Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[escapegoat]

I love that her given name is "Ryann". I think we have a contender with "Amber Lynn" for most stereotypical trashy southern white girl name.

Crystal. Never leave out Crystal.

 

[Dysnomia]

Every time I see her I think of those land whales on the Richard Bey show that participated in the chocolate pudding butt print contests. Every time a pod of them was released onto the stage you'd hear pig and elephant sound effects.

I agree. My point of comparison is a size 28 older lady I know, and even she is smaller than Tess, especially in the fupa. Tess has to be 30 or more.

Even when you take into account different heights and body types there comes a point where it's just not plausible. If Tess is so proud of her humpback whale blubber then she wouldn't lie about her size. Deep down she wishes she looked normal just like every other bipedal bovine squeezed into plus size clothing that never fits right. She probably can't even changed the channel without getting sweaty and out of breath as this point.

 

[Top Diaper Crinkler]

Oh, man, I've heard of this hambeast.

I actually just checked her Instagram and, you know... It's weird that someone who supports HAES goes to the gym. I mean, because exercising would mean that she's trying to lose weight, and that would be against everything she stands for!

Also apparently she's pregnant? Yeah, I couldn't tell, either. I don't know what sort of person would stick their dick in that... frankly I'm surprised it's physically possible.

But to play Devil's Advocate, apparently she did donate 1k to some domestic violence charity, according to her Wikipedia. Although I question the validity of a lot of the information on her Wikipedia page. And also her retroactively donating 1k to a domestic violence charity doesn't change the fact that she did, in fact, lie about where the money was going for her stupid shirts in the first place, since it's common knowledge she squandered those funds on a trip to Disneyworld.

i'm surprised the baby found it's way out of that human maze

Even Chris probably wouldn't fuck her.

"probably"

 

[RigorMorris?!]

So some could apparently find it's blow hole....

 

[FramerGirl420]

So some could apparently find it's blow hole....

If by " blow hole" you mean "mouth," and by "some" you mean "massive quantities of hamburgers," then absolutely correct.

 

[Maiden-TieJuan]

Apparently, she believes that her fat-enlarged baby feedbags "naturally point down". Yeah, gravity is a natural thing, but the heavier you get, the breasts are gonna sag because there isn't any real breast tissue there to support them. Plus, she has had a child, so that makes it worse, sag wise. Ugh. I really dislike those monster teets.

Edit to add that I love the fact Mooriah Moollad liked this pic. Cows of a feather, flock together....

 

[BIG DADDY]

Only the most white trash women want to be "bomb as fuck" at her age. It's already awkward enough when actually attractive women try and act like sluts when they have kids, but it's just sad when someone like Tess acts like an insecure 16-year old Instagram model when they should be focusing on other things by that point in their life.

We already know she sleeps around (or tries to), which makes it all the more sad. She's only going to become more desperate as she gets even more irrelevant too, until she ends up as the most desperate, sluttiest cougar in the dive bar every Friday night.

 

[Antipathy]

#Effyourbeatystandardsnowifyou'llexcusemeIneedmakeupandPhotoshopinallpicturesofme.

 

[multiverse]

Hooooly shit, the cow's brother breaks his years' long silence, and writes a GoodReads review of her book where he says literally everything in her "autobiography" was either lifted from a relative's life without permission, or made up, or wholesale turned on its head (i.e. SHE was a notorious bully in high school.) Tad Hoven IS her older brother; he's a veteran who still lives in Mississippi and has never, ever responded to anyone about her before. It seems Ryann milking their mom being shot for profit finally put him over the edge: he's publicly declared her a toxic narcissist.

Link to his review (archive)

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

View attachment 297117

Apparently, she believes that her fat-enlarged baby feedbags "naturally point down". Yeah, gravity is a natural thing, but the heavier you get, the breasts are gonna sag because there isn't any real breast tissue there to support them. Plus, she has had a child, so that makes it worse, sag wise. Ugh. I really dislike those monster teets.

Edit to add that I love the fact Mooriah Moollad liked this pic. Cows of a feather, flock together....

The black outfit, the red hair, the general shape...bomb as fuck.

Spoiler

 

[multiverse]

Tad was spitting fire up in GoodReads; here, a former friend of Tess's (Ryann is her real name, and that's the name they use) thanks Tad for being forthright.


She writes her own red hot review (Tess is over size 30!), gets called out by an asspatter, and Tad steps in to be like "no, literally everything in this book is a lie, and don't tell me I don't know, because I was there."

 

[Trombonista]

View attachment 297117

Apparently, she believes that her fat-enlarged baby feedbags "naturally point down". Yeah, gravity is a natural thing, but the heavier you get, the breasts are gonna sag because there isn't any real breast tissue there to support them. Plus, she has had a child, so that makes it worse, sag wise. Ugh. I really dislike those monster teets.

Edit to add that I love the fact Mooriah Moollad liked this pic. Cows of a feather, flock together....

Tess, honey, please put on a bra.

 

[multiverse]

Tad was all over the other reviews of Tess's book.

 

[Antipathy]

Tad Hoven is a total chad and I nominate him as an honorary Kiwi.

 

[The I Scream Man]

Tad Hoven is a total chad and I nominate him as an honorary Kiwi.

Haha, oh man no way, we're honorary Tads. We all should aspire to be this savage

 

[Antipathy]

Haha, oh man no way, we're honorary Tads. We all should aspire to be this savage

Only he can crown us worthy.

Praise Tad!

 

[Sushinope]

Tess might need some aloe for that burn. Is she still married to the feeder or did they divorce :powerlevel:I'd feel bad for her if she wasn't a cunt and peddling the fat acceptance since a lot of feeders are opportunistic jackasses.

 

[Dysnomia]

View attachment 297117

Apparently, she believes that her fat-enlarged baby feedbags "naturally point down". Yeah, gravity is a natural thing, but the heavier you get, the breasts are gonna sag because there isn't any real breast tissue there to support them. Plus, she has had a child, so that makes it worse, sag wise. Ugh. I really dislike those monster teets.

Edit to add that I love the fact Mooriah Moollad liked this pic. Cows of a feather, flock together....

I'm all for normalizing the variations of natural looking breasts. But that's not natural. Tess is a land orca that grew legs and learned to live among us. She is far larger than any human being is meant to be. So her breasts aren't going to reflect a natural level of sag in any capacity regardless of how many times she has calved.

It must really hurt her back in addition to all the other wright she is forcing her body to carry. She really should be wearing a special custom made bra.

Does she mean that her nipples point down as well? Like directly at the floor?

 

[multiverse]

Does she mean that her nipples point down as well? Like directly at the floor?

They do, and it's not because of having kids. She had her first kid really young, young enough that her boobs shouldn't have been that affected. Yet here she is around age 25 on a shoot for David LaChapelle, representing his gluttony in his piece "Self Portrait as a House".

Tess braaaaaaaged about working with LaChapelle - this was back in her pinup days still - but then the piece was shot and she shut up about it real quick. Turns out he just needed a regulation fatty to stand next to a giant pile of food, while his skinny self stood next to the ingredients for the famous Lemon Cayenne Pepper Cleanse.

The piece in question:

Enhance the kitchen!

Enhance! While blurry, we can clearly see the un-shooped state of Tess's body 6-7 years ago: Boobs point down with nips at the ends, fupa hangs, etc. And this was nigh on a hundred pounds ago. Look how svelte her arm were!

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

That legitimately does not look like an actual human being