- Joined
- Jun 30, 2016
Since things have gotten a little too serious and not enough laughs have been had, I figure it's time for another round of everyone's favorite game...
KICK THE AUTISTIC!
Oh boy oh boy, do we have a special presentation for you tonight! The word of the day is "Pokémon" folks! And the subject is Jerry's complete and total intellectual incompetence in the matter! How's about we start things off by letting our dear ol' friend go ahead and make the first move? Here we go!
https://archive.is/lCC9h
Here we see Jerry trying to flex his Poke-Mango-Muscles as he tries to condemn one of the most popular side-characters in the series by assigning attributes to her that may or may not be true! Now, in the spirit of fairness, I will honor this as Jerry's first move by only dissecting the gameplay portion of this statement!
Now to his credit, he does a bit to make it seem like he knows what he's talking about, but upon closer inspection we come across a glaring issue and that is his choice in examples. To begin with:
"Cynthia isn't hard, you just have to one-shot her Garchomp which is easy to do with my waifu Gardevoir!"
Firstly, let's all hang on to the name "Gardevoir". This shall be today's "Bonus Word". Now then, Jerry claims that Gardevoir vs Garchomp is a match-up easily won in it's favor, so let's go ahead and see if the numbers add up!
Upon further inspection, we already see the chinks in the armor! If you didn't know, in Pokémon, every character has two defensive stats referring to the type of damage they can take in-game. Gardevoir hits with Special Attack, therefore Garchomp needs to have a low Special Defense for this to attack to hurt. And here's where things get crazy.
While none too spectacular, Garchomp's S.Def is still high enough that it can cap out at almost 300. That certainly isn't quite low enough for Gardevoir to really make that much work of it considering her S.Atk is only 40 points above it. A significant amount, to be sure, but there are other issues that might make this a little hard to believe.
See, that S.Def is middle of the road, but it's also higher than 4 of Gardevoir's other stats. Ok, that isn't so problematic, but what stats are these? Def, Speed, and HP. And in Gard's "defense"...Garchomp has twice as much power as it does defensive stats. Not only that, but Gard's speed is also more than 20 points behind our Chompy friend here. To cap all of this off, Gard's 68 HP means she doesn't have much life to give if she gets hit.
Oof!
I dunno, looking at it from this perspective, it kind of looks like Jerry's blowing it out his ass and that his scenario isn't quite so simple as he makes it out to be. Although, he mentions a specific Garchomp, so let's look at that!
Oh, would you lookit that. Not only does it pack extremely powerful moves, which have typings Gardevoir doesn't resist save for one (notably the weakest one). it even has a healing item in the inevitable event that it doesn't one-shot Garchomp.
"But what if Jerry's Gardevoir has an attack that is super effective! Then Jerry's right, right???"
I'll leave this link so you can see for yourself how much that doesn't help his case in the slightest.
https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Gardevoir_(Pokémon)/Generation_IV_learnset#By_leveling_up
Woo-whee Jerry, it looks like you're full of shit! But let's continue. You mention that Garchomp is "poorly designed."
Well according to the sources, Garchomp seems to be one of the most consistently strong creatures in competitive Pokémon. And as we all should know, if something is a strong option in competitive play, that means it's a cut above the rest in casual play as well. But don't just take my word for it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thhNPdyOqOo
(tl;dw Garchomp is consistently top-tier which by definition of game-design is well designed.)
But what's this you also say? Garchomp is "like every Pseudo-Legendary and can get one-shot by Gardevoir's psychic attacks"? Well let's just see the evide-uh oh.
Well to crunch things for time a bit, two of the above Pokémon are immune to Gard's main attacks in the games they were introduced in, one is resistant to it, and the rest are either fast enough so that it won't get the hit in or can tank the hit relatively easily considering their defenses are about the same number values as Gard's offenses. Only one of the above Pokémon is naturally weak to Gardevoir, but that's still only 1 out of 8 Pokémon she actually statistically beats.
Well isn't this just embarrassing. But we're not quite done with this yet folks! Jerry continues!
https://archive.is/ZQoZm
We're going to assume he's still talking about Gardevoir. (We'll talk about why later.)
Once again, let's check the numbers!
While Jerry's claims hold a bit more water here, you'll notice that Metagross has higher speed and Gardevoir's defenses are still bad even in "Mega" form. Once again though, Jerry mentions a specific person's Metagross, so let's take a look at that.
Well shit. If you'll take note, the move Bullet Punch is one designed so that it goes first, regardless of speed. And Mega-Gardevoir still has bad defense. And, as a Fairy-type, she's weak to this attack. And Mega-Metagross has over 400 attack.
Yeeeeeah it's pretty safe to say your waifu isn't one-shotting the fuck out of this thing Jerry, sorry!
Well ok. Let's try one more time to give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, it's not like we know what kind of amaz-balls strategy our dearest friend has at his disposa- you all already know where this is going. Check it out.
All attacks save for Hypnosis in pre-Fairy type games. No strategy whatsoever, just overpower a Pokémon that you can't overpower with your waifu. Welp. That was underwhelming.
