I thought that showering daily and using deodorant was just being hygenic, but turns out I was a woman all along. This egg has just hatched, I'll see you fellow ladies in the showers
Thankfully, I just found some great information on living as a tall, broad shouldered, bassy voiced woman:
Some Thoughts on Passing and Other Notes From a 6'1" Trans Girl at 1 Year on Hormones
Basic Info About Me
I'm adding this section because I remember worrying that I was too tall and too big to ever pass or look like a woman and I want to let people know where I started. I don't plan to include or share picture of myself pre-transition because I'm not comfortable with that, but. When I started transitioning, I was 6'1"-6'2" (measurements seemed to vary each time I went to the doctor) and weighed 220 lbs. On top of that, I was bulky. This was partly because I had been a college shot-putter before transitioning and partly because of how I was built.
I also did not present feminine in just about any way. I spoke very monotone and with a lot of vocal fry (more on this later), carried myself very heavily, and was just generally very "dude-ly," as a friend once described me a couple years before I transitioned. So yeah, I didn't see how anyone would ever take me for a woman.
A year later, I am still roughly 6'1" (haven't checked in a while) and probably between 200-220 lbs (haven't weighed myself in a while, but I haven't been losing weight). However, I would say that I have been passing with good consistency for the past few months and remember being misgendered by a stranger maybe once in that time period.
Disclaimer: There have been some things which have worked significantly to my advantage in reaching this point, some luck and some things that I have done. I'll try to address those where relevant. Again, my main aim in this post is just to let people know that you don't have to be short and skinny to pass (not that there is anything wrong with being short and skinny).
Tee hee I'm a dainty 220 lb woman who used to throw heavy spherical objects as far as possible
Height
Honestly, has not seemed to be a big issue with passing. Not much I could have done about it either way, so I tried to get myself used to the idea that it wasn't gonna change. I do get asked if I play basketball more now than I used to.
The main issue I have with regard to height is that dresses tend to hit quite short on me and that it's harder to shop for shoes.
Tall true and honest women have to deal with smaller dating pools, having a harder time finding clothes, and not being able to wear heels. Now, they also have to worry that people will think they're actually men
Weight
I thought losing weight was gonna be a huge factor in me being able to pass. Given that I haven't lost much weight, if any, and I'm passing now it seems I was wrong. X to doubt
The thing that I did do that I believe helped in this arena is working out more. Even though I wasn't losing weight because I was depression-eating throughout the first half of my hormone transition, I believe working out more was helpful in quickening the pace of fat redistribution. I'm not a physiologist, but it seems to me that burning off the testosterone-distributed-fat allowed me to put on new fat in estrogen-distributions.
Disclaimer: I was already somewhat athletic and had a background in cardio-intensive sports (though I was by no means trim when I started transitioning), so simply changing my workouts from weightlifting to build muscle versus cardio to burn fat was easy enough for me. If you do not consistently workout and if you are unhappy with your weight, working out is really great for a load of reasons beyond fat distribution (mood, long-term health, skin, etc) and I highly recommend checking out any of the numerous fitness subreddits. Even something as simple walking an extra mile a day can make a big difference.
Stop pumping iron, hit the treadmill, I'll look like a woman then, got it
Voice
This is one of the single most identifiable things that changed for me between passing and not passing. A lot of other things changed that are harder to quantify, but taking voice lessons was by far the biggest single thing that changed things. Anyone who has spent time on trans knows that this is discussed a lot and with good reason, so I'll try to limit how much time I spend on it and focus mainly on things I haven't seen here before.
- Vocal Fry: for all the threads I've read, I've seen very little mention of the importance vocal fry in helping AMAB people hit feminine register. Vocal fry is basically that gravelly buzzy sound that people's voices make when they are talking in a pressed manner. If you look it up on YouTube, I'm sure you will find videos demonstrating it. Vocal fry is a symptom of a pressed/tight larynx, a condition which makes it hard to achieve the breathier head resonance that helps AMAB people hit a "passing" range in voice. You probably have vocal fry and don't even know about it. To help with it, look up some guides on YouTube to help relax your larynx
The best way to pass as a woman is to adopt a valley girl affect
- Voice is more than, and will affect more than, what sounds come out of your mouth. Speech tends to gender itself in lots of little ways, such as hand gestures (women tend to talk with their hand, specifically their fingers, more than men), facial expressions, body positions, basically everything. This is sort of intimidating in that it seems like a lot, but it also has benefits, as it means that changing your resonance, which is hard, is not the only way to make your speech pass. One of the biggest parts of making your voice pass is just paying attention to how women speak and trying to emulate that.
Italians and new yorkers confirmed for women
Wardrobe
I initially read this tip/thought in a Casey Plett (I think) short story, but a great outfit for passing is just women's jeans and a shirt cut for women. The basic logic of this approach is that dresses naturally draw attention and also fit the awful "man in a dress" stereotype that a lot of people hold w/r/t trans women. This is just one approach, and I honestly am not entirely convinced of it, but I think it is worth remarking upon as a strategy.
