r/polyamory

[Scratch This Nut]

Wife lets Hubby fuck other women cause had surgery for Stage 3 Bladder Cancer, End result is this
View attachment 305663
http://archive.is/dyWII

A thread about their "minor" STIs and wouldn't you be surprised, they all have Herpes.
http://archive.is/sBpKp

Why don't these people just jack off instead of fuck other people? Seems like it would solve a lot of problems and prevent bullshit like this.

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

I read this book where the author argues, among other things, that HIV (in the United States) is still almost an exclusively gay male problem because gay men have significantly more indiscriminate sex than straight people. I wonder how poly straights fit into that, and if their subgroup could wind up having their own deadly STI, or at least a deadlier version of an already existing one?

Jacking off and making more friends would fix like 95% of their problems.

 

[Smiling Drought]

Maybe it's because I've only ever been with one guy but can someone enlighten me as to why they think fucking other people can save relationships? It makes less sense than thinking that a baby would.

I'm assuming it might be because they want to try anything to 'save' the relationship. Of course bringing in another person into the mix sounds good for short term, but it seems no one ever thinks about how they'll deal with the new guy long term after they supposedly 'fix' the relationship.

 

[LtCucumber]

I read this book where the author argues, among other things, that HIV (in the United States) is still almost an exclusively gay male problem because gay men have significantly more indiscriminate sex than straight people. I wonder how poly straights fit into that, and if their subgroup could wind up having their own deadly STI, or at least a deadlier version of an already existing one?

Jacking off and making more friends would fix like 95% of their problems.

I don't know how HIV affects people so I don't know how it's a problem, never went to sex ed. I have no idea what HIV and AIDS does to people. Clearly it's a problem enough to affect poly relationships? I'm only wondering because one of the posts mentioning STDs, I think that HIV or something similar was mentioned pretty frequently.

 

[bearycool]

Good post. I apologize for nitpicking, but if you make grand and general statements you gotta be prepared for spergs like me, lol. I think I was pondering more of the organizational aspect of it all, while you were thinking more in terms of the philosophical. I think we do agree alot about this, though.

Honey, you're fine. That post I made was honestly annoying me myself, and I'm glad you said something against it so I can I give a more detail reply of all of this.

I actually care about this topic, both as a psychologist and as a human: I think it's alright to love multiple people, but if you don't even know what it means to "love", then you get bullshit like this subreddit we are witnessing right now.

 

[bearycool]

I read this book where the author argues, among other things, that HIV (in the United States) is still almost an exclusively gay male problem because gay men have significantly more indiscriminate sex than straight people. I wonder how poly straights fit into that, and if their subgroup could wind up having their own deadly STI, or at least a deadlier version of an already existing one?

Jacking off and making more friends would fix like 95% of their problems.

Yeah, sex is a thing that people, especially in the gay community, take for granite. It's the most intimate you can become physically with someone, and gay men have a hard time understanding the concept that even though they may not get all the issues that straights do with pregnancy, it's still a very physical intimate thing that can cause physical and emotional health problems if not done correctly.

 

[ICametoLurk]

Wife needs r/polyamory's help to convince her husband who works 90 hours a week to let in her married BF (40 years old) who got fired from a job cause is in a Poly relationship with a 17 year old boy and the boy's parents had the police go to his work.
http://archive.is/zH15r

 

[LtCucumber]

Yeah, sex is a thing that people, especially in the gay community, take for granite. It's the most intimate you can become physically with someone, and gay men have a hard time understanding the concept that even though they may not get all the issues that straights do with pregnancy, it's still a very physical intimate thing that can cause physical and emotional health problems if not done correctly.

Exactly- it's fun and some people feel like the intimacy brings them closer as a couple, but a lot of people do tend to get a bit more careless if there's no worry about pregnancy. It's worrying yet somewhat hilarious to hear from people about how they didn't use protection while on the pill or other contraceptive that they got told, by a fucking doctor, doesn't stop STDs, and got an STD.

 

[bearycool]

I truly get where people are coming with this, and why it's abhorred by a lot of people: I don't think it's a problem to love multiple people romantically, but the fact is that none of these people whom I have read on this subreddit really knows what the fuck that even means. It's just some little game of cuckolding to them, and that disgusts me.

 

[HG 400]

Polyamory works fine as long as you don't actually care about any of the people you're fucking.

 

[ICametoLurk]

Nice place.

 

[bearycool]

Polyamory works fine as long as you don't actually care about any of the people you're fucking.

If you don't have feelings, you can fuck ANYONE.

 

[Nuthatch]

Honey, you're fine. That post I made was honestly annoying me myself, and I'm glad you said something against it so I can I give a more detail reply of all of this.

I actually care about this topic, both as a psychologist and as a human: I think it's alright to love multiple people, but if you don't even know what it means to "love", then you get bullshit like this subreddit we are witnessing right now.

Can you really teach someone how to love though? I'm viewing this topic through a biologist lens and not a psychologist lens. Love is a complicated, chemical process and I do think there are people where this process does not work correctly at all. In animals the closest thing to "love" would be the bonding that monogamous species take part in, I suppose. But equating that to human love is anthropomorphism. Sex for monogamous species is supposed to accelerate the bonding process and allow for them to become better parents to raise offspring.

