Lovequest Leaked Catie Texts

[garbageraider]

Chris continuing to show why no woman would ever want a real relationship with him.

Yes, exactly.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

It is a shame that Chris learned about Henry VIII instead of the Care Bears, but if it's any consolation, the fact that he still thinks he's descended from Ann Boleyn indicates that he didn't learn very much.

 

[littlebiscuits]

New favorite quote of the Christorial renaissance:

and

It's stuff like this that makes me remember why I first became so fascinated by him (her?).

 

[Carlos Thin]

So was that topic on Chris' gender identity serious? Because this is exactly why I'd never consider him a woman/trans.

 

[Lalala]

Ahhhhh I needed my weekly 'erase all sympathy' thread. Nothing quite like seeing Chris flat out state that he's entitled to china for his 7 inch 'ugly growth' only to smugly proclaim he never did. That's our twat.

 

[snowkitten91]

Well, to be fair, Barb certainly is the Hoard Queen, making Chris the Hoard Prince(ss).

 

[Enormous Red Straw]

[Picture of Chris' bent duck]

Fuck I forgot how nasty that fucking thing is

Nasty? Maybe. But if you want something truly terrifying, look what appears below your post as of the time of this writing:

Agree x 12 . . . Disagree x 1

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Nasty? Maybe. But if you want something truly terrifying, look what appears below your post as of the time of this writing:

Well, we know Chris looks at these forums...

 

[Panzer IV]

My mind is drifting away slowly with age.
I need that one special woman to be with me, help me, and keep me from possibly going into some form of crazy insane in the longer run.

I agree. In the best-case scenario a psychiatric confinement with a beautiful nurse could help him a lot.

 

[Lalala]

Nasty? Maybe. But if you want something truly terrifying, look what appears below your post as of the time of this writing:
Agree x 12 . . . Disagree x 1

HI CHRIS

 

[Handsome Pete]

I honestly don't know which part to react to first. So, fuck it, here's a jumble of speculation and fact-checking.

It looks like Catie got him to watch The Tudors on Netflix, but it also looks like he wasn't a fan. And while that show wasn't exactly humankind's greatest achievement, Chris believes it compares unfavorably to the Care Bears, which is also streaming on Netflix. The fact that Barb's "Common" remarks come up shortly after may be coincidence, depending on how often she normally brings up shit like that.

"Nypical" seemed like an odd typo; turns out, it's a shortened form of "neurotypical" used in the autism community. Probably old news, but I'd never encountered it before. So Chris is definitely picking up new words from somewhere. I know we all want it to be Tumblr, but I haven't seen it there either. In fact, all the people I've seen using it identified specifically as having Asperger's, and we know what Chris thinks of them. Aspies beware; Chris may be lurking in your forums. Besides this forum, I mean.

Oh, and Chris seems, at most, ambivalent about his duck. He also referred to Sonichu's penis as a "seven-incher," so it's entirely possible he thinks about his dick in terms of how it compares to a pretend hedgehog's. Jesus Christ, I knew that off the top of my head.

 

[blackie toy]

My mind is drifting away slowly with age.

He's probably just parroting shit he heard his parents say when they were distressed or confused. He's got nobody else in life to imitate.

 

[Ravenor]

Oh, and Chris seems, at most, ambivalent about his duck. He also referred to Sonichu's penis as a "seven-incher," so it's entirely possible he thinks about his dick in terms of how it compares to a pretend hedgehog's. Jesus Christ, I knew that off the top of my head.

May I interest Sir in a bottle of brain bleach?

 

[garbageraider]

Catie: Hey, why do you keep calling me 'heartthrob'?

Chris: Well, Love, I Mean the word as an endearing term of Love, and it's another good choice word in regards to Sweetheart. But moreover, and I am serious: whenever I think of you, Catherine, I feel my heart beating better and more positive.

Catie: Okaaay but you shouldn't call me sweetheart or anything.

Chris: While I do understand that you and I are in the "Friend Zone" at the moment and while, for the needs of some of our closest ones at least, I have been feeling, and still feel, the most positive and passionate of love for you from our earliest conversations and growing continuing from there. Also, I know I can not change your mind, but I am still going to feel for you soo much anyhow.

Catie: But we aren't in a relationship. I told you that when we went bowling.

Chris: Right; we are a boy/girl and a girl friends in an open relationship.

Catie: No, we aren't in a relationship. You couldn't handle the open relationship you wanted in the first place.

Chris: You can't be telling me you've never felt that way about me mutually. I remember past events, and I have learned from the mistakes. I know you care about and Love me too.

Catie: It's platonic Chris. I'm not your sweetheart or your girlfriend. We're friends, that's all.

Chris: Yeah. But I still feel for you like that anyhow.

Catie: Okay but you shouldn't call me sweetheart or anything. That's weird.

Chris: And I have and still am working a Lot for you and me; Us. And I respect your space and needs and learn from my mistakes, too!

Catie: It's just, you keep acting like we're in a relationship and we aren't. I told you several times.

Chris: Don't forget, we were over a 97% Q&A match in over a thousand on OKCupid.

Catie: Lol, Chris, an online dating site doesn't mean all that much!

Chris: It means a LOT!

Catie: It's not like it means people are destined to be together, it's just common interests and stuff. That's all.

Chris: Possibly sounding crazy, but I will Not Lose You, Catie Heart!

Catie: We're still friends though, I thought you were okay with that. I just don't want to be in a relationship with you.

 

[butt in trouble]

New favorite quote of the Christorial renaissance:

and

It's stuff like this that makes me remember why I first became so fascinated by him (her?).

I don't think Chris even pays attention to what he types. I mean he may read it over and make sure it says what he wanted it to say but after he clicks "send" it leaves his brain forever.

 

[Dang Dirty Troll]

Those texts show Chris to be an entitled child. Catie is supposed to just stay with him because he has let himself be burned by fake relationships? The way he keeps throwing up the "I have been depressed" line is pathetic, like he wants her to feel guilty. The "you just want a free house to crash" line is funny.

Like he wasn't just asking Renee to have his kid and store the hoard in her house just last month.

I wonder if it has been that bad before Bob died. Or are they both just spiraling into proper madness now that he isn't around anymore to keep them at least a bit stable? I don't want to believe that she was already running around 30 years ago, telling people of her royal lineage.

You forget, Bob is the one who put it in Chris' head the Megan must have been a troll and was to blame for everything. I doubt he was any more sane than Barb

 

[blackie toy]

Chris: Don't forget, we were over a 97% Q&A match in over a thousand on OKCupid.

Motherfucker, my sides.

 

[Marvin]

You forget, Bob is the one who put it in Chris' head the Megan must have been a troll and was to blame for everything. I doubt he was any more sane than Barb

Bob was possibly overreacting to a single incident. Barb overreacts to every incident.

 

[LordCustos3]

Next registered username: "Seven Incher Damn Cock"

 

[kobebyarlant]

Good. Glad we got that all STRAIGHTENED out.

Well, except for Chris's duck.