In my own experience, the thing in the wardrobe department that most helped me pass was just wearing clothes that I was comfortable in. At first, I tried to force myself into dresses and billowy blouses because I wanted clothes that would signal !GIRL! in big flashing lights. But as I continued to transition, I drifted away from that more towards jeans and t-shirts. during months 4-10 on HRT I went through a ton of different fashion trends and experiments, and I'm still trying to pin down exactly what I like to wear - maybe it'll just never stand still. Generally, though, the thing that will help your clothes contribute towards passing is if you wear the things that you want to wear and that make you feel most comfortable.
Cut your dick off, ruin your body hormonally, and sever every realtionship you had previously to... wear the same thing you would have as a man
Makeup
So I’m definitely not a makeup expert, but I’ve found that the kind of makeup that I find makes me feel the most “passing” is just simple black eyeliner and mascara. Especially when I was just starting out with makeup, I was worried about my makeup because it felt over the top and all I could think was that I looked absurd, like a transphobe’s idea of a trans woman in makeup. So yeah, if you’re like me and don’t know too much about makeup, just work on simple eyeliner and mascara. Eyeliner will make your eyes look bigger and more stereotypically feminine and mascara will make your lashes look bigger, which is helpful to the same effect! Anyway, there are far better makeup resources than me on here! Also a pitch for Sephora’s free makeup class for trans women. Haven’t done one but people seem to like them.
to Sephora workers, retail is bad enough, but adding troons to the mix is nightmarish
- The person who cares most about your gender is you. People you encounter day to day aren't thinking that much about how they gender you, they're just doing it. So if you don't have to be doing everything perfectly to pass in a casual encounter
True, most people want to get through the day without conflict with the mentally ill
- I find I'm more likely to get gendered correctly if I'm with other women than with men. Don't know if this is really an actionable observation, but just a thing I noticed.
Women are more likely to respect the pronouns of the 6'1 220 lb woman in their midst, why could this be?
redz0049Female | HRT 2/14/19 1 point 4 days ago
To add to your point regarding voice, it's a lot easier to notice subtle signs that you might be trans if they're looking for them. Also, confirmation bias. If someone knows you're trans then they will only notice the signs that make your voice sound trans, while ignoring signs to the contrary. In my own experience, my psychologist who wrote my HRT letter is trans, but I didn't know that at first until she told me. I didn't think twice about her voice until she said that and then I immediately noticed all the subtle hints in her voice.
Cis women have extremely varied voices so people won't notice slight variations
Most women don't have baritine voices unless they chain smoke, but keep telling yourself that bro
Took a look at OPs post history:
I started lifting again a couple months ago after taking a year off because I started transitioning, and after 9 months on hormones (high estrogen, basically no testosterone) my strength had dropped off pretty significantly. But on Friday night, I hit a super grindy, ugly 405 deadlift and immediately afterwards this older Ukrainian guy walked over and said “you’re very strong girl” and I was over the moon. Feels super good to be lifting again while also in the right body and social role, and I’m very excited to keep making progress.
Edit: was feeling good after Friday so instead of the 5/3/1 heavy 1+ day for my squat, I maxed and hit 365. Feels good
Strong girl (for you)
So about a year ago I realized I was transgender and it scared me off of weightlifting cuz I realized I didn’t want a big bulky man body. I started estrogen about eight months ago and it had been going well but I just hadn’t been feeling good basically getting no exercise besides the occasional run. So this week I said fuck it and got back in the gym just doing 5/3/1 to get my hands on some heavy weights again (relatively speaking. Eight months of estrogen and no lifiting does a number on your strength). It feels So. Fucking. Good. I can’t believe I ever stopped to be honest. Given how far I am on hormones, the new muscles should come in as girl muscles, which actually will probably go a long way for me as a lesbian. Anyway, that’s my piece, just very excited to be back lifting heavy and getting strong again.
Yeah girl, you see these biceps? These are girl muscles, does that get you all hot and bothered for my girlcock?
Hahaha to clarify, I had a female orgasm, which took a while and used my vibrator, and after I was done I thought “might as well bang one out for old times sake” and I did, which only took a couple minutes
...
The female orgasm is the tricky part tbh. It’s a mental thing that I’ve mainly only really been able to make happen with people. It takes patience, a good vibrator, and listening to your body
Had a great girl orgasm, then cranked one out too
Oh no no no no
My dick smells like a pussy!!!
I just kind of checked on impulse and yeah. Like the title says. I’m only 4.5 months into hormones, and I knew it would happen, I just didn’t expect it so soon. I’m obsessed.
...
I am constantly talking about the mouthfeel! It’s starting to annoy my friends I think. Unfortunately I am incapable of measuring my own mouthfeel lol.
...
Girls in general just smell like...softer? than guys? Like, a big thing for me was I noticed I could get away with forgetting deodorant and not actually smell bad at the end of the day. Like the smells are just less extreme I think?
As far as girl parts...that’s much tougher to put into words. To me they smell like, musky but in a really good way. Like it’s a very full smell, kind of complicated. Clearly I’m doing a terrible job but I hope it’s a little helpful?
