortion/whatever they choose; it's unattractive.

 

[escapegoat]

Holy shit. This.

http://shouldyoudatenate.com/

"Why This 6’ 4” Passionate Businessman is
Offering a FREE Dream Vacation To a Lucky
Woman… "

Chances are, this opportunity is not right for you… even if
you’re an exceptionally intelligent, beautiful woman who
secretly dreams of meeting a great guy…

Hi.

My name’s Nate.

If you're a single woman in your 20s or 30s and you’re tired of meeting the same boring guys...

If you're sick of getting hit on by men with no manners...

If you've had it with guys who seem nice, but turn out clingy and desperate...

And if you're interested in meeting someone who truly values you for YOU, loves to listen, and cherishes living life to the fullest just as much as you…

… then this might be one of the most intriguing letters you ever read. In fact, if you’re open to an exciting, fulfilling, love affair (with the right guy) then this letter might change your life.

But perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.

It’s true that I’m offering a free, romantic vacation, so keep reading...

This is a most exceptional monument to autism. I am sort of stunned.

 

[JaneThough]

X 5. Prosperity Poo-Pooers: Don’t laugh. As a bonafide greedy capitalist pig, I’ve figured out that free markets and unfettered entrepreneurial spirit are the best things for this planet. And unfortunately, this idea shocks otherwise intelligent, healthy women. So let’s just get it out of the way now: If you’re dead-set on liberalism instead of libertarianism, our stars were not meant to cross.

X 6. Anyone Who Sneers At Spirituality: Surprised, especially after what I just said? Don’t be. Delving into my own spiritual side (for lack of a better term) and practicing meditation has completely transformed my life. So anyone who’s never felt such a connection, probably won’t connect with me. Although I couldn’t come up with a pithier alliteration for labelling such folks. Maybe you can?

A woo woo libertarian? How is he still single?

 

[JTRH-NBR]

No matter how many times I tip my fedora, these stuck up bitches won't let me have any pussy.

tfw.

 

[escapegoat]

A woo woo libertarian? How is he still single?

He has a LinkedIn, for all his "I don't social network" euphoria. https://www.linkedin.com/in/nate-rifkin-77162994/

Over a decade ago (through a bizarre and adults-only coincidence) I stumbled upon the power of crafting sales messages to build businesses. Ever since, I’ve been enraptured like a lover.

I don’t go out and party at night, don’t watch TV, and have been to the movies only twice in the last seven years. Instead, I get my thrills, fulfillment, and fun in creating sales letters, sales funnels, architecting direct response systems…you name it. If it involves persuasion on a mass, automated scale and it can be measured, I love it.

You should definitely make your LinkedIn profile an ode to your personal thirst.

The only lovah he neeeeeeds it creating shitty website sales funnels for snake oil.

 

[Overcast]

Classy fellow right here.

 

[JaneThough]

Such a nice guy.

 

[Bunny Tracks]

Classy fellow right here.

She probably would've died even sooner.