- Joined
- Feb 10, 2015
That’d involve Jake admitting he lives with his mom.
“I’ve used up my SNAP benefits for month and I’m literally starving due to orange man and transphobia.”
Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT
- Thread starter chimpburgers
- Start date
That’d involve Jake admitting he lives with his mom.
“I’ve used up my SNAP benefits for month and I’m literally starving due to orange man and transphobia.”
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2014
Chris is effectively the head of the household. He’s not in any sense good at it, but he pays the bills, can fend for himself and can adapt to circumstances. None of that can be said for Jake.
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2016
He is also genuinely fond of his mother.
M
MG 620
Guest
kiwifarms.net
Can't wait for Gnome Alone 2: Lost in McCook Park Beach, Niantic.
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2017
I can already picture the final scene:
The Nazi pedophile 8chan Lesbians finally corner Jake in a dark alley and prepare to correctively rape him and kill his asexuality, and on Christmas eve, no less.
But out of the shadows, a strange cat comes out and scratches the lesbians, prompting them to run away.
Jake, still crying due to the long night's agitation, prepares to drown himself in the nearby beach, when surprisingly the same cat comes in and licks his tears.. This is no mere rescue cat, it's a Suicide Prevention Cat.
Jake takes the cat home, only to find a message on the telephone:
- "Jakey, I forgot to tell you, the Christmas tendies are in the microwave, we'll be arriving home in a few hours, Merry Christmas".
- "It's Violet, mom..", Jake quietly sighs into his gnome beard.
Jake picks up the tendies, and heads upstairs to his 3-wall attic. He checks his old, creaky computer to check his Twitter notifications, he finds Zoe Quinn lamenting that she has no one to be with for Christmas, and it's all because of Gamergate, Jake smiles quietly to himself, inhales his beloved tendies, and quickly types a message:
[END CREDITS]
But out of the shadows, a strange cat comes out and scratches the lesbians, prompting them to run away.
Jake, still crying due to the long night's agitation, prepares to drown himself in the nearby beach, when surprisingly the same cat comes in and licks his tears.. This is no mere rescue cat, it's a Suicide Prevention Cat.
Jake takes the cat home, only to find a message on the telephone:
- "Jakey, I forgot to tell you, the Christmas tendies are in the microwave, we'll be arriving home in a few hours, Merry Christmas".
- "It's Violet, mom..", Jake quietly sighs into his gnome beard.
Jake picks up the tendies, and heads upstairs to his 3-wall attic. He checks his old, creaky computer to check his Twitter notifications, he finds Zoe Quinn lamenting that she has no one to be with for Christmas, and it's all because of Gamergate, Jake smiles quietly to himself, inhales his beloved tendies, and quickly types a message:
[END CREDITS]
- Joined
- May 8, 2018
In Gnome Alone 2 Jake will be assaulted by orange bad man.
Darndirty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2016
Extremely optimistic on all fronts. Much more likely, nothing happened at all and he's making it up for attention.
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2018
I hope that was the sheriff coming out to evict him, but we aren't that lucky.
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2016
Eh, I can see it being something extremely peripheral. Like neighborhood kids turning over garbage cans and Jake's mom called the cops. He routinely gets the vapors over nothing.
I must say "a 911 call was involved" is hilariously Jake.
I must say "a 911 call was involved" is hilariously Jake.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Jake is always being sneaky when he uses the Jakative passive voice.
Whatever happened is clearly not as dramatic as he claims and he is just pussying around because if he described it accurately nobody would give him asspats for it.
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2015
There is another possibility. Jake might have threatened suicide to his mom over the job thing. The correct response to someone threatening suicide is to call the police, as the police in most states have the power to detain suicidal people for observation. The cops might have been called for that, but Jake fessed up to not being suicidal, so he probably got yelled at by the cops for frightening his mom and wasting police time. Jake freaks when called out for his shitty behavior. I still think there is some kind of deadline looming that he hasn't fully accepted, which would explain why he's asking about cons. He probably doesn't think his mom will enforce it and she again reminded him he needs to be job searching and making plans to move out and not tweeting all night. That might have triggered a blow-up, and if Jake threatened her, she might have been scared enough to call the cops. He might be a coward normally, but if we're right, he's about to get shoved into the real world against his will and NEETs have been known to get violent when their cushy (and it is) life is suddenly threatened.
