DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

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"Guess who's back? Big Philly Blunt." -Phil Burnell

That's right, he's back from time off and ready to autorun across the map. Let's do this.

PUBG - February 19, 2nd stream commentary

Pregame
  • He rage quit DBZ for the second time earlier today so I'm looking forward to a super salty night of PUBG.
  • I also heard he is drinking during this stream, so what little filter he has should be gone.

Match 1
  • Kat does not play PUBG. She watched Phil play it and asked why he continues to play it. He doesn't play it for the gameplay. He plays it for the "interactions"
  • His laptop is fucking up. The brightness is alternating between min and max settings. Here comes the next fundraiser. #savethelaptop
  • Performs triage on the laptop (puts it in sleep mode) and this fixes it. He was really worried for a minute about not being able to see chat me$$ages
  • He's drinking out of a coffee mug. Gin?
  • He doesn't talk about work with Kat. He talks with her about what they're going to eat.
  • Down to 30 players. He's ran across the entire map (no vehicle). Kill me.
  • He's reading chat messages without 50bicheers attached to them. He must be drinking.
  • Top 10. He flawlessly executes his late-game strategy: hiding behind a rock hoping no one sees him.
  • Empties a magazine worth of single shots at a guy who doesn't see where Phil is hiding. Still cannot hit a predominantly stationary target that is not shooting back. Guess how this ends? The guy figures out where Phil is and easily kills him.
  • Parting shot: "I couldn't hit him a single time. I couldn't hit him a single FUCKING time. And the guy didn't even aim, he just sprayed."
  • Place: 9
  • Killed by: SCAR
  • Weapons at time of death: M4, Mini14, flashbang
  • Number of kills: 0

Match 2
  • Says you have to be a fucking idiot to play PUBG on Xbox One. This is exactly what he is doing.
  • User fjresto asks Phil if he can gift him Skyrim on PS4 to play during downtime next week. Phil responds as only Phil can, saying that he would redeem the code and hang onto it in case peepul eventually want to see him play it. I like how he skirts around not honoring the guy's intent of playing it for enjoyment during downtime. This is the man that just wants to play games and have fun (as long as it's profitable).
  • He's parking a car by a building and a guy jumps out from behind a corner and lights him up. Phil drives around the buildings for a bit, taking fire the entire time. Then he gets out of the car and gunplay ensues. He shoots a beautiful point-blank silhouette around the guy before dying.
  • Parting shot: "I couldn't! Dude the entire time I was moving right on the joystick (holds up joystick) and it wouldn't go right!"
  • Place: 64
  • Killed by: M4
  • Guns at time of death: SCAR, UMP9
  • Number of kills: 0

Match 3
  • Says 3 million peepul play this game because the developers didn't improve it ??? Definitely drinking.
  • User infinite_55 asks if Phil would play Assassin's Creed Rogue Remastered if he bought it for him. There's suddenly a bunch of new games coming out and Phil can't commit to anything. New games include: Sea of Thieves, Word Salad 2, A Way Out, and Far Cry 5. He may play it EVENTUALLY so definitely buy it for him.
  • Shits on Ubisoft for not staggering their game releases to better align with his streaming schedule. "Completely dumb idiots."
  • He's landing exactly where he landed last game. #redemptionrun
  • Gets a car. Hits a house. Takes a sip.
  • Drives across the landscape, taking fire and avoiding Worthless Humans.
  • Walks in a room. Sees a guy. Empties magazine and gets a kill. "Oh my god! What a fucking idiot! He's camping in here like a dumb pussy and I fucking blew his face off! What a moron!"
  • Loots the dumb pussy and then CAMPS IN THE SAME ROOM. Eventually a guy walks in and headshots him.
  • Parting shot: "Explain that! I fired first! I fired directly into his body and I die first! This game is terrible dude!" The guy got a headshot, that's why you died first. The game even tells you it was a headshot. "I played it 100% correctly: waiting it out, being patient (sounds like camping), saw him first, fired first. I die! This game sucks!"
  • Place: 39
  • Killed by: SCAR
  • Guns at time of death: M16, Mini14
  • Number of kills: 1 (but it was completely unearned because the guy was a dumb pussy)

Match 4
  • Lands at hospital. Can't find any good guns. Grandpa's grumpy.
  • Loads up on ammo and mall ninja gun attachments.
  • Runs across the landscape on foot. Again.
  • He hates that he has to move because of the circle mechanic. His ideal game would be hiding in a room for 30 minutes while people give him quarters.
  • Asked if he would play an older Fallout or Elder Scrolls game. "No one wants to see old games."
Untitled picture1.png


