Careercow Narcissa Wright / Cosmo Wright - Former speedrunner tumbling down

[Intelligent Calcium]

Narcissa acts and looks like a very ineffectual villain from a children´s TV show. You know, those sad and pathetic-looking villains that made you feel sad for them, due to how weak, pale, ugly and frail they looked, but how they´d pull the least effective evil plans possible.

At this point he's basically the Speedrun Grinch.

Every autist down in zeldaspeedruns.com liked speedrunning a lot, but Narcissa, who lived just north of zeldaspeedruns.com - did not. Narcissa hated speedruns - the whole speedrun community. Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his soylent was too concentrated. Or it could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all... may have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But, whatever the reason, his heart or the soy, he stood there on twitch hating the autists. Staring down from his cave, with a sour narcissy frown, at the warm, lighted windows below in their town. For he knew that every autist down in zeldaspeedruns.com beneath was busy now, beating his old records with ease.

 

[AnOminous]

So are they still going to suck his troon dick at AGDQ?

 

[AlmightyMagichan]

So are they still going to suck his troon dick at AGDQ?

If he went there and asked nicely they totally would. He would get the whole package too; be an announcer, be a host, sit at whatever couch he wants, have twitch chat turned off during his run. He would get more praise and attention than he could ever want, but instead he turns his nose at them and rots away in his room, alone.

 

[JB 236]

I would legitimately be impressed if he managed to show his face at GDQ, I think it would absolutely destroy his sanity. He would know full well everyone around him knows who he is, the recent events since coming out as a fetish enthusiast and how broken he really is. I don't think he could live with himself doing that though.

In the case that he did, it would definitely lead to some potential train wreck material. Sort of like crashing a train through a line of nurseries, crashing into another train, exploding and taking out half a town levels of train wreck.

 

[Raging Capybara]

Narco, the superior future enthusiast, is mad because robots finally became better than him.

 

[Koochiching]

Narco, the superior future enthusiast, is mad because robots finally became better than him.


View attachment 372999

I guarantee you people are going to want to run this category solely to knock off Wanda's new WR. Had I any interest in Zelda at all I sure as hell would.

 

[Guy Smiley]

That's not a World Record anyway, unless the post he's referring to is from a while ago. The run at AGDQ was faster and in that same category, IIRC.

Edit: Maybe he's including the DLC? If so, he should say that. The AGDQ run was just barely under 4 hours, but without the DLC.

 

[Gazed too deep]

That's not a World Record anyway, unless the post he's referring to is from a while ago. The run at AGDQ was faster and in that same category, IIRC.

Edit: Maybe he's including the DLC? If so, he should say that. The AGDQ run was just barely under 4 hours, but without the DLC.

IIRC, Narcissa's category is one literally no one runs because she made it up to claim WR. How it's different from a normal run is nebulous at best.

 

[andr0id psycho sho(ker]

IIRC, Narcissa's category is one literally no one runs because she made it up to claim WR. How it's different from a normal run is nebulous at best.

and what he uses to categorize it, probably isn't accepted as official in speed running communities

 

[wagglyplacebo]

IIRC, Narcissa's category is one literally no one runs because she made it up to claim WR. How it's different from a normal run is nebulous at best.

and what he uses to categorize it, probably isn't accepted as official in speed running communities

What do you guys mean? I know nothing about speedrunning and only read this thread to see Cosmo be a nutjob.

 

[Gazed too deep]

What do you guys mean? I know nothing about speedrunning and only read this thread to see Cosmo be a nutjob.

I remember reading earlier in the thread that the so called "All main quests" is a nebulous category Narcissa made up herself and claims WR in. No one else runs it, much in the same way that no one runs 84 star Mario 64 because it's not a meaningful distinction like 16 or 70, or 120 stars.

 

[andr0id psycho sho(ker]

I remember reading earlier in the thread that the so called "All main quests" is a nebulous category Narcissa made up herself and claims WR in. No one else runs it, much in the same way that no one runs 84 star Mario 64 because it's not a meaningful distinction like 16 or 70, or 120 stars.

so that's the category he's running in. I was basing my knowledge on what I know about Narcissa and his view on the speed running community

 

[Gazed too deep]

Now mind you, I could be remembering something wrong or the initial info could be wrong, but I'm too lazy to check and also Narcissa is such a sped at this point that I would believe it.