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2015
Equally likely, though, is that one of his shrinking number of troon pals called 911 for something and Jake saw it on Twitter.
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2014
Jake lies. If anything happened at all it could be something as simple as one of the cattes getting stuck somewhere and the fire department being called.
If it were something which made Jake feel unsafe, he would have capitalised on the "abuse" theme and specified that much.
If it were something which made Jake feel unsafe, he would have capitalised on the "abuse" theme and specified that much.
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2015
I wonder if he finally got called out on slandering his poor mother to strangers online and that led to 911 getting called, but he didn't scream about abuse because he knows she'll find out about it now and it might accelerate his getting kicked out. I'm just spitballing here. It could be what was said, and 911 got called for some reason unrelated to him, but he never misses a chance to get those sweet asspats.
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2017
eh, who knows what's going on with Jake the snake at this point? We'll find out what's been up this winter season after the fact
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2015
Jake just tweeted this, whatever the supposed situation is turns out to be so dire that he is thinking about two grown men talking about their genitals and declaring it "wonderful."
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2014
This is the unavailable tweet. I'm not sure why Jake thinks the responses were "wonderful".
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2015
That tears it, I'm going to go bug his house. I gotta know what's going on. BBL guys, I'm booking a ticket to Connecticut and getting my spy gear out. Will report back. If you don't hear from me by Sunday, Suicide Prevention Cat murdered me and is feasting on my entrails. AVENGE ME!
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Drill some more tiny holes in his wall for me, I'm not going to be able to get back up there for a while.
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2015
Dispatcher: 911, what is the address of your emergency?
Jake Alley: Why are you asking me that? Are you a Nazi? You probably think it's some random city in Texas. It's not. You stalker.
Dispatcher: Okay, but where do you want us to send help to?
Jake Alley: Please send emergency emotional support @SecretGamerGrrl.
Dispatcher: We don't really do emergency emotional support, what exactly is your emergency?
Jake Alley: It all started with this damn nazi named Eron Gjoni. He made this post on yon tumblr calling out Zoe Quinn - okay, right, I should explain, I also made a post on tumblr calling out Zoe Quinn but mine was completely different, you see, she told me that she would give me free health care working for Crash Override - so, that was this organization of crusaders that were going to go to the United Nations and explain to Ban Ki-Moon how the alt-right had infiltrated Riot Games - and Riot was this company that employed this rakshasa named Soha Kareem, now she was a nazi too, like Eron, but she was a left-wing Arab nazi, a tankie - now the tankies were these damn communist bastards - you see, in Poland, the leftists cheered for the tanks, and so the name, tankie, of course - who were harassing my friend Nora Reed because she stole a twitter handle from Candace Owens, she's this African-American nazi who provoked Kiwi Farms to harass me - now I'm pretty sure that you're a member of Kiwifarms so you don't need me to explain this to you, why else would you be asking for my information - but anyways, they think that I live in Texas because I'm Violet Hargrave, an internet expert and professional journalist - that's why I have this stack of external hard drives with 8chan's child porn on it - but that's because Michael Cernovich, he's this lawyer who misgendered me on twitter tried to give the owner legal advice, that's Frederick Brennan, a very dangerous man who lives in the Philippines, of course he's in a wheelchair so he is as much robot as he is man, I'm sure you can understand - actually very reminiscent of Kamen Rider, the main character like myself is trans but unlike myself is autistic now this