DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

[Coin Ops]

Unknown, don't want to know, that knowledge would forever taint the soul, haram haram remove remove, etc.

All the clips I have seen of, “the incident,” he beat off and immediately began streaming. It’s been kind of a running gag that Phil either never finished or simply squirted some mannaise on the couch and jumped right into the stream.

Even if he didn't climax, it is absolutely disgusting considering the amount of finger sniffing and "beard" touching he does during the streams.
Think about it:
This motherfucker probably crawled out of bed, didn't take a shower, went through his greasy hair couple of times, stroke his (probably unwashed) dick, and touched his mouth/nose all without washing his filthy, cum-stained hands.

At last, something posted on the internet that I can't masturbate to!

This has been disturbingly informative, thank you. I think we can conclude that the DSP we see everyday is an unwashed slob that smells his cock-hands.

 

[actually]

"Beasting"

(Weighted average K/D from Friday+Saturday = 1.13)

 

[EmperorGoutatine]

DSP literally jacked it on a livestream and he's still around. Pig-Roach is like a roach that can't be flushed.

 

[thebonesauce]

View attachment 661524
"Beasting"

View attachment 661522
View attachment 661521



(Weighted average K/D from Friday+Saturday = 1.13)

That tweet is easily the most pathetically transparent thing ever written in the history of mankind.

 

[Noob-Noob]

Yah know...when I read shit like this:

it leads me to believe that, as outside observers, we have now come to the crossroads of absolute certainty.

There are only 2 things that can possibly be true at this point....

1. He really is almost completely fucking broke (minus the $10k he's going to get any day now...) and tensions in the Patreon Palace between the two soulmates are getting extremely high (she forced him start start selling his DVDs which, considering how much time he spends sitting in front of his TV on his down time, was not easy for him to do).

2. He is lying.

There can exist no other realities.

 

[Pargon]

Allow me to simplify things:

He is lying.

*dusts off hands*

 

[Noob-Noob]

Allow me to simplify things:



*dusts off hands*

My point is, that DSP in the past has stretched the truth to the absolute breaking point regarding what he tells his fans about his fiances. Right now, I can not see past the possibility that he's just straight up 100% lying.

We also have to keep in mind that DSP

W I L L

N O T

go on payment plans regarding his bills. He will pay them now, in full, or those payments will go onto whatever credit card he can successfully apply for. Thus, becoming "future DSP's emergency". Because for some unfathomable reason "good credit" is still something an asshole, who's hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, worries about.

 

[N0thingICanDo]

This FUCKING GUY just said since the chat keep asking him to dab, he WILL DAB if it hits $100 tip tonight

$100 for a dab from a pig? Fuck this guy, people working hard in McDonald for a day to not even earn $100, this guy playing video game everyday and begging like a piece of shit, greedy fucking piece of shit

Anybody wanna see this fatty dab? Go TIP HIM NOW

If he dabs, at least show the Bald spot during the process please

 

[Surly Muppet]

When in doubt, check overrustlelogs.net/stalk. crisis624 appears to have been subtle-trolling for a long time now. To be honest, I really dig their style too (these are from the Minecraft stream where Phil got lost in the nether, I believe):

I don't want to get them banned, but I have encountered someone with a markedly similar name in... some other circles.
Of a Louisiana variety.

On tonight's stream, Phil made a big production out of crushing a water bottle, then held it up and said, "That is called green space conservation!" I don't even know what that means. Does he think he just saved a national forest or something? Or does he mean he's conserving space... environmentally? Does he actually think that is anything other than annoying?

He was also actually apparently looking at a Minecraft guide while he was staring at his phone for an extended period. I guess Papavera's 50 bit cheers aren't getting the job done tonight.

 

[actually]

Yah know...when I read shit like this:

View attachment 661561
it leads me to believe that, as outside observers, we have now come to the crossroads of absolute certainty.

There are only 2 things that can possibly be true at this point....

1. He really is almost completely fucking broke (minus the $10k he's going to get any day now...) and tensions in the Patreon Palace between the two soulmates are getting extremely high (she forced him start start selling his DVDs which, considering how much time he spends sitting in front of his TV on his down time, was not easy for him to do).

2. He is lying.

There can exist no other realities.

1) He's getting $16-17k from Twitch.
2) He's 100% exaggerating, regardless, and here's why. Utilities do not shut off a fucking thing if your payment is late, unless it's been like 3 or more months. And you will get several warnings. For fuck's sake, I have literally forgotten to pay the goddamn power bill on more than one occasion, and it just meant I paid two months' worth the next month. Electric companies in particular will not immediately shut off power because of issues with people on medical equipment like ventilators at home. Shutting off power and killing a member of the household over less than $1000 is a fantastic way to get the ever-loving shit sued out of you.

