Lolcow Timothy "TJ" Church / Cowlick - Failed Literotica Writer &/or Null's Best Friend

[Enjoy your spaghetti]

Maybe it was because I told him to see a dentist.

One day, @Cowlick, you and I will be friends.

It takes a real friend to tell you what you need to hear.

 

[Bucharest]

There is nobody here as smart or as clever as me.

Translation: ULRIK! COME QUICKLY! MY GENITALIA HAS BECOME ENTRAPPED WITHIN THE KEYHOLE OF MY WRITING DESK A-GAIN!

Also, I have plenty of friends offline, & don't feel I need anymore. It says something, obviously (to me anyway) that people who know me online only (& have never actually met me) hate me (for the most part. but not all of them), while the majority of people I meet offline are great friends.

Translation: THE FACTUM OF YOUR FEAR OF SOFT YIELDING FLESH CONCERNS ME NOT AT THIS TIME, YOU WHORESON! I AM IN AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF PHYSICAL PAIN AND I REQUIRE THE HANDS OF MY MANSERVANT- DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CALL FOR THAT HANKINSHAW STRUMPET WITHIN THE NEXT ESTATE!

Also, I bet I have made you mad in the past, as the reverse is certainly true...

Translation: QUIT YOUR CRYING, ULRIK! I AM HANGING BY A SCRAP OF FLESH BETWEEN MY FAMILY JEWELS AND MY TRUNK! ONCE I FREE MYSELF I SHALL SNAP YOUR SPINAL COLUMN LIKE A PIECE OF PRETZELED BREAD! YOU HAD BEST PACK IN YOUR ATTITUDE, YOU HORSE'S ASS! IF YOU DESIRE TO BATTLE ME THAT WOULD BE THE MOST GREIVOUS OF SINS!

But another of the many things many of you seem to not get is that I've had a broken jaw, broken foot, heart condition, had operations on my kidney & jaw (not to mention hydrocephalus & other problems where I don't believe there is a way to fix them, surgically or otherwise)... Yet I remain an intelligent person with plenty of (offline) friends & an amazing sense of humor.

Translation: ULRIK! GET BACK IN HERE! DO YOU ABANDON YOUR MASTER AT HIS TIME OF NEED?! DO NOT JUDAS ME, YOU FISH-MONGER! DO YOU THINK I HAVE SURVIVED THIS LONG ON THE COLD CRUEL EARTH WITHOUT KNOWING MANY A THING OF SURVIVAL?! I HAVE BEEN TROUNCED BY IRISHMEN AND CHINA-MEN ALIKE! I HAVE BEFORE BECOME STUCK IN A JAR OF PICKLES! I WILL DESTROY YOU, ULRIK! HEAR MY WORDS!

The majority of people that hate me (from CHYOO, Wrestlezone, etc.) only know anything about me (or feel they do) from online.

Translation: AHHH! ULRIK! I AM FALLING! OH GODDESS OF DESTRUCTION! ULRIK! ULRIK! AHHHHH!

CI's "Points"] I am not necessarily the smartest person everywhere, but certainly here... Knowing anything about any of you matters not in the least to me, same as knowing nothing about me mattered not at all to the people who began the threads entirely about me (including my name in their titles).

Translation: Oh...! Oh Ulrik! I have suffered grievous harm to my body! God's teeth I am bleeding extensively! Why have you forsaken me again! From the depth of my numerous needs I call to thee dear sweet Ulrik! I take back what I have said previously! You are not a whoreson! Ulrik! ULRIK!

...ULRIK YOU GALLOPING HOMOSEXUAL WHY HAS THIS WOLF NOT BEEN REMOVED FROM THE ESTATE?!

 

[Taily Puff]

But another of the many things many of you seem to not get is that I've had a broken jaw, broken foot, heart condition, had operations on my kidney & jaw (not to mention hydrocephalus & other problems where I don't believe there is a way to fix them, surgically or otherwise)... Yet I remain an intelligent person with plenty of (offline) friends & an amazing sense of humor.

Have some empathy TJ, please. Really think about what you just said. Do you honestly believe you're the only person on these forums with a history of bad luck &/or medical problems?

And your sense of humor is very delicate. The fact that a thread in a forum called 'lolcow' upset you is proof that your sense of humor needs some maturation.

It says something, obviously (to me anyway) that people who know me online only (& have never actually met me) hate me (for the most part. but not all of them), while the majority of people I meet offline are great friends.

Where were those friends on your birthday, Teej?

 

[StallChaser]

I just hope medical technology advances enough & in time to fix &/or cure the ailments TJ has. If it does, TJ will continue to live a productive life fulfilling his one & only purpose in bumping this thread & ensuring it lives forever &/or for as long as TJ continues to stay alive & continue being a valued member here at the CWCki forums which he is as long as he continues to post veiled homosexual references &/or insults that entertain us to a great degree.

 

[ON 190]

Have some empathy TJ, please. Really think about what you just said. Do you honestly believe you're the only person on these forums with a history of bad luck &/or medical problems?

And your sense of humor is very delicate. The fact that a thread in a forum called 'lolcow' upset you is proof that your sense of humor needs some maturation.



Where were those friends on your birthday, Teej?

Right here!

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

There is nobody here as smart or as clever as me. Also, I have plenty of friends offline, & don't feel I need anymore. It says something, obviously (to me anyway) that people who know me online only (& have never actually met me) hate me (for the most part. but not all of them), while the majority of people I meet offline are great friends.

