Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT

[Haramburger]

Jake hates FFX because the main characters don't die like mooks or something.

Person: I'm thinking about playing this game
Jake: Here is a spoilery plot point from the last 3rd of the game

It's been 17 years, we can talk about the very weird story. FFX's strangest plot point isn't that underwater volleyball is not only popular but culturally survived multiple cataclysms, it's that you can die, but come back as a ghost and this is apparently really easy to do. You dad's bodyguard bestfriend mentors you & joins your party, and he's a ghost. The antagonist "chosen one" Seymour becomes a ghost after you beat his ass and comes back for more, and the main character's twist reveal is that he's a 200-yr old ghost from a wrecked civilization that revenge-kills the monster that wiped out his people(it reincarnates in a cycle but he permanently kills it because currently it's his dad).

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

The thing with FFX that I noticed very quickly, and this might be a big spoiler: only important characters have fingers. Fingers mean that they're going to stick around. Everyone else that has block hands and a thumb, fuck 'em, they're disposable, they'll either disappear or die to up the stakes of the plot.

 

[Done]

Alright, so I was very, very, very exhausted today, to the point where I feel like I am almost high, and I had the 1st page of this thread open, and my eye caught the opening photo we used in the OP, and in my aforementioned state, a theory came to mind, a theory that is far too weird and far too hilarious (for now) to not to share here:

"What if Jake grows his beard out like that because he expects it to become his hair when he takes the magic tranny pill and become a gamer gurl?"

(I am going to bed now, thank you..)​

 

[repentance]

Alright, so I was very, very, very exhausted today, to the point where I feel like I am almost high, and I had the 1st page of this thread open, and my eye caught the opening photo we used in the OP, and in my aforementioned state, a theory came to mind, a theory that is far too weird and far too hilarious (for now) to not to share here:

"What if Jake grows his beard out like that because he expects it to become his hair when he takes the magic tranny pill and become a gamer gurl?"

​

Nah, he's just terminally lazy. He hasn't even bothered updating his Twitter bio to remove the storify reference.

 

[DrJonesHat]

Alright, so I was very, very, very exhausted today, to the point where I feel like I am almost high, and I had the 1st page of this thread open, and my eye caught the opening photo we used in the OP, and in my aforementioned state, a theory came to mind, a theory that is far too weird and far too hilarious (for now) to not to share here:

You tread close to unholy knowledge brother! Down that path lies only madness!

 

[Kosher Dill]

Alright, so I was very, very, very exhausted today, to the point where I feel like I am almost high, and I had the 1st page of this thread open, and my eye caught the opening photo we used in the OP, and in my aforementioned state, a theory came to mind, a theory that is far too weird and far too hilarious (for now) to not to share here:

"What if Jake grows his beard out like that because he expects it to become his hair when he takes the magic tranny pill and become a gamer gurl?"

(I am going to bed now, thank you..)​

I never noticed before that Jake has two Homer Simpson hairs on top of his head, as if he weren't enough of a stereotypical man already.

 

[repentance]

I never noticed before that Jake has two Homer Simpson hairs on top of his head, as if he weren't enough of a stereotypical man already.

Do you think it pisses Jake off that his dad still has a full head of hair?

 

[AnOminous]

Do you think it pisses Jake off that his dad still has a full head of hair?

View attachment 558295

It looks like his younger brother. I wonder if Jake has figured out being a lazy, worthless piece of shit ages him rapidly.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Must've been one hell of a "Cat's in the Cradle" moment when, after abandoning his wife and son and barely entering into his child's life for years, they met at the airport and didn't recognize one another because Jake had become an old man at age 25, towering over him in stature but stunted in every other form of development.

I bet Jake's dad spends a fair amount of time regretting how fucked up his son is, knowing there's not much he can do about it now but wondering what would have worked earlier in his life to get Jake on some sort of track that eventually would get him at least independent, with some friends and maybe a nice nerdy ugly girl to date.

 

[repentance]

@Hellfire has done an extraordinary job combing through Jake's Talking Time posts and archiving them. Let's take a look at Jake's feelings about his grandmother, Donna DiCarlo. Keep in mind that these comments were made in 2011, when Jake was 30.

https://archive.fo/gUSET

https://archive.fo/jzTlT

https://talking-time.net/showthread.php?t=5613&page=920

Jake slips a whine about Jono in this one. Notice how he refers to everything as "mine" MY house, MY couch, MY turn...

Hilariously, after complaining about his grandmother sponging off the family, Jake admits that he sponges off them, too.

https://archive.fo/d89Dm

https://archive.fo/EZoj8

 

[Apteryx Owenii]

Audacity ain't just a audio program.