Now credit card and loan payments, on the other hand...late payments can trigger some interesting things.

3) Just assume Phil is lying about 90% of what he says. The major question you should ask is whether he's telling a direct lie ("2+2=5!") or a lie of omission ("I have no money in my bank account right now." can be true, but he could also be getting $16k+ in less than a week and conveniently leaving that out).

 

[BrunoMattei]

1) He's getting $16-17k from Twitch.
2) He's 100% exaggerating, regardless, and here's why. Utilities do not shut off a fucking thing if your payment is late, unless it's been like 3 or more months. And you will get several warnings. For fuck's sake, I have literally forgotten to pay the goddamn power bill on more than one occasion, and it just meant I paid two months' worth the next month. Electric companies in particular will not immediately shut off power because of issues with people on medical equipment like ventilators at home. Shutting off power and killing a member of the household over less than $1000 is a fantastic way to get the ever-loving shit sued out of you.

Now credit card and loan payments, on the other hand...late payments can trigger some interesting things.

3) Just assume Phil is lying about 90% of what he says. The major question you should ask is whether he's telling a direct lie ("2+2=5!") or a lie of omission ("I have no money in my bank account right now." can be true, but he could also be getting $16k+ in less than a week and conveniently leaving that out).

Hate to disagree but where I live if you miss one payment they will shut your ass down. I know first hand.

 

[Surly Muppet]

Phil has pointed out that there is another slow "late night" stream. He doesn't know what is wrong.

Haha, just kidding, he immediately said that he suspects that people are burned out on Minecraft. He's doing it too often, maybe once a month would be better. Have to go to Subnautica for some variety. AND. Bonus! When there is no new releases and it's all chill stuff, that sucks. But when it's all new releases and no chill stuff, that's bad too. He has to figure out a way to stagger releases so he doesn't get burned out. Like with RE2. Too much at once. We need more balance. So, in conclusion: This is absolutely everything but Phil being a crappy entertainer, and/or straining the finances of his limited viewerbase.

On Apex Legends: There are some people who stream because they love games, and some stream just to make money. Phil? He does both. Which is why he didn't jump on the Apex bandwagon. He wants to have fun... AND make money doing it. He wasn't going to drop KH3 just because everyone was calling for Apex and not realizing that they were dumb and everyone was streaming it because they were sponsored...

He is on FIRE during this fishing segment with the insane hypocrisy and denial. Like he hasn't taken a breath in this Apex rant.

Sidenote: He is aggressively avoiding the use of the word 'money'. He used the "in it for this" line with the money fingers about 4 times, and once or twice said "they see dollar signs". Why is he so scared to say 'money' specifically?

EDIT: He's now describing 'fair weather viewers' or 'fair weather fans' who don't come out for the quiet stuff. I should have just clipped this but I wasn't expecting this to spiral like this.

 

[Commander Keen]

Hate to disagree but where I live if you miss one payment they will shut your ass down. I know first hand.

Yeah, I lived in an apartment where my mail carrier was complete ass and I’d just not get mail sometimes and my electrcitity was shut off when I didn’t get a bill. I even called them to tell them what was going on and they were just like “lulz, register for e-payment scrub” to which I responded that I could not do so since their site was broken for mobile browsers but they didn’t care. Just told me to remember to call in or they’d shut my ass down again.

 

[Surly Muppet]

Guys. Did you know there are Twitch streamers out there who just want your money? They jump on fads because they don't want to entertain you, they just want to make a buck. There is no other explanation.

He really is jealous that his grift is weak. I can't wait for the whining at the end of the stream when it's still sitting at $51, because you Phil is actually just upset that he wasn't entertaining enough to his audience. Right?

EDIT: Mr.I Hate Misinformation just went on a rant about how Square failed to make the 'side story' games for KH available for consoles like the Ps4. They're in a remastered collection. But he continued to call them fuckers anyway. When he finally read a cheer correcting him, his claim was now that they fucked up because they expect him to play 8 games in a year.

 

[Wing Zero]

EDIT: Mr.I Hate Misinformation just went on a rant about how Square failed to make the 'side story' games for KH available for consoles like the Ps4. They're in a remastered collection. But he continued to call them fuckers anyway. When he finally read a cheer correcting him, his claim was now that they fucked up because they expect him to play 8 games in a year.

Pretty sure if he wanted a KH story summary that badly he could have Youtubed probably dozens of in-depth videos during his nights of drinking gin till 3 in the morning. This is just him using his own laziness as an excuse to whine because Square didn't wipe his ass for him.

