This is going to happen when Bob sees Captain Marvel: I'm going for the Islamic Content option, so be warned.
Bob enters the cinema excited. Those sexist rolls at Rotten Tomatoes think that the movie is shit but he is going to prove them wrong by writting mean things about them online once he is at home. "I hope the movie has some female empowerment" thinks Bob bitting his lower lip. That thought was extremely satyisfing for him: it feels almost like a sexual sensation. He goes to the counter to buy the tickets and sees the title Captain Marvel writting on it. "Captain. Is that what bother those sexists. A woman being a higher position" thought Bob while he was grabbing the tickets. He put the ticket close to his face and give it a good smell. "Smells like the patriarchy dying" thinks Bob with an arousing expression on his face. Trapped in his thoughts about the movie, he almost forgot about buying some popcorn. With a lot caramel of course because those obsolete white men can't tell him about how he has to take care of his health. After all, diabetes is just a social construct. From the get go, Bob is already happy. The room is already filled with people of races and genders. It's a shame he has to share space with some obsolete white men that think they have the right to enjoy media like anyone else. He place his humanity on his seat but very uncomfortably because the bigots at the cinema never heared of fat acceptance. The screen fills the room with his light and started to run a couple of trailers but none of them was starred by a minority or a woman. "Some people never learn" thinks Bob dissapointed. Finally, the eternal wait stopped and the huge logo of Marvel appears on the screen. Bob is already excited. The movie is going to be awesome and those white trash that want to stop progress will be proven wrong. The title Captain Marvel appears....
An hour and a half has passed and the film was approaching his ending. The movie was just fine and it was just the average Marvel movie that only tried to be fun without any other pretense. Bob is really dissappointed: this should be the movie that will show everyone how wrong they were. The movie isn't filling his expectations of the masterpiece he was hoping for. Maybe he was wrong for seeing things were they're none? Maybe he should start seeing movies for their actual quality instead of their political agenda? And most importantly: maybe he shouldn't judge other people as inferior just because they have the same gender and race as him? Those thought shake Bob to his very core and he starts to put his own values into question. What he should do now that wasted his entire life in misguided superiority complex? But then, the movie gives him the answers he needed: cinema, once again and as always, saves his life and his values. A group of rednecks in a pickup truck and start to make inappropiate comments about her body. "You are lookin fine, babe" says one of the rednecks while showing his disgusting white teeth. Carol Danvers closes her fists with fury: she wasn't willing to take that abuse from those disgusting white crackers. Bob looked to the screen excited It was this moment he was waiting for? Captain Marvel concentrateq on her hands a huge beam of light and lauches it with righteous fury to the pickup truck that those inferior white scum. The truck explodes in a instant and huge ball of fire and smoke while the rednecks scream in an agonizing pain. "Get'em girl. Get em!!!" screams Bob happily. That aroused feeling from before is coming back much stonger now. And harder. Carol's job wasn't over yet. One of the wounded rednecks was still clinging to his life and crawling without legs to desesperatly ask for help. The attempts are futile nonetheless as Captain Marvel slowly approachs him to finish the job. With an expression of fear of confusion , as he can't undestand with his low intelect the goddess in front of him, the redneck begs for his life. "Wait. Wait!! I pay my reparations regualrly and haven't said the N Word in five months. I only voted for Trump once. Please have mer..." The impact of Carol's fists silence his futile fists as she starts to beat him to death in graphic detail. Bob rejoices in happiness and he gets more excited and aroused with each impact. The aroused feeling on his XXXL pants increases as he hears the screams of pain of that white scum. "Yes. YES!!!. Kill him like the inferior trash he is, Carol!!!" says Bob shaking uncontrollably on his seat. Finally, the job is done and was left of the inferior being is a disfigurated and bloody corpse while Carol Danvers looks at him with an expression of contempt and disgust. This was the most important moment of his life. The culmination of all his efforts to stop the obsoletes from stopping the inevitable march of the world to the superior future. His sentimental connection with Carol Danvers was stronger that ever before and his hard manhood reflected that in a great extent. After looking down to the human being (if you can call'em that way) whose life she has taken, silence fills the scene for a couple of seconds. Then Carol breaks it when she says the inmortal words that would be rememebered as one of the famous quotes in the history of cinema. "Fuck Donald Trump" At that moment, Bob's feelings for Carol Danvers where beyond the metaphysical tridimensional level even if his own masculine biology is expressing them in the physical realm in a notorious way. His whole life now made sense just for this very moment and this moment of poetic perfection reaches his climax when Carol Danvers looks at the audience to give this masterpiece his ending "And Bernie Sanders too" Bob couldn't hold it anymore and fills the whole theater with his load of passion and lust while he screams with all his strength to express his love for Captain Marvel. The whole audience cheers and aplauds stading up while the screen shows the hasthag #AOC2020. Bob is whappier that when he played Super Mario Bros 3. The amount of satisfaction that he has in this moment is indescreptible as he is closer to his beloved superior future now. However, some aren't willing to accept this and a white male on the first row opens his disgusting mouth "This doesn't makes any sense. Why a superhero would kill civilians in cold blood? Why they added modern politics on the movie"? A combination of anger and disgust where directed at the sexist Trump support and a flow of comestible cinema products starts to fall over him. Bob laughs at the white male trying to make his escape while cursing the crowd for allowing Trump to win. After all: some people never learn.
Bon leaves the theater mentally and physically satisfyied. Now he'll get to his basment, open his computer and share with the rest of the world his satisfaction. Those working class scum will have to face the wrath of the minorities that they have opressed all this time. "Looks like Oscars 2020 have a winner for best movie" says Bob with an smug expresion on his face. His faith on the superior future was reassured once more.
I don't know what i'm doing with my life