Also, I bet I have made you mad in the past, as the reverse is certainly true... But another of the many things many of you seem to not get is that I've had a broken jaw, broken foot, heart condition, had operations on my kidney & jaw (not to mention hydrocephalus & other problems where I don't believe there is a way to fix them, surgically or otherwise)... Yet I remain an intelligent person with plenty of (offline) friends & an amazing sense of humor. The majority of people that hate me (from CHYOO, Wrestlezone, etc.) only know anything about me (or feel they do) from online.

What proves this is due to problems with them & not me is that most of them know this (&/or learn it eventually), & yet continue to think it is due to issues &/or problems I have, & not them & the other (small in comparison to the size of the opposed group) people that dislike me.

I was going to reply last night, but I needed a bit to cool off.

I'm getting whiplash, man. Every time I start to think, "you know, maybe he isn't that bad & I should stop giving a hard time," you hop back up on your high horse & belittle everyone. & having numerous medical issues doesn't give you leave to act like an entitled dick-for-brains. Everyone on the forum has had at least SOME harm befall them at some point. Do you really think you're such a special little snowflake that your hardship trumps everyone elses'?

Seriously. Do you honestly believe that?

I don't dislike you. There are some days I want to grab you by your bony little shoulders & shake some sense into you, but I don't think you're a bad person. Your personality needs a little work, though.

Okay, /rant. I swear, some days I love the guy, some days I can't stand him. I didn't think I could simultaneously love & hate someone so vehemently since CWC. My psychiatrist calls this "Borderline Personality Disorder" I call this phenomena "Schrödinger's Teej."

All I wanted was to impress him.

Take heart, my friend---at least his one-liners are getting better.

 

[ON 190]

Take heart, my friend---at least his one-liners are getting better.

If nothing else, we've left that bit of an impression on him.

@Cowlick, I'm with @BOLDYSPICY! on most of this. I know I definitely don't hate you, but you frustrate me to no end when you come up with reason after reason why you're the "most specialest snowflake of them aaaaallllll." I have mental and physical problems, too, but I won't ever use them as a "crutch" unless there is genuinely a reason to, like being unable to run distances because I have a bad knee. If you put that shit on a shelf, swallowed your pride, and admitted you came here spoiling for a fight, I guarantee that 99% of people here would respect you for that and welcome you to the community. Seriously, the only barrier to entry is your ego.

 

[Silver]

I'm autistic, you deny being so. I win

 

[ON 190]

I'm autistic, you deny being so. I win

close the thread, Alt has won

 

[klystron]

@Cowlick all any of us really want to see is you admitting that you could possibly create negative situations that you find yourself in. We of course all understand that we have offended you. The reason we are so entertained at this point is that while we can admit fault with ourselves you seem unable to do so. In fact, not only are you unable to do that but you take the opposite approach to such an extreme it becomes rather humorous.

Also, with all your bragging about all your friends and how successful &/ or mature you are, the message to @Kitlen about crying to your parents for not having a party is childish and petty. You should be grateful at your age they still let you live there. Maybe you should have said "hey guys, thanks for taking care of me all these years. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Oh well. Carry on you magnificent bastard.

 

[Mr. X]

To Mr. X: Thank you for fixing my post, as it had problems and corrections that needed to be made.

Fixed that for you.

 

[Cowlick]

Fixed that for you.

I believe it's impossible to fix something that was never broken.

Also, this thread continues to show I can go hours, days, weeks, etc. without any of you, but many of you cannot go mere minutes without having a thought (which you then cannot restrain yourselves from publicly expressing) about me!

 

[Flowers For Sonichu]

TJ where did you go to college?

 

[Coldgrip]

I believe it's impossible to fix something that was never broken.

Also, this thread continues to show I can go hours, days, weeks, etc. without any of you, but many of you cannot go mere minutes without having a thought (which you then cannot restrain yourselves from publicly expressing) about me!

We can't help it TJ. It's that sexy smile of yours.

 

[ON 190]

@Cowlick, I know I make fun of you. I tease you. Sometimes I've been downright mean. All of that, however, was in response to you barging in and putting us all down. For once in this thread I genuinely wish you well and this is how you respond.

Edit: Sorry, guys, if I come off as having a messiah complex in regards to T-Pain lately. Not to mention coming off as an attention whore.

 

[namazuros]

I believe it's impossible to fix something that was never broken.

Also, this thread continues to show I can go hours, days, weeks, etc. without any of you, but many of you cannot go mere minutes without having a thought (which you then cannot restrain yourselves from publicly expressing) about me!

You can't go weeks. You're too addicted to bumping your own thread.

 

[DN 420]

@Cowlick stop being a dick to Flossman

 

[ON 190]

@Cowlick stop being a dick to Flossman

Oh, he can be a dick to me all he wants. I think my recent shift as to how I talk to him was because of how he handled everyone wishing him a happy birthday. Check his profile... his "thanks" to those are copy/pastes, kind of like what Chris did in his past mailbags.

 

[namazuros]

Oh, he can be a dick to me all he wants. I think my recent shift as to how I talk to him was because of how he handled everyone wishing him a happy birthday. Check his profile... his "thanks" to those are copy/pastes, kind of like what Chris did in his past mailbags.

Your birthday wishes have been read fully, & your thoughts have been inputed &/or accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time (& efforts)!

 

[Chuggernaut]

TJ where did you go to college?

He couldn't even graduate high school. His biggest academic achievement is victory in a spelling bee.