 

[actually]

Hate to disagree but where I live if you miss one payment they will shut your ass down. I know first hand.

Yeah, I lived in an apartment where my mail carrier was complete ass and I’d just not get mail sometimes and my electrcitity was shut off when I didn’t get a bill. I even called them to tell them what was going on and they were just like “lulz, register for e-payment scrub” to which I responded that I could not do so since their site was broken for mobile browsers but they didn’t care. Just told me to remember to call in or they’d shut my ass down again.

Are you two in the US or somewhere else?

EDIT: Mr.I Hate Misinformation just went on a rant about how Square failed to make the 'side story' games for KH available for consoles like the Ps4. They're in a remastered collection. But he continued to call them fuckers anyway. When he finally read a cheer correcting him, his claim was now that they fucked up because they expect him to play 8 games in a year.

One guy in chat was saying Phil actually has the collection. That would be the ultimate LOL.

 

[N0thingICanDo]

“I'm not gonna search online, I'm not gonna do any homework before I start stream, I only want chat to keep PAYING ME to hold my hand through games because that's what a REAL GAYMER do"

*SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT*

 

[JamFlowMan]

One guy in chat was saying Phil actually has the collection. That would be the ultimate LOL.

His playthroughs of 1&2 were off the Hd collections for Ps3. He may have still been trading games in at that point but he at least had access to these games at one time. Everyone called this is how he would react. He should have just skipped it but he thought it would bring in some money.

 

[Surly Muppet]

Phil just referenced Tom Bombadil and then followed up by saying, of his current viewers, maybe two get that reference.
Yes, Phil. Your scholarly, esoteric reference to a major literary trilogy and a character who has transcended it to pretty much become a meme surely flew over the heads of 430 geek gamers. The only part of that which I was unclear on is if Phil expected anyone to believe he has actually read Tolkien.

His closing statement were that cheers were good... but he needs tips right now. Poor little fella.

 

[flatsoda]

One of the amusing DSPisms on display in his transcripts is how he still doesn't understand what makes Twitch works. He keeps acting like it's just a matter of playing the right game at the correct time. Sure, that does play some role, but it's not like there's a magic Twitch formula you put in to get viewers donating. He thinks COD just doesn't work as a second stream because of the game type, when in reality it has everything to do with him being a boring streamer. He also doesn't take a moment to think that viewership might be low on a Friday night because people tend to go out on those evenings. Even looking at other time zones, it's a pretty poor time slot. Unlike other streamers, Phil doesn't have a job or family or anything else to work around. He can set his stream times and days off whenever he wants. Is viewership usually low Friday night? Take that slot off instead of a random Tuesday or Wednesday. Is the second stream consistently lower in views and not getting any tips? Stop doing them and run the first stream longer.

Instead, he makes himself a slave to his own schedule in the weirdest ways possible. He has no problem dropping his stream when he gets hosted or has a huge boost in viewers because he claims he has to stick to his schedule, but then when he's in his worst financial situation ever and should be streaming, he finds reasons not to do it. I think for me, it is one of the reasons I find Phil entertaining even when he's getting repetitive or managing to avoid drama. It's just one of those things where I can't look away because it is genuinely mind boggling someone who boasts about doing this for 10+ years continues to make the same basic mistakes and bad decisions over and over. I'm honestly not sure which seems harder to believe these days, that Phil is genuinely this stupid or he's really a 4-d chessmaster and this is all some elaborate act he's been pulling for years to con people.

In my opinion, his strict adherence to his stupid schedule is due to a combination of DSP's biggest character flaws: his narcissism, his stubbornness, and his laziness.

Narcissism: DSP decides what his schedule is, and because DSP is a Professional Full-Time Streamer with a Ten Year Legacy, the schedules that he makes are above reproach. This week was a perfect example. Instead of playing a FREE game that was given a surprise launch, he stuck with his preset schedule of games that him and his paypigs were getting bored of.

Stubborness: Despite all his noxious yammering about how Twitch is the future and YouTube is the past, he still approaches his gameplay streams like real-time recordings for his YouTube channel. He is forever stuck in his past Machinima views-based payrate contract mentality. The more hours of gameplay videos that he makes, is directly proportional to the amount of money he expects to get in return.

Laziness: DSP just wants to sit on his loveseat, turn off his brain, and have his streamchat pay to instruct him on how to play whatever game he's scowling at.

Also he's spent the last ten years locking himself in a dusty room, mindlessly playing video games for 40+ hours a week, with his only other intellectual stimulation being professional wrestling and rewatching movies from his childhood. It's not just his body that's atrophied, but his mind as well. Playing video games for 10 years straight has turned his mind to mush.