is important because my mom thinks that Zoe Quinn - not a nazi, she's just trapped in an anxiety loop that makes her afraid to talk to me for the past 2 years - took advantage of my autism but as far as I know I'm not autistic and I know quite a bit because I've always been smarter than all my classmates - going back to East Lyme High School where I frequently outsmarted all of my friends and teachers until everyone refused to talk to me - now some people said this was because of my disgusting and unkempt facial hair but this is precisely the same sort of rhetoric frequently employed by the Kiwis so it cannot be true, in fact my hygiene appears to be no worse than the third member of my great friend Yonah Gerber's triad, Daniel Klein and he gets the honor of watching her get fucked by other men so I think I'm doing pretty good to be honest especially because of the gatekeepers keeping me from transitioning - that's the government, who, I'm sure you understand since you are an employee of the Trump's government and therefor a Nazi, refuse to pay for my laser hair removal and hormones - you see, all that is standing between me and being a hot middle aged babe are hormones - you, being a woman certainly understand that all women are babes and do not need to put forth any effort into being attractive apart from having the right hormones, just like D.Va who Blizzard inexplicably refuses to confirm is trans despite my offer to pay them ten dollars, which, to be honest, I do not have because I spent it all on DLC for Octopath Traveler, but the point still stands - this is why it's so important that I get into contact with Zoe Quinn so that she will make good on her promise to give me and 14 other people health care in return for working for her organization by reporting tweets to twitter - owned by Jack, a Nazi, who is complacent in allowing his platforms to become infested with Nazis and utterly incompetent, a fact made clear by these design documents - you can't see them, you're on the phone but they're written on this graph paper that I use to map out the Pathfinder dungeons that I play through by myself - for a new social media platform that will be pro sex worker, pro trans and especially pro trans sex worker, which I may become as soon as I get become a hot babe, and have the most robust privacy features ever invented - if only I could find a coder who wasn't also a Nazi but feel free to donate to my patreon in the mean time, be sure that the funds will go towards important things for my self-care which will make me more productive to do my important work of tweeting and retweeting for 14 hours because the TERFs - now the TERFS are these 60 year old grandmothers who have been caught on tape dozens of times descending upon innocent trans women and attacking them with a combination of krav maga, muay thai and collapsible batons - they're actively assaulting trans women as we speak via social media and chat channels on League Of Legends, that's Riot's flagship game that they use for their Nazi propaganda like K.DA - of course, K.DA is a fictional kpop group created by Riot to cover up (what is essentially) their murders of trans woc, particularly Jews like my very good friend Yonah who is not trans, she's nonbinary and who is not of color, she's adopted - and you see this kpop group, which again, is fictional, but actually real, the members are real people like members of G-Idle, a kpop group from Cube Entertainment, problematic in their own right for their implied hatred of trans people by not confirming that HyunA is MTF - but they play the part of these characters in-universe was a marketing scheme to convince people that they were progressive when actually, they are TERFs - and as it turns out, my mom is a TERF as well, likely being funded by a woman named Cathy Brennan, a TERF of famously questionable goth bona fides, and she won't buy me a polyester prom dress to wear in the attic while I play Xenoblade Chronicles 2 so you can understand why this is an emergency.
Jake Alley: Why are you asking me that? Are you a Nazi? You probably think it's some random city in Texas. It's not. You stalker.
Dispatcher: Okay, but where do you want us to send help to?
Jake Alley: Please send emergency emotional support @SecretGamerGrrl.
Dispatcher: We don't really do emergency emotional support, what exactly is your emergency?