  • Gets killed…somehow. It doesn't matter. None of this matters.
  • Parting shot: "Once again, all that work for absolutely nothing. A waste of my fucking time."
  • Place: 20
  • Killed by: M16
  • Guns at time of death: M16, Kar (4x scope), frag grenade
  • Number of kills: 0

Match 5
  • Lands at the military base. Immediately finds a jeep. Hears a Worthless Human in the distance. Flees the military base without even looking for a gun. Immediately crashes into a metal fence post.
  • Arguing with the troll tipper over whether he gets to keep the troll tips or not.
  • Flips the jeep while driving in a straight line over open ground.
  • Crashes into a concrete barrier while reading chat. He's killed in the explosion.
  • Parting shot: "That game was a bust anyway. I wanted to land at the military base but couldn't, so it was a complete waste of time to keep playing." No idea what he's talking about because he did land at the military base.
  • Killed by: Himself
  • Place: 75
  • Guns at time of death: None
  • Kills: 0

Match 6
  • Stares at crotch. Probably tweeting.
  • Troll keeps tipping $5 to insult Phil. Truly exceptional.
  • Time to sit through another red zone bombing.
  • Revenge of the blue circle. Run Phil, run.
  • Phil relentlessly makes fun of the troll. It's actually pretty funny because the troll is staggeringly exceptional.
  • Drives a car. Runs into a boulder.
  • We're in Phil's mid-game: driving around the circle In a smoking, flaming vehicle while taking fire.
  • Runs into a picnic table. Health is down to 25% from cumulative collisions.
  • Opens a door and eats lead.
  • Parting shot: "I knew it! I knew there would be someone there!"
  • Killed by: SCAR
  • Place: 18
  • Guns at time of death: M4
  • Kills: 0

Match 7
  • Chat asks about his PUBG strategy: "My strategy is to complain that the game sucks...and to lose."
  • Makes fun of the troll some more.
  • Swims across the landscape.
  • Guy in a boat rolls up on him, gets out and takes cover behind the boat. Phil sprays wildly, then dies.
  • Parting shot: "Annoying because I have no mid-range weapon and no way to fight this guy." Said after spraying with the SKS and neglecting to use his frag grenade.
  • Killed by: M4
  • Place: 51
  • Guns at time of death: SKS, frag grenade
  • Kills: 0

Postgame
  • Red zone bombings sat through: 3
  • Worthless Humans avoided: 4
  • Sips taken: 5
 
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Something about this post makes me laugh...

Was it the implication that he does anything productive during any other day of the week?

i.e. I'll post the food we're eating and maybe some dumb trinket from a shop I dragged her to

Just imagine trying to enjoy your afternoon in the Seattle suburbs, when off the distance you hear, “Oh my gawd! Ack ack ack! What the fuck?! *snort*”
 
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I keep hearing phil use the phrase, "waste of my time". Yes, Phil, being a dull time twitch streamer and ebegger is a waste of your time and your life. You could do almost anything and it would be a better use of your time.

Plant a garden. Send your parents a letter. Read a book. Say hello to your neighbor. Donate blood. Return your recycling. Exercise.

Phil is like a watchmaker who has a 10 year legacy but cannot read an analog clock.

Waste of time.
 
"I got her music sinced up downstairs so now she'll have something to listen to while she's working around the house!"

I...I can not believe....he ACTUALLY said that string of words...

Dude, he just landed himself a trad-life soalmaid. Nothing to look at here bois, move along.
 
"Guess who's back? Big Philly Blunt." -Phil Burnell

That's right, he's back from time off and ready to autorun across the map. Let's do this.

PUBG - February 19, 2nd stream commentary

Pregame
  • He rage quit DBZ for the second time earlier today so I'm looking forward to a super salty night of PUBG.
  • I also heard he is drinking during this stream, so what little filter he has should be gone.

Match 1
  • Kat does not play PUBG. She watched Phil play it and asked why he continues to play it. He doesn't play it for the gameplay. He plays it for the "interactions"
  • His laptop is fucking up. The brightness is alternating between min and max settings. Here comes the next fundraiser. #savethelaptop
  • Performs triage on the laptop (puts it in sleep mode) and this fixes it. He was really worried for a minute about not being able to see chat me$$ages
  • He's drinking out of a coffee mug. Gin?
  • He doesn't talk about work with Kat. He talks with her about what they're going to eat.
  • Down to 30 players. He's ran across the entire map (no vehicle). Kill me.
  • He's reading chat messages without 50bicheers attached to them. He must be drinking.
  • Top 10. He flawlessly executes his late-game strategy: hiding behind a rock hoping no one sees him.
  • Empties a magazine worth of single shots at a guy who doesn't see where Phil is hiding. Still cannot hit a predominantly stationary target that is not shooting back. Guess how this ends? The guy figures out where Phil is and easily kills him.
  • Parting shot: "I couldn't hit him a single time. I couldn't hit him a single FUCKING time. And the guy didn't even aim, he just sprayed."
  • Place: 9
  • Killed by: SCAR
  • Weapons at time of death: M4, Mini14, flashbang
  • Number of kills: 0

