Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Aristophanes]

Here is the "essay" Lucas wrote for his English class.
I haven't had nearly enough wine to try to summarize it; good luck braver/drunker Kiwis.

Jesus wept, that's a word salad covered in pseud's dressing. All I could get is something about pistol whipping and "dense intellectualism".

Who does Lucas think he is, Freud?

 

[mothman96]

Well, Lucas is having trouble in his math class: "Without a calculator my lackluster skill at math verges on obscene. At least my math teacher is understanding." I wonder how understanding his teacher would be, if he/she knew he spent $200. of his leftover financial aide money on board games and balks at getting himself a calculator.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

I should have mentioned that the "essay" I posted is not his introductory essay he wrote about embryology.
Here is what Lucas had to say about his giant word salad.

 

[Aristophanes]

I should have mentioned that the "essay" I posted is not his introductory essay he wrote about embryology.
Here is what Lucas had to say about his giant word salad.

So, why can't Lucas write the rough draft first, and the final piece after that? Like most people do.

 

[mothman96]

So, why can't Lucas write the rough draft first, and the final piece after that? Like most people do.

He is just so "superior", he starts at the top with no room for improvement.
Lucas: "not yet. I don't think I can improve my work in this case."

 

[Aristophanes]

And here we have it, honoured guests, Lucas' hot take on SCC's breakfast menu.

 

[Rumpled Foreskin]

And here we have it, honoured guests, Lucas' hot take on SCC's breakfast menu.

View attachment 546770

Yeah I noticed that a day or two and that’s just a terrifying statement.

 

[Bassomatic]

I'm not shocked the author of "wound" the clockpunk thriller mary sue ramblings can't write on a basic high school level. It's already covered on some of the errors enough I don't feel a need to get my own personal red pen out to scold him.

Lucas math class is so low, the geometry would be fucking SHAPES. Lucas is fucking up shapes. This isn't trig, this isn't understanding effects of angles, this is mother fucking circle, square and he's still bombing it.

I can't picture being in the same room as someone as unwashed and dirty as Lucas who doesn't care to hold his farts, after a breakfast burrito or 4. Also for such a noted chef, how is some comm college cafeteria slop up to his egg's Benidict (Arnold).

I'm waiting with baited breath knowing Lucas is going to melt down and fail everything.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

I'm not shocked the author of "wound" the clockpunk thriller mary sue ramblings can't write on a basic high school level. It's already covered on some of the errors enough I don't feel a need to get my own personal red pen out to scold him.

Lucas math class is so low, the geometry would be fucking SHAPES. Lucas is fucking up shapes. This isn't trig, this isn't understanding effects of angles, this is mother fucking circle, square and he's still bombing it.

I can't picture being in the same room as someone as unwashed and dirty as Lucas who doesn't care to hold his farts, after a breakfast burrito or 4. Also for such a noted chef, how is some comm college cafeteria slop up to his egg's Benidict (Arnold).

I'm waiting with baited breath knowing Lucas is going to melt down and fail everything.

Lucas loving the breakfast tells us one sure thing about it:

The portions are large.

He readily eats pig slop, as long as the quantities are sizable enough.

It's genuinely all he cares about....as we said, gourmand with pretenses of being gourmet.

 

[Rabbit Bones]

I wonder how you grade something like Lucas's essay. It's obvious he's not all there, and it probably is legitimately the best he can do. You can't expect his work to be on the level of a non-sped so... what do you do? Is he going to get low but passing pity grades?

 

[Telomayonnaise]

I like how Lucas knows he sucks at math but somehow can't understand he is just as bad at English which is why he's in tard classes for both. Normally I'd think a non-threatening one would get the pity pass yes but this is Lucas Werner we're talking about and due to the way he thinks he's just the smartest guy on the globe, they won't likely give two shits about his ass once they've dealt with a week or two of watching him menacingly glare at his female classmates and heard him say "no you're wrong, my telomeres are longer so i can't blame you for not realizing this", "I bet your dad wears flat billed hats, and you were born in his 20s", or some equally revolting trite akin to being force-fed a plate of verbal cheesey-cukes.

 

[Garfieldchu]

What's up with the "grey beards" that "stole" his telomere research? Did some catfish stage some pickle man incident where a silver fox swooped in and cucked Lucas?

 

[Kosher Dill]

What's up with the "grey beards" that "stole" his telomere research? Did some catfish stage some pickle man incident where a silver fox swooped in and cucked Lucas?

Not even, I think he just saw "graybeards" with young women out in public, assumed they were dating, and then further assumed that they must have stolen his telomere launch codes to pull off the feat.
More likely he just saw fathers and daughters, obviously.

 

[AmpleApricots]

..or older men dating younger women. It happens, just not to Lucas who will die alone.

I'm actually surprised he even showed up for college. Every day he actually goes there and does his assignments will be kind of a surprise to me. I have the feeling this is more the work of his tard-handler than Lucas actually being reliable. (that person must be a saint, whoever it is) Also like all lolcows, he's a liar. If he starts slipping, we'll only know when things actually get so bad he's thrown out.

 

[RubySlipper29]

Lucas doesn’t even know what he tweets completely contradict his “theory”...I am not sure he even comprehends what he reads. And if he cannot pass a simple freshman high school or 8th grade level math class the sciences will not treat him well...

View attachment 547509

 

[Eddward]

I think he knows it's bullshit, but he's hoping to secure that sweet 16 year old ass anyway with his bullshit.

 

[Slick Bridges]

View attachment 547511 View attachment 547509

To be honest without a citation that sentence reads like someone stuck it in the wiki article knowing Lucas would see it. Doesn't make it untrue though.

 

[Telomayonnaise]

To be honest without a citation that sentence reads like someone stuck it in the wiki article knowing Lucas would see it. Doesn't make it untrue though.

Investigated it and yes, some tard just triple edited the page to add that, this afternoon in fact.

 

[AmpleApricots]

Well that's just autistic. Please don't out-autist our lolcows.

 

[mothman96]

Because I feel like twisting the knife, and pointing out the stupid, Embryologists in title are the people whom help IVF, not research etc like he wants to take part in. For example, the Embryologist is the one who takes the frozen sperm and shoots it into an egg. It's a pretty amazing field, but you are doing it with approved and paying clients, not as often research, I at lenght covered how it's a hot button issue to create life for "science" like Lucas wants, even the best and brightest can't often pull this off because it's ethics. Lucas thinks he can just walk in and start creamping 7 year olds because he yells telemores a lot.

He's going to mess college up and I just am really enjoying the ride.

Just the thought of Lucas anywhere near a woman's egg is revolting. His mind is so twisted, he'd be fertilizing the eggs with his sperm, thinking he's doing society a favor. "Superior" children.