Michael J "Mike" Hirtes / MHirtes / Aristocrat / Polterbob / Slep / Totem Sanic / Aspergercorn - Chris obsessed old man, A-Log 2.0, EXTENSIVE history of online fuckery in fur community

[Done]

You're probably right.

It's actually kind of odd and interesting discovering that Hirtes has been so focused on Chris for so long. Having seen him in other spaces he mostly just seemed obsessed over his "enemies list", focusing either on whoever had most recently wronged him, or crowing over some furry who'd gotten involved in a scandal or been arrested as if he personally had been responsible for taking them down. His interest seemed to wane and wax... he'd lock on to one of his "enemies", rage and rant and obsess over them for awhile, then sulk off for a bit to focus on someone else. Meanwhile apparently he's been reeeeeeeing at Chris under other names all this time.

Maybe Chris is to Hirtes as Sonic is to Chris... a sort of stabilizing influence, a totem if you will, that allows his autistic mind some sort of focus. Except whereas Chris uses something he loves as his focus, Hirtes is incapable of love and his focus knows only hate. It's probably not a coincidence that Hirtes is using a picture of Chris himself as the icon of the twitter account he seems to have settled into.

I fully agree with this post.

I tried to make a funny dramatic-sounding post about how Hirtes is the autism of evil trying to take down the autism of good (Chris) in their eternal battle for the puzzle-pieces of life, but then I thought fuck it, you know why?

Because reality is far, far funnier than any fantasy I can come up with, the Autism of good isn't even noticing its evil counterpart, I know this has been said to death by now, but that whole bunch of tweets that Hirtes made yesterday? Chris probably had him muted so it didn't even register on his notifications, so Chris didn't even get something to ignore.

Hirtes is a one-joke cow, he is the Stephen Colbert of lolcows, and I mean this in every way lol.

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

Because reality is far, far funnier than any fantasy I can come up with, the Autism of good isn't even noticing its evil counterpart, I know this has been said to death by now, but that whole bunch of tweets that Hirtes made yesterday? Chris probably had him muted so it didn't even register on his notifications, so Chris didn't even get something to ignore.

That pretty much sums up Mikey's entire life. Trying desperately to make the world notice him, to make himself matter in some way, and he can't. He can't even make himself matter to Chris Chandler, someone whose internet fame is based almost entirely on his reliability in feeding the trolls. Instead he has to watch Chris become more successful than him in every way while he continues to sit in his concrete box apartment and rages.

 

[WeeGee]

Mike wishes cons would have panels about him, but that will never happen. He will never hold a place in Christory.

 

[Done]

I fully agree with this post.

I tried to make a funny dramatic-sounding post about how Hirtes is the autism of evil trying to take down the autism of good (Chris) in their eternal battle for the puzzle-pieces of life, but then I thought fuck it, you know why?

Because reality is far, far funnier than any fantasy I can come up with, the Autism of good isn't even noticing its evil counterpart, I know this has been said to death by now, but that whole bunch of tweets that Hirtes made yesterday? Chris probably had him muted so it didn't even register on his notifications, so Chris didn't even get something to ignore.

Hirtes is a one-joke cow, he is the Stephen Colbert of lolcows, and I mean this in every way lol.

I was wrong, Chris dunked on him again.

 

[PsychoNerd054]

I was wrong, Chris dunked on him again.

If I could rate Chris's response to Herpes as , I definitely would. This is one of the few instances of his life where he's downright successful.

Oh wait, I'm sorry, I forgot Hirtes refuses to stop being a 12 years old mentally.

Nevermind the fact that Chris last mentioned this 4 years ago, and scabies generally lasts between 2-4 weeks if treated properly. Who the fuck knows what happened between those past 4 years.

 

[Fistbeard_McThunderaxe]

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

Having scabies would probably be a step up for Hirtes, for him that might actually count as something interesting happening.

 

[Flowers For Sonichu]

I was wrong, Chris dunked on him again.

When Chris takes the high road wirh you yet you still don't stop... Amazing

 

[AnOminous]

What storm? Is he planning to spam the people at MAGfest until they become his personal army against Chris or something?



Well no shit Hirtes.

He doesn't know how to wait. All he knows is how to get his ass handed to him by a literal autistic sped over and over again, when the sped isn't just ignoring him as beneath notice.

 

[PsychoNerd054]

He doesn't know how to wait. All he knows is how to get his ass handed to him by a literal autistic sped over and over again, when the sped isn't just ignoring him as beneath notice.

He sure can wait for Chris to make another post to screech at again though.

 

[sbm1990]

I was wrong, Chris dunked on him again.

Here, we observe Chris trolling Hirtes with kindness.

 

[scared sheep]

I was wrong, Chris dunked on him again.

Y’know, a lot of times, I just want to cheer Chris on. I mean, the internet sensation has one of the most hated webcomics, and they keep making them out of sheer passion.

This is one of those times. I hope Hirties feels humiliated, he really should be. At least Chris tried to do something with their life, even if it equates to what I drew in my notebooks in fourth grade. Hirties is just a parasite, and an unsuccessful one at that.

 

[PsychoNerd054]

On a side note, I've noticed that Hirtes has been adding links to the CWCki a bunch of times on some of his recent posts as if the CWCki is some sort of prophecy concerning Chris' life. Some examples include:

 

[Feline Darkmage]

No. It must really chap his hide that Chris is literally getting applauded by crowds of real people at MAGfest. He is literally getting his picture taken next to hot chicks, standing in front of a crowd on a panel about his own creation, and getting loud applause in person from crowds of actual people.

Note: ironic applause is still applause. Michael Herpes will never get either.

Mike wishes cons would have panels about him, but that will never happen. He will never hold a place in Christory.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

This is the saddest cow. Not only is he going to die before Chris, no one will even know or mourn his passing.
Even if Chris is thrown into a pauper’s grave, Trolls will erect memorials in his honor.
When Hirtes dies would anyone notice? Who’d find his body in his ratty section 8 housing?
What kind of impact will he leave behind?
Nothing. He’s lived a life devoid of meaning and impact.
It’d be sad if he wasn’t such a spiteful little ween.

 

[GS 281]

I was wrong, Chris dunked on him again.

tfw chris tags Hirtes

Everything about this Chris tweet is perfect. And yea the girl does have lupus.

When was the last time Hirtes had a girl anywhere near him though? I think he's jealous.

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

When was the last time Hirtes had a girl anywhere near him though? I think he's jealous.

I wouldn't be surprised if Hirtes has some sort of court order against him requiring him to keep a certain distance away from women.

And a further distance away from and isn't even allowed to look at children.

 

[Big Nasty]

Hirtes apparently has some kind of fixation on people who live in messy houses. The only funny thing he has ever produced was an extremely detailed description of Mark Merlinos house.

 

[PsychoNerd054]

Aw shit @Null, he's got you now...I guess.

 

[Done]

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He conveniently ignores that a lot of his accounts are banned too.