So, how do you teach someone how to love if there's never any bonding chemicals that happen for them? Most people go through a "honeymoon phase" in their relationships but if the bonding and love processes work properly, their relationships are maintained past that phase. I also think the people shown in this thread also don't understand the importance of the communication aspect in relationships either--or maybe they are all just socially stunted in several aspects to begin with. The complete disregard for their partner's emotions in these stories is also something that amazes me.

 

[bearycool]

Can you really teach someone how to love though? I'm viewing this topic through a biologist lens and not a psychologist lens. Love is a complicated, chemical process and I do think there are people where this process does not work correctly at all. In animals the closest thing to "love" would be the bonding that monogamous species take part in, I suppose. But equating that to human love is anthropomorphism. Sex for monogamous species is supposed to accelerate the bonding process and allow for them to become better parents to raise offspring.

So, how do you teach someone how to love if there's never any bonding chemicals that happen for them? Most people go through a "honeymoon phase" in their relationships but if the bonding and love processes work properly, their relationships are maintained past that phase. I also think the people shown in this thread also don't understand the importance of the communication aspect in relationships either--or maybe they are all just socially stunted in several aspects to begin with. The complete disregard for their partner's emotions in these stories is also something that amazes me.

The brain is biological, and thus follows the same rules of biology and genetics, if that helps you get my psychological viewpoint.

I believe people can learn to love, even later in life just due to neuroplasticity and flexbility of the wiring of the brain, but it does depend if they just even have that simple wiring in the first place-- sociopaths, for one, may not have this wiring. Of course, when I say "wiring", that is a complex thing, and has many underlying implications, which I will try to define below somehow.

Love at this level is very hard to define, as there is familiar love, romantic love, friendship love, and absolute love: in greek, these concepts have their own words: philo, eros, and agape (friendship, romance, and absolute love). It depends on how you look at how these three systems develop physically within the brain, as they both hit the concept of "love", but in much different ways. However, they are all representative of "bonding" in some level.

I guess the best thing we can look at are sociopaths, those with the complete inability of "empathy", or the emotional stance of understanding/bonding with people. All of these systems I have referred to simply derive from the brain's intrinsic process of bonding and understanding others, and that is what simply love is in a biological standpoint: the ability of the brain to send physical signals in order to give a sense of "bonding" and "caring" with others.

So loving yourself is simply rewiring your brain, or developing habits and behaviors, which are beneficial to how you view yourself in all of these categories: it's simply making sure you survive and thrive, and bond with yourself and what you are in essence.

 

[OtterParty]

what if chris tried polyamory not counting that time with catherine which in all fairness was a respectable effort to make him cry on camera

 

[bearycool]

what if chris tried polyamory not counting that time with catherine which in all fairness was a respectable effort to make him cry on camera

It would be the saga for the ages

 

[Star Wormwood]

Why don't these fuckers just go full Mormon and start a weird sex religion? At least then they can use the money from tax breaks to pay for their STI treatments.

Love at this level is very hard to define, as there is familiar love, romantic love, friendship love, and absolute love: in greek, these concepts have their own words: philo, eros, and agape (friendship, romance, and absolute love). It depends on how you look at how these three systems develop physically within the brain, as they both hit the concept of "love", but in much different ways. However, they are all representative of "bonding" in some level.

Love is a pretty shitty word considering the importance we place on it. I shouldn't be able to use the same word to describe my feelings for my wife of 60 years and the Double Baconator.

 

[bearycool]

Love is a pretty shitty word considering the importance we place on it. I shouldn't be able to use the same word to describe my feelings for my wife of 60 years and the Double Baconator.

Agree.

Love has many fucking levels, and it's a damn shame that English decided "lol, only one word for all this bullshit"

The best we got are this:
"I like you"
vs.
"I love you"

And let's be honest, that's a shitty dichotomy.

 

[CabbageMan]

Jesus Christ, these people are fucking heartless. The guy loves his GF, she tells him that she wants to fuck other dudes, and the dude grins and bears it just to make the girl he loves happy and these people have the nerve to say he's the one at fault here? I get being unassertive is his own issue, but are they really trying to frame a guy feeling sad that his gf fucks other men as a bad thing?
Relationships usually work out best when there's a strong sense of empathy between both parties. These guys seem to have no empathy at all, which explains why their romantic tangles always end up self-destructing.

This one killed me. That poor guy. The cynical part of me says "what a cuck, he deserves it for not speaking up" and the other part of me can't get over how fucked up it is. Even in her own words he's perfect. So why the fuck do you need other people you witch?

I hope he got the fuck out of there.

 

[Moral_Equivalent_of_ISIS]

This one killed me. That poor guy. The cynical part of me says "what a cuck, he deserves it for not speaking up" and the other part of me can't get over how fucked up it is. Even in her own words he's perfect. So why the fuck do you need other people you witch?

I hope he got the fuck out of there.

Some of these people need a fucking hug.