Match 2
  • Says you have to be a fucking idiot to play PUBG on Xbox One. This is exactly what he is doing.
  • User fjresto asks Phil if he can gift him Skyrim on PS4 to play during downtime next week. Phil responds as only Phil can, saying that he would redeem the code and hang onto it in case peepul eventually want to see him play it. I like how he skirts around not honoring the guy's intent of playing it for enjoyment during downtime. This is the man that just wants to play games and have fun (as long as it's profitable).
  • He's parking a car by a building and a guy jumps out from behind a corner and lights him up. Phil drives around the buildings for a bit, taking fire the entire time. Then he gets out of the car and gunplay ensues. He shoots a beautiful point-blank silhouette around the guy before dying.
  • Parting shot: "I couldn't! Dude the entire time I was moving right on the joystick (holds up joystick) and it wouldn't go right!"
  • Place: 64
  • Killed by: M4
  • Guns at time of death: SCAR, UMP9
  • Number of kills: 0

Match 3
  • Says 3 million peepul play this game because the developers didn't improve it ??? Definitely drinking.
  • User infinite_55 asks if Phil would play Assassin's Creed Rogue Remastered if he bought it for him. There's suddenly a bunch of new games coming out and Phil can't commit to anything. New games include: Sea of Thieves, Word Salad 2, A Way Out, and Far Cry 5. He may play it EVENTUALLY so definitely buy it for him.
  • Shits on Ubisoft for not staggering their game releases to better align with his streaming schedule. "Completely dumb idiots."
  • He's landing exactly where he landed last game. #redemptionrun
  • Gets a car. Hits a house. Takes a sip.
  • Drives across the landscape, taking fire and avoiding Worthless Humans.
  • Walks in a room. Sees a guy. Empties magazine and gets a kill. "Oh my god! What a fucking idiot! He's camping in here like a dumb pussy and I fucking blew his face off! What a moron!"
  • Loots the dumb pussy and then CAMPS IN THE SAME ROOM. Eventually a guy walks in and headshots him.
  • Parting shot: "Explain that! I fired first! I fired directly into his body and I die first! This game is terrible dude!" The guy got a headshot, that's why you died first. The game even tells you it was a headshot. "I played it 100% correctly: waiting it out, being patient (sounds like camping), saw him first, fired first. I die! This game sucks!"
  • Place: 39
  • Killed by: SCAR
  • Guns at time of death: M16, Mini14
  • Number of kills: 1 (but it was completely unearned because the guy was a dumb pussy)

Match 4
  • Lands at hospital. Can't find any good guns. Grandpa's grumpy.
  • Loads up on ammo and mall ninja gun attachments.
  • Runs across the landscape on foot. Again.
  • He hates that he has to move because of the circle mechanic. His ideal game would be hiding in a room for 30 minutes while people give him quarters.
  • Asked if he would play an older Fallout or Elder Scrolls game. "No one wants to see old games."


  • Gets killed…somehow. It doesn't matter. None of this matters.
  • Parting shot: "Once again, all that work for absolutely nothing. A waste of my fucking time."
  • Place: 20
  • Killed by: M16
  • Guns at time of death: M16, Kar (4x scope), frag grenade
  • Number of kills: 0

Match 5
  • Lands at the military base. Immediately finds a jeep. Hears a Worthless Human in the distance. Flees the military base without even looking for a gun. Immediately crashes into a metal fence post.
  • Arguing with the troll tipper over whether he gets to keep the troll tips or not.
  • Flips the jeep while driving in a straight line over open ground.
  • Crashes into a concrete barrier while reading chat. He's killed in the explosion.
  • Parting shot: "That game was a bust anyway. I wanted to land at the military base but couldn't, so it was a complete waste of time to keep playing." No idea what he's talking about because he did land at the military base.
  • Killed by: Himself
  • Place: 75
  • Guns at time of death: None
  • Kills: 0

Match 6
  • Stares at crotch. Probably tweeting.
  • Troll keeps tipping $5 to insult Phil. Truly exceptional.
  • Time to sit through another red zone bombing.
  • Revenge of the blue circle. Run Phil, run.
  • Phil relentlessly makes fun of the troll. It's actually pretty funny because the troll is staggeringly exceptional.
  • Drives a car. Runs into a boulder.
  • We're in Phil's mid-game: driving around the circle In a smoking, flaming vehicle while taking fire.
  • Runs into a picnic table. Health is down to 25% from cumulative collisions.
  • Opens a door and eats lead.
  • Parting shot: "I knew it! I knew there would be someone there!"
  • Killed by: SCAR
  • Place: 18
  • Guns at time of death: M4
  • Kills: 0

