Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[introman]

I can understand if you want to choke your son now and then - but turning him into a lolcow? Seriously Jack, that's just rude.

The cooking wasn't out of the ordinary Scalfani content, actually a bit more enjoyable to watch than Jack's stuff. But the rap is really bad cringe, both the lyrics and the video. Not gonna rewatch that, no, no, not today, not tomorrow, not ever again.

Wrong son. The one that got choked out was from his first marriage and is a few years older than Jack Jr. That son(the choked one) currently works in the medical marijuana field, IIRC.

 

[Adamska]

@Adamska

I want you to do another running commentary on this because your posts make me laugh out loud

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3uCVSMoP2NE

If it doesnt load its jack cooking a turducken

Dont ever stop pls

Eh, I got nothing better to do, so let's give this a go:

1. Oh hey, it's an older Jack video with a real people intro. I still have no clue why this boob decided that having a Go-Animate Tier lazy-eyed cartoon that mutters 'feggit' was a step up from this.
2. Holy greenscreens Batman! He looks like he's stuck in a stock restaurant kitchen photo due to the lighting.
3. Jack squees like a school girl over getting paid by some schmucks to shill some shit. Despite my disgust at this greedy monster wrapped in human form, I will say this is leagues better than him shilling for shit he doesn't get paid for.
4. HAHA HE ADMITTED HE DOESN'T GET PAID FOR THIS ANYWAY! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU DO THIS THEN JACK YOU AREN'T FUCKING SPONSORED!
5. The video actually starts at 1:00 in, meaning Jack the fat hack wasted 10% of the video on steaming horse shit.
6. He invites some old guy onto the show. I get the idea that he aspires to suck him off in a bathroom glory hole given how animated he gets around people that are not his family.
7. Jack expresses hope that this old guy can make him a fat fuck special, the turducken. His face visibly falls when the old man tells him that no Jack, you're still making it yourself and I'll just help you.
8a. Jack gets this horrifying fucking smile as the old guy mentions how much food goes into a turducken. I am not shitting you:

8b. That is the face of a man possessed by a wendigo; my joke became reality. It will haunt me till the day I die.
8c. To further add to the horror, he does a little jig expressing the joy of being able to eat an infant's worth of flesh. I am beginning to suspect his attempt to choke out his son was mainly so he could cook and eat him like some sort of witch.
9. Jack asks and expresses joy that this old guy deboned his birds for him. You'd think for a cooking show that you'd want to show that, but fuck it Jack's lazy.
10. Jack shills the old man's job and the old man himself. I can't knock it given that the old guy did it for him, though I suspect Jack paid for it still.
11. Jack looms over the corpse of a facehugger, err over a turkey. I should note that the old guy is wearing rubber gloves while Jack still has his dirty ring covered hands.
12. Oh shit son, Jack is actually wearing gloves. Unless he decides to cook something else, this is the most effort at being clean I've ever seen on his end.
13. Jack assembles the frankenbird's ingredients, intent on eating the whole thing himself. But in all seriousness, he's doing fine at this point.
14. The old man has to both do and handhold Jack in stitching up the Promethean Poultry. Jack instantly decides fuck it early on and does shoe lace style ties which take more time and help to do than the knot the old man made.
15. Jack and the old man coat the entire bottom in a thick layer of butter. I get ensuring it doesn't stick, but I don't think half a can of easy spread butter is needed.
16. LARD FOR THE LARD BIRD! BUTTER FOR THE BUTTER PAN AAAAA-

*One round of Sonic 3 & Knuckles later*

17. Jack drowns the birdgestalt in his shit seasoning mix. It's true that it's only going to ooze into the turkey, but that turkey is going to be nothing but salt now. It also does not season the chicken and duck, but you can argue the stuffing does that.
18. Oh hey, the old man made sure not to turn the bird into a charcoal briquette. Prediction is the chicken and duck are probably going to be raw though given this is Cannibal Jack Scalfani's show.
19. Even better! It's actually fucking cooked! Big props to the old man for keeping Jack out of the kitchen for four hours and forcing him to cook slower.
20. Jack still gives his canned and fake "mmm so good" response as he horks down three forks' worth of food down his bloated gullet in one bite.
21. Jack reveals why he shills; desperation for free shit using product codes and links.

 

[FemalePresident]

there was a clip i saw on here a while back where jack jr basically admitted that jack is a shitty cook and that (to no one's surprise) they eat out for every meal

Yeah, they basically eat a lot of fast food. I'm not sure if on a daily basis... but a lot nonetheless. And that's why Jack Jr is already overweight, at this rate he might become fatter than Jack.

 

[Mr. Poker in the Front Liquor in the Rear]

I can understand if you want to choke your son now and then - but turning him into a lolcow? Seriously Jack, that's just rude.