 

[wagglyplacebo]

I remember reading earlier in the thread that the so called "All main quests" is a nebulous category Narcissa made up herself and claims WR in.

What makes it a nebulous category? I don't know much about games but isn't the appeal of the new Zelda being that there isn't much direction or whatever? That's the only reason I can think of.

 

[Gazed too deep]

What makes it a nebulous category? I don't know much about games but isn't the appeal of the new Zelda being that there isn't much direction or whatever? That's the only reason I can think of.

See, normally that WOULD be an appealing feature, but when we're talking about speedrunning, it's all about rigid rules that define what is and isn't a valid run. And even looking at speedruns.com... there's 4 different versions of the leaderboards for that 1 catagory. Normal, extended, and with or without amiibos for both.

 

[wagglyplacebo]

See, normally that WOULD be an appealing feature, but when we're talking about speedrunning, it's all about rigid rules that define what is and isn't a valid run. And even looking at speedruns.com... there's 4 different versions of the leaderboards for that 1 catagory. Normal, extended, and with or without amiibos for both.

So basically Cosmo is taking advantage of the lack of rules to get a record?

 

[Gazed too deep]

So basically Cosmo is taking advantage of the lack of rules to get a record?

More like making up her own rules to get a record in a category no one will run against her in.

 

[Darksydepickle]

Just wondering, how is all main quests complete comparable to a 84 star run?

Keep in mind, I haven´t played BotW, but it sounds like competent objective since all main quests would probably equate, as someone who knows nothing about BotW, to getting the least amount of stars necessary to climb the final steps on Bowser´s castle.

 

[Gazed too deep]

Just wondering, how is all main quests complete comparable to a 84 star run?

Keep in mind, I haven´t played BotW, but it sounds like competent objective since all main quests would probably equate, as someone who knows nothing about BotW, to getting the least amount of stars necessary to climb the final steps on Bowser´s castle.

It's not so much the category in general so much as whatever specific set of rules Narcissa is using to ignore the records over at Speedruns.com, where the record for the base game is under 4 hours... and only one person has bothered at all to put in an "extended" version of the record. The any% run is something like 40 mins of note. The point remains that Narcissa is claiming a world record that is either totally bogus, or only a world record in the version of the category that exists under a different ruleset but the same name in her diseased brain.

 

[Super Collie]

What do you guys mean? I know nothing about speedrunning and only read this thread to see Cosmo be a nutjob.

I remember reading earlier in the thread that the so called "All main quests" is a nebulous category Narcissa made up herself and claims WR in. No one else runs it, much in the same way that no one runs 84 star Mario 64 because it's not a meaningful distinction like 16 or 70, or 120 stars.

Just wondering, how is all main quests complete comparable to a 84 star run?

Keep in mind, I haven´t played BotW, but it sounds like competent objective since all main quests would probably equate, as someone who knows nothing about BotW, to getting the least amount of stars necessary to climb the final steps on Bowser´s castle.

I can elaborate a bit more on @Gazed too deep's example here since @wagglyplacebo isn't really familiar with speedruns and why "16, 70, and 120" are important numbers in Mario 64 but "84" isn't.

Basically 16, 70, and 120 are the minimum tier requirements to beat the game with specific terms. 120 stars is the equivalent of "100%", which is self-explanatory. 70 stars is the minimum amount of stars needed to beat the game the way the developers intended (the door to the final boss opens at 70 stars). 16 stars is a popular category because it incorporates glitches that are only possible once you've collected 16 stars to trigger specific events in the game.

Those star count examples directly equate to well defined and major points in Super Mario 64 and as such are accepted in the speedrunning community as "valid" categories that runners compete in. Technically, if you wanted to, you could do an "84 star" star run and end up having the de facto world record because it's a category that doesn't exist and is something you made up just to claim that you had a record. Narcissa has essentially done the equivalent of this with Breath of the Wild, she invented her own category that nobody else runs and set an arbitrary time in it to be the de facto record holder.

This is why it's not really being recognized as a world record, and why her submissions of it on major speedrunning communities have been moderated.