I don't want to be lame or anything but I should probably come out about all this.
In this town (flora vista)..
#1. I have no education. I dropped out of AHS back in ~10, then was forced to attend again and dropped out again in ~12. I had a 3.5 GPA but the culture there was backwards as hell, as if it was stuck in the 1950s. Nothing but savages and douchebags. I never motivated myself to get a GED, I need the forced classes and structure of school, but couldn't deal with all the methheads, roughnecks and rednecks.
#2. I have no job, I tried to apply at a few places, Wendys, General Dollar, and Dairy Queen. All rejected lol And besides, I don't have the strength to deal with those people, I can be a hard worker, but I got real bad social anxiety, hate and fear of all these people. Plus I don't got a phone to keep in touch with the boss if they force me to go in for overtime. I got a nocturnal schedule anyways. No car though, nor a license.
#3. I have no friends here. All my friends are digital now, only time in life that I had a social life were the times I didnt live in the four corners. I tried a lot during my childhood in this area. But let me just put it this way- one of my friends and their little brothers and sisters, stealthily stole my Playstation 1 I had since the 90s, along with dozens of games - all which could be worth thousands of dollars nowadays.
During high school, the other borrowed my N64 and games over the summer, promising to return them once school started again, and guess what the jackass did? He sold it to a guy in denver for $200. Didn't even give me any of the dough. Then threatened to kick my ass when I defended myself from some hicks.
The others talked crap behind my back.. There was a time though around 4/20/12 when I got high with a few people out in the hills. One of the kids lived a few houses down and when I dropped out didn't even stop over to say hello.
I may not seem the type, but I've been somewhat outgoing, friendly, a joker. I wasn't that kid who actively avoided people all the time and dressed in all black and listened to goth music. I went in, did my damned work, made straight A's then went home to a crap abusive family and did more work and surfed the net.
My point? I tried to socialize in this shit town but to no avail.
#4. Major Depression, large amounts of anger and hatred, lots of boredom.. I used to cure it through bong hits and video games but I cant even find those enjoyable anymore.
My dad's a fat lazy idiot who watches fox news all day, weighs 350 pounds and throws hissy fits over everything. Never even bothered to help me get my drivers license and I'm not entitled or spoiled or anything, I'd gladly get a job and pay for my own car.
My moms a psycho hillbilly drunk from florida who's really mentally ill. She smokes and drinks a lot and smells disgusting, and has no manners whatsoever. The most hillbilly accent you can imagine.
My bro is an antisocial douche with no education at 27. He's a user, always manipulating people and draining their resources. He moved back in to this crap house with his wife who bored 2 kids from some other guy, ex-meth, no education either.
I got literally 0 contacts and I'm too lazy to get a GED.
Look, I'm sorry if I'm rude and hateful or anything, but I don't know what to do. I've lived no life for nearly 19 years, most of which was in the miserable ass sun-belt. Did you know new mexico has the fourth highest suicide rate?
I don't know if I'm even gonna get an education. I don't want to sound dumb but going into the wild is another option, but I'm thinking of getting a truck with those roofed installations on the back, then putting a bed in there and driving out of new mexico. the DMV is being whiny and asking for a proof of bank account and proof of rent or something; they're one of the worst DMVs out there and that's saying something, eh?
I am the only atheist I know in my town, and I've had knives pulled on me over it. If I do drift, I need a gun, a water purifier, medkit and some MREs. I've been thinking of driving to either the Denver area, San Jose, CA, Oregon, Washington, or Maine. I'd love to become a Canadian resident, but I gotta get a GED, get accepted into a 4 year college before I have any chances. It'd be nearing the 2020s before that.
Every day I wake up filled with misery, boredom and hatred. In fact, I spent most of the 2010s only on youtube, barely any forums, or in school where I was pretty miserable. I do get out of the house every day, where I take 2~4 hour walks to shed off some pounds and build stamina.
Here's my area. I dont like giving out personal info too much but I just want to prove my point. I live in the heart of the southwest, with no cities for like 200 miles in any direction. This causes an effect where the area I'm in is extremely rural. With the mormon influence of utah, it also makes it really republican, like 80%. Everyone does meth, tobacco like crazy, lots of alcohol etc. AHS had a graduation rate of like 50%.
Should I escape this dump or deal with it? How can I become polite and make some friends out there in this world?