Well folks, that was stupid. But let me assure, not as stupid as assuming a Pokémon is terrible because of sexism!
https://archive.is/joPkg
"People were mad the most powerful Pokémon in Gen III wasn't manly."
I don't know, Tyranitar was pretty fucking manly.
Oh, did you mean Waifu-Voir? Oh fucking please, it wasn't even the best Psychic-type in it's own game.
(For those who don't know, OU is the best tier in the game outside of Ubers. Gardevoir isn't even fully in UU, which is the tier below OU.)
Let alone was it any sort of competition for Tyranitar. https://www.smogon.com/dex/rs/pokemon/tyranitar/
But I digress! The game is about deconstructing his points, so let's continue to do so!
Jerry, I'm not going to do much to prove that Gallade wasn't the bottom-tier inferior joke that you make it out to be. I'm just going to post from Smogon's website and let you see that Gallade, while not top-tier, was in a higher tier than Gardevoir, who is frankly quite terrible. Take a gander.
Gen 4: https://www.smogon.com/dex/dp/types/psychic/
Gen 5: https://www.smogon.com/dex/bw/types/psychic/
Even after you mentioned Mega-Evolving, Gallade wasn't even that far behind Gardevoir in tiers. In fact, he was actually in the Borderline tier to OU, so no, he wasn't any "Scrappy Doo".
And if our dear ol' friend decides to deride Smogon as a viable talking point, firstly how predictable of you Jerry, but secondly Smogon is a widely spread and viable competitive format that has a pulse on the constantly updating competitive Pokémon scene. (ew)
Which makes you saying this actually pretty fucking stupid.
https://archive.is/LIVTI
Woo-whee folks! There we have it! And to think, I didn't even cover everything else that I discovered was wrong about Jerry's statements that I posted.
That's right, I didn't even fucking cover everything folks! Take in that sweet, sweet fuck-up scent that this man constantly produces! It's amazing! Give a round of applause, it certainly is spectacular someone could literally be so wrong in so many ways! That Jerry! What a genius!
Alas, I'm sure we've all had a blast looking at Jerry's Moviebob tier comments about video games but the time for our game to end has arrived! I hope you all had as wonderful of a time as I had researching just how bad these takes are. Seriously! For a guy who writes about video games, you'd think he'd know more about, y'know, video games? What a riot!
Addendum: If any of you faggots use this post as an excuse to sperg about Pokémon, get bent. This post isn't about how Jerry hurt my fee-wings about Pokémon, it's about just how much information he gets wrong while simultaneously trying to act like an authority on the matter.
Adieu!
KICK THE AUTISTIC!
Oh boy oh boy, do we have a special presentation for you tonight! The word of the day is "Pokémon" folks! And the subject is Jerry's complete and total intellectual incompetence in the matter! How's about we start things off by letting our dear ol' friend go ahead and make the first move? Here we go!
https://archive.is/lCC9h
Here we see Jerry trying to flex his Poke-Mango-Muscles as he tries to condemn one of the most popular side-characters in the series by assigning attributes to her that may or may not be true! Now, in the spirit of fairness, I will honor this as Jerry's first move by only dissecting the gameplay portion of this statement!
Now to his credit, he does a bit to make it seem like he knows what he's talking about, but upon closer inspection we come across a glaring issue and that is his choice in examples. To begin with:
"Cynthia isn't hard, you just have to one-shot her Garchomp which is easy to do with my waifu Gardevoir!"
Firstly, let's all hang on to the name "Gardevoir". This shall be today's "Bonus Word". Now then, Jerry claims that Gardevoir vs Garchomp is a match-up easily won in it's favor, so let's go ahead and see if the numbers add up!
Upon further inspection, we already see the chinks in the armor! If you didn't know, in Pokémon, every character has two defensive stats referring to the type of damage they can take in-game. Gardevoir hits with Special Attack, therefore Garchomp needs to have a low Special Defense for this to attack to hurt. And here's where things get crazy.
While none too spectacular, Garchomp's S.Def is still high enough that it can cap out at almost 300. That certainly isn't quite low enough for Gardevoir to really make that much work of it considering her S.Atk is only 40 points above it. A significant amount, to be sure, but there are other issues that might make this a little hard to believe.
See, that S.Def is middle of the road, but it's also higher than 4 of Gardevoir's other stats. Ok, that isn't so problematic, but what stats are these? Def, Speed, and HP. And in Gard's "defense"...Garchomp has twice as much power as it does defensive stats. Not only that, but Gard's speed is also more than 20 points behind our Chompy friend here. To cap all of this off, Gard's 68 HP means she doesn't have much life to give if she gets hit.
Oof!
I dunno, looking at it from this perspective, it kind of looks like Jerry's blowing it out his ass and that his scenario isn't quite so simple as he makes it out to be. Although, he mentions a specific Garchomp, so let's look at that!
Oh, would you lookit that. Not only does it pack extremely powerful moves, which have typings Gardevoir doesn't resist save for one (notably the weakest one). it even has a healing item in the inevitable event that it doesn't one-shot Garchomp.