Jake Alley: It all started with this damn nazi named Eron Gjoni. He made this post on yon tumblr calling out Zoe Quinn - okay, right, I should explain, I also made a post on tumblr calling out Zoe Quinn but mine was completely different, you see, she told me that she would give me free health care working for Crash Override - so, that was this organization of crusaders that were going to go to the United Nations and explain to Ban Ki-Moon how the alt-right had infiltrated Riot Games - and Riot was this company that employed this rakshasa named Soha Kareem, now she was a nazi too, like Eron, but she was a left-wing Arab nazi, a tankie - now the tankies were these damn communist bastards - you see, in Poland, the leftists cheered for the tanks, and so the name, tankie, of course - who were harassing my friend Nora Reed because she stole a twitter handle from Candace Owens, she's this African-American nazi who provoked Kiwi Farms to harass me - now I'm pretty sure that you're a member of Kiwifarms so you don't need me to explain this to you, why else would you be asking for my information - but anyways, they think that I live in Texas because I'm Violet Hargrave, an internet expert and professional journalist - that's why I have this stack of external hard drives with 8chan's child porn on it - but that's because Michael Cernovich, he's this lawyer who misgendered me on twitter tried to give the owner legal advice, that's Frederick Brennan, a very dangerous man who lives in the Philippines, of course he's in a wheelchair so he is as much robot as he is man, I'm sure you can understand - actually very reminiscent of Kamen Rider, the main character like myself is trans but unlike myself is autistic now this is important because my mom thinks that Zoe Quinn - not a nazi, she's just trapped in an anxiety loop that makes her afraid to talk to me for the past 2 years - took advantage of my autism but as far as I know I'm not autistic and I know quite a bit because I've always been smarter than all my classmates - going back to East Lyme High School where I frequently outsmarted all of my friends and teachers until everyone refused to talk to me - now some people said this was because of my disgusting and unkempt facial hair but this is precisely the same sort of rhetoric frequently employed by the Kiwis so it cannot be true, in fact my hygiene appears to be no worse than the third member of my great friend Yonah Gerber's triad, Daniel Klein and he gets the honor of watching her get fucked by other men so I think I'm doing pretty good to be honest especially because of the gatekeepers keeping me from transitioning - that's the government, who, I'm sure you understand since you are an employee of the Trump's government and therefor a Nazi, refuse to pay for my laser hair removal and hormones - you see, all that is standing between me and being a hot middle aged babe are hormones - you, being a woman certainly understand that all women are babes and do not need to put forth any effort into being attractive apart from having the right hormones, just like D.Va who Blizzard inexplicably refuses to confirm is trans despite my offer to pay them ten dollars, which, to be honest, I do not have because I spent it all on DLC for Octopath Traveler, but the point still stands - this is why it's so important that I get into contact with Zoe Quinn so that she will make good on her promise to give me and 14 other people health care in return for working for her organization by reporting tweets to twitter - owned by Jack, a Nazi, who is complacent in allowing his platforms to become infested with Nazis and utterly incompetent, a fact made clear by these design documents - you can't see them, you're on the phone but they're written on this graph paper that I use to map out the Pathfinder dungeons that I play through by myself - for a new social media platform that will be pro sex worker, pro trans and especially pro trans sex worker, which I may become as soon as I get become a hot babe, and have the most robust privacy features ever invented - if only I could find a coder who wasn't also a Nazi but feel free to donate to my patreon in the mean time, be sure that the funds will go towards important things for my self-care which will make me more productive to do my important work of tweeting and retweeting for 14 hours because the TERFs - now the TERFS are these 60 year old grandmothers who have been caught on tape dozens of times descending upon innocent trans women and attacking them with a combination of krav maga, muay thai and collapsible batons - they're actively assaulting trans women as we speak via social media and chat channels on League Of Legends, that's Riot's flagship game that they use for their Nazi propaganda like K.DA - of course, K.DA is a fictional kpop group created by Riot to cover up (what is essentially) their murders of trans woc, particularly Jews like my very good friend Yonah who is not trans, she's nonbinary and who is not of color, she's adopted - and you see this kpop group, which again, is fictional, but actually real, the members are real people like members of G-Idle, a kpop group from Cube Entertainment, problematic in their own right for their implied hatred of trans people by not confirming that HyunA is MTF - but they play the part of these characters in-universe was a marketing scheme to convince people that they were progressive when actually, they are TERFs - and as it turns out, my mom is a TERF as well, likely being funded by a woman named Cathy Brennan, a TERF of famously questionable goth bona fides, and she won't buy me a polyester prom dress to wear in the attic while I play Xenoblade Chronicles 2 so you can understand why this is an emergency.
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