Speaking of choking out his son. It was his birthday the other day. Choking out Garrett until his nose bleeds and then feeling gratification from that act is completely fucked up. We haven't forgot, Jack.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

Speaking of choking out his son. It was his birthday the other day. Choking out Garrett until his nose bleeds and then feeling gratification from that act is completely fucked up. We haven't forgot, Jack.

What a strange way to word a performative birthday greeting. I sense a rift that Jack doesn't know how to close.

 

[Peach Fuzz]

Is his first son from another marriage? Or he and his wife just had him and Jack Jr far apart?

 

[jackscalfani]

both his sons are pisces?

 

[Long Sun]

Is his first son from another marriage? Or he and his wife just had him and Jack Jr far apart?

Jack has been married twice and the old boy is from the first marriage

 

[Mr. Poker in the Front Liquor in the Rear]

Wrong son. The one that got choked out was from his first marriage and is a few years older than Jack Jr. That son(the choked one) currently works in the medical marijuana field, IIRC.

Speaking of Garrett and the marijuana field, I wonder how Jack feels about him entering the "Dabathon cup" competition. I bet it eats him up inside knowing that he can't do shit anymore to his son because he's an adult and all.

EDIT: Sounds like he's a little anti semetic as well judging from the bottom right of the page. Hey, as long as it's not the Palestinians, right? A typical Scalfani.

 

[Christopher Robin]

Read this entire thread in a day and Jack hasn’t changed at all since 2015. The only 2 things that have changed are his weight and his intro. The only positive thing is that the intro is really short now. I don’t know why but that cookie intro one really pissed me off.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

13. SHE USES TWO WHOLE STICKS OF BUTTER AAAAAAAA-

 

[Takayuki Yagami]

He appeared in an episode of West Texas Investor's Club—a show that is similar to Shark Tank, only in Texas—wherein he fails at business and cooking. He also starts crying and giving an overly-sentimental speech when the investors accuse him of coming in the show just for the publicity.
View attachment 54378
http://www.cnbc.com/live-tv/west-texas-investors-club/full-episode/a-time-to-grill/502726211915

It is reality TV, so it should probably be taken with a grain of salt, though.

He looks... remarkably like the Food Wishes guy, if you switched the mustache for a goatee, who actually can cook. I find that disturbing for some reason.

 

[Charlie Delicious]

He looks... remarkably like the Food Wishes guy, if you switched the mustache for a goatee, who actually can cook. I find that disturbing for some reason.

Put him in a dress and he's David Muscato

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Speaking of choking out his son. It was his birthday the other day. Choking out Garrett until his nose bleeds and then feeling gratification from that act is completely fucked up. We haven't forgot, Jack.

Hey Jack Jr. Take a good look. This is going to be you in 10 years.

So don't eat so much and keep up with the exercise.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

"I love my son so much that I almost strangled him to death. I would have succeeded if not for the neck fat."

That's the fake smile of a son who is taking the path of least resistance.

 

[Cherie Bomb]

Hey Jack Jr. Take a good look. This is going to be you in 10 years.

So don't eat so much and keep up with the exercise.

I like to think Jack Jr. has a better chance of maintaining a healthy physique. He does have experience training as a student athlete.

Anybody know whether he still plays football?

 

[Long Sun]

Jack shills for fresh food delivery service

The end product looks nothing like the picture and Jack says it has been years since he did a meatloaf recipe ... Youtube search indicates that it was, in fact, ten months.
Seriously I want to see Jack on "MasterChef" I mean Gordon would kick off after the first show but it would be very funny and likely get "Hell's Kitchen" angry. Jack would then post a Youtube video with his iPhone about how a Chef with numerous Michelin Stars "doesn't know food and should use my Sause to make his food taste good. "

 

[Aaway]

I like to think Jack Jr. has a better chance of maintaining a healthy physique. He does have experience training as a student athlete.

Anybody know whether he still plays football?

not a chance

like the rest of the scalfani clan, he eats like complete shit. not to mention he wasn't blessed with the best or healthiest of genes

plus he's graduating high school soon which most likely means no more football. and football is the only reason he's not already morbidly obese like jack

 

[JackDavis]

not a chance

like the rest of the scalfani clan, he eats like complete shit. not to mention he wasn't blessed with the best or healthiest of genes

plus he's graduating high school soon which most likely means no more football. and football is the only reason he's not already morbidly obese like jack

Jack Jr. is already obese, and he's 18 and plays sports. As most of us old dudes know, that metabolism is about to fall off a cliff soon. He's gonna be trading kidney stones stories with his dad soon (if his dad is still alive).

 

[King Napalm]

Jack Jr. is already obese, and he's 18 and plays sports. As most of us old dudes know, that metabolism is about to fall off a cliff soon. He's gonna be trading kidney stones stories with his dad soon (if his dad is still alive).

I can't wait for Jack Jr to turn into a walking beachball of gluttonous lard just like his dad, that will be incredibly hilarious to behold. He was chubby as a child, he is chubby now and when his football "career" is over the transformation will begin at full swing.