"But what if Jerry's Gardevoir has an attack that is super effective! Then Jerry's right, right???"
I'll leave this link so you can see for yourself how much that doesn't help his case in the slightest.
https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Gardevoir_(Pokémon)/Generation_IV_learnset#By_leveling_up
Woo-whee Jerry, it looks like you're full of shit! But let's continue. You mention that Garchomp is "poorly designed."
Well according to the sources, Garchomp seems to be one of the most consistently strong creatures in competitive Pokémon. And as we all should know, if something is a strong option in competitive play, that means it's a cut above the rest in casual play as well. But don't just take my word for it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thhNPdyOqOo
(tl;dw Garchomp is consistently top-tier which by definition of game-design is well designed.)
But what's this you also say? Garchomp is "like every Pseudo-Legendary and can get one-shot by Gardevoir's psychic attacks"? Well let's just see the evide-uh oh.
Well to crunch things for time a bit, two of the above Pokémon are immune to Gard's main attacks in the games they were introduced in, one is resistant to it, and the rest are either fast enough so that it won't get the hit in or can tank the hit relatively easily considering their defenses are about the same number values as Gard's offenses. Only one of the above Pokémon is naturally weak to Gardevoir, but that's still only 1 out of 8 Pokémon she actually statistically beats.
Well isn't this just embarrassing. But we're not quite done with this yet folks! Jerry continues!
https://archive.is/ZQoZm
We're going to assume he's still talking about Gardevoir. (We'll talk about why later.)
Once again, let's check the numbers!
While Jerry's claims hold a bit more water here, you'll notice that Metagross has higher speed and Gardevoir's defenses are still bad even in "Mega" form. Once again though, Jerry mentions a specific person's Metagross, so let's take a look at that.
Well shit. If you'll take note, the move Bullet Punch is one designed so that it goes first, regardless of speed. And Mega-Gardevoir still has bad defense. And, as a Fairy-type, she's weak to this attack. And Mega-Metagross has over 400 attack.
Yeeeeeah it's pretty safe to say your waifu isn't one-shotting the fuck out of this thing Jerry, sorry!
Well ok. Let's try one more time to give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, it's not like we know what kind of amaz-balls strategy our dearest friend has at his disposa- you all already know where this is going. Check it out.
All attacks save for Hypnosis in pre-Fairy type games. No strategy whatsoever, just overpower a Pokémon that you can't overpower with your waifu. Welp. That was underwhelming.
Well folks, that was stupid. But let me assure, not as stupid as assuming a Pokémon is terrible because of sexism!
https://archive.is/joPkg
"People were mad the most powerful Pokémon in Gen III wasn't manly."
I don't know, Tyranitar was pretty fucking manly.
Oh, did you mean Waifu-Voir? Oh fucking please, it wasn't even the best Psychic-type in it's own game.
(For those who don't know, OU is the best tier in the game outside of Ubers. Gardevoir isn't even fully in UU, which is the tier below OU.)
Let alone was it any sort of competition for Tyranitar. https://www.smogon.com/dex/rs/pokemon/tyranitar/
But I digress! The game is about deconstructing his points, so let's continue to do so!
Jerry, I'm not going to do much to prove that Gallade wasn't the bottom-tier inferior joke that you make it out to be. I'm just going to post from Smogon's website and let you see that Gallade, while not top-tier, was in a higher tier than Gardevoir, who is frankly quite terrible. Take a gander.
Gen 4: https://www.smogon.com/dex/dp/types/psychic/
Gen 5: https://www.smogon.com/dex/bw/types/psychic/
Even after you mentioned Mega-Evolving, Gallade wasn't even that far behind Gardevoir in tiers. In fact, he was actually in the Borderline tier to OU, so no, he wasn't any "Scrappy Doo".
And if our dear ol' friend decides to deride Smogon as a viable talking point, firstly how predictable of you Jerry, but secondly Smogon is a widely spread and viable competitive format that has a pulse on the constantly updating competitive Pokémon scene. (ew)
Which makes you saying this actually pretty fucking stupid.
https://archive.is/LIVTI
Woo-whee folks! There we have it! And to think, I didn't even cover everything else that I discovered was wrong about Jerry's statements that I posted.
That's right, I didn't even fucking cover everything folks! Take in that sweet, sweet fuck-up scent that this man constantly produces! It's amazing! Give a round of applause, it certainly is spectacular someone could literally be so wrong in so many ways! That Jerry! What a genius!
Alas, I'm sure we've all had a blast looking at Jerry's Moviebob tier comments about video games but the time for our game to end has arrived! I hope you all had as wonderful of a time as I had researching just how bad these takes are. Seriously! For a guy who writes about video games, you'd think he'd know more about, y'know, video games? What a riot!
Addendum: If any of you faggots use this post as an excuse to sperg about Pokémon, get bent. This post isn't about how Jerry hurt my fee-wings about Pokémon, it's about just how much information he gets wrong while simultaneously trying to act like an authority on the matter.
Adieu!