"My food, MY couch, MY doors..."

all while talking about someone who he describes as having serious mental issues that go beyond "I'm lazy and want to be a princess." Of course I take everything he says with a truckload of salt.

 

[Kosher Dill]

"Shouting GTFO at her"? Classy, really classy.

Anyway, this story about a paranoid, jobless leech who plays vidya all day and fears murder from random strangers seems pretty familiar. I wonder if it runs in the family.

 

[AnOminous]

@Hellfire has done an extraordinary job combing through Jake's Talking Time posts and archiving them. Let's take a look at Jake's feelings about his grandmother, Donna DiCarlo. Keep in mind that these comments were made in 2011, when Jake was 30.

View attachment 558455View attachment 558457

And now it is Jake himself who is the insane shut-in continually screaming about imaginary Nazis coming to murder him.

 

[repentance]

"Shouting GTFO at her"? Classy, really classy.

Anyway, this story about a paranoid, jobless leech who plays vidya all day and fears murder from random strangers seems pretty familiar. I wonder if it runs in the family.

He's referred to his mother having mental health problems in the past, so it's possible.

 

[Kosher Dill]

He's referred to his mother having mental health problems

What, besides "She must be insane if she can't see my resemblance to Rei Ayanami"?

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Must've been one hell of a "Cat's in the Cradle" moment when, after abandoning his wife and son and barely entering into his child's life for years, they met at the airport and didn't recognize one another because Jake had become an old man at age 25, towering over him in stature but stunted in every other form of development.

I bet Jake's dad spends a fair amount of time regretting how fucked up his son is, knowing there's not much he can do about it now but wondering what would have worked earlier in his life to get Jake on some sort of track that eventually would get him at least independent, with some friends and maybe a nice nerdy ugly girl to date.

Is his dad a short guy? I figured Jake got his hulking stature from his dad. Funny he looks nothing like his mother, but takes after the dad he despises.

And now it is Jake himself who is the insane shut-in continually screaming about imaginary Nazis coming to murder him.

Sounds like Jake inherited the same form of mental illness his grandma suffered from. Seems like it gets worse with age so I can only imagine what Jake will be like if he makes it near Grandma DiCarlas age.

 

[An Ghost]

Do you think it pisses Jake off that his dad still has a full head of hair?

View attachment 558295

Damn he seems like a badass. Just a sick biker dude who loves cold beer and bitchin tunes. Unlike his loathsome son who hates fun.

Is his dad a short guy? I figured Jake got his hulking stature from his dad. Funny he looks nothing like his mother, but takes after the dad he despises.

Baldness is X chromosome linked so he’s got that from his mom’s side of the family. And no amount of misunderstanding how genetics work and titty skittles will make him hairy in the right places.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Damn he seems like a badass. Just a sick biker dude who loves cold beer and bitchin tunes. Unlike his loathsome son who hates fun.

Baldness is X chromosome linked so he’s got that from his mom’s side of the family. And no amount of misunderstanding how genetics work and titty skittles will make him hairy in the right places.

It’s amazing that both his parents are way better looking, in better shape and even younger looking than Jake. His dads grey hair looks cool, but if it was dyed brown you’d think he was Jake’s younger brother.

It’s one of those weird examples of two fairly attractive people producing a terribly ugly offspring. Jake really got the worst of everything physically and mentally. An ugly, fat, hairy 6’4 dude with a psyche as delicate as a hysterical six year old girl. What a combo.

But I’m sure taking horse piss will make him a beautiful princess and solve all his problems.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

I never noticed before that Jake has two Homer Simpson hairs on top of his head, as if he weren't enough of a stereotypical man already.

Homer Simpson gets criticized by fans for having a new job every week. Whereas Jake...

It’s amazing that both his parents are way better looking, in better shape and even younger looking than Jake. His dads grey hair looks cool, but if it was dyed brown you’d think he was Jake’s younger brother.

In his dad’s case, a lot of it’s down to grooming. His style there is easy maintenance, but he does maintain it.

Jake, on the other hand, has no style, and I mean that literally. There’s no attempt at a look. Everything about him is bare minimum. Clothes that don’t even require buttons or laces. A beard that’s just allowed to grow. You look at someone like that and you instantly know that here’s a lazy slob. Or a sped.

 

[repentance]

In his dad’s case, a lot of it’s down to grooming. His style there is easy maintenance, but he does maintain it.

That's a professional photo of Jake's dad, so he probably also made a bit more effort. He looks a bit rougher in this snapshot, but again at least maintains his facial hair.