Match 7
  • Chat asks about his PUBG strategy: "My strategy is to complain that the game sucks...and to lose."
  • Makes fun of the troll some more.
  • Swims across the landscape.
  • Guy in a boat rolls up on him, gets out and takes cover behind the boat. Phil sprays wildly, then dies.
  • Parting shot: "Annoying because I have no mid-range weapon and no way to fight this guy." Said after spraying with the SKS and neglecting to use his frag grenade.
  • Killed by: M4
  • Place: 51
  • Guns at time of death: SKS, frag grenade
  • Kills: 0

Postgame
  • Red zone bombings sat through: 3
  • Worthless Humans avoided: 4
  • Sips taken: 5
I can feel Kat rolling her eyes in annoyance as I read this.
 
I can feel Kat rolling her eyes in annoyance as I read this.
He doesn't talk about work with Kat. He talks with her about what they're going to eat.

I'm not at all surprised Phil only talks to her about her chores. "Mah stream ends at 5 pm pacific standard time here in the state of the Washington, okay? Dinner had better be ready by then! And don't be like that stoopid bitch Leanna and try to feed me healthier meals. Only red meat and pasta, with some dessert. I used to be a bodybuilder, by the way. In the meantime, I need you to clean the bathroom, the toilet clogged up again. Nothing I could do!"
 
In light of the upcoming "fundraiser" as well as some recent questions about how much Phil is spending monthly/annually, I figured it might be instructive to re-evaluate his approximately known bills and see what they add up to. Some notes: 1) some of this is based on Phil's claims and should be taken with the appropriate amount of salt (head by his streams if you need some), 2) the estimates are generally conservative in Phil's favor--in other words, I'll estimate more rather than less if there's a question about it, 3) some of these numbers are semi-educated guesses since they could vary, but I'll note those.

WA Mortgage (assuming all fees as well, like homeowner's insurance): $1500 x 12 = $18000
CT Mortgage (same thing here): $1500 x 12 = $18000
Electric / Water (based on my recollection of the leaked info): $150 x 12 = $1800
Internet + Streaming Services: $450 x 12 = $5400
Federal Taxes (Estimated based on $100k self-employed income): ~$1200 x 12 = $14400
Health Insurance: $300 x 12 = $3600
WA Property Tax (didn't look this up; based on recollection): $3500 (yearly)
CT Property Tax (looked it up): $1600 (yearly)
Car Payment (total guess, aimed high): $300 x 12 = $3600
CC / Business Loan Payments (total guess again): $1200 x 12 = $14400
Car Insurance (guess): $100 x 12 = $1200
Phone (based on vague memory of post-Leanna change): $30 x 12 = $360

Totalled up, that equals a range of ~$85,860-86,360 annually, or about $7167 monthly. And this doesn't include food, games purchased, and so on. This also almost certainly over-estimates due to not considering deductions and so on. But it gives at least some idea of where the "break-even" point might be.

Projected total for cheers, subs, and tips at the moment is around $4500, although that will go up during the fundraiser, I'm betting. Patreon is down at $844, so that's about $5350. Youtube views for the month, according to SocialBlade, are at ~1M. This will of course increase in the next week, but that's still low. At a modest $1 average CPM, that's about $1000-1500, depending on where he ends up in views. So estimated monthly total would be something like $6300-6800, although this is still low and does not include fees and such that will be taken out by Twitch.

Anyway, that's enough for now. Sorry about the long post.
 
Federal Taxes (Estimated based on $100k self-employed income): ~$1200 x 12 = $14400

He doesn't pay that much in takes though, because if he makes $100K in self-employment income he only gets taxed on $68K of it. In that case it'd be about $9600 or an effective rate of less than 10% (the lowest possible tax bracket without being 0% by the way lol... "muh self employment is so expensive") Gotta add FICA to bring the effective rate up to shy of 25% at $24,900.
 
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Phil's instagram pics can be sorted into three categories:
Food
Pictures of the TV
Pictures of things in stores

Everything else is few and far between.
Don't forget selfies taken to squeeze more pity bucks out of his viewers. Who can forget the "I can't afford heat" selfie showing he has on long sleeves, or the creepy one of just his eyes because he stayed up binging Netflix.

They will be more rare now though, so until he tries the health issue scam and puts up selfies with an x-ray in the background (which probably won't even be his but fuck peoples privacy right?) their will be the occasional picture of Kat to remind his viewers they are now supporting two people.
 
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